Gentling the Cowboy (21 page)

Unable to concentrate enough to work, Tony tried to release some of his frustration through good old-fashioned manual labor. He cleaned, he stacked—anything to keep his mind off Sarah. When he saw her talking to David, his stomach clenched with an emotion he refused to acknowledge.

I’m not jealous.

She can talk to whoever she wants to.

David leaned down to hear something she said and they both smiled.
Oh, hell no. Find your own Yankee.
Tony fought the urge to stride over there and punch his manager. Thankfully, David walked away.

Sarah headed toward her SUV.
Where the hell is she going?

The question had barely registered when Tony realized he’d dropped the bale of hay he’d been holding and had practically sprinted over to her vehicle. She was already in the driver’s seat, lowering the automatic windows to cool it off. He grabbed the car door and opened it. “What are you doing?”

She kept both hands on the steering wheel. “I told you that I have to organize things for tonight. We need some supplies so I’m driving into town.”

“Not alone, you’re not.” He didn’t plan to say that and he wasn’t entirely sure why he had.

She rounded her eyes innocently at him and asked, “Should I ask one of the ranch hands to come with me?”

“No,” he growled. The idea of her spending the day with another man was enough to set his heart pounding in his chest angrily.

“Did you want to come with me?” She asked so sweetly he knew she was deliberately trying to push his buttons. Going to town was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted to run his hands down the long expanse of bare thigh that her shorts revealed. Too vividly, he could imagine sliding his hand into the open neckline of the shirt she wore and beneath the pink lace of the bra that its lack of buttoning displayed. “There is no way in hell you’re going to Fort Mavis dressed like that.”

Sarah’s lovely breasts heaved with irritation. “I don’t remember giving you the right to tell me what to wear.”

“Do you want people to think that you’re a . . .” He stopped before he said the word.

Sarah jumped on his omission and snapped, “Whore? You mean like someone who would stay with you as your own personal sex toy? Someone you could buy with a favor or a promise of cash? Someone like that?”

Between gritted teeth, Tony said, “That’s not how I see you.”

With cheeks red with anger, Sarah said, “Yes, it is. If you think you can trade favors for sex with me, that’s exactly what you think.”

Tony removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “You have me so crazy I don’t know what I am saying half the time.”

Sarah unclipped her seat belt and turned toward him, her legs dangling out of the open door of her vehicle. “That is the nicest thing you have said to me so far.”

He buried a hand in the back of her hair and claimed her mouth with all of the emotion swirling between them. So close to her, he could barely think. He thrust his tongue between her lips and savored how she eagerly welcomed him. His other hand went to her hip to edge her closer to him. He hungrily kissed her exposed collarbone and the curve of her neck. “Let’s go inside and forget about everything else.”

With a hand cupping either side of his jaw, she raised his face from her and said, “No.”

Aroused, confused, angry—he would have been hard-pressed to describe how he felt in that turbulent moment. He bent down to claim her lips again, sure he could change her mind, but she scooted away from him.

She folded her arms across her chest. “This is important to me. You can come with me or I can go alone, but I’m going into town.” When he didn’t say anything, she softened a bit and said, “I will gladly put on jeans and a T-shirt if you ask me to.”

Why did women have to make everything into an issue? Couldn’t she simply go change because she knew it was what he wanted? Apparently not, since she sat there, out of his reach, waiting for him to speak.
Frustration rumbled in his chest.

Still, she waited.

He caved and ordered, “Go change.”

Suddenly excited, she leaned forward and rewarded him with a quick kiss on the lips. “And you’ll come with me?”

Hell no.

Then he tasted her and nodded wordlessly, forgetting everything in the fire of their kiss. Too soon, she broke it off and stepped away, saying, “I’ll be right back.”

I’ll be right here,
Tony thought angrily.
Trying to figure out exactly what the hell just happened.

