Gena/Finn (11 page)

ugh, it's this huge thing. we used to be friends, not like share intimate stuff friends, but like talk a bunch every day, do races to meet word count goals, whatever. she never learned my real name, for whatever that's worth. anyway she decided to have this big comment-fic thing--people leave prompts, other people come along and write short things, they're a lot of fun--and she wanted me to help draw in a crowd since i knew a different set of people--jake people. so i brought them in, and you probably know that we're this ridiculous minority, but maybe that was what had us so amped to be together and we produced a ton of shit and it was awesome. we were almost 50/50 for tyler-centric and jake-centric. perfect, right?

except then she messages me telling me that, and i am not paraphrasing here, all of the jake fics are MAKING HER SICK because there are so many of them, and this was never supposed to be a jake space and blah blah blah and at first i thought she was blaming me for it, but then i realized what she actually thought was that i was going to just AGREE with her. that underneath i was also thinking that jake fics were making me sick because of course TYLER'S THE ONE WHO'S OBJECTIVELY BETTER.

Like, she thought that i liked jake the way people like store-brand cereal or something. like i picked it because it was easier to grab and it was cheaper, not because i didn't KNOW that the brand-name stuff was better. tyler's lucky charms and jake's that marshmallow hunt in a bag that's one marshmallow for every thousand little frosted hamster food pieces.

well then you know what, mallory? i guess i'm a fucking hamster.

how would you explain going away to charlie, anyway?

That was YOU?

Holy shit, I heard about that. A bunch of people were blogging a few months ago about how Jake people take over everything, and someone mentioned that Tylergirl93 (mallory?) had a comment-fic thing going on that she “had to” shut down because people kept posting Jake stories there. The way they described it, it sounded like it had been established specifically for Tyler stories. You're saying she actually invited Jake people and then changed her mind and kicked you out? Wow, that's really pathetic of her.

I think I still want to go to the con though. I've never been to one. And the package is for six people, so maybe somebody cool will go.

Do you ever go to those things?

I'd tell Charlie the truth. I'm not gonna go out of town without telling him where I'm going. I can't be that girl.

are you willing to have that conversation, though? god, i'm making it sound like you're admitting to a murder, i'm sorry. i really don't think it's a big deal. i mean, kids at my school know i write fanfic, but they don't get my username because bitches don't need to know about my profanity problem.

no, i've never been to a con. i know someone who goes to a lot of them who i don't really want to run into. it's a long story. they didn't murder my aunt (she's fine, so) or anything, it would just be kind of awkward. plus aren't those things wicked expensive? i just bought a $300 espresso machine, so i think it might be time to lock my wallet up for this month.

It isn't so much that it's a BIG DEAL. I know it's not. But it is a weird hobby, let's call a spade a spade, and the thing is that this is CHARLIE. I don't usually waste a lot of energy worrying about what people think about me, but he's different, you know?

...Okay, I really do have to tell him, don't I.

Oh my god, this is stupid. He's not going to care, right?

How do I explain it to someone who's not part of it, though? Hi, Charlie, guess what, I'm drawing pictures of fictional characters in fantasy situations for my internet friends. It sounds like I'm talking about porn! Oh, hell.

yeah most people who talk about fanfic talk about porn. i'm pretty sure non-fandom people think that's all it is. thanks, 50 shades of grey, appreciate it.

I told him.

tell me everything. (this is not a request. I decided we're at that point.)

It's so awkward right now. I might have made a huge mistake. Fuck.

We were watching last week's episode - Charlie's a casual fan of the show, I have no idea how that's even a thing - and I mentioned that there's a con happening soon. I think he was kind of surprised I knew that, because I'm usually not that plugged in to organized events (I couldn't tell you when ComicCon is happening).

So anyway, he asked if I wanted to go to the con, and I said I'd been thinking about it, and he went and got on his computer and started looking up plane tickets. And there I was thinking I'd completely lucked out, and my boyfriend was a dream come true, and he says -

“It's about $500 for two round trip tickets to Chicago.”

He thought I was asking him to come WITH ME. Oh my god, is that something I should have remotely considered? I don't want to be fangirling over Jake with Charlie sitting next to me looking all indulgent (or worse, NOT indulgent) and thinking I'm like that girl who jumped on Toby and practically started having sex with him at that con a few years ago.

(Did that really happen, or is it fandom urban legend?)

So anyway, I said I was thinking about going with some people I knew online, and he got SO judgmental. How did I know these people? Why did I want to go on vacation with random internet people? What if they were actually fifty-year-old rapists?

(Are you actually a fifty-year-old rapist?)

I tried to explain the journaling and the fic writing and the fucking depth with which you know someone, but the truth is, he's right, we DON'T know each other and Tylergirl93 and even you could really be anybody.

Anyway, Charlie's sleeping now and I can't and I have work in two hours. It's going to be a treat.

-me

picture of me

jk that's a picture of a creepy guy i got on google images. this is me actually. note the sign that says “hi finn.” and i've skyped with tylergirl, she's a real person. she's even PRETTY, which is just annoying.

i'm so fucking sorry it's awkward. but it'll get better, yeah? maybe you should go to the con with him. get all the awkward out in one hit.

but yeah, that might totally suck.

ugh, real life people.

I don't WANT to go to the con with him. I'd have to pretend to be all casual about the show, and what would be the point?

I think I'm gonna go with the tylergirl group. The price is ridiculously low.

Come? What are the odds you'd run into the person you know? Thousands of people go to these things. I'd love it if there was actually someone I get along with there...

I just realized I might be a 50 year old creeper asking you to meet ME. Attached is a pic of me holding the original of the Mad World drawing I did for you.

i'll definitely consider it...how long do you think i have to decide? i need to look at dates and stuff, i guess.

and i know you're not a creeper, i creeped YOU on facebook the day you told me your last initial. you are, in fact, friends with a creeper. now friend me. Goldman, although I guess you know that from the email address. seriously, how did you not look me up?? you're one of those people who never tried to hack their middle school enemy's email, aren't you.

Creeper! Friended.
The auction ends soon, so we have to decide asap. Pretty please?

I'll think about it.

Hey, Bug--

Your aunt told me about Oakmoor! Congrats, kiddo. We're so proud of you. I bet all you've learned at Stoneyhall's gonna make you top of your class the first WEEK.

Glad to hear everything's going well! What are you learning in Chemistry? Rethinking it as a major? It's up to you, Bug, you

know we just want you to do what makes you happy. Still writing your poems?

Off those meds yet?

Keep it up, Bug. Looking forward to talking to you once we've got reliable phone service again. Right now I'm in an Internet cafe in Ruisui Township in Hualien County. Taking lots of pictures! Your mom's out seeing what we haven't tried at the market in central Ruisui. No psychotropic berries yet. :)

Love ya,
Dad

Hi Dad--

Molarity mostly in Chemistry. It's pretty cool. Did you know that the volume in the equation Ci = ni/V refers to the volume of the solution, not the volume of the solvent?

Don't really write anything anymore. It's fine. Busy with my friends and stuff. Living it up :)

Bet Ruisui is gorgeous.

Tell Mom I say hi.

Love,
Gena

Hey there Finnegan,

real life sucks. are those convention tickets still an