Get Somebody New (5 page)

“Aww man,
hell nah I ain’t got no baby mommas.”

Suddenly a
light shined through the living room window.

“Uh, are you
expecting somebody?” He asked nervously.

“No. That’s
probably someone turning around. They do that all the time since this is a cul
de sac.”

Jazz got up
and looked out of the window.

“Jazz is
everything ok?”

“Uh yeah, I
was just looking.” He said before relaxing as the car proceeded down the
street.

I noticed his
nervousness but I didn’t say anything about it. When he sat down, his movements
made me think of my project.

“Jazz have
you ever done any acting?”

“Nah, not
really. Why, what’s up?”

“Well, it
just came to me that you would be perfect for this part in my project.”

“You want me
to be in it? Uh I don’t know. I don’t want to mess your project up man.”

“You wouldn’t
mess it up. I’ll go get the script.”

“Wait a
minute, script? You mean you want me to read a script?”

“Not the
whole thing.”

I went and
got the script out of the bedroom.

“Okay here
Jazz, I want you to say this line right here.”

“Man I ain’t
a actor, that’s your thing.”

“It’s just
this line. I want to see how you sound saying it.”

“You read the
line like you want it read then I’ll have an example of how you want it.” He
said.

“Okay.”

I read the
line. Jazz repeated it after me and I got excited because he was perfect.

“Jazz that
was great. Do one more line for me. I want you to read this one cold.”

“Come on
Zeke, watch the movie.”

“Just this
one line and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Nah, I don’t
want to. Imma chill.”

“Please,
Jazz?”

I underlined
the line I wanted him to read and handed the script to him. Jazz pushed the
script away.

“Zeke, come
on man, I said no.”

“Aww Jazz
you’re trippin. You’re acting like you can’t read or something. You can read
can’t you?”

The smile
that Jazz always wore turned into a furious, menacing frown. He grabbed the
script and hurled it across the room.

“I told you I
didn’t want to read no fucking script. You just couldn’t leave it alone could
you? I oughta fuck you up for saying some stupid shit like that to me. Fuck
this! I’m outta here.”

“Jazz wait! I
was just kidding. I am sorry. You don’t have to leave Jazz.”

“Well I don’t
play like that man. It’s best that I go, cause I’m real pissed at you right
now. I’ll holla at you when I cool off.”

“Jazz, I’m
sorry!” I yelled again as he walked out of the front door.

The look in
Jazz’s eyes was pure, unadulterated anger. I think he wanted to hit me. He said
he needed to cool down so I didn’t call him. I wasn’t sure if he was going to
come back to get his stuff. He didn’t come back that night and I was glad
because I didn’t want him to see me crying. I called Alton to see what he
thought about it.

“Hey Alton. I
need your advice.”

“What’s up?”

I explained
everything to Alton and awaited his response.

“Wow that’s
heavy. I think you know why Zeke.”

“Well, when
we go to eat he does always get the same thing. After tonight’s blow up, I
wonder if…”

“Wonder if
what?”

"If he
orders the same thing so he doesn’t have to read the menu.”

“Zeke, your boy
probably can’t read. I’m not saying he is illiterate, but there is some kind of
problem. I wouldn’t push it. You have to let him bring it up. Imagine how
embarrassing that probably is for him.”

“Okay Alton.
I won’t bring it up, especially not after he blew up tonight. Man I wish you
could have seen him. He was livid. I hope he will eventually speak to me again.
I messed up big time.”

“Don’t be too
hard on yourself. There was no way for you to know that. I think he will
realize that too.”

“Okay. I’ll
let you know what happens.”

“Alright man.
Talk to you later. I love you.”

“I love you
back!”

Jazz

I went over
to hang out with Zeke the Monday after Valentine’s Day. The next week he came
to the party I invited him to. The party ended about 1:30 A.M. and I asked him
to stay afterwards and chill with me while I packed up my equipment.

“So what cha’
think Zeke?”

“You have
skills Jazz. The song transitions were seamless. You made it all look so
effortless. I would be so lost looking at that console. I am not electronically
inclined at all.”

“It’s not
that hard it just takes practice.”

