Guardian (38 page)

He nodded. “Seeing how your parents treated you, how well organized your life was despite the chaos that pushed in on it from every angle, it fascinated me. I wanted to know everything about you. After the pawn shop incident, I was glad I
did
follow you.”

Thinking about that day, hearing the sounds of Colton and Grace fighting the men and remembering how helpless I had truly been, my whole body grew hot and my eyes burned. I stared down at the table, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself. “Thank you again for that,” I whispered. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come, if they really had been taken, I-”

“They weren’t,” Rafael said firmly. “They won’t be. However, Natalie did raise a good point that day.”

My head jerked up, and I looked at him in surprise.

He smiled wanly at me. “I
said
I followed you,” he told me, matter of fact. “And what your friends tell you is right. Someday, you should realize that when people say they wish to help you, they really do mean it. Colton and Grace can’t be tied to your hip forever. In fact, they will soon be at the age where they will want to go out and do things with friends, be out on their own, in a sense.”

I twiddled my thumbs. “I do trust them with other people,” I mumbled. “Matthias and Rachel watch them all the time, and I even let Natalie’s mom drive them places.”

Rafael leaned forward across the table so his face was lower and within my range of vision. “I’m talking about people who aren’t angels,” he said gently. “Of course you trust them with us. And while you do a fantastic job with them, Lyla, they need other people in their lives to look up to. They have so much room to grow, you need to make sure that you allow them to do it.”

“Are you saying I should go to the foster care system? Let somebody just
take
them away from me?” I asked hotly. The idea was ludicrous. As if anybody could know them, take care of them,
love
my sister and brother as I did!

“No,” Rafael was quick to say. “I understand that, Lyla. I know you can’t let them go. But I think you need to realize that you aren’t the only person
capable
of loving them. Of helping them and teaching them.”

“I know that,” I said quickly. Too quickly, I knew, when Rafael only stared at me, his face expressionless. I couldn’t talk about this, it was too much, too hard to think about handing Colton and Grace off to anybody. But I needed him to know
why
. “Colton and Grace are my
world
,” I whispered, staring at him and feeling my eyes well up. “In everything around me that has changed, that keeps changing and comes and goes and turns bad, they stay and they’re
good
. I need them for that, something solid in everything bad around me. I love them. I would lay down my life for them. I’ve only felt that way, that love, for one other person. For you.”

Rafael leaned back in his chair a little bit, looking resigned, and I shook my head.

“I don’t want to fight about this anymore,” I told him slowly. “But I’ve given a great deal of thought and prayer to what you told me that night, and I’ve reached a decision. I just wanted to tell you.” I met his eyes and tried with all my might to hold his gaze, even though I could tell it asked me to say what
he
wanted, not what I did. “I still want to join you,” I said softly. “It means a lot of sacrifice; mass, the Eucharist, adoration, all those things that make my life so meaningful now. But, that sacrifice is one of the reasons I still feel so compelled to become a Fallen. If I’m willing to give all of that up to serve God, where else can I go but to heaven? There is so much to be done in this world before He comes, and I want to help you do it.”

Rafael drummed his fingers on the table, looking as though he was trying to think very hard of something to say to dissuade me, but I reached over to cover his hand and still his nervous movements. “I’m not telling you or asking you to give me your light,” I explained, in what I hoped was a rational-sounding voice. “You asked me to think about these things, and I’m telling you what I think. I know where you stand. And now you know where I still stand.”

“And so we’re yet at an impasse,” Rafael sighed, and rested his elbows on the kitchen table. The previous neatness of his hair was ruined as he ran his hand through it, resting his forehead against his knuckles.

I cleared my throat and touched his hand. “And did you think about what we talked about, as well?” I asked, nervously. I wished he’d been the one to say something about it, but I had to know if I had helped him, if I’d done anything at all to help him feel less abandoned, hate himself less.

