Getting the Love You Want, 20th An. Ed. (36 page)
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Authors: Ph.D Harville Hendrix
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language
limbic system
listening
lost self
lover, becoming
love relationship
See also
conscious partnership; romantic love
idiosyncratic
of lovers
Liebowitz, Dr. Michael R.of lovers
limbic system
listening
lost self
Behavior Change Request and partner and
Lovell, Georgelover, becoming
love relationship
See also
conscious partnership; romantic love
caring behavior and
commitment and
complexity of
differentiation and effort required for
fear of change and
healing and
learning another reality and
narrowing exits and
spontaneous oscillation and
commitment and
complexity of
differentiation and effort required for
fear of change and
healing and
learning another reality and
narrowing exits and
spontaneous oscillation and
marriage
See also
conscious partnership; couples therapy as box vs. journey failure of old notion of
mate selection
McLean, Paul
medical model
men
Mercer University
mind reading
mirroring
Mirroring exercise
Mirroring step, of Imago Dialogue
mirror neurons
Moses
mother
murder
music
See also
conscious partnership; couples therapy as box vs. journey failure of old notion of
mate selection
imago and
lost self and
parental modelings and
yearning for completeness and
Maurois, Andrélost self and
parental modelings and
yearning for completeness and
McLean, Paul
medical model
men
Mercer University
mind reading
mirroring
Mirroring exercise
Mirroring step, of Imago Dialogue
mirror neurons
Moses
mother
murder
music
necessity
need for
negative emotions, brain and
negative tactics
negative traits as dark side of our own being
neurotransmitters
“never” and “always” accusations
new brain
norepinephrine
nurturing
need for
negative emotions, brain and
negative tactics
negative traits as dark side of our own being
denial of partner’s
disowned self and
mate selection and
partner’s, previously seen as attractive
projected on partner
seeing partner’s
transference of
negativity, eliminatingdisowned self and
mate selection and
partner’s, previously seen as attractive
projected on partner
seeing partner’s
transference of
cold turkey
countering, with positive statements
definition of negativity and
Owning and Eliminating Your Negativity exercise and
owning and withdrawing
two-stage process of
neurosciencecountering, with positive statements
definition of negativity and
Owning and Eliminating Your Negativity exercise and
owning and withdrawing
two-stage process of
neurotransmitters
“never” and “always” accusations
new brain
norepinephrine
nurturing
Oedipal relationship
old brain
Oprah Winfrey Show
Ortega y Gasset
other
overt needs
Ovid
Owning and Eliminating Your Negativity exercise (Exercise 16)
old brain
aiding, with new brain
anger and
attraction to negative traits and
avoidance of intimacy and
Behavior Change Request and
fear of change and
fear of pleasure and
imago and
infantile perspective and
negativity and
positive behavior and
positive role of
power struggle and
self-love and
timelessness and
open marriageanger and
attraction to negative traits and
avoidance of intimacy and
Behavior Change Request and
fear of change and
fear of pleasure and
imago and
infantile perspective and
negativity and
positive behavior and
positive role of
power struggle and
self-love and
timelessness and
Oprah Winfrey Show
Ortega y Gasset
other
overt needs
Ovid
Owning and Eliminating Your Negativity exercise (Exercise 16)
parallel monologue
parallel relationship
Parent-Child Dialogue exercise (Exercise 5)
parents or caretakers
partner.
See also
conscious partnership; mate selection
personality traits
See also
imago; negative traits; positive traits
philia
piano experiment
Pine Street Baptist Church
Plato
pleasure
See also
body taboo
positive behavior, promoting
Positive Flooding exercise (Exercise 13)
power struggle
projection
Promised Land
Psyche myth
psychoanalytic model
psychodynamic model
parallel relationship
Parent-Child Dialogue exercise (Exercise 5)
parents or caretakers
death of
expectations and
failure of
fear of pleasure and
forbidden feelings
Imago Workup and
influence by example and
mate selection and traits of
ruptured connection and
self-love and
socialization and
Partner Profile exercise (Exercise 6)expectations and
failure of
fear of pleasure and
forbidden feelings
Imago Workup and
influence by example and
mate selection and traits of
ruptured connection and
self-love and
socialization and
partner.
