Give Us a Chance (30 page)

"No. I don't."

Usually he'd be out with
me
on Friday night, but since he didn't ask me out, I guess that confirms it. We're done. This is over. And Jake's too much of a coward to tell me.

He takes a seat at the kitchen table and kicks out the chair next to him. "Come sit down."

I go to the fridge. "I really need to get dinner started so—"

"Ivy, would you just sit down?"

My heart's pounding and I have a lump in my throat. I don't want to do this. Not now. Not here. I don't want the memory of Jake breaking up with me to be here in my dad's kitchen so I have to think about it every time I come over here.

"I don't want to," I say, opening the refrigerator door.

I freeze when I feel his arms wrap around my waist. "We don't have to talk. I just need you to listen to me."

I slowly close the fridge door and he pulls me tighter against him. I feel his head rest on mine and hear him breathing. "God, I miss you."

Tears collect in my eyes but I will them not to fall. I don't know what he's going to say, but whatever it is, I'm not going to cry about it. I've wasted too many tears on guys in the past and I'm not doing it again.

"I miss you so much, Ivy," he whispers. "You have no idea."

I swallow. "If you miss me, then why—"

"Just let me finish. Please."

I nod.

"I know you want answers. I know you want to talk about this, but I'm not ready to. Because I don't have the answers yet. I'm sorry, but I don't."

Why doesn't he have answers? It's not that hard. If he loved me like I love him, he wouldn't have to think about this. He'd know he wants to be with me. But instead, he's saying he needs more time, which tells me he's unsure about his feelings for me. He might as well break up with me now. Waiting won't change anything.

"Then let's just end this," I whisper, my breath shaky.

"End this?" He forcefully turns me around, holding my shoulders. "No. We're not ending this. I just...I just need time to think."

"You've had time to think. You had all week. And you had a month before that. If you don't know by now that you—" I can't even say it.

"I do," he says, his eyes pleading with me to believe him. But I don't know what he's referring to. Is he saying he loves me? Or did he think I meant something else? Maybe he thought I was going to say something about continuing our relationship. Is that what he was referring to? I'm so confused.

"Jake, I don't understand. What I meant was—"

"Would you just let me finish?" He takes a breath. "What you were about to say? About how I should know by now? I do know. I have for a long time." He shuts his eyes, then opens them again. "That's what makes this so hard. I want to give you answers, Ivy. I really do. But I have to work through some shit first. I got a lot going on in my head right now and I just need time to think."

I'm still confused. What are we talking about here?

He looks me in the eye. "Would you just give me a little more time?"

I nod. I'm not even sure what I'm agreeing to, but I'm not ready to say goodbye to him and he seems really sincere when he says he needs time to think, so I guess we'll just keep this going a little bit longer, whatever this is we're doing.

He brings me into his arms, hugging me against his chest, and I realize how much I've missed him. I've been trying to keep busy all week so I don't think about him, but it hasn't worked. I've missed seeing him, being with him, being in his arms. I hug him back and he holds me even tighter.

"I don't want to fuck this up, Ivy, but I feel like I already have."

"We both have," I whisper, because honestly, part of this is my fault. I shut down after we had sex and I haven't opened up to him about how I feel. We're both a mess right now, and I should probably take some time to think about our relationship as well. Part of me still feels like I can't completely trust Jake, and if I can't trust him, then I shouldn't be with him. I need to figure out why I don't trust him, or if my lack of trust has less to do with him and more to do with my past relationships. I feel like I keep projecting my anger at Ryker onto Jake, and I need to stop doing that.

 
"You didn't do anything wrong," he says. "You've been acting differently because of me. Because I wouldn't talk to you about this. But I will. I promise you I will. But I can't keep seeing you until I figure this out. It isn't fair to you if I do."

"Ivy, I was thinking we should—" My dad stops when he reaches the kitchen. Jake lets go of me and I step away. My dad's eyes dart between us, landing on me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just going to say we should order something in for dinner."

"Yeah." I nod. "I'll get the take-out menus."

"Jake, I expect you to join us," my dad says. "Dinner is the least I can do to pay you back for all your work."

"You don't owe me anything, but sure, I'll have dinner. It'll probably take me until nine or ten to finish painting."

So that's why he's here. I told him I'd do the last coat of paint, but I should've known he'd do it. He always says he has to finish a job once he starts it.

Jake goes back to painting and I order Chinese food from the place down the street. I order for Jake without even asking him because I know what he likes. We've spent so much time together that I know his likes and dislikes. I know more about Jake than I knew about Ryker, who I was with for almost a year. He was on the road a lot with his band, but still. When I think back, I didn't know that much about him. We didn't talk much.

During dinner, Jake is sitting next to me and my dad's across from us. My dad doesn't know what's been going on with Jake and me. Liza knows, but I told her not to tell Dad.

"What are you two doing this weekend?" my dad asks.

Jake glances at me. "I have to catch up on work. I need to make schedules for a couple new projects we just got."

"What new projects?" I ask.

"One is an office renovation and the other is that warehouse I told you about."

"The one they're turning into lofts and retail?"

He grins a little. "Yeah. That's the one. We got the job."

"Jake, that's awesome!" I drop my fork and hug him. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks."

I let him go and turn to my dad. "Jake's been working on getting that project for like a month now. It's a huge project and a lot of other contractors wanted it."

"Congratulations," he says to Jake. "That's great news. I bet your father's happy about that."

"Yeah, he couldn't believe it. He didn't think we'd get it so he hasn't been involved much in the discussions. But I had this feeling we could win it if we kept talking with the guy in charge. So I did. Found out today that we got it."

"That's really great," I say.

