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Authors: Keisha Ervin

BOOK: Gunz and Roses
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“If you don't get that fork out my face, I'ma stick it up yo' loose ass,” she warned.

“You ain't know? I likes it rough.” Tee-Tee rolled his chest and danced.

“Ughh, you get on my nerves.”

“Do you still love him, Gray?” Heidi asked, dying to know.

“Yeah, I do. So what?”

“Then you gotta break this engagement off. That ain't right, Gray.”

“Look, I know that it's fucked up to be engaged to one person but in love with another, but what am I supposed to do? Gunz has moved on with Devin. They have a baby on the way, and so do I. Truth loves me, and I know that he'll make a great father and a good husband. And eventually, my feelings will change. Who knows? The baby might bring us closer together.”

“I just hope you're doing the right thing.”

“Me too, friend. Me too.”

 

Silence filled the room. The stark white walls and sheets that covered the furniture in Gunz's condo reminded him of death. Everything in his life that he loved was gone. He had no one to turn to or lean on. Gunz had ended up just like his father said he would be—alone. There he was, isolated from the world.

His elbows rested on the back of the couch while a pair of shades concealed his eyes. In one more hour, his condo would no longer be his. He'd sold it for a quarter of a million dollars, but the money didn't mean a thing to him. Gunz just wanted his life back. He needed to feel whole again. He needed his lifeline back. He needed Gray. Without her, nothing was as it should be. The time they'd spent apart had made him a better man. All the games he'd played had been thrown away. He wanted nothing more than to give her his all. He didn't care that she belonged to someone else. She was his, and that would always remain the same.

What they shared couldn't even be compared to a summer's day. If he could have one wish in the world, it would be to wake up to the sound of her breath on his neck, or to feel the touch of her hands on his skin. There was no corner or dark place her love couldn't fill, but so much stuff stood in between them. Gunz didn't know if they could ever make their way back to one another again.

“Gunz, are you here?” Devin asked, peeking her head in the door.

“Yeah,” he answered, unsure of why she was there.

“How are you?” she asked, taking a seat next to him.

“I'm good. You?”

“I'm fine. I just stopped by to check on you.”

“I thought you had a doctor's appointment today at one.” Gunz checked his watch. It was 1:30
PM
.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you I rescheduled it,” she answered nervously.

Gunz eyed her suspiciously. From the minute Devin told him she was pregnant, he'd had doubts, but her increasingly odd behavior made him doubt her even more. The fact that she was six months pregnant and not showing also alarmed him.

“So what day you reschedule it for?”

“Uhh . . . next Tuesday.”

“Well, I'm going wit' you this time.”

“No! You don't have to. My mama gon' go wit' me.”

“Well, we'll all go then,” Gunz confirmed. “Ain't you supposed to be having an ultrasound done?”

“Yeah, but I'm tellin' you it's fine. You don't have to be there,” she declared, feeling suffocated.

“Why every time I try to go to the doctor wit' you, you got an excuse?” he said with a menacing stare.

“What are you talkin' about? Ain't nobody got no excuse. I just know how busy you are.” Devin shot up, offended, her back now facing him.

“What doctor do you be going to anyway?”

“I go to a clinic. Why you askin' me so many questions? What, you think I'm lyin'?” she asked, agitated.

“I mean, that's what it seems like. I'm tryin' to be involved, but you don't want me to.”

“I want you to be involved, but don't treat me like a liar.”

“Okay, if you ain't lyin', then what clinic you go to and what's your doctor's name? As a matter of fact, when the last time you went to the doctor and what the doctor say?” Gunz quizzed.

“Why?” Devin snapped.

“ 'Cause we supposed to be having a muthafuckin' baby together and I don't know shit! I got a muthafuckin' seed coming into this world and I don't even know when my baby due. When the baby due, Devin?”

“August, I guess.” She shrugged.

“You guessing, Devin. This ain't no muthafuckin' game to me. This real life.”

“Why you treating me like this?” She began to cry.

“What the fuck you cryin' for? You cryin' 'cause I'm askin' you questions about what's mine? This shit I need to know. I ain't sign up for this. You sittin' up here tellin' me the baby due in August, but if you six months pregnant, the baby supposed to be here in July. A three-year-old could've calculated that.”

“You ain't gon' never love me, are you?” Devin's bottom lip trembled.