See also
conscious partnership; mate selection
becoming open to point of view of
creating accurate image of
focusing on needs of
Holding exercise and
Imago Dialogue and point of view of
inner world of
is not you
need for change from
negative traits of parents and
overt vs. denied needs and
projecting aspects of imago on
reason for term
as source of knowledge
valuing needs of
Peabody, Sophiacreating accurate image of
focusing on needs of
Holding exercise and
Imago Dialogue and point of view of
inner world of
is not you
need for change from
negative traits of parents and
overt vs. denied needs and
projecting aspects of imago on
reason for term
as source of knowledge
valuing needs of
personality traits
See also
imago; negative traits; positive traits
attraction and
attractive, become annoying
persona theoryattractive, become annoying
philia
piano experiment
Pine Street Baptist Church
Plato
pleasure
See also
body taboo
positive behavior, promoting
Positive Flooding exercise (Exercise 13)
power struggle
Behavior Change Request and
eliminating negativity and
end of romantic love and
invisible divorce and
major sources of conflict in
negative tactics used in
negative traits of parents and
new brain-old brain merger to end
projection and
repressed traits and
eromanticizing exercise and
stages of
tit-for-tat mentality of
why have you changed phase and
problem-oriented counselingeliminating negativity and
end of romantic love and
invisible divorce and
major sources of conflict in
negative tactics used in
negative traits of parents and
new brain-old brain merger to end
projection and
repressed traits and
eromanticizing exercise and
stages of
tit-for-tat mentality of
why have you changed phase and
projection
defined
power struggle and
projective identificationpower struggle and
Promised Land
Psyche myth
psychoanalytic model
psychodynamic model
random reinforcement
reassurance
recognition
recommitment ceremonies
recreational sex
regression
Regression exercise
reimaging partner
relationship paradigm, commitment and
relationship vision
Relationship Vision exercise (Exercise 1)
religious crisis
reparenting
repetition compulsion
repressed emotions
Reromanticizing exercise (Exercise 10)
Robinson, Jo
romantic love.
See
also
attraction
reassurance
recognition
recommitment ceremonies
recreational sex
regression
Regression exercise
reimaging partner
relationship paradigm, commitment and
relationship vision
Relationship Vision exercise (Exercise 1)
religious crisis
reparenting
repetition compulsion
repressed emotions
anger as
Behavior Change Request and
destructive power of
eliminating negativity and
failure of exercise to purge
Holding exercise for
partner and
repressionBehavior Change Request and
destructive power of
eliminating negativity and
failure of exercise to purge
Holding exercise for
partner and
Reromanticizing exercise (Exercise 10)
Behavior Change Request and
development of
directions for
effect of
Fun List and
isolator-fuser dynamic and
reason for
resistance to
Surprise List
resistancedevelopment of
directions for
effect of
Fun List and
isolator-fuser dynamic and
reason for
resistance to
Surprise List
Behavior Change Request and
exercises and
fear of pleasure and
overcoming
reunificationexercises and
fear of pleasure and
overcoming
Robinson, Jo
romantic love.
See
also
attraction
chemistry of
defined
denial and
empathic communication and
expectations of partner and
illusion in
imago and
language of
mind reading assumption and
need for mature, patient
new brain-old brain merger to aid
power struggle and end of
projection and
reason for attraction in
rekindling
specialness of
unconscious mind and
Rumidefined
denial and
empathic communication and
expectations of partner and
illusion in
imago and
language of
mind reading assumption and
need for mature, patient
new brain-old brain merger to aid
power struggle and end of
projection and
reason for attraction in
rekindling
specialness of
unconscious mind and
“sacred between,”
sacred space
safety.
See also
zone of safety
same-sex relationships
security
self-confidence
self-criticism
self-esteem
self-hatred
self-image
Self-Integration exercise (Exercise 17)
self-love
semantics
sender responsibility
separation
serotonin
sex and sexuality
shame
shock stage
silence
SMART requests
socialization
social psychology
spirituality
spontaneous oscillation
stages of grief
Staying Together workshop
Stretching exercise
Stuart, Richard
study guides
suicide
Sullivan, Harry Stack
summary mirror
superego
Surprise List exercise (Exercise 11)
surrogate parents
Symposium
(Plato)
systems theory
sacred space
Core Scene Revision exercise for
Positive Flooding exercise for
removing negativity and
sadnessPositive Flooding exercise for
removing negativity and
safety.
