Gena/Finn (6 page)

oh my god evanson riding bitch. HE SO WOULD. thank you thank you thank you this is amazing.

close, kinda--psych and early childhood development. i was kind of a weird little kid and i had some really good doctors who helped me. it was a pretty fucked up time. my parents tried to act like it was just stress or whatever but then i started having hallucinations so off to the doctors i went. i'm fine now. meds every day and all that, and even my shrink says i probably don't need them anymore, because lots of people who have hallucinations when they're kids grow up totally normal, etc., but what can i say, better safe than sorry, right? and it's a convenient reason not to drink when i'm out with my friends. if i do want to drink it's going to be in college, not at some imitation-kegger with boarding-school kids hiding in a townie's basement after hours.

did you meet charlie in college or is he a creepy internet weirdo like us?

...That was heavy. I mean, it's fine, but is it weird that this is getting so personal? I don't know. I don't make internet friends. I hope I'm not offending you too much right now, because I like that you told me that stuff. I guess I'm just surprised that you did, or maybe surprised that I like it...now who's being too forthright?

I met Charlie during college, though not actually in college. He was the local bartender. I could not be more of a cliché if I tried. Anyway, he moved out here around the middle of last year, and after graduation I decided to come too. That might've had more to do with California than with Charlie, though. I'm not sure I'd have been so eager to fly the coop if he was moving to Nebraska. Then again, I really hated the coop.

ooh, i've never been to california. quid pro quo i'm in connecticut, so for what it's worth you'd have a much easier time finding me and murdering me.

you've never made internet friends, though? i've got like ten people who know that shit about me, and most of them aren't ones i know in real life. i don't know, i'm not exactly close to anyone, but it feels pretty safe to open up to people when it's just words. and i'm not usually afraid of alienating people because i'm an independent woman, etc. i'm good.

plus i'm not embarrassed really. i mean...how do you stay embarrassed after this long? and like, the girl down my hall isn't ashamed of taking her thyroid replacement thing with breakfast, why should i be ashamed of my anti-psychotics and vaguely diagnosed schizoaffective tendencies?

Huh. Point Eve.

The thing is that the Pantheon fandom is a lot of teenagers. And I'm not going to talk to teenagers (under 18, kid) online, for obvious reasons. I blog about
Up Below
, but if you've read my blog you've probably noticed I have a lot of unpopular opinions, so people don't reach out a lot. And Charlie doesn't know I'm involved in fandom at all, which limits what I can do.

But obviously your shit's safe with me. Who am I gonna tell?

I like you, Eve. I think I won't murder you.

wait, charlie doesn't know?? how the hell does that work? even monsieur lacrosse knows (let's call him by the code name “john” from here on out--conveniently his real name, look at that) and we were a couple for like four months a year ago. it's an easy excuse when i want to stay in. LEAVE ME ALONE I'M WATCHING MY STORIES. STAY OFF MY LAWN. etc.

i like you too.

Oh, it's a lot of awkwardness and half-truths. He knows I'm a fan, obviously. It's hard to hide it on Monday nights when I'm practically making out with the TV. I think he thinks I think Jake is hot. I mean, I DO think that, but it's not...the point, you know?

He doesn't know I blog, and he definitely doesn't know I draw (there are laws about looking at my sketchpad, he probably thinks I'm doing still lifes or something). He knows I spend way too much time on my computer, but who doesn't do that?

...Whoa. It just occurred to me that maybe Charlie also has a secret life on his computer.

to be honest i kind of judge people who don't have secret lives on their computer. no offense to your boyfriend, of course, but i always wonder if they might be kind of...boring. even my friend Alanah has an obsessive shoe blog no one knows about. people need to have different identities, i think. and the bigger deal you make about being open about, like, mental illness or fangirling, the easier it is to get everyone to leave you alone about stuff that's really private. i have no need for anyone to know every part of me. pieces for everyone where they fit works out easiest for everyone.

Text with Charlie

hey working girl

whatcha doin?

making bacon

playing world of warcraft

thinking about you

naked?

naked baconing is a horrible
idea

ha, no, thinking about me
naked

in the purple dress

from jason's wedding? not sexy

beautiful

Feb 7, 2:44 pm

you busy?

yeah sorry, swarm of people.
gone now

boss gonna get mad
at you for texting?

he's not here

cool.

Feb 7, 2:51 pm

do you have a secret double
life?

yes I'm batman

seriously. do you have secrets?

what kind of secrets?

any. what do you do all day
when I'm not there?

bacon. WOW. think about
you.

you need a hobby

what do you do at night while
I'm at the bar?

I'm a spy

seriously

Text with Dad

plans for spring break?

I'm out of school dad, no
spring break

Text with Charlie

I really want to know. what
do you do?

Text with Dad

take time off? we'd like to
see you!

can't. maybe a weekend?

Text with Charlie

wait, am I your target?
are you spying on me?

yes

that's why I want to know what
you do all day

foiled again

Feb 7, 3:11 pm

do you have, like, warcraft
friends?

sure, my guild

do they know about me?

what about you?

like, that I exist

they're not real people

they are

internet people

Feb 7, 3:27 pm

you pissed?

lol no course not

gotta clean the shake machine,
I'll see you at home.

love you

Text with Dad

how the hell do I get email on
this phone?

haha call me tonight.