Half to Death (22 page)

“Not half as sorry as I am for messing everything up with Deb.” I looked down at the necklace I was trying to braid for Jade and realized it looked like a conglomeration of knots. I tossed it aside and folded my arms. “I thought it was the only way to get through to her.”

“If I had been in your shoes, I would’ve done the same thing.” Miranda picked up Jade’s necklace and started undoing the mess I’d made of it. “I was pissed last night at being cut out of the loop, and I took it out on you. Sloan, you didn’t mess up anything. It’s a screwed-up situation to begin with.”

“And I made it worse.” I held up a hand when Miranda tried to interject. “Now Angel is mad at me—at us—because she thinks we went behind
her
back and talked to Deb’s family. You’d think the truth would make everything clear, but it doesn’t when we all have something to hide. You know what the worst part of it is?” Miranda looked up at me. “I understood what Deb was going through. She’s been overweight all her life, and nothing has worked for her but this. She feels normal for the first time, and she’s killing herself. Jade has the perfect body, and though it keeps her employed, it works against her. We go to the gym and torture ourselves to look and feel better. But not one of us is truly happy with what’s on the outside because we do it for everyone else.”

“Plastic surgery is booming,” Miranda said with a shrug.

“The bad thing is, I can empathize with Deb now. She just wants to be what she considers normal, and I understand that. I can hide what I do, but she can’t hide her weight.” I shook my head. “Isn’t it ironic, she wants to be my size, and I want to have a relationship like the one she has with Angel?”

“You’re on your way, though.” Miranda laid the once-mangled mess of Jade’s necklace on the counter. “When Jade looks at you, there are stars in her eyes, and you look exactly the same.”

I smiled for the first time that morning as I thought of Jade and how lucky I was. “It’s funny when I look at her, I don’t see that finely tuned body or that beautiful face anymore. I see the woman she is inside, and it turns me inside out.” My smile faded. “I wouldn’t have given her half a chance if she didn’t look like she did. I would’ve never known the woman she truly is. What does that say about me?”

“I’d say you’re learning not to judge on looks alone, and it took you going half to death to evolve.”

“What did you ever see in me? I was so shallow. How could you tolerate me?”

Miranda smiled ruefully. “That’s a stupid question. We grew up together, and I’ve always known the person you’re only coming to know now. You never gave yourself a chance. Underneath all that self-protectiveness is the woman you really are, and you’re finally letting her out.”

“Yeah, well, she’s killing me with her feelings. Sometimes, she’s a real pain in the ass.”

Miranda chuckled. “Good.”

Chapter 21

Between Deb’s intervention and Jade’s work schedule, we didn’t see each other much during the week. So when Jade’s old truck pulled beneath the pilings of the beach house, it was a sweet reunion. I expected a quick kiss, then she’d sprint up the stairs to see our new digs for the week, but she surprised me when she pulled me into her arms and kissed me until I was breathless. “I’ve missed you.” She tried to stroke the hair out of my eyes as it was perpetually buffeted by the wind coming off the water. “I’ve looked forward to this time with you more than anything I can remember.”

“Me too.” I held the key up. “Just me, you, and the beach.”

Jade grinned and swiped it from my hand. She was up the stairs in a shot, leaving me laughing in her wake. I climbed up slowly as her feelings swirled within me—affection, arousal, bliss.

As I walked in, she looked over her shoulder while she stood in front of the sliding glass doors in the back of the house. I could see past her to the water. My mind made a mental snapshot. If someone else were to be able to see into my mind, they’d see this first and feel the warmth that passed through me head to toe.

“Have you peeked into the bedrooms yet?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

“No, I was waiting on you for that.” I felt her curiosity, nervousness, her fear of pushing too far too soon.

I kissed her shoulder and squeezed her tighter. “I’d like to sleep in the same bed with you.” I felt her relax. “Whatever happens will happen when we both want it to. I want you to know I didn’t bring you here in hopes of having sex. I just want all the time I can get with you.”

“Me too.” I felt the truth of her words pass through me.