“What the fuck are you talkin' about? You know me and you not together.”

“I thought that tellin' you that I was pregnant would bring us closer together, but whenever you look at me . . . I wish that I was her.”

“So that's how you thought you would get my attention? Do you realize how fuckin' stupid that is? How somebody gon' lie for six months sayin' they pregnant? Bitch, are you insane?” Gunz's blood pressure rose.

“I just wanted to be wit' you,” she cried.

“Man, if you don't get yo' crazy ass out my house!”

“Gunz, I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, you sorry all right. Just get the fuck out my house!”

“Will you please let me explain?” she begged.

“Don't make me have to tell you to leave one more time. Just g'on and burn out, real talk.”

Devin contemplated pleading her case, but the killer look in Gunz's eyes told her to think otherwise. Swallowing her pride and the feelings she'd harbored for him, Devin held her head up as best as she could and walked out knowing she'd fucked up for real this time.

I
just wondered . . .
do you ever think of me?

 

Ne-Yo, “Do you”

Chapter Sixteen

S
ix months had gone by. Spring and summer came and went like the wind. It was fall once again. October clouds crammed the sky. Gunz gazed absently out of the window of his Rolls Royce as Lorenzo drove him to his next destination. It was sure to rain later on that day. Gunz welcomed a downpour. The sound of rain rushing from the heavens gave him a sense of solace.

He needed something to keep him sane. Life for him consisted of one mundane scenario after another. His only joy came from his family. They'd become his center of gravity. Gray, on the other hand, was his universe. There wasn't a minute out of the day that he didn't think of her. He just wondered, did she think of him too?

Gunz missed her so much, he even went as far as to send her a letter. Gray received it on a sunny day. She, Truth, and the baby were sharing a quiet afternoon at her home. She stood in the kitchen against the island, going through her mail. Suddenly, she came across an envelope addressed to her but with no return address. Perplexed as to whom the sender could be, she ripped it open. Gray unfolded the note. It read:

Gray,

If you're reading this, it means I worked up the courage to mail it. Good for me, I guess. Look, I'm not tryin' to interrupt your life, but there are a few things that I need to get off my chest. I know that at times you have felt that I'm arrogant, selfish, and immature. All this may be true (LOL) but there are a few things about me that you have yet to learn. On Sunday mornings, I like to chill and watch the Food Network. Tyler Florence and Bobby Flay are my mans, no homo. I dig Basquiat paintings, I don't clean up behind myself, and I often leave weed ashes all over the floor.

But I digress. Let's move on. I've met this girl, right. It was an accident. I wasn't looking for it, but she's kinda special. You see, she said one thing, I said another. And in that very instant, I found myself wanting to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. I got this feelin' in my gut that she's the one. She's crazy as hell, but in a cute way that makes me smile, and a great deal of maintenance.

She is you, Gray. The only problem is I don't know how to be with you, and knowing that scares the shit outta me. 'Cause if I'm not wit' you, I got this feeling that we'll get lost. And I can't tell you why you should take a leap of faith on a nigga like me, but damn, you smell good, like home. You make a mean Kimchi too. That's gotta count for something, right? Call me.

Loving you still,
Gunz

Unfortunately for Gunz, he never received the phone call he'd so desperately wanted. It kind of fucked him up 'cause love was no longer a mirage of the mind for him. His days and nights were spent reeling in self-indulgent wishes of her kisses. Pangs of guilt consumed his soul. If only he'd treated her right. There were many times when Gunz held the phone in search of her voice. He needed his heartbeat back.

Unbeknownst to him, his wish was about to come true.

He was in the Delmar Loop. Lorenzo had just pulled up to the light when the silhouette of her figure appeared. Time stood still as she crossed the street in slow motion. Everything about her had changed for the better. Gray's hair was jet black and flat-ironed straight, with Chinese-cut bangs. The hairstyle enhanced her Korean features. She'd slimmed down a bit, but all the curves she used to possess were still in the right places.

Gunz couldn't help but to admire her swagger. Gray was rocking the hell out of a white oversized men's button-up. The sleeves were rolled up, while the first five buttons were undone, revealing her caramel-colored skin and the fact that she wore no bra. Over her shirt and around her waist was a brown-and-gold skinny belt. The rest of the ensemble consisted of dark blue skin tight skinny jeans, five-inch Alberta Ferretti heels, brown Gucci shades, her engagement ring, and Bishop's gold watch.

