Groupie/Rock Star Bundle (23 page)

I figured it had something to do with Lourdes,
who I already knew was due any day. Despite her going back to South
America, rumors abounded that she was “in the family way,”
substantiated so far a blurry photo of an extremely pregnant
brunette who, though she wore big dark glasses and a hat, some
believed looked enough like Lourdes to be published in the national
tabloids.

With a summer release date for her debut acting
stint in an action feature, it was a pretty big story that had
Jasper scrambling. There were precious few months left on the
year-contract Athena had renegotiated for Vegas, and I already knew
that Jasper wanted to make sure that he could re-sign her before he
brought Lourdes back to New York just in time for her own press
junket for her movie. There was no room for error in this delicate
balancing act.

Though no one said as much, I somehow suspected
Lourdes might be pressuring Jasper to make an honest woman of her.
He was once again squeezed by his indiscretion as it doubled back
to bite him in the ass right when he didn’t need the extra stress,
and it had everyone on edge.

Vanni shared his concerns with me
one night with a frustrated phone call, when his name was linked in
the rag mags as being the deadbeat dad playing rock star when his
former flame might be nine months pregnant and in another country.
Nothing bothered him more than the perception he could be so
irresponsible. I personally thought he just never wanted be known
as a guy who could let anyone down.

He had cultivated a certain image, and that was
as a sex god on the stage but a sensitive romantic hero through his
songs. If Lourdes and Jasper managed to let the rumor stand
unchallenged that he was the dad, it would blow his carefully
crafted image all to hell. All the women who worshipped him would
believe he was worse than just another guy, one that put his own
best interest above anything else.

I don’t think anything scared him more than
being associated with the likes of his dad.

So everyone had something to lose, whether the
truth was told or concealed. My sympathy, of course, was with Vanni
and with Athena. Jasper and Lourdes made their choices, and there
were times when I thought it would have been better if the story
just broke so everything could straighten itself out.

But I wasn’t in charge of that part of the
PR.

Jacob gave me a big hug when I
arrived, and we headed up to our special seats in the balcony. Like
the rest of the tour, both Kat and Wenonah were included in the
show, doing some impressive pole work during the songs under a blue
laser light show.

Like the shows before he sang my song to the
entire first row, and made each fan fall in love with him all over
again. One reached out for a kiss which he deftly averted, offering
his cheek instead. I knew I should be used to how bold they could
be thinking that he belonged to them, especially since he had been
expressly marketed for such. I was beginning to suspect, however,
I’d never get used to it.

Jacob squeezed my hand in support, but I
already knew what he was thinking. You couldn’t own someone who
belonged to the whole world, and expecting anything else was
self-destructive. No matter how he touched me when we were alone,
or the whispers he’d drop in my ears – the Vanni the whole world
got to see was community property.

We had a small window between the
gig and the meet and greet, which was held at a nearby hotel. Many
of the fans had booked rooms there at a discount, so all they had
to do was simply go downstairs. For the rest of us it was a slight
walk and even shorter cab ride. Jacob and I walked together, while
the band took a limo.

“So what’s new with you?” I asked,
feeling like a shit that wasn’t the first thing out of my mouth
when I saw him. We spent entirely too little time together as it
was, although he was a regular instant messaging buddy.

He just shrugged. “Dating this one guy but I
don’t think it’s going to work. He has money, which is a nice plus,
but he drinks like a fish. Sometimes I don’t even think I know
anything about him because I don’t get more than ten minutes of
sober time.”

I rubbed his arm. Jacob wasn’t
necessarily looking for true love. But he was in his 30s and had
decided that he was done with the dating scene. Like the rest of us
he just wanted somewhere to belong, and two arms to go home to at
night.

He grinned down at me. “How about you? Are you
engaged yet?”

I laughed out loud. “You know the answer to
that,” I said as I snuggled in the crook of his arm as we turned a
corner. “Things are… okay. I mean, I think it’s good. Even though
he’s so tired from the tour, it’s hard to get any quality time with
him when I see him on the road.”

Jacob nodded. He understood. “I’m
happy for you, Andy,” he said, and I knew he was sincere. Yet I
still sensed a “but” coming.

“But…?”

He sighed. “I just worry you’re spinning your
wheels. This world isn’t normal on the best of occasions. I’d hate
to see you invest any more time than necessary in someone who just
can’t give the same back to you.”

I didn’t say anything. Jacob always
believed the relationship I had with Vanni to be a fling. And in
fact that was what he advised it to be. Still, I didn’t want to put
an expiration date on it just yet. I still got butterflies when I
thought about Vanni, and knowing I’d get to sleep next to him that
night made my heart soar. Putting up with all the rest of it so far
was worth those stolen moments when I had him all to
myself.

I didn’t expect Jacob to understand.

“I love you,” I told him – which was code to
say, “I appreciate your concern and I love you for it, but I’m
going to do it my way for now.”

He nodded and then opened the door to the
hotel.

There was already a line at the door
for the meeting room where we were setting up the fan meet and
greet. The throng of excited groupies chatted animatedly as they
waited, and I could see they were counting the minutes until the
band arrived.

Vanni dominated as far as female
fans were concerned, but the other guys had their fair share of
female admirers. Even Alana had mentioned a few problems Iain had
on the road with those who wanted to hook up after a show. Unlike
Vanni, Iain didn’t encourage this attention, and really kept to
himself when they weren’t at a show or an organized event like this
one. For that I envied Alana, whose relationship with Iain was both
strong and public.