“You are just
being modest. You’re very talented Jazz.”

“Thanks. So
what are you about to get into tonight?”

“I’m not
getting into anything but my bed at this time of night.”

“It’s still
early. Come chill with me. I’m about to go get something to eat.”

“I guess I
could use a bite.” He said.

Over dinner,
I learned that Zeke was a graduate student earning an M.A. in Film Studies at
Emory University. He had done a few national commercials and was pursuing a
career in acting. Just from talking to him, I knew he had his head on straight
and I thought he would be a good influence on me. I didn’t tell Zeke about my
main hustle as a drug dealer.  As far as he knew I was just a club DJ, but
selling drugs was what paid the bills.

I didn’t want
to live that life forever so I worked that much harder on my music thing. I
made mixtapes, rapped, and produced music tracks in addition to the DJ gigs. I
even sold some tracks to a few local rappers that created a buzz with three of
the tracks becoming regional hits.

I went to
hang out with Zeke again and watch movies and chill. After a while he said
something about a script. I tried to bullshit my way through it then he asked
me to read something and would not leave me alone about it. Then he made a joke
about whether or not I could read. I know he didn’t mean nothin’ by it, but I
flipped out. I couldn’t believe I blew up at my boy like I did. It ain’t even
in Zeke’s heart to hurt nobody. I felt so bad about flipping out on him like I
did. I didn’t call him for a couple of days, because I had no excuse for the
way I acted.

I needed to
do something to fix it quick cause I knew how sensitive he was. I didn’t want
him to think I was mad at him. I was mad at myself for acting the way I did. I
think I even saw him tearing up when I left.

I was acting
weird that night anyway. My phones were ringing like crazy because people kept
calling me to buy weed. He probably thought it was some baby mama drama because
I refused to answer in front of him. I recognized the numbers, that’s why I
didn’t answer. I had been promising myself that I was gonna let that life go
anyway, but until my music shit popped off big time, I had to pay my bills and
live.

Knowing that
I couldn’t avoid him any longer, I decided to just go by Zeke’s to talk to him.
When I heard his footsteps coming toward the door, I wanted to run like when I
was kid and we’d go nigga knocking. Nigga knockin' is a hood term. It’s when
you go knock on somebody’s door or ring the bell and then run away before they
answer. Zeke opened the door and invited me in.

“Jazz I am so
sorry, I didn’t mean to….”

“Nah Zeke you
shouldn’t be apologizing to me. I am the one who’s sorry. I had no business
flipping out on you like that. I was wrong and it won’t happen again.”

“Jazz I would
never say anything to you to hurt you on purpose.”

“Yeah Zeke I
know that. That’s why I feel so bad about how I acted man.”

“We cool
now?”

“Always.”

“Umm Jazz,
you um….. Never mind.”

“No, what’s up?
You can talk to me.”

“That’s okay.
We just got cool again. I don’t want to mess things up again.”

“You won’t
Zeke, what’s on ya mind?”

“Well Jazz
I’ve never seen you so mad. Was it because…. ummm… because it’s true?”

I wasn’t
prepared for Zeke to just put it out there like that.

“Um well,
yeah it kinda is.” I said as I held my head down in shame.

A huge weight
was lifted off of me. I must have trusted Zeke a lot because I’ve never
admitted that to anyone. He looked at me with genuine concern and I just
couldn’t take it. Already vulnerable by revealing my deep secret shame, I broke
down and cried something I hadn’t done since I was a child.

“Jazz I’m
here for you. You don’t have to keep that bottled up anymore. We are going to
fix it.”

“Zeke, I
can’t go to no program or nothin’. I’d be too embarrassed.”

“No Jazz. My
degree is in English with a minor in Speech Communications. I’ve also worked in
a literacy program. A lot of people think they just can’t read but many times,
it’s not that at all.”

“You really
think you can help me? I’m not too old?”

“I know I
can. You are never too old.”

Zeke asked
how I made it so long without somebody noticing something was wrong. I
explained that I had developed all kinds of tricks to get attention away from
myself. If people push me I usually use my fist to make them forget any more
questions they have.

