Good Enough to Share (Good Enough, Book 1 - Christmas) (16 page)

“You couldn’t pop
around in an hour’s time could you? The owner just rang and said he’s in the
area and if —?”

“Of course I can. That’s perfect.” I need to stop saying and
thinking ‘perfect’, because I know full well that nothing in life ever is and
I’m just asking for disappointment.

The front garden
is tiny, walled and a little bit overgrown. But I can’t concentrate on it
because all I can really see is the tall familiar figure of a cowboy in the
doorway. My heart sinks right down to the pit of my stomach and I’m not quite
sure why.

“It’s your house,
isn’t it?” I just know it is. He could just be passing by, but he’s not.

“You’re on your
own then?” He’s got his thumbs hooked in his belt and is slouched in the
doorway in that aggressive casual stance like some big cat about to strike,
when he’s ready.

“Who else would be
here?” I’m genuinely confused. “I haven’t seen Soph for a few days and Charlie
is meeting Anna, I am quite capable of making my own mind up about things you
know.”

“Oh, don’t I know
it.” It’s a drawl, but he still manages to sound edgy.

“And what is that
supposed to mean?”

“Well, you made up
your mind the other day quick enough.” He steps back a bit. “Well, are you
coming in or not then?”

“I’m not sure if I
want to.” I do want to, but I also want to punch him in the guts and tell him
to stop being an insufferable jerk. Not that I’m normally a violent person.

“Look, I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Let’s get one
thing straight here. You—” I jabbed my finger at him and it hit the solid
muscle of his chest, not a good idea “—you were the one who made your mind up.
You told me it was time to call things a day, and you…” What was I going to
say? He was distracting me the way he had raised his eyebrow and was running
his fingers through his tousled hair.

“I?”

“You were acting a
total shit.” I ran out of steam.

“I can’t get
involved, Holly, I’m just not up to it, I’d end up letting you down and going
through all that shit again for nothing.”

“Wimp.”

He held up both
hands and took a step back. “Guilty as charged. Come in, please?” I take the
single step inside and let him push the door shut behind me, and he’s so close
in that tiny narrow hallway that the sexy smell of burnt hoof and cedar
aftershave reaches out and grabs me. I’ve really got to stop this thing about
burned hoof, it must be the weirdest aphrodisiac ever. “He’s not with you then,
that guy I saw you with?”

Well, if he had
been we wouldn’t be playing sardines in the hall. “No, James isn’t with me.”

“That was James?
Your ex?”

“It was.” I glance
up and wish I could reach up and kiss him, but that would be stupid. “He’s gone
back to London.”

“Without you?”

“Looks like it,
abandoned again.”

“I never abandoned
you.” The husky edge to his voice is doing strange things to my insides. His
hand is warm against my cheek, his thumb rough as he strokes over my burning
skin.

“I can’t do this.”
Tears are prickling hot against my eyelids and when I open my eyes and look up
I can feel them spill over. I know now why I’m scared, it’s because I want him
so much and I already know it would never work in a million zillion years.

“Shit, what have I
done, Holly?” I try to pull back but there’s nowhere to go and he doesn’t look
shut off now.

“Not now, not
after what you said.” I take a gulp of air because I want to swallow the stupid
tears back down, but they won’t go, there’s a hard lump in my throat that is
stopping me doing anything.

“What, what did I
say?”

He said what he
thought, and he’d never understand why it made me so sad. He’d wished an
unwanted baby dead, a baby that years ago could have been me. “Tell me.”

He’s not
demanding, he’s asking in a voice so soft it makes fresh tears spill onto my
cheeks. I try and reach up to wipe them away but I can’t, he catches my hand
and then wipes them away with his own thumb.

“Please, Holly.”
His lips brush over my cheeks, over my eyes so that I close them instinctively,
linger over my own. “Please.” My lips part slightly as his mouth meets mine,
and I know the little trembling sigh has to be me as his warm tongue traces a
path, dampens my lips. There’s nothing rough or commanding about the way he
kisses me, but it’s more demanding than any kiss I’ve ever had. Every touch is
a gentle question, every breath something I can respond to, surrender to or
walk away from.

My tongue meets
his, my breathing matches the uneven note of his, my heartbeat races as his
does. He tastes of beer and coffee, of want and lust as I explore his mouth as
I let his groan seep through me. His chest is hard against mine, his erection
firm against my stomach, his fingers entangled in my hair and I want more.

He suddenly pulls
his mouth away, rests his forehead against mine and all I can see is those
dark, stormy eyes. “Tell me, I need to know.” He’s panting and I’m trembling,
but he’s stopped. And I can’t ignore him.

“You said Anna’s
baby was better off dead.” I’m whispering but I know each word is clear.

“I didn’t mean—”

“Ssh.”

He stops, waits.

 “I’m adopted,
Dane. I was one of those unwanted babies that would have been better off dead,
except I didn’t die I was just given away like some unwanted present.” He
doesn’t say anything. Just looks at me. “I’ve never been quite good enough for
anyone to keep.”

Then he
straightens slightly and pulls me hard against his chest, his arms wrapped
round me like he’s never going to let go.

“I’m a stupid twat
aren’t I?” I couldn’t have commented if I’d wanted to, it was hard enough
breathing. “You’re good enough for anyone, too good for me.” He sighed and I
wriggled a bit, just to get some air.

“No-one can be too
good.”

“They can, believe
me girl, they can.” His hard chin rested on the top of my head so that his deep
voice reverberated through me. “When Sal went I felt the biggest waste of space
on the planet. I couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted most, you know how
that feels?”

I shake my head as
much as I can, which isn’t much.