“Yo, let me out,” Gunz demanded, not wanting to waste another minute.

“Is everything okay, sir?” Lorenzo questioned, concerned.

“Just park the car. I'll be right back,” Gunz replied, jumping out into traffic.

Gray was already across the street. She was just about to head into a boutique called Zeizo when he caught up with her.

“Gray,” he called out.

The sound of Gunz's voice sent chills up her spine. For a second Gray wondered if she was hallucinating; that was, until Gunz called out her name again. Gray looked over her shoulder and spotted him coming toward her.

“Goddamn,” she whispered underneath her breath. Gunz was finer than a muthafucka. His hair was freshly lined and cut. The black cashmere cardigan he donned draped over his muscles like silk. Underneath, he sported a white V-neck. Dark jeans, old school Air Jordans, shades, a gold rosary, and a Nixon watch completed the look. Gray could hardly compose herself.

“What's up wit' you?” he asked.

“Nothing. How you been?” she asked, unsure of what to say or do.

“I been a'ight. I heard you had a li'l girl.”

“Yeah, about a month ago.”

“That's what's up. I bet she look just like you.”

“Yeah, everybody says so. She's in the store with Tee-Tee right now. I have a picture of her on my phone if you wanna see it.”

“You can show me.”

Gray went into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. “I took this picture of her last week after I gave her a bath.” She handed Gunz her phone.

“Damn, she look just like you. What you name her?”

“Aoki.”

Gunz couldn't help but smile. Gray's daughter was the prettiest baby he'd ever seen. She lay on her back above a pink blanket, dressed in all pink. Her hair was jet black, while her eyes were shaped like diamonds. Aoki's cheeks were a rosy shade of pink, and her lips were full and pouty, just like her mother's.

“Congratulations.” Gunz handed her back the phone. “I'm happy for you.”

“Thanks.”

“So have you gone and got married on me yet?”

“Nope, still engaged.” She flashed her ring.

“When's the wedding date?”

“I haven't planned one yet.”

“What you waiting on? What, you scared or something? Don't tell me you having second thoughts.”

“Okay then, I won't.”

“If you having second thoughts, then that'll be all bad for ol' boy.”

“Humph.” Gray put her head down and laughed some. Gunz hadn't changed one bit. “So how is Devin and the baby doing?”

“Devin wild as hell, man. I don't know what's going on wit' her.”

“Well, what about the baby?”

“Man, it ain't no baby. We ain't even gotta get off into all that right now. What you doing later? Why don't we go and have dinner or something?”

“I don't know if that's a good idea.”

“It's cool,” Gunz responded, crushed. “I just wanted to see what was up wit' you. Catch up on old times.”

“I mean, I wish I could, but—”

“Ma . . . it's good. You ain't gotta explain. It was good seeing you, though, for real.”

“It was good seeing you too.” She smiled slightly.

“Be good, a'ight.” He softly kissed her cheek.

“You too,” she replied as she watched him walk away.

“Girl, you need to quit playin',” Tee-Tee said, coming out of the store with the baby.

“Boy, what are you talkin' about?”

“The chemistry between you two is so thick you can cut it wit' a knife. I don't know why you still lyin' to ya'self.”

“Tee-Tee, what Gunz and I shared is in the past, where it should be.”

“Bitch, please. I ain't Kema and Heidi. You can't fool me.”

Hail and rain tapped against the window. The familiar sound of thunder echoed through the air. The soothing humming sound from the heat roamed throughout the house. Gray lay curled up on her side, snuggled underneath covers. It had been a long, tiring day, so a good night's sleep was overdue. She'd gone to bed early to ensure she'd get enough rest. The next day was gonna be hectic. In her living room were racks of designer samples.
Haute Couture
's holiday must-have issue was about to hit newsstands, and Gray had to come up with ideas for new trends to present to Sienna the following Monday.

Gray was running herself ragged, but she'd much rather excel in her career and as a mother then mourn the death of her relationship with Gunz. That didn't stop her from thinking about him every second of the day or dreaming of him, though. That night, she dreamt they were strolling on the beach hand in hand in Mexico. Waves from the ocean splashed against her feet.

Gunz lifted her left hand and kissed her palm. A diamond ring the size of a nickel shimmered in the afternoon sunlight. They were married and happily in love. A smile graced the corners of her lips as she lay still asleep.

