Gentling the Cowboy (16 page)

In fact, it was a little unsettling to consider what she’d agreed to by coming with him to his cabin.
All or nothing.

I agreed to “all” without reading the fine print. What if “all” exceeds my temporary throw-caution-to-the-wind-to-discover-the-real-me comfort zone?
Desire sliced through her as she remembered how good it had felt to feel so out of control and safe at the same time.

She ran her hand over Tony’s chest and followed the trail of hair to his navel. She and Doug had always gotten dressed after sex, perhaps a habit left over from a lack of privacy in college. They’d never slept nude together.

Funny thing to be sad about. I hope he finds someone who shows him all the joys that neither of us thought to try.
There was something wonderfully innocent about sleeping together in this natural state. No barriers. Trust in its most elemental form.

I do trust you, Tony. I don’t care what you did, I know you’re a good man. What happened to you? What can’t you forgive yourself for?

She cringed when she remembered how she’d blurted out what had happened to her younger brother. It was something none of her friends knew. No one in her family spoke of it after that summer. Family photos never included Phil, and there were times when she tried to conjure his face and couldn’t. That was when she felt the most guilt, when she could almost forget.

Denial, even when unanimously adopted, never cured—it only hid. And pain that is not faced festers, just as Tony’s had.
I was living a lie. I needed to come here to see why I’m so unhappy. I don’t want the perfect life they crafted for me. I don’t want to forget it happened. I want to carry of photo of Phil in my pocket. I want to remember him on his birthdays. I want to apologize to him for not understanding how quickly a life can be lost.

All because I’m a daydreamer with stories in my head as vivid as reality sometimes. Characters who feel like friends. Worlds I build whether I write them down or not. Is that why I couldn’t write? Am I holding myself back because I blame my stories for Phil?

That’s not what he would want.

I’m so sorry, Phil. Sorry that it was you and not me. Sorry that we moved on like you didn’t matter. Sorry that I’m so tired of being sorry.

Some say that nothing is random. People come into our lives for a reason. Maybe Tony and I need to learn the same lesson. He shut himself away from the world so he wouldn’t feel the pain. My family stayed in the world, but locked the pain away.

We’ve all been hiding.

I don’t want to hide anymore.

She would never forget feeling tears on Tony’s cheek. She wanted to hug him again as she remembered how he’d turned away from her, not wanting her to see them. Did he fear she’d think less of him?

If so, he couldn’t be more wrong.

That glimpse past his tough exterior proved what I’ve been afraid to admit to myself.

I could love this man—no matter how many times he warns me not to.

Tony held himself immobile beneath the soft caress of Sarah’s hand on his chest. As soon as he opened his eyes he’d have to face what he’d prefer to pretend had only been an extension of his reoccurring nightmare. This was the reason he never stayed overnight with a woman.

Women tended to romanticize shit like this. She’d confuse his subconscious weakness with feelings he simply didn’t have.
I haven’t felt anything in a long, long time.

Liar,
an inner voice countered. His mind spun with pictures of the woman beside him. Sarah smiling at him in just a towel. Sarah laughing up at him in triumph when she’d beaten him in a race. The wonder of watching her orgasm for the first time. The image of her taking him into her mouth on the side of the road, oblivious to everything but them.

That’s just sex.

The best sex I’ve ever had, but not more than that.

Too vividly, he remembered her naked body pressed to his back as she’d wrapped her arms around him after he’d turned away from her. The act had confused and shaken him. He’d wanted to push her away even as he fought the urge to turn around and lose himself in her kisses.

He didn’t want to know about her brother or her past. She was under the misconception that sharing would get him to open up to her. He was angry.

She’s a good fuck, not a therapist. Want to make me feel better? Talk less, suck more.

Cuddled to his side, Sarah kissed his shoulder lightly, and Tony’s dick sprang to life, tenting the sheet. His heart thudded wildly in his chest.
I need to regain control of this situation, of myself.