“When I married
her I wanted to give her everything, just like my Dad had for my Mum. I worked
my ass off to keep her happy, but it wasn’t enough. It’s a total waste of time
us getting involved, even though I can’t seem to keep my hands off you.” His
grip tightened again. “I was so fucking wound up when I saw you with that guy I
just wanted to come over and ask you how you did that, walk out on me one day
and straight to someone else.”

“I didn’t.”

“I know.”

Even though it
seemed wrong I could feel a grin tugging at my mouth and he sensed it, probably
because of the bear hug. “What’s tickled you?” His tone was dry, but not cross.

“I was just
thinking,” I could stop now and not say it, or “I’ve got you thinking you’re
shooting blanks, and Charlie who wishes he was.”

“Very funny. But I
don’t think, I know.”

“It’s not all
about babies, not everyone wants them you know. I don’t.”

“Saying that
doesn’t really help, but thanks. I think.”

“No, I mean it. I
never want kids.”

“You can’t know
that.”

“I do. I don’t
ever want to put someone through what I’ve had, I was given away, Dane and what
if I turn out just like my real mum? What if I have a baby and then decide I
don’t want it?”

“Well.” He paused.
“Number one you don’t know why she gave you up, do you?”

“Well no, but—”

“What if she was
ill? Or poor, or incapable?”

“Thanks, that
really helps. I have incapable genes. Are there other numbers?”

“Number two you
might just suddenly get broody. Number three, your mother choose you, she
wanted you.”

“It doesn’t always
feel that way.”

“It never does.”
He gave a short laugh. “I’m sure my mum would have given me away umpteen times
if she could have.”

“But she’s moving
abroad. The holiday was all about them finding a place out there. She’s leaving
me.” Even as I said the words I knew they sounded pathetic. In my head they had
sounded okay—but now I realized I sounded like a spoilt kid who didn’t want to
share her toys.

He brushed the top
of my head with his lips. “You’re grown up, Holly She’s got a life too, you
know.” I knew, but I just felt all alone sometimes, like I never really
belonged anywhere, or with anyone.

“And there’s
James.”

 “And James is
just a stupid git, I could tell that from the other side of the bar.”

“Shame I missed
the signs then.”

“Holly?” He’d
eased the vice-like grip so I edged back a bit and looked up. “Yesterday, I
didn’t realize why you were upset, I—”

“Why should you?
But …” It still didn’t alter what he’d said.

“I would never
wish anyone dead.” His hands were on my waist, warm, possessive and I wanted to
believe in him. I really did. “I was just trying to push you away, I thought
you were upset because you agreed with Sally, that love and babies and
everything went together and you were upset about that. I can’t give you that
Holly, I can’t give anyone that.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you
to go.”

“I don’t want to
go.” I stand on tiptoe and kiss him on the nose, the lips, then do it again,
the lips bit that is. Then I wind my fingers into the thick dark hair that I
love so much and pull him close. And this time he does take control. This time
he kisses me back with a force that takes my breath away. He pulls me tight
against him, eases my thighs apart with his leg so that I can feel his hard
cock pressed against me.

His mouth is on my
neck, sucking and teasing its way down and sending sharp tugs of need straight
down to my pussy. We’re edging back, into a room until I feel something hard
against the back of my legs. He grins. “Kitchen table.” And I laugh as he picks
me up and tips me back onto the hard polished wood, wrap my legs around his to
pull him close as he unzips his flies. His hard cock pops out, big and ready
with a pearl of pre-come glistening on the top. My knickers are sopping and he
pushes them to one side, dips one finger deep inside me rubbing my clit with
his thumb. “No.” I want him inside me, now, and I tighten the grip of my legs
around him to pull him closer. He doesn’t move, just grins as I shoot along the
polished top of the table. Either way I’m closer to what I want.

“Greedy girl.”
Then he nudges against my slit, takes hold of my hips and it doesn’t matter if
it’s me or him that is moving as he slips deep inside. I clutch at his hands,
grab the table because he’s pounding so deep. His face is tightening as I moan,
each slam of his pelvis against mine taking me closer to the orgasm I’ve been
waiting for. “Now, now please.” I lift my legs up higher, open my hips wider
willing him deeper and then it starts. The deep down tremble, and I’m panting
and he is too, his fingers digging into my hips and all I can see is the deep
dark depths of his eyes as I come, and with one more hard jerk he’s coming too.

I’m still seeing
stars when he offers me his hand and pulls me upright. “This is the kitchen.”

“You’re not very
good at showing people round are you?” I straighten my skirt.

“I thought I was
doing okay actually.” His arm fits just nicely around me as he pulls me through
to the lounge. He pulls me round to face him. “What am I going to do about
you?”

“Maybe we should
suck it and see?”

His eyebrows shoot
up.

“Now you are being
rude.” I wave a finger at him and try and keep a straight face. “I just mean
see how it goes.”

His little cottage
is nice. I can see myself sat in front of the fire, although it’s a bit
distracting having Dane there, because I keep imagining him sat beside me.
Which isn’t the idea at all.

“I bought the
place when I first moved here and I worked alongside my uncle who was the
blacksmith, then when he died he left me the forge and old cottage and it made
sense to move in there and rent this place out.” It would be funny living in
Dane’s place, but it didn’t stop me liking it, or feeling like I’d come home.

We finished the
guided tour, me studiously avoiding his eye when we got to the bedroom.

“I love it.” I
gave him a peck on the cheek. “I want it.”

“You’re like an
excited little girl.” He gives me a kiss that is slightly more than a peck.

“I suppose I
should get back and break the news to Charlie, something tells me he’ll be
pleased to see the back of me.”

“Really?” His tone
is dry.

“Really.” I give
him a little punch on the arm. If I didn’t know him better I’d suspect a hint
of possession there. “Anna has been there for ages.” I check my watch. “Hours,
so something tells me they’ve kissed and made up.”