“Let’s unpack and start enjoying this place.” I gave her a squeeze and let her go. We were in a race down the stairs, and she beat me by a mile. I watched the muscles of her bare arms flex as I hooked bag after bag on her hands. “That’s too much to carry up the stairs.” 

“Give me two more and I’ll go.” I dug out the lightest ones I could find and put them on her hands. She rolled her eyes and headed back up the stairs without effort.

It seemed like it took us forty trips to unload the groceries and our personal items. I felt like I’d run a marathon as I put away the food in the pantry and Jade loaded the fridge with the perishables. She began opening the drawers and cabinets.

“This place has all the comforts of home.” She moved past the bar that divided the kitchen from the living room. “Satellite TV, VCR, DVD player, and a shitload of lesbian movies and books.”

“Lesbian owned and operated,” I said as I came out of the pantry. “From what Miranda says, they rent predominantly to our kind.”

Jade ran her fingers over a statue of a mermaid sitting on the bookshelf. “I really like this.”

I made a mental note to get one the next time I placed my order for supplies. It would be a great gift to remind her of the week we were going to share. “Let’s pick a room.” Jade followed behind me as I opened the door closest to the kitchen. The stark white bedspread matched the walls, making the colorful mermaid that hung on the wall over the bed stand out. The rich wood of the bedside tables matched that of the dresser, contrasting with the brightness of the room. Jade walked over the colorful rug at the foot of the bed and opened the shutters.

“This is a sliding glass door. We can sleep with it open and listen to the waves,” she said excitedly.

The notion hit us at the same time, and we raced to the other side of the house to look at the other bedroom. It was decorated much the same and had sliding glass doors that opened onto the deck. “Oh, decisions,” I said dramatically.

Jade opened the door and let the ocean breeze fill the room. “Let’s use both. We’ll start off in the other one, then sleep in this one tomorrow night. Whichever has the most comfortable bed wins.”

“I love your logic. Now let’s explore the beach.”

We both let out a squeal of excitement as we went onto the screened porch, then onto the deck. I followed Jade down two flights of stairs to a wooden walkway that led to the sand. She took my hand as we walked to the water’s edge and let the waves lap at our feet.

“This is bliss,” Jade said with a smile as she looked out over the water, then turned to me. “Thank you so much for making this happen.”

“It would be fair to say
we
made this happen.”

“We work well together then.” Jade looked at me and sighed. “I’m hungry.”

“Look,” I said seriously. “Since we’re on vacation, can’t the diet be on vacation, too? I’m not saying have an all-out pig fest, but maybe fudge just a little?”

Jade’s brow rose. “Interesting choice of words. Do you have fudge hidden in the kitchen?”

“Only if you count the stripe in the ice cream.”

“You bought ice cream?”

I shrugged. “And cones.”

She planted a hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes. “All things in moderation, but—”

“We could eat it now,” I said excitedly. “If we wait until after dinner, it’ll be late.”

“Interesting logic.”

I took off running for the stairs. Jade yelled something, but I didn’t hesitate as I took them two at a time. As I started up the second flight, Jade was halfway up the first laughing as she climbed. She’d caught up with me by the time I got to the pantry and ripped the door open. When I came out with the cones, she had her hand on the freezer door. “Nothing fattening for dinner, right?” she said, barely breathing heavy from the mad dash.

“I was thinking Mexican. Guacamole with chips and fajitas.”

Jade pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead. “Being around you is one temptation after the other.”

I moved around her and found an ice cream scoop in one of the drawers. “We’ll run on the beach and work it off.”

“I want two scoops,” Jade said as she retrieved the ice cream from the freezer.

“That’s the spirit.”

We took our cones out to the deck and watched long strings of pelicans glide over the water. Every now and then, one of us would point out a crab or a bird on the beach. There were a few people who passed by hunting for shells or just walking. They’d wave and we’d do the same.

“You ever notice that people are friendlier in places like this?” Jade asked. “If we were in town and passed someone in a parking lot or store, we wouldn’t say hello.”

“I think we realize that we’re all enjoying the same thing. Like, ‘Hello, I’m in paradise, you found it, too.’”

Jade laughed. “I guess so.” She slapped at her arm. “Gnats have found our paradise, too.”

