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Authors: Ph.D Harville Hendrix
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CHAPTER 13: TEN STEPS TOWARD A CONSCIOUS PARTNERSHIP
1
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Imago Relationship Therapy, originating in the partnership of Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., integrates the seminal interpersonal insights of major Western psychological systems, behavioral sciences, and spiritual disciplines into a uniquely comprehensive theory of primary love relationships. Developed from the exclusive study of couples and the integration of the relational implications of various psychological and spiritual systems, it presents an approach that builds on previous efforts to understand intimate partnerships and extends those efforts to create a relational theory and therapy that mirrors the view that the basic characteristic of the universe is connectedness.
Imago Relationship Therapy is an expression of the new paradigm of relationality which includes and transcends the traditional paradigm of the individual. In the individual paradigm, all things are separate and relationships have to be constructed. The focus is on the intra-psychic. In the relationship paradigm, all things in the universe, from particles to galaxies to persons, constitute an unbroken wholeness. The focus is on the intersubjective or the “between.” This means that couples are essentially connected, although they experience themselves as
separate. In conflict, they lose their awareness of connection and experience isolation. IRT utilizes a variety of clinical procedures to help couples—and singles desiring an intimate union—understand that the unconscious forces that influence partner selection, and the inevitable power struggle that follows, is an unconscious attempt to restore connections that were ruptured in childhood. The goal of therapy is to help couples achieve a “conscious partnership.” This includes assisting them in identifying and interpreting their defenses against intimacy, which precipitate the power struggle, as a paradoxical yearning for connection, and helping couples restore connections within themselves, between themselves, and with the universe. The process of the therapy includes: identifying frustrations rooted in primitive and illusory ideation of one’s love partner; recognizing the failure of archaic behavior to gratify needs and achieve self-completion; and perceiving one’s partner as an “other” without the encumbrance of one’s own unconscious projections. Other aspects of the Imago process involve learning new skills and changing hurtful behavior, in the course of which partners consciously aim to meet one another’s needs and thereby restore the lost and denied parts of themselves and recover their wholeness. The core skill is a three-part dialogue that helps couples make contact by breaking out of defensive and symbiotic relating and promoting differentiation from each other, compassion and empathy for each other, and connection and communion with each other. Therapy is ultimately made obsolete as each partner becomes a skilled advocate and “container” for the other’s growth process. The Imago process, when consistently applied in any relationship, has the potential to be a transformational journey toward mutual healing, emotional maturation, and spiritual evolution. Creating healthy intimate partnerships and healthy children ultimately transforms society.
separate. In conflict, they lose their awareness of connection and experience isolation. IRT utilizes a variety of clinical procedures to help couples—and singles desiring an intimate union—understand that the unconscious forces that influence partner selection, and the inevitable power struggle that follows, is an unconscious attempt to restore connections that were ruptured in childhood. The goal of therapy is to help couples achieve a “conscious partnership.” This includes assisting them in identifying and interpreting their defenses against intimacy, which precipitate the power struggle, as a paradoxical yearning for connection, and helping couples restore connections within themselves, between themselves, and with the universe. The process of the therapy includes: identifying frustrations rooted in primitive and illusory ideation of one’s love partner; recognizing the failure of archaic behavior to gratify needs and achieve self-completion; and perceiving one’s partner as an “other” without the encumbrance of one’s own unconscious projections. Other aspects of the Imago process involve learning new skills and changing hurtful behavior, in the course of which partners consciously aim to meet one another’s needs and thereby restore the lost and denied parts of themselves and recover their wholeness. The core skill is a three-part dialogue that helps couples make contact by breaking out of defensive and symbiotic relating and promoting differentiation from each other, compassion and empathy for each other, and connection and communion with each other. Therapy is ultimately made obsolete as each partner becomes a skilled advocate and “container” for the other’s growth process. The Imago process, when consistently applied in any relationship, has the potential to be a transformational journey toward mutual healing, emotional maturation, and spiritual evolution. Creating healthy intimate partnerships and healthy children ultimately transforms society.
Imago Relationship Therapy is available in thirty countries from more than 2,000 Imago therapists. If you are interested in working with a couples therapist specifically trained in Imago Relationship Therapy or wish to attend a
Getting the Love You Want or Keeping the Love You Find
workshop, visit the Web site
www.HarvilleHendrix.com
.
Getting the Love You Want or Keeping the Love You Find
workshop, visit the Web site
www.HarvilleHendrix.com
.
Seeking Training in Imago Relationship Therapy
Training in Imago Relationship Therapy is available internationally. For more information on clinical and educational training opportunities, visit the Web site
www.HarvilleHendrix.com
.
www.HarvilleHendrix.com
.
Additional Imago Resources
For additional Imago resources including books, DVDs, audiotapes, videotapes, and other educational opportunities, please contact:
Imago Relationships International
160 Broadway
Suite 1001—East Building
New York, New York 10038
telephone: (800) 729-1121
or
(212) 240-7433
Web site:
www.HarvilleHendrix.com
e-mail:
[email protected]
160 Broadway
Suite 1001—East Building
New York, New York 10038
telephone: (800) 729-1121
or
(212) 240-7433
Web site:
www.HarvilleHendrix.com
e-mail:
[email protected]
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