Give Us a Chance (29 page)

"You're really going to give her up just because you're afraid something might happen to her?"

I walk around him and go sit on the couch. "I get that you don't understand. I didn't expect you to."

He lets out a humorless laugh. "Are you kidding me? I don't understand? I lost my best friend and felt responsible for it for years. Sometimes I still do. Then I lost the only mom I ever knew, and then the mom who gave birth to me. I've had losses, Jake. Huge losses. But if I'd just given up after that, I wouldn't have Callie." He looks down, shaking his head. "I can't even imagine my life without her, and if something ever happened to her, I don't know what I'd do. Maybe I'd end up like Dad after Mom died. I don't know, and I hope to God I never find out. If I let myself, I'd worry every freaking second of the day that Callie won't come home. But I'm not going to live that way. Instead, I'm going to enjoy every second I have with her and not waste time worrying about what-if's."

"You never worry about her?"

"Of course I do. I'm worried about her right now because it's late and it's dark and there are bad people out there. But what am I going to do? I can't always be with her. I have to trust that she'll be okay." He sits down beside me. "Jake, I'm not telling you what to do. But I need you to think long and hard about something before you even consider breaking up with Ivy."

"Yeah. What is it?"

"Giving up the woman you love is still losing her. It can be just as painful as losing her to death. Or even more painful, because once you let her go, you'll always know she's out there but not with you."

"That's better than being with her for years, falling even more in love with her, and then losing her."

"Really? So all those years would've meant nothing?" He slowly nods. "Why don't you ask Dad about that before you come to that conclusion?"

We sit there in silence, my mind more confused than ever. I understand all that he said and I agree with most of it, but I still fear getting more involved with Ivy. I think we need some time apart to sort this out before this relationship goes any further.

"I need to go," I say, getting up.

Nash gets up as well. "Call me later if you want to talk some more."

"I will."

The door opens and Callie walks in, dropping her backpack on the floor.

"What are you doing home?" Nash asks as she comes up to him.

"Class was canceled." She hugs him and they kiss, then she smiles at me. "Hey, Jake."

"Hey." I watch as she turns back to Nash, her arms still wrapped around him and his around her. He has that look on his face, the one he had last summer when he'd first met her. The look that clearly says how much he loves her. Except now, he loves her so much more. He's so damn happy.
 

I want to be happy like that, so why won't I let myself? I love Ivy. I know I do. I think part of me loved her from the moment I saw her. So why can't I let myself have her?

"So anyway," Callie says, "I drove all the way there in heavy traffic. It took forever. And then I get there and there's a note on the door saying the professor's sick. I went all that way for nothing. What a waste of time."

"Yeah, but now you have a night off." Nash kisses her again.

"I know," she says, sounding as excited as a kid who just got a snow day. "What should we do? Go out or stay in?"

"I feel like staying in."

"Me too. Let's order a pizza. Are you staying, Jake?"

"No. I gotta go." I grab my coat and walk to the door. "I'll see you guys later."

"Bye!" Callie says. "Tell Ivy I said hi."

I go back to my loft and check my phone for the millionth time today. There are more messages from girls, but not the girl I want. She's avoiding me. She wants an answer. So do I give her one? And if I do, what's it going to be?
 

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Ivy

I haven't seen Jake in days. We talk on the phone, but our conversations are brief and limited to a retelling of our days, mostly what we did at work and that's it. He's avoiding me and I guess I can't blame him for that. I've been avoiding him too because I don't know what to say to him. I'm confused and afraid to continue this thing with Jake because my feelings for him are so much stronger than I ever thought they'd be.

I realized this last weekend, when Jake was at my dad's house working on the bathroom. He got there Friday night after work. He was exhausted from a really long week, but he showed up at the house and ripped out the old tub and the sink and was there until midnight. Then he showed up at six the next morning, and his brothers showed up at seven and worked all day. They left at six thirty but Jake stayed and worked until my dad kicked him out at eleven, telling Jake he needed to get some rest. Then he worked another long day on Sunday.

The bathroom turned out great, and now my dad can get in the shower without hurting his back. I can't believe Jake and his brothers did all that, without even getting paid. And despite what Jake says, I know he spent a lot of his own money on the supplies.

Watching Jake work that hard, helping my family, made me feel so much more for him. I've spent the past four weeks trying to deny my feelings and pretend they weren't there, not wanting to get hurt when this ended. But the feelings are there, whether I like it or not. And if I'm really truthful with myself, I don't just like Jake. I love him.
 

Last Monday, I went over to his apartment and we ended up having sex for the first time. I knew it'd be amazing, and I was right. Jake knew exactly what to do. How fast to go, when to speed up and slow down, when and where to touch me. It was like he was reading my mind. I've never come that fast or that intensely. Then again, Jake has done it about a million times with countless women so he should be an expert by now. But sex skills aside, he was also sweet and caring, holding me in his arms afterward, kissing my shoulder, almost acting like he loved me. I know he doesn't, but in those moments, I almost felt like he did.

After it was over, I felt sad, because there's still a small part of me that thinks he'll break up with me now that we've done it. That's why I put it off for so long. I didn't want our relationship to be over.

Jake knew something was wrong that night, and when he asked me what it was, I said the first thing that came to my mind. I asked him about our relationship, the dreaded where-is-this-going question that every guy hates. But I need to know. I'm not going to keep falling more in love with him if he's just going to end this and move on with someone else.