I had serious
doubts about Zeke helping me cause I was still defensive. I had to keep
reminding myself that he was honestly trying to help me. He never made me feel
dumb, didn’t carry on over every little thing I did right, and didn’t treat me
like a child and I appreciated that. He made me feel like an equal. I was
surprised to learn that I wasn’t as far behind as I thought I was.

He was
patient with me but I got impatient with myself.

“Jazz you are
doing really well. Let’s take a little break.”

“Yeah let’s
take a break for good! I’m never going to get this. It’s obvious something is
wrong with me. Maybe I just can’t learn.”

“Jazz we have
been at this for 3 weeks now. You can’t tell me that you haven’t seen all the
progress you’ve made.”

“I have Zeke
and I appreciate all the time you have taken with me. I just think maybe you
have taught me all you can. I just can’t lea…..”

“No Jazz,
don’t say that! No matter how old we get, every day we live, we learn. It is
impossible to reach capacity. Jazz never stop believing in yourself. Don’t give
up on yourself, because I refuse to give up on you.”

“Zeke let’s
call it a day today? I’m kinda tired.”

“Sure, you
want to hang out? I haven’t had a chance to check out your set in a little
while. Are you working tonight?”

“Yeah I got a
gig tonight at The Hotspot, but I don’t think it’ll be a good idea, not
tonight.”

“Oh, well
maybe later then.”

“Yeah maybe
later, Zeke. I’m gonna head out now. I need some time to myself.”

“Okay Jazz,
I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.”

All of a
sudden I felt depressed and hopeless. Zeke did the best he could at keeping my
spirits up. Despite his encouragement, I still couldn’t get out of the funk I was
in. I went home and got ready for my set later that night.

Usually when
I fall into one of my funky moods, I am usually back to normal in a day or two.
That time was different. I didn’t see or talk to Zeke for two weeks. I wouldn’t
return his calls. I knew he was expecting me to come over for our tutoring
sessions but I’d lost all interest and motivation in learning. I’d made up my
mind that I wasn’t going to do it anymore and I figured that there was no way
Zeke and I could still kick it. He had seen me vulnerable and knew my secret. I
knew I would always feel like he’d see me as less of a man for giving up. Of
course I felt bad about just going ghost all of a sudden, but after all the
time that passed, I couldn’t just go act like everything was normal.

 I was
out on the block thinking about how to smooth things over with Zeke and doing
business as usual. Out of nowhere a black Lincoln Navigator drove by and almost
side swiped me. It sped down the block, turned around, and then came back
toward me. I figured it was the cops so I started up and got ready to move. As
soon as I pulled away from the curb, the SUV swerved over in front of me and
stopped. I backed up and went around it. I saw the truck take a right turn
behind me. I figured they had given up. All of a sudden, the truck pulled out
in front of me from a side street. I had to stop to keep from hitting it. Just
as I got ready to jump out and make it on foot, the driver let the window down.
To my surprise it was Zeke’s cousin Alton. Once I saw it was Alton, we both
pulled into a nearby parking lot.

“Yo man,
what’s up? I thought you were the police or something.”

“When I met
you, I thought I recognized you. Now I remember where I know you from, out here
doing ….. well, we both know what you’re doing.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Look Jazz, I
don’t know what went down between you and Zeke. All I know is it’s affecting
him. He is real loyal; he cares about his friends a lot. So, if you ain’t gonna
be down with him anymore, at least tell him. He is worried sick about you
thinking something’s happened.”

“Aww man
Alton it’s not like that at all. My mind has just been messed up. I didn’t know
he was like that though. He didn’t tell you anything? I mean about how he’s
been helping me?”

“No he just
said that you had flipped out over a misunderstanding and then you two were
cool again. Then you just disappeared and won’t answer his calls or talk to
him. He thinks you are mad at him and he is depressed because he doesn’t
understand what he did wrong.”

“Nah it ain’t
nothing like that. Zeke’s my nig, real talk. I just haven’t been around because
I couldn’t face him. I’ll go sort things out man, I promise. Thanks for letting
me know what’s up.”

“Does Zeke
know that you sell drugs?”