Half to Death (13 page)

“Jade says you can come back to work out at the gym if you want.”

I was so excited, I could barely speak.

“Easy, Sparky Junior, that doesn’t mean you’re gonna pick up where you left off. She basically meant she wouldn’t leave if you showed up. She’s still not ready to talk to you yet.”

It was a start and more than I had hoped for. “I’ll leave her alone. She can approach me if she wants to…when she’s ready.”

“Good,” Miranda said with a nod. “Marty talked to Deb. She gave her a while to cool down.”

I raised a brow.

“She’s still furious with us. Marty reminded her of how much we love her, and she said Deb sort of chilled after that.” Miranda smiled. “Marty’s so good at that kind of thing. I guess we should’ve sent her in first. She didn’t ask Deb about the weight thing. She just let her bitch, but she thinks she might get Deb to gradually open up to her. So we’re gonna delay Lonna and Paige’s surprise party until things are smoothed over.”

Lonna and Paige returned from Provincetown as a married couple. I pretended to be just as shocked as everyone else by the news. Marty wanted to have a reception-slash-party for them, but with the tension among Miranda, Deb, and me, we’d put it off for a while. Unlike Jade, Deb wasn’t willing to be in the same room with us.

“She’ll come around,” I said.

Miranda nodded as she ran her index finger down the bridge of her nose. She’d been the most vocal and intrusive in our conversation with Deb, and I figured she felt she alone shouldered the fault that Deb had placed on us. “So we’ll go to the gym tonight at six?”

“Yeah, and I promise to behave myself.” I held up a hand like I was taking an oath.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there. Don’t go in without me.”

“Where are you going?” I asked, surprised that she wasn’t going to stay with me.

Miranda smiled. “I’ve got a lunch date with Marty. Haven’t seen her much lately.” She pointed at me when my shoulders slumped guiltily. “Stop feeling bad. She understands you need me.”

“What’ve you been telling her?”

“You’re still coping with the accident. That’s not a lie, you know.”

That Miranda had to clarify that statement told me that she felt maybe she wasn’t being totally honest with Marty. “I think I…we should tell her the truth. I’m close to her, too, and I think she should know. We could accidentally touch.”

I could tell by the way Miranda’s body seemed to relax that she’d been waiting to hear that. The burden of keeping my secret, especially from her partner, was a lot to carry. “That’s your decision.”

“Maybe I could go home with you after the gym tonight?”

“Sure.” Miranda’s grin was huge. “I gotta run. I’ll see you at six.”

*******

I sat in the parking lot staring at Jade’s truck, feeling completely nervous. I wasn’t sure how seeing her again was going to make me feel. I prepared myself for the chance that she might ignore me altogether. And then there was Marty. My suggestion to tell her had been bouncing around for a while. It wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing when I suggested it to Miranda. Once it was out of my mouth, I committed myself to doing it because I was afraid that if I mulled it over any longer, I’d lose my nerve.

Miranda’s car pulled up alongside mine, and I released a long breath before I got out. “You okay?” she asked the minute she opened her door.

“Nope, but I’m ready as I’ll ever be.”

We walked into the gym and dropped our bags off in the locker room. As we walked down the hall, I had a feeling I was about to walk out on stage when we entered the gym. My performance would have to be a good one. I knew I couldn’t hide behind a mask of stoicism. I’d have to let my real feelings show on my face. That in itself terrified me.

I felt a rush of breath escape when I walked into the room. Jade had her back to me, her head down, as she pushed down the feet of some poor soul doing leg lifts. I could faintly hear her counting above the din of noise in the crowded gym.

“You really need to stretch out today. You haven’t been here in a while,” Miranda reminded me.

I went to work on my legs, trying to keep my eyes on the mat, but they betrayed me, and my gaze drifted to the mirror, and there it met Jade’s. Her brow was furrowed as she slowly nodded at me. I couldn’t control the muscles in my face. I had no idea what my expression looked like, but I mouthed a silent “thanks,” and she nodded again. It was her place of work; she didn’t have any choice but to be there, but I did. That she let me return meant a lot.

It was lower body night, and after Miranda and I finished our cardio, we moved to the leg presses. I had done a pretty good job of not looking at Jade, but I could sense her gaze upon me. I was on my stomach hoisting the weights nearly to my backside. They seemed heavier than before, but I figured that since I’d been away for a while that it would take more exertion.