Jake's answer was that he didn't have one. It's not what I wanted to hear. In fact, it was the worst thing he could've said. I really needed an answer. If he'd told me it was over, I'd be hurt and sad, but at least I wouldn't be left wondering. Or if he wanted to be with me, he could've at least assured me he had no plans to end this so I could stop worrying about it. He knows I worry about that. I've told him several times.

After his lack of an answer, I couldn't sleep and neither could he, and sometime in the middle of the night, we ended up having sex again. He took his time, going slower than before, but it was just as good, if not better, and when it was over, he held me in his arms and fell back asleep. I felt like it was goodbye sex, and by morning, I already felt like this was ending, so I snuck out and haven't been over there since.

Now Jake's barely talking to me and he hasn't asked me out. It's Friday and we haven't seen each other since Tuesday. It's just as I predicted. We had sex and now our relationship is over.

"Last day." Nash walks into the room where I'm working, a tool belt around his waist. He's going around finishing up any last minute work that needs to be done. The project is scheduled to be completed next week, but my part ends today.

"Yeah, last day." I force out a smile. I've been trying to act normal around Nash, but I'm sure he knows what's going on between his brother and me.

"I'll send you details about the next project in a week or so." He comes over to the bookcase where I'm standing. "Or I could give them to you at Sunday dinner."

I've been going to all the Wheeler Sunday dinners and there's one this Sunday. I'm going to miss those dinners. I love hanging out with Jake's family. They always made me feel included, like I was already part of the family. But given that Jake and I aren't really dating anymore, I won't be going to Sunday dinner. Nash should know this, but since he doesn't, Jake must not have told him what happened.

"You'll be there, right?" Nash asks when I don't respond.

"No, I don't think so."

His brows furrow and he frowns. "Oh. Okay. So then I guess I'll just call you or email you with the details. You won't need to show up the first day. Probably later in the week. Once I finalize the schedule, I'll let you know."

"Sounds good." I search for something in my tool box, pretending to look busy, hoping he'll leave. I like Nash, but it's hard to be around him right now because he reminds me of Jake. I'm glad today's my last day here. I need a break from the Wheeler brothers.

"Take care," Nash says, getting my signal to leave and heading to the door. But then he stops and turns back to me and says, "For what it's worth, my brother's an idiot, and I don't understand why he does what he does. But he cares about you. More than you know." Before I can respond, he leaves.

Moments later, Nick walks in. "Ready to be done with this place?"

"Not really. I liked working here." Although I hated working with Nick. I'm so glad I won't see him again.

"So when's your next project start?"

"In three weeks."

"Working for the Wheelers again." He smirks. "Must be nice to have connections like that. Always ensures you got a job."

"Like your connection with your dad?" I shoot back. I've put up with Nick's shit for months now. It's time to give it back. "You'll never have to find a job. Your dad will always find them for you."

"Actually, I have a job next week that he didn't line up. It was all me. But my wife had the twins last weekend and she's making me stay home with her next week to help out, so now I have to find someone to take the job. I came in here to offer it to you but I'll just find someone else."

"Yeah, I'm not interested." I could really use the money but I don't want to owe Nick in any way, and if I take the job and end up working with him again in the future, he'll never let me forget that he got me that job.

"I don't know why I even asked. It's a church remodel, but it's not in the best part of town. You'd be too scared to go there. You should stick with the easy stuff, in the rich part of town. Or wherever your boyfriend will let you work." He snickers.

"Goodbye, Nick," I say, turning away from him. He's such an ass.

"If you change your mind about the job, just give me a call."
 

Once he's gone, my phone rings. "Yeah," I answer in a gruff tone, still angry from Nick's comments.

"It's Callie. Are you okay?"

''Yeah, sorry. Bad day."

"Because of work? Or something else?"

I know why she's calling. Nash told her about Jake and now Callie's worried about me. She's become a good friend, and I hope we'll still be friends, even though Jake and I aren't dating.

"It's nothing," I tell her. "I'm fine."

"You want to go out tonight?"

"It's Friday. Aren't you going out with Nash?"

"I could tell him we're having a girls' night. He'd understand."

"Thanks, but I think I'll just stay home. I'm tired. It's been a long week." It's been long because I haven't slept much and I miss Jake.

"Okay, but if you change your mind, just give me a call."

"I will. Bye, Callie."

I look at my phone. There aren't any messages from Jake. Usually, he calls around noon just to say hi and ask how I'm doing. It's always awkward and neither one of us knows what to say, so then we just hang up. I don't even know why he calls. We need to stop dragging this out. He just needs to end this, or maybe I should be the one to do it.

After work, I still haven't heard from him. I go home and change clothes and decide to go to my dad's house. I don't call him in case he's sleeping. Liza's at work and won't be home until after midnight.

"Dad?" I call out as I go in the house. I heard the floors creaking so I know he's awake.

"In here, honey." I follow his voice to the kitchen and see him standing by the sink, filling a glass with water.

"Have you eaten? I thought I'd have dinner with you."

"That'd be great, but I don't have anything prepared."

"That's okay. I'm sure there's something in the freezer we could microwave."

"Here you go." I see him holding up the glass of water, his eyes behind me.

I turn around and see Jake there, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. He looks really hot, which he always does, but I haven't seen him in days and it seems like he got even hotter.

He goes around me to get the water from my dad. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He glances between Jake and me. "I'll be in the living room if you need me."

Jake takes a drink of water, then looks at me, but only at my face, not my eyes. "How's it going?"

"What are you doing here?" It sounds harsh because I'm mad at him, and mad at myself for falling in love with him.

"I'm finishing the bathroom."

"On Friday night? You don't have anything else to do?"