Get Somebody New (2 page)

I sat alone
in my dark living room watching the clock, trying to dull my pain with alcohol.
I had been calling her cell phone all night with no answer. Finally about 11
P.M. she called me back.

“Alton what
the hell do you want?”

“Today was
Valentine’s Day. We had plans Nadiah!”

“Oops, Oh
well, sorry.”

“2 months of planning
and you forgot?”

“That’s what
I said!”

“Where the
hell are you? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“Obviously I
was busy or didn’t want to talk.”

“All I ask is
that I be able to contact my wife when I need to. Is that asking too much?”

“Yes, that’s
asking too much.”

“I am so
tired of your bullshit and stank attitude. Keep your sorry ass where you are. I
don’t give a fuck what you do at this point.” I said.

“I’ll deal
with you when I get home.”

“… And when
will that be?”

“When I get
there! Good-Bye!”

“I grabbed
the bottle of Hennessey, took a swig, and got in my bed. Soon, I either fell
asleep or passed out, I don’t know which. Suddenly I was awakened by a loud
thump followed by a blinding pain in my head. My eyes opened just as Nadiah’s
fist was coming straight at my face for the second time.

“Don’t ever
blow up my phone like that again. Have you lost your mind?”

“What the
hell you hit me for crazy woman?”

“I’ll show
you crazy.”

All of a
sudden she leaped into the bed like an acrobat, but I rolled out of her path
and stood up. Frustrated, she grabbed my glass from the nightstand and hurled
it at me. The glass hit my head with a loud ping then shattered. Blood poured
down my face from a Z- shaped gash in my right temple.  

I freaked
out, called Zeke, and went outside, which was the last memory I had before
waking up in the hospital.

“How did I
get here Zeke?” I asked my cousin.

“You called
me and said Nadiah hit you in the head with a glass so I rushed over. You were
standing in the yard with blood all over your face and hands. You were holding
your head then all of a sudden you collapsed. I wrapped your head up in a
towel, and brought you here. I held your head in my lap to keep pressure on the
wound as I drove with the other hand. That bitch didn’t even come outside or
open the door.”

“Zeke, do you
have to call her a bitch?”

“Yes I
do!  Alton you know I love you like a brother, hell I love you more than a
brother. You know I am nothing if not honest. You are in denial about what is
happening.”

“What do you
mean?”

“This is
spousal abuse plain and simple.”

“Abuse is a
little strong of a word Zeke.”

“That’s what
she is doing Alton. You think because you are a man that you can’t be abused?”

“How would
that look for me to tell someone that my wife abuses me?”

“It’s the
truth. You never hit her back. That’s abuse! I am not saying you should hit
her, but you need to press charges so she will learn she can’t do it.”

“I just need
to keep from making her mad.”

“Alton do you
hear yourself? You can never keep from making an abuser mad. They will just
slap the shit out of you because the sun is shining. I love you and I don’t
want you to get hurt trying to love someone who doesn’t feel the same.”

“I hear you
Zeke. If I just understood why? I’ve been the best husband I know how to be.”

“Alton you
keep thinking it’s you. It’s not you.”

“Zeke if I do
leave her, can you imagine what she will do?”

“Yes, she’ll
take care of her damn self.”

“Looks like I
have some decisions to make.”

“You are
coming to my house. You need time to think.”

“Thanks Zeke.”

Rachel

I met Elias
my junior year of college in a sociology class we took together. I had seen him
around campus a few times but didn’t know anything about him. One day I was
walking out of class without paying attention and ran into what felt like a
brick wall. The wall turned out to be Elias’s chest.

“Why don’t
you let me carry those for you pretty lady?”  He asked as he gathered my
books.

“Thanks, but
you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.
Plus, it’s a perfect excuse to finally talk to you, since I’ve been admiring
you from afar.”

“Why haven’t
you said anything?”

“I didn’t
want to take a chance on you crushing my little feelings.”

“I would have
let you down easy.”

“Really? See
I was right.”

“I’m just
kidding. I am Rachel Sanchez. What’s your name?”