What I had failed to realize was that I had not checked the weight. It dawned on me that the reason I was having so much trouble was because I was lifting too much. That thought was going through my head when the muscle in the back of my right thigh felt like it was curling into a ball. I let out a groan, maybe a squeal, and rolled onto the floor.

I was writhing when Miranda squatted beside me. “What’s going on?”

“I think I pulled something,” I grunted out breathlessly.

I heard Jade’s voice then. “Don’t touch her. She doesn’t like to be touched.”

I looked up, and she had her arms spread, keeping the other trainers from getting to me. The crowd around us was looking at Jade and Miranda like they were callous assholes for not helping me. “She’s right, let me just breathe for a minute,” I said between clenched teeth.

“Sloan, try to stretch that leg out,” Jade said. I could hear the stress in her voice. “Pull it back toward your shoulder.”

I was in so much pain, I could barely lift it. Miranda grabbed me by the ankle and gently pushed. The relief was such a surprise, and I was so lost in it that the images stayed just at the edge of my mind’s eye. I felt her anxiety and sympathy, though.

I looked past Miranda at Jade, and I could see the perplexed expression on her face. Miranda was touching me, and I was certain that mystified her. Her brow relaxed, and her head cocked slightly to the side. Something I couldn’t decipher passed over her face for a fleeting second. Her eyes met mine. “Do you feel relief?”

“Yes,” I pushed out breathlessly. “But it feels like if she lets go that it will ball up again.”

“You need to stand. Miranda, slowly lower her leg and see if you can get her up,” Jade said.

When Miranda released me, I felt the muscle coiling back, and I rolled onto my stomach, gasping. She looped her arms under my shoulders and tried to pull me. I was in such a hurry to get up that my left foot kept sliding from beneath me. I couldn’t stop the whimpers that were preceding a full-blown cry.

Miranda released me, and I felt two sets of hands reach under my arms. The pain was so intense, it was still at the forefront of my mind. Emotions felt like they were hitting me on both sides of my body. To my right was compassion and empathy. I knew that was Miranda. To my left, the same, but tinged with fear and the knowledge that she couldn’t stand to see me hurt, and I knew it was Jade.

They walked me over to the wall where I put my hands and straightened my legs. I felt their touch slip away and my emotions return. “Thank you both,” I rasped out. Not caring who was standing around, I said, “I know what you risked to help me.”

Jade’s voice was tremulous. “You need to go home and get off that leg. Ice and elevate it as soon as you can, okay?”

Miranda walked me to her car and helped me inside. I had to leave my mine behind. There was no way I could work the clutch. “Spend the night with me. You were coming over anyway. We’ll get your car in the morning.”

I pushed hard against the floor board to keep the muscle in my leg from contacting. Miranda climbed into the driver’s side and drove slowly. “I couldn’t get into your mind. The pain was so bad, I couldn’t have done it if I had wanted to.”

“Jade was touching you, too. Was it the same with her?”

“Yeah, but I felt both of your emotions. I could feel sympathy coming from both sides.”

“That’s something.” Miranda’s fingers tapped out a rhythm on the steering wheel. “I wonder if intense arousal would have the same effect,” she said with a smile.

“She touched me knowing what could happen, but she did it anyway because I was hurting.”

The smile slipped from Miranda’s face. “She could’ve asked one of the other trainers to do it, but she didn’t. She was willing to sacrifice her privacy for you.”

Neither of us said anything for the rest of the drive home. Unlike Miranda, I had an idea of what Jade had faced in life and how badly she wanted to keep it hidden. She cared enough about me to help when I needed her, and that was all I needed to know.

*******

I was lying on Miranda’s couch with my leg propped up and an ice pack strapped to my thigh as Miranda told Marty about our harrowing adventure.

“Oh, you poor baby.” Marty reached out to stroke my hair.

I saw Miranda grab her hand. “Don’t do that.”

Marty seemed to remember the bullshit story that Miranda had told everyone, but it was obvious she was perturbed.

“I need to talk to you, Marty,” I began. She took a seat in my line of vision with an attentive expression. “It’s about my experience, but I want you to keep what I tell you between us.”