Tony drove them into Fort Mavis. Sarah thoroughly enjoyed every bit of what they drove through to get to the center of town. The streets were wide and flanked with a mixture of historical and renovated buildings. The tall doors on the storefronts were freshly painted in white and black. Through their glass windows Sarah glimpsed a variety of wares: jewelry, clothing, and hardware. Even a bookstore inside a historic theater whose billboard promised vintage movies once a month.

They parked in front of what looked like a general store. Tony walked around the SUV to open Sarah’s door, and the guarded look in his eyes pulled at her heart. He slammed the door of her vehicle and stood protectively beside her. Sarah looked around and understood his earlier reluctance. People on the sidewalks stopped and stared. Faces peeked out from inside restaurant windows. She touched Tony’s arm, felt the tension building within him, and slid her hand down to hold his.

His eyes flew to hers, dark green with emotion. She entwined her fingers with his and gave a supportive squeeze. He looked away, but his hand tightened on hers. He cleared his throat. “I’m not well liked in this town.” His warning melted her heart.

“I don’t believe that.”

They stepped up onto the sidewalk together. “It may have something to do with how many times I’ve told them all to go to hell.”

Sarah held in the chuckle that his self-revelation inspired and said, “Then today, try saying hello instead.”

He stopped walking and halted her, waiting until she looked up at him before he said, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Putting on her brightest smile, Sarah said, “I don’t care what these people think of me, Tony. I’m done apologizing for who I am. It’s a beautiful sunny day, I’m with you. There isn’t a thing anyone could say that could ruin this for me.”

Two teenage boys stopped when they saw Tony and set a course straight for him. Tony pulled Sarah closer to him and said, “I’m not so sure about that.”

One of the boys stopped several feet away; the older one came much closer. He stood right in front of Tony and said, “Mr. Carlton.”

Sarah felt a defensive tension pulse through Tony’s arm even though his face remained expressionless.

The young man said, “My dad told me what you did. Thank you.”

Some of the tension left Tony and he gave a curt nod.

Sarah took advantage of the opportunity to introduce herself. “Hello, my name’s Sarah.”

The young man took off his hat and briefly shook her hand. “Keith. Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

When the awkward silence dragged on too long, Sarah said, “Well, we’re here to get some things so we have to run, but hopefully we’ll see you again soon.”

Walking away, hand in hand with Tony, Sarah said, “See, that wasn’t so bad.”

Tony made a noncommittal sound deep in his chest.

“What was he thanking you for?”

“Nothing,” Tony answered automatically.

Sarah tugged on his hand until he looked down at her. “The amazing thing about conversations is they help people get to know each other better.” Except in this town, she wanted to say, but took another attack route instead. “I can keep asking you until I drive you so crazy you tell me to shut me up, or you can just tell me now. Your choice.”

He rubbed his chin in slow deliberation.

Losing patience, Sarah warned, “I am also not above a swift kick to the shin if warranted.”

Tony threw back his head and laughed out loud, the last of his tension falling away and real amusement filling his eyes. “You would do that, wouldn’t you?”

“In a heartbeat,” Sarah joked and hugged him, laughing along with him. They passed more than one person whose mouth dropped open in shock, which only set the two of them laughing more.

Sarah felt young, alive, and in love for the first time in her life.

Love
. Her gut clenched at the word, and the laughter died on her lips.

I love him.

He stopped walking and turned her to face him, suddenly concerned. “What’s the matter?”

Even if I could say it, you’re not ready to hear it.

Instead she said softly, “Tell me about Keith and what you did for his father.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

She laid a hand on his cheek and said, “Why? It sounds like you did something wonderful.”

He shook his head. “Only to make amends.”

Sarah bared her inner pain to him and asked, “Do you believe that I deserve to be happy after what I did?”

His jaw tensed beneath her hand. “You were young, innocent. It wasn’t your fault.”

“That wasn’t my question. A thousand people can tell me I was too young to know better and it won’t change what happened or bring him back. It’ll never lessen the guilt I feel. But how should I spend the rest of my life? Hiding from it? Denying it? Or making amends for it and finding a way to go on?”

