Graham's Resolution Trilogy Bundle: Books 1-3 (54 page)

She refocused on him, not uttering a word. Then he watched as the inevitable happened: her eyes followed the line of his tall frame down the right side of his leg where instead of a boot, as expected, she saw the metal prosthesis. It never bothered him, and he’d gotten used to the occasional stares. He’d never been one to beg for sympathy, so he seldom commented on it. He wasn’t angry about it either, as counselors would have had him believe. He wanted none of the bullshit that went along with being injured. To Dutch, they won if he gave them that satisfaction, so he had ignored the conclusion he knew her mind would eventually come to.

“Do your part, don’t steal from me, and we’ll get along fine. I’m leaving here, and I can use your help. If you don’t want to go, you’re welcome to stay here. I’m warning you, though: the cabin won’t be safe for long with the invaders around. The decision is yours to make. You probably want time to think about it, but we don’t have the luxury of time. I’m headed northwest to a camp with other people; I’ll bring you with me. It’ll be safer in numbers against these guys. You can come, if you help get us there. Tell me now. We leave at nightfall.”

The dogs Elsa and Frank had followed the conversation and turned their heads in unison for the girl’s answer. After a moment’s contemplation, she simply nodded.

Dutch remembered the sullen expression she had given him that day. That was weeks ago now, and they’d finally made it into Cascade, where the Morse code message beckoned them. He’d escorted both of them safely out of danger and kept them fed. He thought she at least owed him a little faith by now, but she still didn’t show any sign of trusting him—not even enough to tell him her name. And now, he figured, he’d never learn it because they were about to be eaten by ravenous wild dogs.

Of course, he wasn’t about to let that happen easily; at the very least, he’d make sure they choked on every bit of him.

Macy pulled her feet out of her hiking boots and leaned back in the office chair. She propped her feet, which were covered in knitted socks, upon the metal table with loud, purposeful
thunks
. Through the pinned-back tent door, the
drip, drip
of spring rain sounded. With a heavy sigh, she turned to the next chapter of the radio manual that Rick had given her to read. She tried to engross herself into the meandering writings of someone she considered a nerdish madman.

As Macy read, the most peculiar kind of static came over the receiver. She listened for a minute, decided it was nothing more than interference of some kind, then reached over to turn the potentiometer knob down so that she could concentrate on the infuriating manual. The material was an indecipherable foreign language to her; she reread the final paragraph of the chapter three times, and still she failed to grasp Ohm’s law and his definition formula for “current equals voltage divided by resistance” and “why volts matter over watts,” or who would even care anymore, but Rick was relentless. She knew he wanted to keep up the standards from the old world, but this . . . this was ridiculous. “Ugh!” Macy heaved the ARRL Technician Radio manual to the floor, startling Sheriff who had just begun his afternoon nap.

“Why? Why do we need to keep up with the old rules?” she asked Sheriff, who seemed mildly disgruntled. The dog’s ears perked up while he tilted his head at her question, as if to say,
Hell if I know. Don’t throw things at me, woman.

Macy’s chair squeaked as she bent down and sank her fingers into his scruff, scratching him behind his ear. “You adjusted to this new life much better than the rest of us, didn’t you, boy?”

She didn’t think Sheriff cared much about her inquiry; he appeared to be more interested in her getting to the spot just behind and to the left of his ear. She watched as he lowered his eyelids over those deep-brown, soulful eyes as he dipped into his comfort zone.

When she was about to break the moment and retrieve the discarded manual, Rick strolled into the communications tent.

He looked at the manual on the ground, picked it up, and handed it to her. “How’s it going? Any new contacts?” he asked.

As if!

“No. Same as usual. There’s no one out there, Rick. It’s only us. I don’t even know why we try listening,” Macy lamented.