Rafael lifted his head up and rested his chin on his hands now, smiling gently at me. “You make a convincing argument that God isn’t truly possible of hating us,” he told me wryly, though his face soon turned serious. “I admit, your verses gave all of us a certain feeling of… hope, really. Though it still seems incredible that He could even care what our fates are, when we’ve wronged Him so badly.”

I shook my head, knowing deep in my bones that he was wrong. “God already forgave you,” I told him. “That’s why you’re here. And so maybe it’s time you forgave yourself.”

This seemed to have a profound impact on Rafael, and he sat up straighter and lowered his arms, but any response he may have made was interrupted as I heard my parents’ bedroom door open and heavy thudding footsteps that could only belong to my dad. In an instant, Rafael was standing and I found myself in my bedroom with all four locks secure before I could blink twice.

“Get into bed,” Rafael said as the doorknob twisted. “I’ll stay. He won’t come in, Lyla.”

Of course I believed him. I didn’t even get that bad shadow of uneasiness that normally accompanied one of my father’s fits. I crawled into bed next to Grace and curled up on my side, so I could see Rafael across the room, leaning his back against our door with his arms folded. A ray of moonlight from a crack in our curtains fell over his face, illuminating his strong features, giving him a celestial-seeming glow that I was sure came from within, as well as the moonlight.

It was times like these that I saw Rafael for what he truly was; an angel, our guardian, one of God’s own creatures and friends, someone who fought for everything that was good and right, and I didn’t know how he could ever think of himself as being evil or not worthy of heaven.

On the morning of Monday, December 12, I bounced out of bed, tearing the sheets off Colton and Grace and screaming in our usual tradition, “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” Within minutes they were up and dancing around with me. Together we all got ready for school, though I was trembling with excitement. I couldn’t ever remember being so excited for a birthday before. I knew it was because Rafael would be here for this one, and all the others paled in comparison. I put on a little more makeup than usual, eager to make the day special and memorable.

I was daring and wore long, dangling gypsy earrings and added some curl to my long hair before sticking in a brown lace headband. I put on my brown Ugg boots and pulled out my plaid coat, because a peek outside revealed the first snowfall of the season. I threw my flats into my book bag to change into at school, and the three of us burst into the kitchen, to find several McDonalds bags gracing the kitchen table.

Colton and Grace whooped and ran forward, while I followed more slowly, pulling the bag with my name on it toward me. It contained all my favorite foods, more than I would be able to eat for one meal, and even a caramel frappe, but I bypassed the food and pulled out the card inside. The front was a crayon drawing of two people holding hands, one with wings, one without and wearing a plaid dress, and both with dark hair; Rafael and me. I smiled and flipped it open.

Lyla,
the inside read. Though it was the first time I had seen his handwriting, I instantly knew it belonged to Rafael. It was strong and old, a little hard to decipher, but unique and timeless, just like him.
Sorry I can’t be there to drive you to school. Let me buy you breakfast and lunch and dinner to make up for it?

See you soon. Happy birthday.

Love, Rafael

P.S. Naomi made the card.

I stared in disbelief at the signature.
No
, I thought, plopping down in a chair and re-reading the whole card.
No way.
There was no way Rafael meant it in the way I wanted him to. Who didn’t sign their cards ‘love’? It was practically reflex.
I doubt Rafael has signed many birthday cards in his life,
a traitorous voice in the very back of my mind whispered.
No!
I forced my hopes down, refused to become giddy over a simple note. I ate the CinnaMelts, and then the Egg McMuffin. I inhaled the hash browns and had to push away the bag to keep myself from eating any more and making myself sick.

We all headed out to the Hummer that Rafael had left for us, cranking up the radio and singing along to Hannah Montana (the CD being the most precious gift Rafael had bought for Grace, of course), much to Colton’s eternal embarrassment. I’d barely set foot onto school grounds when Natalie and Austin converged on me with the rest of the student council and French Club members, half shouting, half singing happy birthday to me. I was absorbed into their ranks, for once just as happy and carefree as everyone else, and led to my locker, which had been decorated with pink glittery wrapping paper and plastered with bows, cards, and silly little gifts like cheap gem rings and snack machine candy and a plastic tiara that Natalie immediately put on my head.

