Grease Monkey Jive (43 page)

“High on life, boys. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“We could think of a few reasons,” said Mitch. “Come on, let’s go eat.”

Dan turned his back on them, took a step towards the surf. “I’m going back out.”

“You’re not,” said Mitch, stepping up beside him.

“Yeah. I am.”

“You got a death wish happening there, mate.”

“I just want to surf. I’m not asking you to come with me.”

“You’re not going out there alone again.”

“Suck it up and come with me.”

“Nah, not me. I think we’ll send Fluke.”

Dan looked at Mitch, who was biting his cheek to suppress a smile. He flicked a look back at Fluke and took in his terror. He turned his head away from them so they couldn’t see his eyes and laughed so they’d think he was ok.

“You guys finished with the hearts and flowers,” growled Ant. “I’m hungry. I’m buying. Dan, you want to do yourself in, it won’t be on my watch.”

Dan went with them up the deserted beach, the sand whipping their bodies, pitting on their wetsuits and stinging their eyes. He didn’t have a death wish, he was just cutting loose. What did it matter? He let them walk ahead. He suddenly felt incredibly tired. He wasn’t sleeping well, though that was probably the new diet: short on food, long on substances of abuse. He should quit that stuff, but it was serving a purpose, great long swabs of time where he was barely conscious even when he was awake.

Mitch dropped back beside him. “Where have you been all week?”

“Why?”

“You haven’t been at work.”

Dan gave him a quizzical look and Mitch said, “McMurty called me. I’m your emergency contact, remember.”

“He called me too,” called Fluke, walking backwards. “He was going ape-shit.”

Dan said nothing. Mitch said, “Are you sick?”

“No.” Though maybe he was, with one of those wasting diseases. All he wanted to do waste himself, waste time, not think or do anything that required attention to detail.

“What are you doing? How long do you think he’s going to hold your job?”

“Keep your hair on, Mitch. I don’t have to go in.”

They’d reached the Promenade now and Dan fished a key from a hidden pocket in his wetsuit and hauled the Kombi door open. Jeff yawned and smacked his tail on the floor a few times in greeting.

Mitch kept at him. “What do you mean you don’t have to go in?”

“This’ll be good.” Ant was leaning his board on the side of the Kombi and starting to peel off his wetsuit. “Holding out on us. Have you won the lottery?”

Dan sighed. He wasn’t in the mood to play games and they were going to keep ragging on him unless he told them. “I own the frigging garage. I don’t have to go in there.”

“Told you he was using,” Fluke snorted. He’d retrieved a bag from his own car and started to get changed.

“What?” said Mitch.

“I own the place.”

Mitch’s voice rang with disbelief. “You own it. Since when?”

“Two years back.”

“You bought McMurty’s business two years ago?”

“Yeah, the business and the building.”

“Shit!” said Ant. “What would that site be worth, a corner, with the old flats at the back? Fuck, Dan, that was a good move.”

“Glad you approve. Now will you get off my back?”

Mitch wasn’t letting go. “Does McMurty know?”

“No. It’d kill him. He thinks it’s some private investor.”

“Why’d you buy it?”

“He was good to me. When I was a kid, he taught me stuff, gave me a job. He got me out of trouble a few times with the cops. He needed a retirement plan. I needed an investment. I didn’t want to embarrass the bloke. It’s only a year or two till he retires.”

“Fuck, don’t you think now might be a good time to tell him?”

“No. I’ll tell him when I’m ready.”

“Meanwhile you’re happy to go AWOL and have him think something’s wrong with you.”

Dan didn’t answer. He sat in the open doorway of the Kombi and wished they’d fuck off and leave him alone.

Mitch was on a mission now. “What happened with Alex?”

“Nothing. We were done. It was time.”

“Bullshit, Dan. You weren’t done. Was he done, Fluke?”

Fluke joined Mitch’s mission. “He’s fucked up and that was before he started wasting himself. Did you know Jimmy was sentenced today?”

“I heard.” Dan could tell this was news to Mitch and Ant from the look they exchanged.

Fluke was Jeff with a dried pig’s ear, not letting go. “You didn’t think you should be there?”

“Jimmy can fend for himself. I’m just his bank and since he won’t need a bank for the next two years, I didn’t see the point in going.” He stood up. “I’m cold. Jeff’s hungry. I’m going inside. Much as I love you all, fuck off and leave me alone.”