He play-punched her in the shoulder. “Someday there might be. On the other hand, someday, someone else might think to listen in and find out that more people are out there. You never know, ye of little faith and hope. What’s up with you today, anyway? You’re usually upbeat, but I see you’re somewhat down. What is it, Mace?”

She stared at him.
Darn, I’m cornered
. Rick had always annoyed Macy to no end, but he treated her in a younger sister kind of way. She didn’t like that he could “see” how she felt. She’d forgotten whom she was complaining to, and now she was faced with having to “share” her feelings with him.
What could be worse?

“Nothing, I’m fine.” she lied, hoping to divert Rick from her melancholy. She avoided his gaze as she closed the manual and put on her hiking boots for the trek back to Graham’s camp.

Rick scratched his bearded chin while evaluating her, and Macy could still feel his eyes on her. “Okay, if you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s your business. I’m here if you want to share, though. Okay?”

She blinked up at him and nodded her chin. There was a lot she was holding inside of herself. She couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to burden Graham—or Rick, for that matter—with her problems. Right now, her sister was far from the person she could “talk” to.

Macy often felt close to tears. The long winter was over; spring brought flowers and hope, but it rained far too much to be happy for long. Tala would understand, but she was busy dealing with fear over her unborn child, so Macy didn’t want to confide in her either. As it was, they were all trying to make Tala’s life easier now because she physically did too much to keep them all going. They were all trying to pave the way for a trouble-free delivery as if their future hinged on a healthy and safe birth.

Macy finished tying her boots and put on her green slicker. “Okay. Thanks, Rick,” she said. She felt Sheriff bump into her calf as he ran to catch up to her in the doorway when he realized they were leaving.

In the drizzling rain outside the tent, she waved good-bye to Dalton’s boys, Hunter and Kade, who were dutifully moving firewood from one location to another. The little brother stacked logs onto the bigger brother’s outstretched arms. Hunter partially waved with his overburdened load and Kade called after her, “Bye, Macy!”

She smiled to herself as she set out, heading toward the crossing at Skagit River and closing the gap between this world and her own. She made the trip twice a week to take her shift at the communications tent to learn what she could from Rick . . . and to get away from Graham’s camp. She did it to have a sense of normalcy and escape from something she could not name.

As she neared the rushing river she realized that, had she been with someone on her walk besides Sheriff, she wouldn’t be able to keep up a conversation over the resounding roar of the water. Since spring had started and the snowpack had begun to melt, not only had the river gone from a trickle to a powerful torrent but the earth itself mixed with water and became a thick, sludgy mud. Past residents knew this time of year better as “mud season.”

As the rain came down in a rapid cadence, Macy stopped a minute and zipped up her jacket so that her holstered gun would not become soaked. As Sheriff stopped, Macy noticed that the thick brown paste covered his paws.

When they hit the bridge, Sheriff hesitated until Macy was halfway across. She turned back, patted her thigh, and called to him to come to her.

“You’re really a big sissy, aren’t you?” she asked him as he scampered across, ran ahead of her, and continued to the other side of the river. Once she had traversed the wooden planks, her boots sank into the moist earth, and it took effort not to slide in the slick, messy mire before she gained footing on the rockier ground.

They headed into the forest, where the raindrops had a harder time reaching them through the evergreen canopy. Instead of her feet sinking into the mud, they fell on a bedding of soft needles that emitted a fresh pine aroma with each step. This section was the part of the trip Macy liked the best. She felt more at peace hidden within the forest, almost as if she were in her own mind entirely and left to figure out her worries in silent contemplation. As she often did, she lingered under the veil on her path home as she sifted and sorted through all the confusing events of both past and present. Here was where she had spent most of her time in the days following Ennis’s death because she felt him here the most. Graham had found her here in the woods on more than one occasion. He knew she needed her space, and had only asked that she let him know before she left the camp.

Macy respected Graham’s request and didn’t stay out too long because she didn’t want him to be concerned about her. And even though her pace slowed, she too soon came to the light that broke at the end of her journey. Macy and Sheriff emerged just as the rain subsided and the crack of a hammer drove a nail home.