I'm so happy for him. Even if we break up, I want Jake to be happy.

My dad stands up. "I'm going to get some more water. Anyone need anything while I'm up?"

"No, thanks," Jake and I say at the same time. We look at each other and I lean over and talk in his ear. "I'm so proud of you."

He smiles and holds my hand under the table, gently squeezing it.

I hear glass shattering and look over and see my dad collapsed over the sink.

"Dad!" I race over to him. "What's wrong?"

He's holding his back and taking deep breaths. "It's nothing. Just a back spasm."

Jake is up and standing on the other side of my dad. "What can I do? You need your pill? Or do you need to lie down?"

"No, I'll be fine. Maybe just give me a hand."

Jake helps my dad back to his chair. We continue with dinner, but I'm no longer hungry after seeing my dad almost fall down. Was it really just a back spasm or something else? I know he wouldn't tell me if anything else was wrong with him.

"The weather's supposed to be warming up tomorrow," my dad says, trying to lighten the mood because he knows I'm worried about him. I've never seen him almost collapse like that. His back must be getting worse. What if he falls when he's alone in the house? What if he hits his head?

I keep thinking that something bad will happen to him and one day I'll wake up and he'll be gone. That's what happened to my mom. None of us knew how much time she had left, and then one Tuesday morning in December, a week before Christmas, I woke up and she was gone. I know it's not the same with my dad. He doesn't have cancer, but I still worry that something will take him away from us. When I found out he fell off the roof last summer, I was completely panicked. So was Liza. We both thought we would lose him.

After dinner, my dad goes to his room to lie down and Jake finishes painting while I clean up the kitchen and the broken glass. When I'm done, I go down to the bathroom where Jake is working.

"Jake," I say getting his attention.

"Yeah." He sets his paint roller down.

"I'm going to my apartment to grab some clothes so I can stay here tonight. Liza gets home really late and I'm worried about my dad. I won't be gone long, but if he needs something, can you help him?"

"Yeah, of course. You know I will."

I nod. "I have my phone so just call if you need anything." I go back to the kitchen to get my keys, and as I'm putting my coat on, I hear a loud thump.

"Ivy!" Jake yells from the hall. I race down there and see Jake kneeling next to my dad, who's on the floor, doubled over in pain and swearing under his breath.

"Dad!" I kneel down on his other side. "What's wrong? Tell me."

"My back. I can't..." He passes out.

"Dad!"

"I need an ambulance." I look up and see Jake on the phone. "A man collapsed and he just passed out. We need someone here right away." He keeps talking to the 911 person while I talk to my dad.

"Dad, wake up. Please wake up."

"They'll be here any minute," Jake says, coming up behind me. He gently pulls me off my dad. "Give him some space."

"What's wrong with him?" I'm shaking, sobbing, as I look at my dad. "What happened?"

Jake forces me into his arms. "It's gonna be okay. They'll be here any second."

Except the seconds turn into minutes that seem to go on forever. And then finally, someone knocks on the door. Jake shoots up from the floor and races to the living room. "Down here," I hear him say.

The paramedics appear and then everything's a blur. They're doing stuff to my dad and questions are asked and I'm trying to answer but I don't even know what I'm saying. Jake remains calm and answers when I'm unable to, and then they leave with my dad and tell us which hospital they're taking him to. Jake drives us there and I call Liza on the way and tell her where to meet us.

When Jake and I get to the hospital, we're told we have to wait while they run tests on my dad. We find a quiet spot in the waiting room off in the corner.

The waiting is torture. It always is. Because you always assume the worst. But I can't handle the worst. He needs to be okay. He has to be. I already lost my mom. I can't lose my dad.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Jake

"It's gonna be okay," I say to Ivy, my arm around her as we sit in the waiting room.

She has her head on my shoulder. "And what if it's not?"

"Then we'll deal with it."

She looked up when I said it, because I said 'we' as if we'll still be together. But we both know that's still up in the air.

We had a difficult conversation tonight. One I didn't want to have, but needed to. I can't keep my relationship with Ivy going until I'm able to get over my fear of losing her. If that fear wasn't there, I'd be with Ivy and have zero doubts about it. I love her and want to be with her, but only if I can trust myself to
keep
loving her. I don't want there to be a point where I freak out and decide I can't do this and then end up hurting her. I want to be sure about this. I want to be a hundred percent in, because that's what she deserves.

We decided to take some time apart but now I can't do that. Her dad is sick and I need to be with her. Ivy is more than my girlfriend. She's my friend and I care about her. I cared about her before I even dated her. And I know she needs me now more than than ever. She's scared to death she'll lose her dad. I'm sure he collapsed because of his back issues, but I know Ivy thinks it's something much worse. That's just where your mind goes when you don't have answers.

"What's taking so long?" she asks, nervously tapping her feet on the floor. "Why aren't they telling us anything?"

"We just got here. Just give them time."

"What if we hadn't been there tonight?" She sniffles and wipes her eyes. "What if he'd been home all alone?"

"Don't think about what-ifs. You'll drive yourself crazy." It's so true, and yet I can't take my own advice. It's those damn what-if scenarios swirling in my head that keep me from moving forward.

"I'm so glad we were there," she says.

"Yeah, I know." I kiss her head and thread our hands together.

If Ivy and I weren't having these relationship issues, we would've been out on a date tonight, and her dad would still be collapsed on the floor. So in a way, our temporary break-up ended up helping her dad. Nash always says there's something good for every bad. Our break-up is bad, but being there for her dad was good. And now, her dad being in the hospital is bad, but that means we're due for something good. It has to even out. I'm just going to keep telling myself that.