She never wanted the moment to end, but just as she was about to turn over, there was a sudden ring at the door. Startled by the noise, Gray's eyes shot open.

The first thing she did was look at the clock. It was a couple minutes to four. Gray wondered who could be at her house that time of the morning. As she sat up and grabbed her robe, there was another ring. Pissed off by the visitor's impatience, she stomped down the steps and to the door.

“Who is it?” she asked with an attitude.

“Me.”

Gray's heart skipped what seemed to be a million beats. The voice on the other side of the door belonged to one person and one person only—Gunz. Gray squashed her fears and opened the door slowly. Her eyes traveled up to his. He looked sexier than ever, but the sadness in his brown eyes was more evident.

Gunz knew he should say something, but fuck it; they'd done enough talking in the past. Never taking his focus off her, he gently took a hold of the sash on her robe and untied it. The sides of it flew open, exposing her satin negligee. The imprint of her hard nipples poked through the fabric. Gunz pushed her robe off.

Gray felt like she was in a whirlwind. Her body craved him. She watched closely as his index fingers pulled the straps of her gown down. Gray allowed it to fall into a heap on the floor. Gunz admired her gorgeous physique. Her body was like a work of art. Every dip, curve, and fold was magnificent. Hungry for her touch, he picked her up.

Gray eagerly wrapped her arms and legs around him. It seemed like a decade had passed since they last kissed. Every flick of his tongue felt like heaven. Gunz sucked the side of Gray's neck, but not without taking a delicious bite.

“Ahhhhh,” she moaned in delight.

With each of her butt cheeks in his hand, he led her over to the nearest wall. His dick was so hard it was about to bust through his pants. The rough surface of the wall scratched against Gray's back. She enjoyed the pain.

“Baby, I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he groaned as she got down and dropped to her knees.

Gray swiftly undid his pants. His big, black dick sprung to attention. If she were a veteran, she would've saluted. With ease she took him inch by inch into her mouth. The veins in his dick throbbed against the taste buds of her tongue. He tasted like Godiva chocolate.

Gunz tilted his head back in agony. He wanted to cum so bad. Gray was sucking his dick like it was the last thing on earth she'd get to taste.

Not ready to cum, he pulled her up and made her face the wall. The arch in her back was perfect. Gunz spread her ample butt cheeks apart and inserted himself deep within her valley. All the blood in his body rushed to the tip of his penis. Gray was wetter than wet. With his hands on her hips, he grinded in and out of her at a feverish pace. Sounds of his shaft slapping against her butt echoed around them.

“Ohhhhh, baby,” Gray wailed as he hit her spot.

Her face was pressed up against the wall. There was no place for her to run or hide. Gunz had her right where he wanted. She was trapped in his web.

He wanted to ensure that she came over and over again. Using his hand, he reached around and began massaging her clit. Grays's thighs began to shake uncontrollably as she came. Sweet, sticky cream saturated his dick.

Gunz could feel himself about to cum too. Squeezing his eyes shut, he rotated his hips in a circular motion. An electric spark rushed through his body as he came. Spent, he placed sloppy, erotic kisses down the center of her back.

Hours later, Gray lay drained in Gunz's arms. He'd taken her body to forbidden places of ecstasy. The orgasms she experienced were earth shattering.

Gunz lightly caressed the side of her arm. This was where he belonged. For a while he'd resisted arrest, but Gray had handcuffed his heart. No matter the obstacle, she stuck by his side. She proved that love could be patient and kind. She made him want to be better, not only for her, but for himself.

“Marry me,” he spoke barely above a whisper while massaging her forehead with his fingertips.

“What?” she asked, shocked.

“You heard me.”

“Gunz, don't play wit' me.”

“I'm for real. Don't marry him. Marry me.”

“Where is all this coming from?”

“My heart. I tried, but I don't work without you.”

“So you really wanna marry me?” She faced him.

“Yeah, I mean, I know I fucked up. We fucked up. But we can make this shit work.”

“I don't know what to say. I mean, have you forgotten that I'm engaged?”

“You don't love that man.”

“But we have a child together.”

“I understand that, but you can't sit up here and tell me that yo' heart don't belong to me.”

“Oh my God.” Gray ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head. “This shit is crazy.”

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