Sheriff ran ahead to greet Bang as they entered the clearing at Graham’s camp. Bang stood near the ladder, waiting patiently to hand Graham the next cedar shake, ready for its place among the others on the roof of the new partition. Graham held a nail between his lips and mouthed, “Hello” to Macy when he saw her.

He watched as she beamed a smile in return, but her posture wasn’t in it. Graham was worried about both her and Bang; both of them had withdrawn from the group since Ennis’s death. He suspected Bang was mourning Ennis, but also torturing himself about his role in Addy’s disability—the boy had been the one to expose her to the virus that left her deaf. With Macy, he figured Ennis’s death just exacerbated her grief over her own parents’ deaths and the uncertainty of life in general.

There was nothing Graham could do to change it; optimism was in short supply these days. He finished the nail with one more whack and then pulled the next one out of his mouth quickly so he could speak unhindered. As she headed for the cabin door, he called out, “Hey, Macy?”

She stopped in her tracks and turned to look at him. “Yeah?”

He couldn’t think of the words to say. He wanted to fix her, to mend her. He wanted to say, “You are going to be fine,” but he could only stare at her standing there with muddy boots, a frown, and Sheriff by her side.

“What, Graham?”

“Uh, could you take the clothes off the line for Tala? They aren’t going to dry in this rain. We’re going over to Clarisse’s for a visit.”
Yeah, that’s good. Some work will make her feel better.
Isn’t that what his mother always used to say? Something about idle hands being a bad thing . . . too much time to think.

“Sure, just a sec,” Macy said; she continued on her moping journey up the porch to retrieve the basket.

Graham then looked down at Bang and realized he’d been out there with him all morning working, and he was nothing more than a sad sack. Every attempt to brighten the boy only brought him down further. Everything he tried was wrong; nothing seemed to work.
It’s all bullshit
, Graham thought.

Suddenly the opposite of what his mother had taught him popped into his mind. He remembered his mother saying, “Grim was catching” and to “Grim-up” when he and his sister were cutting-up in public—which of course only brought them into another fit of giggles. Now, the older he got, the more he thought his mother had been a master of reverse psychology.

What the hell was that about?

Dalton was having the same problem over at the preppers’ camp. He was not only dealing with the loss of his wife but also coping with two grief-stricken young sons. In fact, the entire camp was still getting over the loss of four members. The weight of it all made his longtime friend somewhat, but understandably, distant and angry at times.

Graham pounded the next nail into position with more force than was necessary and reached down to retrieve the shingle offered from Bang. He tried a smile on the boy, not expecting it to work. “You want to go with Tala and me later to see Clarisse? Maybe Addy will be around. You can see for yourself that she’s fine.”

Bang shook his head and even looked hurt at the suggestion.

Dammit
, Graham thought.
That’s it. I won’t even try anymore
.
They’ll just have to come around in their own time.

“Okay. All done,” Graham said as he hammered the last nail in the plank that finished off the roof to the new partition. He climbed down the ladder and pulled it away. “Go let Tala know we’re leaving for the prepper camp after I get cleaned up.”

Without a word, Bang shot off inside while Graham looked on in frustration. He collapsed the ladder and headed for the new shop to put it away. At least they’d managed to get both buildings updated before the hot summer arrived. Having McCann and Mark around made work go much faster. Though they lived for the most part without electricity, they opted to use a generator for the power tools, and that enabled them to get things done much faster.

It weighed on Graham, how these kids were going to grow up with aging gasoline and how they were going to live in the future. He and Dalton were having some serious talks about the younger generations and how the adults might be able to set them up now to live. They’d either have to teach them how to live without life’s conveniences like power, modern medicine, and processed goods, or they would perish. It was a harsh task, with tremendous consequences if they failed. Graham couldn’t get over feeling as if humanity had already been defeated by being dependent on one way of doing things, and this was an opportunity to begin again.
Still
, he thought,
it’s too soon to worry about this.
They had not recovered enough yet from humanity’s last catastrophe.