“Three cheers for the birthday girl!” Austin shouted after I had gotten out my books, which were covered in silver confetti, as was everything else inside my locker. And with that, the crowd was off once more, carrying me along with it to homeroom. My fan club had to split up to go to their own classes, though they chorused for me to be ready to be escorted to my next class. I collapsed into my seat, laughing, as Natalie did the same next to me.

“A little over the top, I know,” she said when we finally caught our breath, “but you always refuse to let Austin and me throw you a party, so we decided to bring the party to you.”

I squeezed her hand with a smile. “It’s absolutely
perfect
,” I told her, and meant it.

“So,” Natalie said as the class slowly began to quiet down from its usual Monday-morning catching up, “is Rafael taking you out tonight?”

“I
think
so, but if he is I have no idea what we’re doing. Oh, it’s not like
that
,” I said quickly, when I caught her waggling her eyebrows at me.

“How much longer will the two of you live in denial?” she groaned. “You guys are perfect for each other! I met the guy once and I’m convinced of it!”

I thought of the
Love, Rafael
on my birthday card, which was safely tucked in the pocket of my jumper, and smiled quietly to myself. “Hopefully not too much longer,” I whispered.

Mrs. Talbot was trying to get everyone settled down for good when there was a loud knock on the classroom door. It swung open to admit someone, though their face was partly obscured by the bouquet of red roses they held. Everyone seemed to heave a collective gasp of awe.

“Lyla Evans?”

I was so stunned I couldn’t even think of anything to say, not even a simple “Yes”. Luckily, I had a best friend who was never at a loss for words.

“Right here!” Natalie squealed, waving her arms and pointing at me. The rose bearer, who I now saw was Breanna from student council and Austin’s Halloween dance date, walked up to us grinning.

“Happy birthday, Lyla,” she said cheerfully. “These were dropped off for you in the office.”

A unified ‘oooooh!’ now echoed through the room, and I slunk lower in my chair as I pulled out the attached envelope, which was a little lumpy.

“What does it say? What’s inside?” Natalie was practically falling out of her desk in a not so subtle attempt to read over my shoulder.

“Back off!” I said, though jokingly. It seemed too big for a normal bouquet of a dozen roses, and I quickly counted them, partly so everyone would have time to stop staring at me, and partly because I knew Natalie would about die from the suspense of not being able to read the note. There were eighteen roses, for my eighteenth birthday.

“It’s so
cute
!” Natalie almost shouted. “And romantic! I mean, it
is
from Rafael, right?”

I couldn’t imagine who else would send me roses, and I broke the seal on the card as Mrs. Talbot gave me a secret wink and demanded the class come to order. Inside was a card and something metal. I pulled out the object first, and found a wing charm identical to the one already on my necklace. It faced the opposite direction, so when I quickly unfastened the clasp and slid it on, the wings crossed each other and glittered brilliantly in the light.

Natalie oohed and ahhed appreciatively. “Why wings, though?” she asked suddenly, before I could open the card. “Why not a heart?”

“Inside joke,” I said quickly. “It has to do with the first time we met. And besides, a heart is presumptuous. It’s not-”

“Like that, yeah, yeah. What does the card say?”

This card was store bought, white with a pink and red flower cut out and sparkly rhinestones on the front above
Happy Birthday
. I flipped it open, my heart pounding a mile a minute.
Beautiful like you. Love, Rafael
the inside read.

“’It’s not like that’,” Natalie scoffed after she had read the card. “Whatever, Ly’s. Just promise me that when you guys are getting married and he throws you the most extravagant wedding known to man, I at least get invited.”