“That goes without saying, honey. Unless I have your express permission, I never disclose what we discuss.”

“Well, you may be tempted with this because it’s a doozy.” Miranda said, “What?” when I glared at her.

“Something about me changed when I woke up…when I touch people, I can see their memories like I’m living them myself.” Marty looked at Miranda first as if she expected her to burst out laughing at any moment, then back at me. “I’m not jerking your chain.”

“Touch me then.” She looked at me with the same unbelieving expression that Miranda had given when I first told her as she thrust out her hand far enough for me to reach it. I looked back at Miranda.

“Do it,” Miranda said with a nod. “She won’t believe any other way.”

I took Marty’s hand. I was sitting at her desk staring at the computer screen. Frustration coursed through me like lightning. I felt threatened because my coworkers seemed to be catching on much faster than me. I had a pencil in my mouth and spit out the eraser that I’d bitten off in disgust. I needed comfort, so I opened the right drawer of my desk and rifled around until I found the Milky Way I’d hidden under a stack of manila envelopes.

The connection broke when Marty pulled her hand away. She looked at me expectantly with a grin that slid from her face as I began to tell what I’d seen and felt.

“That’s a pretty elaborate prank,” Marty said, looking at us. “Who in my office did you enlist to help with it?” Her tone was slightly biting.

“Touch her again,” Miranda said, looking at Marty. “Give her another shot.”

Marty sighed and held out her hand again. The moment I touched her, I felt her resentment at being the butt of what she thought was a joke. Her stress about the new program and her ability to learn it sat at the forefront of her mind. I relaxed and felt myself go deeper. I felt like I had a remote in my hand, and I was changing stations on a TV for something personal that did not include Miranda.

I recognized Marty’s mother. She was sitting in a chair with a tissue dabbing at her eyes. She looked so young. Marty looked down at the portion of her legs that her gown didn’t cover. The paper of the examination table crinkled in her hands as she squeezed it. I heard another woman talking, but I only caught bits and pieces. I realized that was all Marty was able to hear as her mind raced. “Ectopic pregnancy, damage to fallopian tubes, getting pregnant again would be difficult.” Relief and sadness washed through her at the same time.

Marty broke the connection again and stood. “If you two are finished screwing with me, I’m going to start dinner.”

“Wait.” Miranda looked at me. “Tell her what you saw.”

I shook my head. Miranda had never told me that Marty had gotten pregnant, maybe she didn’t know.

“Tell her,” Miranda implored.

“Yes, tell me,” Marty said with a hand on her hip.

“You lost the baby,” I blurted out without any tact.

Marty’s hand slipped from her hip and dangled against her thigh. “What did you say?”

Miranda shot up off the couch, her eyes fixed on Marty.

This wasn’t going well, and I wanted to take it all back. “I’m sorry.”

“When were you pregnant?” Miranda demanded.

Marty stared at me with anger and shock. “You tell me,” she said with a challenging tone.

“Your mom looked to be very young, so I’m guessing maybe high school. The doctor was female, but you never looked at her, so I didn’t see her face. She said the pregnancy had been ectopic, and there was damage…you might have trouble conceiving again.”

Marty’s mouth dropped wider and wider as I spoke. She was gaping at me. I almost felt the urge to jump up and run, throbbing leg and all.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Miranda asked a bit more calmly.

Marty turned her head slowly toward Miranda. “I was fifteen and too curious for my own good.” Her tone was dreamy when she spoke. “No one knew but me, Mom, and my doctor.”

“I shouldn’t have told that,” I said, feeling horrible. “I…couldn’t make you believe if it was something everyone else already knew. I’m so sorry, Marty. I should’ve let you go on believing we were joking.”

“Sloan…” Marty took a step back and sat down. “This is real?”

I nodded as she tried to wrap her brain around it. “I can’t help it…well, I’m trying to. Miranda’s been working with me. But if someone touches me and I can’t always make myself stop, I see their innermost secrets.”

“That’s why we went to Deb. Sloan saw that she had an eating disorder when they bumped in the kitchen,” Miranda said, seeming to put the revelation of the pregnancy out of her mind for a moment.

“You…” Marty rubbed at her brow. “That’s the real reason we couldn’t touch you?”