“Elias
Richards and if you aren’t doing anything this weekend I really would like to
take you out.” He said in one breath.

“I am free
this weekend. I accept. Here is my number.”

“Great! I
will call you later tonight.”

“Okay, I’ll
look forward to it.”

He was very
good looking at 6’3”, 220 pounds, with brown eyes, sandy brown hair, a killer
smile, the body of a gladiator, and the prettiest buttery golden-brown
complexion I’d ever seen. If I’d known then what I know now, I would have high
tailed my ass into the nearest hills without looking back. He is the most
neurotic, paranoid person I’ve ever seen and takes OCD to a whole new level. He
insists that the canned good labels in our cupboard face forward at a 90-degree
angle from the right. His bath water must be exactly 96 degrees and he actually
uses a thermometer to check the damn temperature! His pants must all hang at
exactly the same length, in order by color, and alphabetized by designer. Initially
his generous charm distracted me from focusing on his mental issues.

He soon
became moody and soon the 2 and 3 A.M. ranting sessions began. In his last
episode Elias awakened me and started his rant.

“Rachel you
need to change your diet. You haven’t been drinking enough water. You are
gaining weight.”

“Anthony
Elias Richards! I know well and damn good you did not just wake me up in the
middle of the night just to tell me some bullshit like that! I am going back to
sleep.”

“My wife can’t
be fat and sloppy. I want you to sign this contract. I’ve made your diet for
the next month. You are to adhere to this strictly and do not eat anything not
listed here. Also, by signing, you agree not to gain more than 1 pound in any
single month. I will check your weight to make sure.”

The look on
my face was priceless. I turned over and put the covers over my head trying to
ignore him. He shook me continuously until I acknowledged him then continued
his incessant babbling. When I took all I could take, I grabbed the “contract”
he’d written, slapped him across his big dumb head with it, grabbed my pillow
and all the bed covers, and went into the guest bedroom.

I tried to go
back to sleep but Elias repeatedly called my name as loudly as he could. His voice
began to get louder and louder. “Oh shit, he is coming in here” I thought. I
ran to lock the door, but he had already reached it. He was standing in the
doorway in his underwear. He had a blank expression on his face and a distant
look in his eyes, but was crying like crazy. I had never seen anyone cry with
their eyes wide open. 

“Rachel, I’m
sorry. Don’t be mad at me, baby. I only want what’s best for us. Please come
back to bed, I need you. I can’t sleep without
you.”      

“Elias go to
bed! I have to get up and go to work in the morning. It is 5:00 now and I have
to get up in 2 hours.”

“Please
Rachel, please come back to bed.

“Okay, Elias.
Go to the room. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Okay.”

When he
walked away, I eased the door closed, locked it, and went to sleep. It seemed
like I’d only been sleep for 10 minutes before the alarm woke me up flashing
7:00 A.M. When I opened the door Elias was sitting in the carpeted hallway,
crying. He looked up at me and shook his head.

“What’s wrong
with me?”

“Elias you
need professional help. I’ll go with you to see someone. You don’t have to do
it alone.” I said as I dressed for work.

“If you would
just do what I tell you to, everything would be fine.”

“You don’t
tell me to do a damn thing. I am not your child!”

“Who do you
think you’re talking to? You will do what I tell you to do.”

I refused to
respond to his last statement. Instead, I turned to walk away from him. He
grabbed me from behind and placed me in a headlock.   

“Elias you’d
let me go if you know what’s good for you.”

“Or what,
Huh?” he asked before slapping the top of my head twice while increasing his
grip around my neck.

“Or this!” I
said, giving him an elbow to the ribs. It stunned him enough to make him
release me then I grabbed his arm and knelt down quickly, and flipped his 6’3”
frame over me, landing him flat on his back.

He was dazed
but his anger was apparent. I grabbed my keys and stormed out of the house to
my car. He ran out after me then realized he was only wearing his underwear and
went back inside. The tires on my Nissan 350z screeched as I floored the
accelerator. When I pulled into the parking lot at work I saw my coworker Zeke
pulling in also. I parked next to him so we could walk into the building
together. We were both editors at Avalon Publishing.