“I noticed they were bad when we were on the beach. I think they live in the seaweed washed up on the shore. If I were a gnat, I’d live here, too, and I’d definitely bite you, or maybe just ride around on your shoulder.”

“Wow, your romantic side is really coming out.” Jade put a hand to her cheek. “I may swoon.”

I chuckled. “When we first met, I thought you had no sense of humor at all.”

“I had my gym face on,” Jade said. “All business, baby. Speaking of business, when do we start cooking?”

I took the last bite of my cone and chewed slowly, savoring the sweetness. “I guess this doesn’t qualify as food to you?”

“This?” She held up the tiny bottom of her cone and popped it in her mouth. “Not even an appetizer.”

“I guess we better start dinner and feed the savage beastie before she goes wild and tears up the place.”

*******

We munched on fresh guacamole while Jade cut up the bell pepper and onions, and I prepared the meat for the grill. I’d pre-sliced and put it into the marinade that morning before I packed. The steak was sure to be good and tender. “How about I open a bottle of wine? That’s healthy, right?”

“Already did when you went down to light the grill.” She pointed to the kitchen table where the bottle and two glasses sat waiting.

“Corrine Verner, I do believe you’re a keeper.”

She looked surprised by the comment and smiled. “I hope so.”

I stole a quick kiss, then went down to the grill and put the meat on to cook. A cool breeze blew in off the water, and the spices from the meat filled my senses. “How lucky am I?” I said aloud. Less than a month before, I felt like my life was over, and in a way, it was. My emptiness had been replaced with the sweetness of hope and joy. I refused to search out the negatives, the what-ifs, even though a tiny voice deep in my subconscious reminded me that happy times were short-lived.

A pair of long beautiful legs caught my eye as Jade made her way down the stairs slowly. In one hand, she carried something rolled in foil, in the other, a glass of wine. The wind lifted her hair and blew it all around her face. She was absolutely lovely, but it was the way she looked at me that made my knees weak. I was her sole focus. I wanted to touch her then and confirm what I suspected, hoped. I wondered if she saw the same in my eyes—happiness, trust, desire, and the stirring of love.

She laid the foil on the grill. “I thought the onions and peppers would taste better if they cooked with the meat. “And I thought we could share this.” She held the glass to my lips, and I took a sip of the wine. I leaned in with it still on my lips and kissed her. If I had to relive one moment in my life for eternity, I was fairly certain that was it because I’d never been happier.

*******

“Can I tell you something?” Jade said later as we finished dinner on the porch.

I looked at her expectantly.

“I’m a little drunk.”

I blinked as it settled in. I had no idea what she was going to say, but that certainly wasn’t it. I suppose it was the backdrop that led me to believe it was going to be something profound and romantic. The sun was setting, and the sky was streaked with purple and orange. The candlelight in the middle of the table danced in the reflection of our glasses. Gulls sang somewhere off in the distance. “Hey, I’m toasted” didn’t seem to fit.

“Are you really?” I looked at her glass and tried to remember how many she’d had.

She nodded. “The glass I had at your house was the first in probably five or six years.”

Her somber expression gave me pause. Perhaps she’d had a problem with alcohol and my penchant for temptation led her to fall off the wagon. “Is there a reason you’re not supposed to drink?”

She looked at me with her brow furrowed for second, then her eyes opened wide. “Oh, no. I just don’t drink.” She shrugged. “I don’t have much of a tolerance for it, which should be fairly obvious.”

“Then that’s okay,” I said with relief. “There’s nothing wrong with getting a little…buzzed.”

She averted her gaze and looked out at the water. “I don’t want to be…buzzed the first time we’re together. If that’s what you had planned…I mean I didn’t want you to think I was rejecting you if…” She tossed her napkin on the table. “I’m sorry. I knew I should’ve paid more attention.”

“You’ve picked up my habit of babbling when you’re nervous.” I reached over and ran a fingertip down the side of her jaw. “Don’t apologize. I could never be mad at you for something like that. If anything, I think it’s really sweet that you don’t want to be drunk. I’ve dated quite a few women that wanted to be shit-faced before they got into bed with me.”

She took my hand and kissed the back of it. “Thank you.”