See also
zone of safety
same-sex relationships
security
self-confidence
self-criticism
self-esteem
self-hatred
self-image
Self-Integration exercise (Exercise 17)
self-love
semantics
sender responsibility
separation
serotonin
sex and sexuality
shame
shock stage
silence
SMART requests
socialization
social psychology
spirituality
spontaneous oscillation
stages of grief
Staying Together workshop
Stretching exercise
Stuart, Richard
study guides
suicide
Sullivan, Harry Stack
summary mirror
superego
Surprise List exercise (Exercise 11)
surrogate parents
Symposium
(Plato)
systems theory
taboos
“target” behaviors
“tell me more?” question
ten-session timeline
therapeutic balance
therapist
Thoreau, Henry David
Tillich, Paul
timelessness
tit-for-tat mentality
Transactional Analysis
transference
TV
“target” behaviors
“tell me more?” question
ten-session timeline
therapeutic balance
therapist
Thoreau, Henry David
Tillich, Paul
timelessness
tit-for-tat mentality
Transactional Analysis
transference
TV
unconscious mind attraction and couples therapy and
Unfinished Business exercise (Exercise 7)
unmarried couples
unmet needs. See also childhood wounds
defined
power struggle and
romantic love and
time sense and
unconscious partnershippower struggle and
romantic love and
time sense and
Unfinished Business exercise (Exercise 7)
unmarried couples
unmet needs. See also childhood wounds
Behavior Change Request and
disguised statements of
love and
disguised statements of
love and
validation
Validation step
violence
Visualization of Love exercise (Exercise 18)
Validation step
violence
Visualization of Love exercise (Exercise 18)
wavicles
wholeness
wishes
withdrawal.
See also
emotional distance; fuser-isolator dynamics
women
Wordsworth
working overtime
world view
woundedness, of world
wholeness
wishes
withdrawal.
See also
emotional distance; fuser-isolator dynamics
women
attraction and
empathy and
passive model defining
women’s rightsempathy and
passive model defining
Wordsworth
working overtime
world view
woundedness, of world
zone of safety
HARVILLE HENDRIX, PH.D., and HELEN LAKELLY HUNT, PH.D., married in 1982 and became partners in life and work. They cocreated Imago Relationship Therapy and developed the concept of “conscious partnership.” Their partnership and collaboration has resulted in nine books on intimate relationships and parenting.
Harville is a Clinical Pastoral Counselor who is known internationally for his work with couples. A graduate of Mercer University in Macon, Georgia, in 1957, his alma mater awarded him an honorary doctorate of humane letters in 1989. He holds a bachelor of divinity from Union Theological Seminary in New York and a Ph.D. in psychology and religion from the School of Divinity at the University of Chicago. Dr. Hendrix is the recipient of several honors, including the Outstanding Pastoral Counselor of the Year Award (1995) from the American Baptist Churches, the 1995 Distinguished Contribution Award from the American Association of Pastoral Counselors, and, jointly with Helen, the Distinguished Contributors Award from the Association for Imago Relationship Therapy. He is a Diplomate in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors and has been a clinical member of the American
Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association, and former board member of the Group Psychotherapy Foundation.
Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association, and former board member of the Group Psychotherapy Foundation.
Dr. Hendrix began his career as a therapist and educator at the Pastoral Counseling Center of Greater Chicago in 1965 where he was clinical director. In 1968 he became a member of the faculty of Perkins Divinity School at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. After teaching for nine years, he entered private practice. Following his divorce in 1975, he began a study of couples in order to better understand his own divorce and to search for the ingredients of a successful marriage. Since 1977 he has conducted couples therapy and couples workshops, taught Imago therapy to clinical professionals, lectured on marriage to the public, and written books with Helen on primary relationships.