“Hey Rae! I
see you’re dragging in today too huh?” He greeted.

“Hey Zeke! I
had some night!”

“Wow baby,
you look like it. Did you even get any sleep?”

“About 2
hours.”

“Elias had
you up all night again with another one of his rants huh?”

“You already
know it.”

“Lord what
was it this time?”

“He woke me
up to tell me I was gaining weight and he drew up a contract and a diet. He
told me I wasn’t to eat anything not listed and to gain no more than 1 pound a
month.”

“What? He’s a
neurotic asshole! You and Alton take nice to ridiculous. I told you what to do.
Slip him a sleeping pill. Let him get into a deep sleep then tie his ass up in
the bed sheets. Get yourself something that won’t break like a good piece of
industrial rubber and beat the hell out of him. Wear him out, I’m talking whip
his ass to shitty shreds! You hear me?”

“I’ve been
praying on it and leaving it to
God.”        

“You better
bash Mister’s head in and think about heaven later!”

“Okay Sophia.
I really don’t feel like going to work today.”

“Nobody has
seen us. Let’s just leave. We deserve a break today!” He suggested.

“What the
hell? Let’s go.” I said.

“Let’s get
drunk on margaritas and tequila.”

“Ok Zeke,
sounds like a plan.”

Two

Alton Allen

After Nadiah
hit me in the head with the glass, I stayed at Zeke’s over a week. The first of
the month was only days away. That was the day the funds for Nadiah’s monthly
allowance (that I placed her on) were electronically transferred from my
account into hers. I decided to stop the transfer, so I knew I’d be hearing
from her when she saw the money wasn’t there.

I placed
Nadiah on an allowance because I vowed never again to let her manage our
household finances. We tried that and it was a disaster. When I knew anything, pink
notices for all the utility bills were rolling in and late fees began to appear
on my credit card statements. Yet, she always came home with a new dress, piece
of jewelry, or expensive gadget. The last straw was when I tried to use my cell
phone and it had been turned off. Without saying a word, I paid the bills up,
opened new bank accounts, and took control of the finances.

Zeke and his
coworker decided to play hooky from work and came back to his house.

“Hey Alton,
this is my coworker Rachel. Rachel this is my cousin Alton.” Zeke said.

“Hi, so
you’re the famous Alton, huh? Zeke has told me a lot about you. It’s nice to
finally meet you.”

“Uh, same
here, so what are y’all about to get into Zeke?”

“We’re gonna
get good and drunk. Then we’ll take it from there.”

“I’ll get out
of your way then.”

“Join us. All
of us are in the same boat. We are all dealing with good-for-nothing, chicken
shit S.O.’s, Nadiah, Elias, and Jamal. I say we get liquored up, call the no
good bastards, and tell them to pucker up and run their lips past our asses!”
Zeke responded.

We started
out with tequila shots and before I knew it, I had already downed 3. We talked
about our horrible relationships until we got tired. Zeke got a call and went
into the bedroom, leaving Rachel and me in the living room alone.

“Why do
people treat you like shit when you try so damn hard to please them?” I asked.

“Alton if I
had the answer to that one, I could make billions selling the solution.”

“You seem
like an amazing woman. You’re fine, smart, and funny. For what it’s worth, any
man lucky enough to have you is stupid to take it for granted and not see how
blessed and highly favored he is.”

“Wow, thanks
Alton. Umm, I am speechless after receiving a compliment like that.”

“I’ve been sitting
here looking at you, thinking how could a man not see what a gift you are?”

“Well Alton,
I’ve been wondering the same thing about you. It is refreshing to meet a man
like you. I didn’t think your kind still existed.”

“My kind?”

“Yes, an old
fashioned man who still practices chivalry, and more importantly, actually
mentions God in a conversation. For the record, I think you are um, what’s the
word I’m looking for… fine!”

“Aww thanks.”
I blushed.

“That was my
friend Jazz. I told him that we were chilling over here so he is on his way.
You two can meet him and tell me what you think.” Zeke said as he entered the
room.