Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) (11 page)

My heart clenched when I thought of my sweet little girl, so hurt and confused by all the upheaval in her life. “I want her to have a mommy who’s happy, who loves life and the person she’s sharing it with. I want her to know it’s okay to go it alone too, that women are strong enough to survive on their own should that be her choice someday.”

He set his glass down on the table before curling his hands around my face and leaning in to press a tender kiss to my lips. “I love how much you love that little girl,” he whispered. “I love how open and expressive you are, how freely you give your heart.”

I’d always been a demonstrative person who said those three little words easily, probably because I’d heard them so much while I was growing up. “I don’t want the fact that I was hurt by Jason to shape who I am. And I don’t want to let it affect my future relationships.”

After a trip around the house, presumably looking for his playmate, Poncho came back into the room and settled in front of the fireplace with a sigh.

“This relationship thing,” Gabe said, letting his hands rest on my outer thighs, “it’s one of the few things I’m not very good at.”

I appreciated his attempt to keep his warning lighthearted. “Because you haven’t had much experience falling in love?” I knew that word must sound terrifying to a guy like Gabe, but instead of shutting me down as I’d half-expected him to, he looked me in the eye.

“I haven’t had any experience with it, not really. I was just a kid when my mom died and my dad left.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “I guess I learned pretty early on that love and loss are closely linked. I believed if I didn’t let myself fall in love, I was safe. I couldn’t get hurt like that again.”

“Make sense,” I said, trying to put myself in his position.

“No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t make sense at all. I’m a grown-ass man. I’m not a kid anymore. I should have worked through these issues by now.”

I could tell he was still beating himself up for his perceived flaws and it broke my heart. “You went through hell as a kid,” I said softly, stroking his cheek. “How could it not have affected you, even stayed with you all these years?”

“I don’t want to be alone all my life,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I never wanted that. I want what my brothers have.”

“But?”

“I’m scared.”

I could tell how much it cost him to say those two little words, but any fear I’d had about giving my heart to him dissipated in that moment. “So am I. It’s natural to be scared, Gabe. Relationships are scary and they don’t come with a written guarantee.”

“So you’re saying we just have to go into this expecting the best but preparing for the worst?”

There may have been a time when I would have agreed with that assessment, but I liked to think I’ve grown and changed a lot since then. “No, I think we have to go in expecting the best and working our way through the worst.” At his look of confusion, I smiled, covering his hand with mine. “Relationships are a lot of hard work. Some days are good, some days are bad. But if you keep the lines of communication open and treat each other with respect, I think you can get through just about anything.”

“That’s what my brothers tell me,” he said, nodding. “Talk, listen, apologize when you need to, don’t hold grudges, think before you speak…”

“They’re smart men,” I said. “That’s all good advice.”

“And you think if we live by those rules, we could make this work?”

I thought it was cute that he seemed to need assurances while most men would have jumped into bed with me and asked questions later.

“I think we’ve got a good shot,” I said honestly. “We’re friends. We like and respect each other. We have similar interests. We’re attracted to each other. What more could we ask for, right?”

Leaning in to kiss me, his lips against mine, he whispered, “Nothing. I couldn’t ask for another thing. You’re everything, Kendra. Everything I’ve ever wanted.”

***

Gabe

As I slowly stripped her clothes off, I could barely breathe. She was easily the most beautiful woman I’d ever been with, but that wasn’t the cause of my angst. It was the way she made me feel when I looked at her. The tightness in my chest. The thudding in my ears as my heart felt like it was going to explode. I’d been around the block a time or ten, slept with more women than I’d cop to, but Kendra banished every one of them from my memory.

“I’ve dreamed about this,” she admitted, looking suddenly shy and a little timid as she reached for me. “About you and me being together like this.”

“So have I.” Every night since she’d moved in next door. Even when I knew I shouldn’t. Even when I tried to block her out, she was there. In the shower with me. In bed with me. Starring in every one of my dirty fantasies.

And now, she was about to make my fantasies a reality.