Graham pulled off his soiled shirt, and even though it was still cool with the spring breeze, he bent over and used the hose to shower the sweat off his torso, face, and neck. When he looked up, he saw Tala walking toward him. Her beauty mesmerized and startled him beyond the cold shock of the icy water; at six months pregnant, she not only glowed with motherhood but was more beautiful than any woman he’d ever known. Graham could tell she appreciated his observations by the smile she beamed back at him.

“Will you stop?” she said. “Come on, or we’ll be walking back in the dark!”

“We could drive, you know.”

“It’s good for me to walk. It’s not that far.”

He grabbed a damp shirt off the clothesline, put it on, and began buttoning it up. “Isn’t this funny? It’s like we’re going to the doctor for a prenatal checkup.”

“Yeah; I was always in favor of natural birth, but I never thought I’d be doing it without the option of hospitals at all.”

“Well, at least we have Clarisse and Steven if anything goes wrong. They’re better than nothing,” Graham said as he finished buttoning his shirt and laced his rifle over his shoulder. He grabbed his cane, took Tala’s hand in his, and then headed for the trail to the prepper camp—at a slower pace these days, since his wild dog attack.

“That’s what I was just thinking about actually. What is Bang’s generation going to do when they’re our age?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“They won’t have the benefit of Clarisse or Steven for medical care, Dalton and me for leadership, or your food preserving and gardening skills.”

“Well, I thought that’s what we were all doing—teaching them what we know and how to go forward. Clarisse is teaching Addy all she knows about medicine. Hunter and Kade are in training for leadership and defense. Bang is going to be a master huntsman; no one will ever go hungry with him around. McCann says Bang can also name any plant he points to already, and the little guy helps me gather herbs and natural plants for foraging with what’s available in the spring without making deadly mistakes. I think it will all happen naturally; each child will find what he or she enjoys most and seems to have a knack for. You worry too much,” she kidded him.

“Ha! I don’t think I can worry enough. In fact, I’m sure I’m forgetting something vital; I just don’t know what it is yet,” he said.

Their conversation had to stop as Graham guided Tala over the loud and furious river. The pause gave him a chance to think about what she had said; he knew she was mostly correct, but he couldn’t help thinking they were missing something. They didn’t have enough people between the two camps to learn and develop a new society that would last and grow. As they walked past the bridge, the noise lessened, and he continued their conversation.

“Right now, we’re working from sunup to sundown, and we’ll need to do that until it starts snowing again. Then we’ll use the winter downtime to repair our equipment, tan hides, and make up anything we forgot or didn’t have time for in the warmer months. Our child,” he said, placing his hand on Tala’s stomach, “will depend on the younger generation getting it right the first time. There’s no room for costly mistakes.”

“I know,” Tala said, trying to ease his concerns. “But at least we have the preppers now, too. Macy’s been there learning how to operate the radio, McCann is there right now, helping Sam tan hides, and we’re working on getting cows together. This”—she raised her arms to gesture to their new environment—“is like a little town now. It’s a new beginning. We’re starting to
thrive
now, not just survive. It will all work out, Graham.”

“It’s hell in the winter. We’ve got two depressed kids on our hands, and I’m terrified you’re going to name the baby after Ennis.”

Tala laughed. “Well, there is that . . . Don’t you see, Graham? We’ve made it. Yes, we lost Ennis, but we’ve gained Addy. Yes, the kids are still mourning, but don’t you think they deserve enough time to get over their grief? They have to go through the pain to recognize happiness. They’ll get better in time. Let them grieve as much as they need to,” she said as she ran one hand over the nape of his neck. “You’re still grieving too, I can see it,” she said in a soothing tone and leaned into him as they walked together. “By summer they’ll be fine and we’ll have a new one with us. And life will go on.”

