Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (33 page)

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished; that will be the beginning.” –Louis L’Amour

Your journey is a pleasure to watch!

Diligence is excellence over time. Excellence is easy. Doing it over time isn’t. However, you never grew weary in well doing. You didn’t focus on those passing you by. They grew tired. You paid no attention to those crossing the finish line. They all failed to realize there were more laps to go. You respected the process even when you had to go at through alone. This success was a sacrifice. You were willing to keep going once you started. While the rest of the world was celebrating and sleeping, you put in that time. You dedicated those hours to your goals, and when you saw nothing come of it, you kept going. And when it got impossible, you kept going–that’s how you knew you were almost there. You poured yourself into your purpose until it overflowed. You read without looking up, and when you finally did, you arrived.

I’ve been expecting you. I’ve anticipated your entrance. It’s with great pride that I welcome you to the other side. Allow me to reintroduce you:

You’re the calm amid the chaos.

You’re classic. You’ll never go out of style. You’re particularly presented, well-behaved and well-paid. You’re feminine and fashionable, but wear a crooked crown because real Ladies aren’t perfect, and perfect Ladies aren’t real. You work damn hard, own your own and own up to who you are. You supersede elegance. You’re a lover of God, good food, good novels and good manners. You have a crush on culture and cocktails. You’re confident and intelligent. You were brave enough to learn, and now you have become.

King.

Don’t use this wisdom to bring forth destruction. Refrain from using this knowledge to degrade men. Instead, use this book as an ally. Let it speak for you. Allow men access to it in order to gain a deeper understanding and appreciation for women as a whole. Use this as a springboard for young women entering womanhood. Use the contents of this book as a foundation for all women. This book is yours. This is your story. It starts here. It commences now. Life must begin with a woman–a gentlewoman.

The work doesn’t stop once the wisdom comes. A gentlewoman makes everything around her beautiful. Teach others by loving and by just being. You don’t complain about the future; you change it. This is urgent. You can. You will. You must. All that’s left for you to do is close the book, slowly tilt your chin up, put on some heels and prepare for the greatest walk of your life.

One size fits all.

Straighten your crown.

Fin!

…Now that we’ve covered gentlewomen and gentlemen,
It’s time to discuss us as one…together…

Acknowledgements

It is finished. This is it! God is good. Thank you, Lord. Thank you for your faithfulness and your favor. I pray this book is used for your glory. Let it reach millions. Let these words touch lives and move through communities. Let it shift culture and impact generations. Let it tremble the world. The praise is Yours. All criticism is mine. More of you, Lord…less of me. If there is anyone reading these words that might be going through something they feel they can’t get through alone, show them Your glory. Bless every reader of this book. Open the floodgates of heaven and show them Your love. TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: It will all work out in your favor–in Jesus name, Amen.

I used to wonder why married men always thanked their wives after every accomplishment. I get it; I get it; I swear that I get it. Thank you to my very own gentlewoman for being my muse, my lover and my best friend. Painters use models to paint. Your stroke is the cure to my writer’s block. When I couldn’t craft up gorgeous words to say, I thought of you. You are everything beautiful. Being your husband is by far my greatest accomplishment.

To the supporters and readers, you’re the reason I write. I have a shoe-on-the-other-foot style that sets out to broaden your perspective. My words are written to give voice to the silent, the silenced and the misunderstood. My goal is for each of you to be more understanding and less judgmental while reminding you of what truth is. Thank you for giving me a shot and sticking with me. I don’t consider you fans–I consider you fam.

To all the other wonderful women who helped inspire “Gentlewoman,” thank you. Grandma Frettie Jackson, Arlene Amaker, Gwynne Toney (Mommy), Auntie Jacque, Auntie Bolaji, Auntie Bose, Auntie Brenda, Aunt Celeste, Mrs. Gail Bereola, Nikke Bereola, Abigail Bereola, Angela Bereola, Sheri Lawson, Baby Adanya Bereola, Lisa Bush, Cousins Cassandra & Vivian Jackson, DaNeisha Goode, Adjele Frank, Therese & Georgia Onyemem, The Swann Ladies.