He hugged her to him, publicly, right in the middle of the sidewalk. “I don’t know,” he murmured against her hair. “I don’t know.”

Sarah found a comfort in his arms that she’d never found elsewhere. For a man who gave reluctantly, he gave her everything. He kissed her, not in the heated way they’d done so often in the past, but gently, reverently. Then he pulled her tighter into his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. The deep breath he took was as shaky as Sarah’s knees felt.

Eventually awareness of where they were seeped in and Sarah said, “Maybe we should talk about this later.”

Tony set her back from him with a grim expression. “I don’t know if I can be the man you need me to be.”

Sarah wanted to tell him that he already was, but she couldn’t.

He wasn’t.

Not yet.

Instead she lightly kissed him on the lips and said, “Let’s go shopping before your brother orders us off the sidewalk. We’re stopping traffic.”

Tony looked around, but this time he didn’t seem to resent the attention. “They’ll have to get used to it, because you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”

It’d be nicer if you said—ever.

But we’ll work on that.

Tony took his place at the head of the somewhat makeshift long table his ranch hands had put together while he and Sarah were in town. He wasn’t much for decorating, but he had to admit Sarah had set a beautiful table: a light-blue linen tablecloth, nice plates he hadn’t known he owned, and flower centerpieces she’d insisted were necessary.

David and Melanie had quickly taken over the job of cooking after Sarah had asked if the grill required an extension cord. Had the question come from another woman, Tony might have thought she was joking, but he’d tasted Sarah’s cooking a few times during their week in the cabin. Sarah was an amazing woman, but a man might decide starving was a viable option if forced to live on what she whipped up in the kitchen.

Sarah took the seat to his right, and it was the first time he’d seen more than a blur of her since they’d returned from town. The way she’d fussed about the house and then retreated to the guest room to primp made him feel like an ass for wishing the meal were already over.

He took a moment to appreciate her effort. She’d piled her blonde curls in a loose knot on her head and had changed into a summer dress. A memory of their earlier conversation about the advantages of dresses sent his blood rushing southward.

She caught him looking at her and smiled—so beautifully he temporarily forgot to breathe.

She leaned in and whispered, “Nervous?”

Not exactly.
He shifted, the front of his jeans suddenly uncomfortably tight. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts of visions of how she’d look later that night when he showed her how much fun dresses could be.

Sarah laid a reassuring hand on one of his, proving quite definitively that women cannot read a man’s mind. Still, the sweet look on her face reminded him why he’d agreed to the meal in the first place. She wanted this, and when it came to Sarah, he had a real problem saying no.

He didn’t notice how the food arrived on the table. He couldn’t care less if they filled his glass with lemonade, sweet tea, or beer. Sarah had woven her fingers through his and was absently caressing the back of his hand with her thumb. Nothing else at the table mattered.

Sarah leaned toward him again and said, “You should say something.”

He frowned at her, but she didn’t relent so he stood. The table fell quiet and all present turned to hear what he would say. David, Melanie, and her son were seated on Tony’s left. Five young men sat on both sides of the table at the far end. He knew he should know their names, but he didn’t. He always preferred not to know. It made firing them easier.

One seat was empty.

Dean hadn’t come.

Good.

It had been a long time since he’d addressed a group of people he wasn’t threatening. He felt like a fraud making a speech to people who knew he’d rather they all be anywhere but there. His attention was drawn to the serious expression on the young boy’s face.
He should be running circles around the table while Melanie threatens him to calm down.

I should know his name.

Beneath the sustained attention of her boss, Melanie tensed and put a protective arm around her son’s shoulders, as if she believed Tony was preparing to order the child removed from the table.

I’m not that much of an asshole.

Not tonight, anyway.

Tony’s free hand clenched in a fist on the table.
When did I become a man even I don’t like?