Graham kissed her on the temple as they made their way down the trail sprinkled with spring’s wildflowers. Soon, through the trees, the quarantine building could be detected, if you knew where to look. They greeted the sentry guard as they entered the doorway. “What, no pat-down this time? You guys are getting lax.”

The guard chuckled at Graham. “She’s down in her office, as usual.”

“Thank you.” Tala grinned at him.

When they came to the doorway, they could see Clarisse was deep in thought as she peered down her microscope, and her “mini-me,” Addy, wasn’t far away, reading a rather large book for a girl her age and totally engrossed in the subject in front of her.

Graham knocked on the doorframe. “Hello, Doctor . . . hey, what is your last name, anyway?”

Clarisse looked up and, deflecting the question, said, “You can just call me Clarisse. I’m happy to see you guys today.” When she stood, the motion caused Addy to lift her head, and the girl’s bright smile showed she was happy to see them too. She walked over and gave Graham and Tala a hug.

Tala signed,
Hello
.
What are you reading?

Addy raised her small hands and nimbly signed
book
then looked perplexed. She stepped back and glanced at Clarisse for clarification on how to sign what she wanted to say and then spelled out
on human anatomy
.

Graham marveled at the girl; she’d been through so much and yet had tremendous resilience. Two months ago, the dreaded virus that had taken so many had nearly claimed Addy, but Clarisse fought back and pulled the girl from death’s door, though she couldn’t say for certain that the virus wouldn’t ever manifest itself in illness again. Now nearly eight years old, Addy was already showing a great aptitude for learning beyond her age range; her disability wasn’t dampening the girl’s free spirit one bit.

Even her father, Sam, admonished anyone who tried to coddle Addy. If anything, he encouraged her to learn to cope; he took her deep into the woods daily and taught her how to feel the vibrations of her surroundings. The slight picking up of a breeze through the trees meant someone or something had passed her nearby. To feel a tremor through her soles near the Skagit meant the river ran higher with the melting snow than the day before.

Graham knew Sam was trying to anticipate his daughter’s life without the sense of sound and how to prepare her for coming challenges. Graham had never seen such dedication from a father and hoped to emulate the man with his own children.

“So you’re here for a prenatal checkup? How funny is that?” Graham heard Clarisse say to Tala.

“Yes,” Tala said. “The baby has been kicking a lot lately.”

“That’s good news,” Clarisse said, leading them into an examination room adjacent to her office.

Graham helped Tala get onto the table Clarisse had readied for her, then helped her lean back.

“We’ll listen to the heartbeat first with this special Doppler stethoscope. It allows me to hear the baby’s heartbeat better than a regular stethoscope,” Clarisse explained as she adjusted the sensor over the ultrasound gel she’d applied to Tala’s belly. Right away, a
whooshing
sound emitted through the device in Clarisse’s hand. She angled the sensor around until a strong thrumming began. Graham smiled; he couldn’t help himself. His gaze met Tala’s, and he thought,
This moment may be the happiest we’ve had since it all began
.

Graham then remembered doing this with his first wife, and pushed the memory away as fast as he could.
Not now
. But along with the memories came the hurt and an odd feeling of betrayal—even though, given the circumstances, he knew Nelly would understand.

He turned his head and saw Addy leaning in the doorway; Clarisse saw her, too. “Do you guys mind if she listens in? I mean,
participates
,” she said, quickly catching herself and winking at Tala. “She’s my official understudy.”

“Of course not,” Tala said, and Clarisse motioned for Addy to join them.

Clarisse placed the Doppler stethoscope unit in Addy’s hands and signed to her to close her eyes and focus on the vibrations coming through the speaker. Graham was confused by this gesture, but as Addy’s expression changed from contemplative to a bright smile, he got it. She could still feel the heartbeat vibrating through the Doppler unit she held in her hands.