I didn’t do this alone. Thank you grandpa Luther Jackson (
Psalms 27
), and my daddy, Rev. Olu Bereola. I’ll never be too grown to refer to you as, daddy! Thank you Pops a.k.a Bruce Toney. Thanks to my diligent editor Charlina Allen Pruitt and my reviewer Latoya Smith. Both lifesavers! Thank you so much to marketing genius and good friend, Justin Huff. You pushed and inspired me throughout this process. I know you don’t care for credit, but you got it! Thank you CTRL Studios, Andrew Marshall, MMI Digital Photography, Lindsay Adams, Graham Knoxx, Chenoia N. Bryant, Heather Norton, Crystal Hanes, Martha Kim, Lisa Campbell, Arie Luster, Dorien Toku, Jordyn Bullock, Gebriel Gidewon, Bai Yun, Luciana Garbarni, Keely Brembry, Uncle Earl Nichols, Pastor J. Alfred Smith Jr., Allen Temple Baptist Church family, Darrell Smith, Chloe Williams, Tony Gaskins Jr., Dr. Alex Ellis, Remi Bereola, Ryan Bush, Gary Banks II who promised to contact me everyday until this book was finished...he did! Thanks to Doc, Jonathan Bullock, James Freddie Johnson III, Jerrund Wilkerson II, Framp, Johnathan McGriff, Johnnie Tangle III, Tommy Fulcher, Zeke Ivy, Matthew Heisser, Robert Douglas, Brandon Jones, Bret Sweet, Kenneth Whalum III for providing the soundtrack to write to, Malcolm Marshall,
Street Soldiers
Radio, Mark Todd, Uncle Dwight, JQ, Hunt Jack, EluJay, Nbueke & Jit Lassey, Charles Onyemem, K. Justice Bereola and Daijon Bereola. Thank you to my amazing endorsers Hill Harper, Michelle Williams and Congresswoman Barbara Lee.

Thank you to all those who contributed portions to the book: Meagan Good, Congresswoman Barbara Lee, Dr. Jamal Bryant, Bryan-Michael Cox, Alesha Reneé, Jerri Evans, Jaye Price, Rahman Grayson, Toye Adedipe, Bobby Wagner, Dr. Idoroenyi Anaman, Everett Frampton and Leola Bell. You’ve changed lives! Thanks to all those who’ve ever supported me!

If I forgot anyone, you know I love you. I’ve been working on this book for three years. I’m tired! Charge it to my head, not my heart or my credit card.

Cheers to each person who ever told you no, you couldn’t do it or wouldn’t do it. I did. You did. We did. I hope your household enjoys this book!

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.”
–
Matthew 5:11

About the Author

Enitan O. Bereola, II

Has taken the classic concept of manners and made it sexy, again! He penned the award-winning & best-selling book,
BEREOLAESQUE: The Contemporary Gentleman & Etiquette book for the Urban Sophisticate
. Now
GENTLEWOMAN
is the #1 Etiquette Advice Guide on Amazon.

As a 2x Amazon and iTunes bestselling author, Bereola is a sought after celebrity ghostwriter, powerful speaker, producer, Soul Train columnist and periodic Essence Magazine relationship advice contributor whose voice reaches generations. He is the recipient of the Black Celebration award for Greatness in Literature, Shades Wedding Magazine “Man of the Year” award and other decorated honors. The author has been selected as one of BLACK ENTERPRISE Magazine’s Young and Bold Business Leaders and deemed a History Maker by the HistoryMakers’ organization. He’s exercised etiquette on FOX News, dished dating advice to NBC Niteside, talked tips on TV One with Roland Martin, and debriefed with BET and MTV-u. He’s a regular on California’s 106.1 KMEL “Street Soldiers” radio. His writings have been discussed on the nationally syndicated Russ Parr Morning Show, and he’s been invited as a guest on The Michael Baisden Show. Bereola’s been featured on the national covers of Equanimity, American Dreaming and Shades Wedding magazine, as well as the cover of Detroit’s Front Page Paper. He’s also featured in Essence, Upscale, Sister 2 Sister magazine, Naija Times in Nigeria and several other notable publications.

The Bereolaesque brand garners interests of dignitaries, celebrities and pop-culture alike. Oprah Winfrey and The Obama family are owners of his work. He’s paired up with Beats By Dre’s “Show Your Color” campaign to spread his gentleman message, as well as Jay-Z and Steve Stoute’s Translation, LLC advertising & marketing company. Bereola produced an international soundtrack to his first book entitled, “
Seat 1-A
,” and the short film, “
This Time
,” which appeared on “The Mo’Nique Show” and debuted at film festivals around the country.

Bereola has been a keynote speaker at over 50 colleges and universities. He’s been invited to speak at Harvard, Stanford, Tufts and other institutions. The first book is a required part of Bermuda College and Kansas State University’s curriculum. Enitan has been a speaker at the National Black Law Student Association conference in the nation’s capital and recently sold out the historic Howard Theatre.

Mr. Bereola partnered with the Alice E. Foster Scholarship Program through the San Jose Links, Inc., who sponsors scholarships for high school graduates exiting the foster care system. He also partnered with Autism Speaks through American Dreaming Magazine, who donates 100% of profits from POP displays at retailers. He joined forces with the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America to help their mission to fund research and programs.