He rolled on top of her, pinning her hands beneath his on either side of her head. Her eyes widened with surprise and pleasure. “I’ve been thinking about how I want to spend the day with you.” He spread her legs beneath him and loved how wet she instantly became against his seeking cock. Her breaths increased as her arousal intensified. He rubbed himself against her outer lips and said, “And none of it includes speaking.”

Sarah opened her mouth to say something and he covered it with one hand. “I’ll tie and gag you if I have to. Or is that what you want? You want me to find some rope and restrain you on this bed? Have you ever done that before, been laid out spread eagle for a man’s pleasure whenever he wanted?” She didn’t try to speak, but they both knew the answer. He kissed her neck and whispered, “Face up or down, both have benefits.” A look of apprehension entered Sarah’s eyes and she shook her head. “You may find that you enjoy it more than you think.”

She shook her head again and he smiled in concession. “Understood.” Those beautiful brown eyes stared up at him, desire overtaking her fear, and he felt bad for teasing her. “I don’t need more than you willingly give, angel. Today is about pleasure, for both of us. That’s why you’re not allowed to speak.”

Her eyes narrowed and he laughed. “Take it or leave it. Stay on my terms, or say the word and I’ll drive you back to the ranch. You can call your boring ex to pick you up.”

Sarah’s chest heaved angrily. Tony was pretty sure those lovely brown eyes cursed at him, but he didn’t care. She wasn’t going anywhere, and they both knew it.

He removed his hand from her mouth. “So, are you staying or going?”

She pressed her lips together angrily, but didn’t say a word.

He rewarded her obedience with a deep kiss and reveled in the heat her anger brought to it. She was on fire beneath him, and he soon lost himself in more than her kiss.

An hour later, Sarah shivered beneath Tony’s finger as it absently traced one of her nipples, marveling at how it hardened and sprang to life for him. She’d had more sex in the past twenty-four hours than she normally had in months, and somehow she was ready for more.

She blushed as she remembered how wantonly, wordlessly, she’d begged him to enter her after a torturous amount of foreplay. His fingers had teased what his mouth had gloriously tasted and suckled later. He’d brought her to a passionate frenzy, then kissed her back and neck while rubbing his rock-hard dick across her clit from behind.

Faced away from him on all fours, she’d lifted her ass for him, opening herself completely to him with a mix of desire and trust. He’d buried one hand in the back of her hair to hold her in place while he’d thrust into her, again and again until they both found release in a glorious explosion of sensation.

They’d collapsed into each other’s arms.

Normally, Sarah would have spoken about something to fill the silence, but she honored their agreement and kept her thoughts to herself. Instead of being awkward, the quiet seemed to extend their intimacy.

Which doesn’t mean I agree with his rule, but I’ll give him his day of silence. It’s better than the alternative: going home.

Besides, he doesn’t fool me.

He doesn’t like to talk because he thinks that he can’t get hurt if he doesn’t let anyone close.

He’s trying to control whatever is between us.

But he can’t any more than I can.

The only disappointment so far was he never got the rope.

She gurgled to hold in a laugh, and he looked down at her in question. She smirked up at him.
I’d tell you, but you won’t let me speak.

“There’s food in the kitchen. Go make us breakfast, but stay naked.”

Sarah cocked her head to one side at him.
Really? You’re enjoying this a bit too much, buddy.

He slapped her bare rump with a force that made her jump. She met his eyes again and opened her mouth to say something.

His eyes dared her to.

She snapped her mouth shut.
I’ll make your damn breakfast, but I’ll also remember this. You’ll be at my mercy one day, and I’ll enjoy every moment of making you pay.

She stood near the bed, stretched her arms out, and arched her back in a yawn and loved how quickly burning desire replaced all smugness in his face.
Oh, yeah, you can pretend to be in control all you want, but I know the truth.

She took her time crossing the room to the door, stopping to look over her shoulder at him. He didn’t attempt to hide how aroused he was. She smiled back at him.

Times like this make me wish I knew how to cook.