She rolled over, kissing her way down my chest as I thrust my hands into her silky, dark hair. No way would I survive if she made good on the mischievous promise in her hazel eyes. She would do me in, right then and there with nothing more than her mouth.

“Kendra.” I made a valiant effort to stop her or so I told myself, but she was a woman on a mission… to please me. Who was I to argue?

Her mouth felt like heaven wrapped around me, my mind drawing a blank as I tried to remember why this was a bad idea. Our first time together I should be pleasuring her, not the other way around, but as she took me to the brink and back again, all the while humming with pleasure… She made me want to flip her over and thrust into her hard and fast, until neither one of us could catch our breath.

“Stop!” I hadn’t intended to be harsh, but the naughty gleam in her eye when I pulled her close told me I hadn’t offended her. On the contrary, it pleased her knowing she had me at her mercy.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, kissing my neck as her small hands trailed back down my chest. “Need a breather?”

“No.” I started kissing a path down her chest, paying homage to her perfect breasts as I swirled my tongue around her nipples until she was arching her back, begging for more. “I want to give you a taste of your own medicine.”

The descent was agonizingly slow as I took the time to taste every delectable inch of her before finally reaching my destination. My name sounded like a soft plea falling from her lips as I gave her some insight into how she’d made me feel. Only instead of stopping just shy of the pinnacle, I had the thrill of taking her all the way. By the time I was done with her, she was quivering and pleading, turning me on more than I’d ever thought possible.

Our eyes met when I positioned myself over her. Without asking, she reached into her nightstand, returning with a condom. I watched her roll it on, sucking in a sharp breath at her soft touch.

I inched in slowly, my eyes never leaving hers. There was an unspoken communication, a homecoming of sorts that didn’t make sense, since I’d never known this woman intimately. Yet I did. I knew everything about her, more than I’d ever known about anyone outside of my family, and getting to familiarize myself with her body, her likes and dislikes, seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

I alternated my pace, paying close attention to the tension in her muscles, the whispers falling from her lips, the sparkle in her eyes that let me know she was close… She just needed a little more. And I gladly gave it to her, convinced that watching her come apart with my name on her lips was the very reason I’d spent years practicing this
art
. Not for my pleasure, but for hers.

“Gabe…”

I knew she was struggling to find the words, but I didn’t need to hear them. I felt them. To the very core of my being I felt the things she couldn’t say. The things I couldn’t say. Yet. What we had was special. She made me happy. She made me feel alive in a way I never had before. Hopeful about a future I’d never wanted, yet couldn’t imagine not having now.

I drowned in her as she clasped me in her tight heat, her eyes locked on mine while she silently demanded my surrender.

It wasn’t long in coming, my body giving in even while my brain begged for a few more minutes of ecstasy.

I collapsed on top of her, my breathing ragged as I tried hard to support my weight on arms weak and trembling.

“Relax,” she whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek, headless of the perspiration running down my face. “Just relax.”

That was like asking me to fall asleep while my body was pulsating with energy. I was satiated, but not exhausted. I was buzzing with excitement in a way I hadn’t in forever. As a firefighter, I was no stranger to adrenaline. But that was different. This made me feel reborn, like I was getting a chance to start my life all over again.

I rolled over on my back, pulling her close as I heard the dog whimper outside the closed bedroom door.

Kendra laughed as she patted my stomach, snuggling up next to me. “He wants to get in on the action.”

“Not a chance,” I said, smiling. “You’re all mine and I’m not sharing.” I realized my mistake when a heavy silence fell over the room. I’d implied that I expected exclusivity, which we’d never actually discussed, and now that I’d thrown it out there, I knew we had to or risk making things even more awkward.

“I’ll be right back,” I said, jumping up to deal with the condom.

When I returned, I felt compelled to pick up where we left off. “That was a joke, by the way. What I said earlier,” I said, trying to give her an out in case she wanted it. “I never meant to imply we had to be exclusive.”

“It’s okay,” she said, tipping her head back to look at me. “I’m not interested in seeing anyone else. Are you?”