But Mitch was still on high alert. He wasn’t finished with this yet. “What’s with the drugs, Dan? You don’t like drugs.”

“I’m not high.” But if it wasn’t for the fact he hated the way the local dealers sneered at him after years of avoiding them, even chasing their custom away, he might still have been.

“But you’re using something other than booze. Not even Jimmy did drugs.”

“Yeah Mitch, that’s right, not even fucking Jimmy. He’s done so well, given me such a good example I figured I’d improve on the basic model.” Dan flung his arms wide. “I’m Jimmy Maddox 2.0.”

Mitch went to have another go, but Dan was inside the Kombi now with his hand on the door lever. “Fuck off and leave me alone.” He slammed the door in their faces.

Fluke said, “Who wants first watch?”

She hadn’t left much. A toothbrush, a lipstick, a bottle of fancy shampoo, a couple of t-shirts. Not much to show she’d been in his life. It was the book that made him think to pack up her stuff. She might need it for uni. He had one of those green shopping bags and he filled it with her gear. It was the right thing to do.

Not that he was going to see her.

He already saw her every day when he wasn’t numbed out. She hadn’t left much, but her presence was everywhere in the flat. He saw her curled in his bed, leaning into the fridge for the milk, washing up at the sink, studying at the kitchen table. She was snuggled on the sofa and singing in the shower. She was kissing him in the hallway and by the stove, and she was laughing and fresh and real and a ghost. That was fitting somehow. He’d first seen her, really seen her, as some kind of ethereal spirit. It seemed reasonable she’d be haunting him now. That’s why he’d quit the flat for the Kombi. He was spooked by the ghost.

He packed his own bag and emptied the fridge. He’d called McMurty, explained he needed more leave, and weathered being shouted at. He was going to shoot-through for a while with Jeff. It was the only way he could get rid of his escort.

For the last three nights, one of the boys had been parked on the promenade beside the Kombi keeping watch. It was crazy stupid. They took shifts. They really thought he was going to do himself harm and, for some dumbass reason, they assumed he’d wait till night when they were there to prevent it.

They just didn’t realise he’d already done it.

Ant was first. Dan didn’t know he was there til near morning when he let Jeff out for a run before anyone could complain about a dog on the beach. He pounded on the bonnet of Ant’s Alfa to wake him, handed him a coffee, and told him to fuck off.

He hadn’t realised they had a roster till Mitch showed up the next night. They argued, talked nonsense, got drunk, and Mitch slept beside him on the Kombi’s double bed. He was ready for Fluke, had a barbeque chicken and a salad for his dinner. They argued too, Fluke going on at him to admit he was in love with Alex and too scared to do anything about it. Fluke wouldn’t drink with him so he helped himself and Fluke must have figured he wasn’t in any position to top himself, because in the morning he was gone.

But this couldn’t keep happening, so it was time to check out for a while. He’d go up the coast and chase the surf. Maybe, with some distance, living with a ghost might be easier to take.

His head thumped and he suspected if he took his sunglasses off he might throw up. At least it was just booze doing this to him. He had to walk to the studio; he didn’t trust he was good to drive. He took Jeff, who pranced around like it was new bone day, and timed it so that he wouldn’t see either Alex or Scott. He was ready for whatever Trevor wanted to dish out as the best of a bad bunch of shit he deserved.

Trevor was on the phone when he got there, but signalled him to wait. He sat on the bench seat and tried not to see more ghosts.

“What happened to you? You don’t look good, Dan. What can I do to help?”

He’d been prepared for Trevor to shout, go all wild-cat and scratch his eyes out for hurting Alex. He wasn’t ready for this show of compassion, for the concern he saw in Trevor’s face. It nearly undid him.

“I brought a bunch of stuff for Alex. I figured I could leave it here for her.”

“Dan, talk to me.”

“Nothing to say, Trev.”

“Like fun. You look like you’ve been to hell, like you’re still there. And she’s off on some fantasy trip about being a fool for not expecting you’d dump her. What’s going on with you?”

Dan had spent the best part of two weeks avoiding this conversation and he didn’t want to have it now either. It was done, it didn’t bear examining, but if Alex was blaming herself, that wasn’t good.

“What did she say?”

“What I just said, that she was a fool for falling in love with you, that she should’ve known better.”

His head still thumped and now his chest hurt too. “Is that all?”