I tried to ignore that pull in my
gut that said it was because she knew he had chosen her that it was
so strong. They could go public because he had no misgivings, no
second thoughts – no desire to find something “better.”

Vanni had not yet made that decision, one that,
if being honest with myself, I had.

I tried not to be jealous as I walked into the
room and saw Alana laughing and busying herself with different
tasks to help organize the event. She and Iris both skipped the
concert. The only reason Jacob had gone was because I wanted to
go.

It was my own real time to spend
with Vanni, unlike Alana who lived with Iain. Iris and Jacob had no
real desire to spend a lot of time with this specific band. There
were scores of interesting people on their roster, and Iris’s was
getting fuller by the day.

So they were able to invest their time on a
part-time basis, whereas I only got to see the man I loved a
handful of times a year. When he sang my songs, I wanted to be
there. Even though he couldn’t sing directly to me anymore, it was
an intimate moment just knowing our relationship had inspired such
beautiful music.

I was definitely a fan, but I still refused the
idea I was a groupie. I got too much in return from Vanni to be
lumped in that group. It wasn’t that I denigrated the groupie
status; that was fine if all you did was go to a show. Maybe that’s
all they needed.

I wanted more. And his actions and his words
had shown me I could have it.

I tingled just thinking about his
hands on my body, his mouth against my skin.

I couldn’t wait for this M&G to be
over.

Fifteen minutes later the doors opened and the
crowd was allowed inside. Fifteen minutes after that the doors
swung open and the band entered to deafening screams. Vanni brought
up the rear, and by the time the fans saw him they were ready to
shatter into a million pieces just from the anticipation
alone.

I smiled as I stood on the sidelines, watching
him work the room. Every now and then he’d send a smile my
direction which would touch me like a physical caress. I wanted to
get him home.

But the fans came first. They were
the bosses. They paid his paycheck and he treated each one with due
respect and consideration.

The fan who had kissed him in the
front row at the concert grew fairly familiar as she stood next to
him. She touched his arm, stood close enough to reach up and talk
to him as he towered over her. She followed him around when he
moved on to the next fan. He took it all in stride but I kept my
eye on her for the rest of the evening, growing more concerned when
I watched her keep him in her sights until only a handful of people
remained.

She inhaled him with her eyes, with a
possessive look I knew she couldn’t claim. He hadn’t been attracted
to her, and treated her well but not with any special flirty
attention he bestowed on her friend.

She didn’t seem to take well to
that.

When it became clear the stragglers were not
going to leave until the band did, they bowed and said a general
“goodnight” to everyone and no one in particular. As soon as they
left I wanted to chase after Vanni, but I kept up appearances by
helping the gang break down the room with the help of a cleaning
crew.

Iris yawned as she put the last bit of trash in
the big bin. “Well, that’s that. Until tomorrow.” She turned to me,
“I’d ask you to go out for a drink but I have to be at work early.
Rain check?”

“Of course,” I said as I gave her a hug. She
let me off the hook. I had already planned a litany of excuses why
I couldn’t join her and had to go straight back to the “hotel,”
which just so happened to be the one where we stood.

I bid my goodbyes and waited for them to go,
enviously watching Alana leave with Iain. He put his arm around her
tiny waist as though she were the most prized possession he owned.
It sounded so archaic, yet romantic.

I sighed as I headed outside to hail a
cab.

It was after 1:00 a.m. when I let myself into
Vanni’s apartment. I tiptoed quietly into the bedroom, where he lay
sprawled naked on top of the covers. Was that how he always slept?
Or was he waiting for me?

With a grin I slithered out of my clothes and
left them in a careless heap on the floor. I slid into bed beside
him, and ran a hand lovingly up his muscular thigh.

He groaned as he turned to me, slightly waking.
“Hey, you,” he whispered with a sleepy smirk.

“Hey,” I replied as I cuddled next
to him.

He rolled me onto my back and his hair spilled
down over one shoulder. He hadn’t been much on words since I got
into town, using his body instead to convey his affection and
desire. I followed suit and reached up to kiss him, to show him I
still wanted him as much as I ever did.

He fit himself in between my legs, going a bit
faster than what we were used to, but I assumed that had more to do
with his being so tired. So I just did my part to grind against him
and kiss him deep while he took off like a rocket in three minutes
flat.

He collapsed against me and breathed hard
against my neck. It slowed almost immediately and I knew he had
fallen asleep. I lay there physically frustrated and emotionally
void. That was the least romantic of all our encounters, and I
almost felt like he had used me just to release himself.

He even turned away from me, denying me some
serious cuddle time that always used to follow our
lovemaking.

Instead he snored softly from where he lay
facing the wall.

I had to count backward from 100 to stop the
raging hormones.

He’d make it up to me, I thought. He always
did.

He was already gone by the time I
woke up the following morning. I propped up on my elbows with a
sigh and looked around the room. This was a far cry from the last
time I stayed in this room, where he served me breakfast in bed and
sang me songs after we had made love.

But that was also before he was as famous as he
was now. And with that fame came more expectations. The dream he
had chased he finally caught, and I knew I couldn’t begrudge him
his successes. If I couldn’t be a part of it for the time being, it
was my responsibility to deal with it.

He hadn’t done anything wrong. He
warned me ahead of time it was because of this life he couldn’t
make me any promises. So I tried to stuff down the disappointment
as I swung my legs out of bed.

I took my time getting ready for the
day. I took a bath instead of a shower, and cooked my own breakfast
from the groceries I had bought the day before. Strawberries and
cream sitting atop a lonely stack of pancakes only reminded me this
was a breakfast meant for two.