Helen is nationally known as an activist in the women’s movement and holds two master’s degrees from Southern Methodist University, Dallas, Texas, as well as a Ph.D. from Union Theological Seminary in New York City. She is the sole author of
Faith and Feminism: A Holy Alliance
and is actively working on two other books. In addition to being Founder and President of the Sister Fund, she is also cofounder of the New York Women’s Foundation, the Dallas Women’s Foundation, and the Women’s Funding Network. Helen has served on the Boards of Directors of the Ms. Foundation for Women, Women and Foundations, and the New York City Women’s Agenda. Among Helen’s major civic activities have been active memberships on the Childcare Commission for the Mayor of the City of New York. She has been recognized for her leadership in building the women’s funding movement, including the following awards: the 2007 Lead Award from Women & Philanthropy, the National Creative Philanthropy Award from the National Network of Women’s Funds, Gloria Steinem’s Women of Vision and Action Award through the Ms. Foundation for Women, the Equity Leadership Award from Nontraditional
Employment of Women (NEW), the Laura Parsons Pratt Award for Outstanding Achievement on Behalf of Women and Children from the Federation of Protestant Welfare Agencies, and was an Honoree of the Center of the Elimination of Violence in the Family. Helen is honored to be an inductee in the National Women’s Hall of Fame, in Seneca Falls, New York.
Faith and Feminism: A Holy Alliance
and is actively working on two other books. In addition to being Founder and President of the Sister Fund, she is also cofounder of the New York Women’s Foundation, the Dallas Women’s Foundation, and the Women’s Funding Network. Helen has served on the Boards of Directors of the Ms. Foundation for Women, Women and Foundations, and the New York City Women’s Agenda. Among Helen’s major civic activities have been active memberships on the Childcare Commission for the Mayor of the City of New York. She has been recognized for her leadership in building the women’s funding movement, including the following awards: the 2007 Lead Award from Women & Philanthropy, the National Creative Philanthropy Award from the National Network of Women’s Funds, Gloria Steinem’s Women of Vision and Action Award through the Ms. Foundation for Women, the Equity Leadership Award from Nontraditional
Employment of Women (NEW), the Laura Parsons Pratt Award for Outstanding Achievement on Behalf of Women and Children from the Federation of Protestant Welfare Agencies, and was an Honoree of the Center of the Elimination of Violence in the Family. Helen is honored to be an inductee in the National Women’s Hall of Fame, in Seneca Falls, New York.
To make Imago Relationship Therapy available to people outside his practice, in 1984 Harville and Helen founded the Institute for Imago Relationship Therapy (now Imago Relationships International in New York City—a non-profit cofounded with Imago therapists) to train therapists in the Imago process and to develop workshops for couples and singles. The Institute has trained over 2,000 therapists in thirty countries, and there are nearly 200 workshop presenters who conduct workshops around the world. Imago Relationship Therapy has been featured on the
Oprah Winfrey Show
sixteen times, one of which won for her the “most socially redemptive” award for daytime talk shows, and Dr. Hendrix’s second show was included in O magazine’s “Oprah’s Top Twenty Shows” in 2005. He has also been featured on many other major television shows, and in countless radio shows, newspapers, and major magazines, and continues to conduct professional trainings and appear as a public lecturer.
Oprah Winfrey Show
sixteen times, one of which won for her the “most socially redemptive” award for daytime talk shows, and Dr. Hendrix’s second show was included in O magazine’s “Oprah’s Top Twenty Shows” in 2005. He has also been featured on many other major television shows, and in countless radio shows, newspapers, and major magazines, and continues to conduct professional trainings and appear as a public lecturer.
In addition to
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, a New York Times
bestseller which has sold more than two million copies and been read by millions of couples worldwide, Harville is the author of the two other bestselling books,
Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide
(written for singles) and
Giving the Love that Heals: A Guide for Parents,
which he coauthored with Helen. They have also authored and coauthored nine other books and their work has been translated into more than fifty languages. Harville and Helen were also executive editor and producer, respectively, of
Getting the Love You Want: the Home Video,
which has been seen on more than 300 television stations.
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, a New York Times
bestseller which has sold more than two million copies and been read by millions of couples worldwide, Harville is the author of the two other bestselling books,
Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide
(written for singles) and
Giving the Love that Heals: A Guide for Parents,
which he coauthored with Helen. They have also authored and coauthored nine other books and their work has been translated into more than fifty languages. Harville and Helen were also executive editor and producer, respectively, of
Getting the Love You Want: the Home Video,
which has been seen on more than 300 television stations.
Harville and Helen have a blended family of six children, including two from their own marriage. They live and work in New York and New Mexico where they are busy writing new books, giving lectures at various conventions, and planning the expansion of Imago processes into the larger community.
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