It had been a long time since I’d been in an exclusive relationship, and I couldn’t remember ever consenting to one after one night in a woman’s bed. But I couldn’t walk away from Kendra without knowing we were working toward something even bigger and better than what we had now.

“No, I’m not.” I kissed the top of her head when she rested her cheek on my chest.

The silence that followed was comfortable, as though we’d done this a hundred times before. It reminded me of advice my brothers had given me one night when we were crowding around a table, pounding back the beers.
When it’s right, you’ll know.
I finally got what they were talking about.
This felt right.

“Jason came to see me today.” I knew she had a right to know about our conversation and I didn’t want to be the guy who kept secrets from her. She’d had enough of that.

“I wish I could say I’m surprised,” she said, sighing. “I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was for you to get sucked into our drama.”

“Since I’m here with you now, you can assume I don’t mind.” She laughed, and it felt good to know I’d put her mind at ease.

“What did he say to you?”

“He wants me to back off.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” she whispered, kissing my chest. “If he’d gotten to you, I would have hated that.”

“I’ll admit to being torn,” I said, running my fingertip up and down her arm. “I can’t deny the facts. You are still his wife.”

“Yet you’re here.”

“I’m here because I realized some things tonight, thanks to Ryker.”

“Tell me.”

“I realized that Jason set this whole thing in motion, not me.”

“Isn’t that what I’ve been trying to tell you?” she asked, sounding amused.

“Maybe I’m a little slow on the uptake,” I admitted. “Especially when there’s so much at stake.”

“What’s at stake?” she asked, her roaming hand stilling on my stomach.

“Our friendship, for one. Even if this doesn’t work out the way we’d like it to, I’d hate to lose you as a friend.”

“I’d hate that too.”

Knowing there was so much more to be said, I added, “Another thing Ryker said that made a lot of sense to me…”

“What?” she asked, her eyes finally meeting mine.

“You know how worried I’ve been about hurting Char. He reminded me that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt her and no one has spent more time thinking about the implications of this split than you have.”

“He’s right about that.” Her body tensed. “There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t question the long-term effect this will have on my baby.”

Now it was my turn to tense as I questioned whether she ever wavered and in a moment of weakness considered going back to Jason for their daughter’s sake.

“She’s lucky to have you as a mom,” I said, when it didn’t seem she planned to expound. “You’ll help get her through whatever comes her way in life.”

“It must have been horrible for you to lose your mom when you were so young,” she said, drawing figure eights on my chest with her index finger. “I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”

I didn’t talk about my mother with anyone outside of my family because I knew my brothers were the only ones who could understand what an amazing woman we’d lost. “I spent a lot of time trying to understand it,” I said, my voice hoarse. “Why she was taken from us when we needed her most. But I guess some things defy explanation.”

“I guess so,” she whispered, pressing her lips against my warm skin.

“Maybe it was to teach us all a lesson about living life.” I’d thought about this a lot, even discussed it with my brothers. “Not taking a single day for granted.”

“In your line of work, I have to assume you’re grateful every night you get to come home.”

I wondered if Jason was, if he realized how lucky he’d been to have a beautiful wife and little girl to come home to. Apparently he didn’t or I wouldn’t be here now.

“I was reckless when I was young,” I admitted. “Always tempting fate. My brothers and I are all like that to one degree or another. Whether it be motorcycles, fast cars, fires, or guns, we’ve always been about chasing thrills.”

“Do you think falling in love and becoming parents changed their perspective?” she asked, resting her head in her upturned palm as she looked down at me. “I know I’m a lot more cautious about things than I was before I had Char.”

“I guess it has to some degree.”

I knew she was wondering whether having her in my life would change me. The truth was it already had. I didn’t chase sex anymore. It hadn’t been my antidote to a bad day since she moved in next door. It’s not that I’d been celibate while our friendship was building. Just selective. I wasn’t interested in dating. Instead, I hooked up with old friends who knew the score and didn’t expect more from me than just one night.