“She also said something like, ‘you can’t get angry with a dog if it bites you’. Does that mean anything to you?”

Dan shook his head, a bad move, along with coming here, a worse move. He was full of them lately.

Trevor continued, “I think she means it’s in a dog’s nature to bite.”

That made sense. “She means it was in my nature to dump her.” Hopefully she’d remember him for the dog he was and quit blaming herself for how it went down. He remembered she’d blamed herself for the problems with Phil too.

“Ah,” said Trevor. “It’s bullshit.”

Dan almost laughed. Trevor never swore. “It’s a good enough reason.”

“Bend me over and fuck me sideways, Dan. You love that girl. Anyone can see it. Everyone did. What’s wrong with you that you can’t see it? And don’t you sit there and try to tell me you don’t want to be with her. I’m not buying it.”

“It’s better for her this way.”

“You think this is better for Alex? She’s like a brittle piece of glass blown too thin. I keep waiting for her to break. She’s all glittery false cheer and ‘oh I’ll get over it and he was all wrong for me’. She thinks if she says it often enough it might be real.”

Dan stood, trying to keep his voice level. “This is better. She’s strong. She’ll be fine.”

“You’re Janelle Maddox’s son. That women was brave and so, so full of love. Maybe you’ve forgotten where you come from, Dan. Maybe you need to be reminded. Well, I’m reminding you. You’re a good man. You were good for Alex. She was good for you. This not right for each other thing is crap. You get yourself together and fast and you go patch it up with her.”

“You don’t understand. It’s not that simple.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I hardly remember Mum. I’m not like her.”

“Then choose to be you, Dan. Make your own rules up. You already know in your heart what’s right and wrong. And what you don’t know, you and Alex can work out together. But don’t make this lie your life. It’ll ruin you. It’ll ruin her.”

Dan slapped his leg to get Jeff’s attention. He had to get out of here. Trevor didn’t get it, no one did. He was infected with Jimmy. If the last two weeks hadn’t proven that, what other evidence did he need?

Trevor held his hand out to Jeff and the traitor mutt went to him, tail wagging and tongue lolling. He lifted his head up for a scratch under the jaw.

“Nice dog. Has he ever bitten anyone?”

“God, no.”

Trevor reached out and patted Dan on his cheek. “Not in his nature then.”

“Sweet Jesus, you’re bored with me!”

Scott was shocked, but he knew it was right. Alex was bored. They’d had a new routine almost locked down but Scott wasn’t feeling it.

First he thought it was his fault. The whole falling over his own feet thing and breaking his ankle had done some damage to his confidence, so he was a little more hesitant – bugger – a lot more hesitant than he’d ever been and hesitant had never been his thing.

Then he thought it might’ve been the routine, something about it not firing, or the music choice not being surprising enough. He took it apart and put it back together again, and it was better, but it was still flat and unexciting. And they’d need more than that. They’d gotten to this point with a bigger score than they’d hoped for, but it was a long way from a winning one.

They’d finished a run through for Trevor and Alex was sitting quietly on the floor waiting for his comments when it’d struck Scott what was wrong and he’d blurted it out.

“Of course I’m not bored with you,” she said.

“You are. I’m predictable and safe and not thinking about how I want to get you naked.”

“Yuck, Scott!”

“I’m not Dan. That’s the problem.”

“There’d be a problem if you were.”

“No. That’s the whole thing. You’ve gotten used to dancing with him. You had to be extra vigilant, extra watchful, you had to cover for him. It made you sharper. You’re bored and unhappy with unsurprising, harmless me.”

Alex appealed to Trevor with a look and a raised hand and Trevor said, “Scott’s right. We’ve got a chemistry problem.”

Scott put his arm over his eyes dramatically as if to block out the uncomfortable truth. “See. That’s what I just said.”

“You’re wrong.” Alex came to her feet, looking at Scott. “We’ve always had good chemistry. We’d hardly have done so well as partners if we hadn’t.” She took his hand. “I love dancing with you. Don’t get all spooked on me now.”

“I am spooked. Dan is a bloody spectre. I can’t get the picture of the two of you dancing out of my head. I’m so busy trying to be like him, I’ve forgotten how to be myself.”

“That’s a complete crock of shit, Scott. He was a pretender. You’re the real thing. I had to work harder to dance with him because he didn’t know what he was doing. I can enjoy it all with you.”