The kitchen was surprisingly well stocked considering he said he never came here.
No, wait. He said he never brought anyone else here. He could come here all the time for all I know. Does he have help cleaning? Buying groceries?

More questions for after the silence game.

Sarah took two pieces of toast and put them in a toaster oven.
Who doesn’t have a regular toaster? The dials offered too many choices. Temp. Timer. All levels of toast darkness. I just want to press a lever down and see bread it’s done.
She turned the dial for toast halfway and walked to the refrigerator.

In the movies, everyone knew how to whip up sophisticated post-sex omelets. Tony would have to deal with a simpler thanks-for-the-orgasms scrambled eggs. She preheated the pan, searched for a spray can, then settled on a pat of butter to stop the eggs from sticking.

As her confidence grew, Sarah began to hum a pop tune and dance, loving how free and uninhibited she felt.
I could get used to cooking naked. This is fun.

She navigated his coffee machine with relative ease, danced her way over to save the slightly burned toast, and hummed her way to the quickly cooking eggs.
Crap, my mom always added milk. Is it too late?
She poured a bit in the pan and wrinkled her nose as the two didn’t mix.

Oh, well. I’ll drain it.

A hunt through the cabinets below the sink produced a serving tray. Sarah placed two plates of food, some silverware, and two cups of coffee on it. She added a small bit of milk and sugar to hers and hesitated before adding any to his, then smiled mischievously.

I’d ask him how he likes his coffee, but oh, damn, that silence thing again.

She gleefully added three more teaspoons of sugar to his cup. It was difficult not to laugh at his expression when she placed the tray on his lap in the bed. He studied the burnt toast and the watery eggs and demanded, “Did you do this on purpose?”

Sarah pointed to her closed mouth and gave him a sarcastic wish-I-could-tell-you shrug.

He took a sip of the coffee and spit it out, glowering at her.

Oh, poor baby. I guess you don’t like it sweet.

When he put the tray to one side, she stepped away from the bed instinctively and sprinted toward the door. He moved with the swiftness of a hunter and blocked her retreat. He reached out to grab her, but Sarah beat him to the punch and threw herself in his arms, leaving him no choice but to catch her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. The heat that sprung between them rocked all thought out of her.

He lifted her by the waist and crushed her hungrily against the wall. Without clothing to remove, there was just the instant feel of their mutual excitement. “God,” he said against her neck, “what are you doing to me?”

Sarah silenced his question with another deep kiss and let her actions be her answer. She wrapped her legs around his waist and arched to give him access to all of her, which he quickly and extensively took advantage of.

When he finally rammed inside her it was without comment, control, or a condom. Just when Sarah thought it couldn’t get better, she felt the unobstructed intimacy of him bared, and the heat of his release within her.

He kept pumping after his release so she could have hers and then carried her back to the bed. He sat her on the uncluttered side of the bed and covered his face with his hands. “Tell me you’re on birth control.”

Sarah stood and placed a hand on his tense arm. “I am,” she said softly.

His muscles quivered beneath her touch and he shook his head, fighting some inner demon. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m an adult, Tony. This is just as much my responsibility as it is yours.”

“It can’t happen again. I don’t want children—ever.”

Ouch.
After the initial desire to slap him in the head passed, Sarah tossed back a barb of her own. “Because you’d have to talk to them, right?”

When he didn’t say anything, she dropped her hand and shook her head.

He walked to his pile of clothes and started getting dressed wordlessly. “Bringing you here was a mistake.”

Arms akimbo, Sarah waited for him to turn around. When he did, she stood there, still proudly nude before him.
He might be afraid, but I’m not.
“I’m not running away from this. I’m choosing life—all of it, the good, the bad, the scary parts. I’m done hiding.”

His face tightened with anger. He growled, “What do you want from me?”

In that desperate question, she heard what kept her heart open to him. She understood his pain and his journey in a way she doubted many others could. Giving up on him was like giving up on herself in a tangled, impossible-to-explain-even-to-herself way. “I want you to tell me whatever it was that made you like this. I want to know you.”