Friends With Benefits (19 page)

Now, here he was sitting in Mitch’s office and he was
crying
, for Christ’s sake. Okay, not sobbing-out-loud crying, but he was definitely choked up and glassy-eyed.

Mitch sighed.

He did not need all this emotional crap. Probably because his own emotions were all over the place and so close to the surface he was ready to snap. In fact, he’d snapped at Christie earlier when she’d accidentally brought him the wrong file. Shit.

He rubbed a hand over his face.

“Look, Gord,” he said wearily. “You don’t have to give in that quickly. We can do better than this. You need to think of the long-term ramifications.”

“I just want her to be happy,” Gord said. He looked at Mitch. “I love her, Mitch. I wish I didn’t, but I do. I’m miserable without her and the thought that I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life without her is killing me, man.”

“Yeah,” Mitch said morosely, without really thinking. “I know what you mean.”

Gord glanced at him. “Are you divorced? I didn’t know that.”

Mitch shook his head. “No. I’m not divorced. I just know what you mean about having to spend the rest of your life without her.”

“Oh. Then you don’t really know what I mean.”

“Uh…yeah. I do.” Why the hell was he arguing? It pissed him off that this guy thought he had cornered the market on grief and misery just because he was getting a divorce. Was it any less painful to lose your best friend and the woman you loved so much it hurt, just because you weren’t actually married?

Whoa. That was a crazy thought. He tried to follow that train despite his brain cramping up. If he and Kerri were married and splitting up, would it hurt any more than this? He couldn’t see how. So, hey, they might as well be married.

Oh Christ.

He wanted to be with Kerri. All the time. The thought of her marrying another guy and having his children was like a dagger twisting in his gut. It had been driving him nuts ever since she’d begged him to help her find a husband, which had made him do all those crazy things. No way was some other guy having her. No fucking way.

He would marry her himself.

He gazed across his office, stunned and bewildered. He couldn’t believe he’d just had that thought and no chills raced up and down his spine, no terror clutched at his chest, no nausea rolled in his stomach.

Mitch stood.

“I have to go,” he said abruptly to his client.

Gord’s brows creased together. “Huh? I just got here.”

“Sorry. We’ll reschedule. Something just came up.”

She scrolled down with a sigh. Everything was super expensive. She’d crunched the numbers and knew what she could afford but man, this was going to cut into her profits. She’d be eating macaroni and cheese for months.

Bah. She didn’t need to eat. In the last two weeks, her appetite had disappeared to the point where her yoga pants hung so loosely on her hips she’d almost lost them in the men’s class doing Downward-Facing Dog.

It was too much effort to care. So she’d flashed a little lace thong at them. It was probably good for business.

“Hey,” came a voice from her door. She lifted her head to see Sela. They hadn’t spoken much in the last few days, although Kerri had quietly removed her Buddha and water fountain and plants from the waiting room. She’d taken the remainder of the herbal teas she’d purchased as well, feeling petty because there were only like, three tea bags left and who cared, but hell, if Sela was pissed off about it, fine.

Amanda had been almost in tears at what had happened, apologizing to Kerri for the uproar. A client had come in wanting to purchase a bottle of the oil. Of course, the girls at the front desk had had no idea what she’d been talking about and called Sela, who also had no idea but quickly figured it out. The woman kept insisting she’d “seen it in a magazine”.

Lines bracketed Sela’s mouth and her eyes tightened. “Can I talk to you for a few minutes?”

Kerri checked her watch. “I have about half an hour before class.”

Sela pulled up a chair and tossed a glossy women’s magazine down on Kerri’s desk. “I came to apologize,” Sela said, with obvious difficulty. “I’m very sorry about the things I said to you the other day.”

Now
this
was a surprise.

“Oookay,” Kerri said slowly. “I guess I’m sorry, too, then, for calling you a control freak.”

“No.” Sela rubbed the back of her neck. “I
am
a control freak. I was out of line to criticize your business. You’re right. I’m not your boss.” She paused. “And I am stressed. Do you…do you think a yoga class would help me?”

Kerri stared at her in amazement. “Do you have time for that? You’re always going nuts, between here and home.”

“I’ll find time. I
need
to find time. I need your help, Kerri. The harder I try to control things, the more out of control I feel.”

Kerri nodded, eyeing her sister thoughtfully. “Sure, I’ll help, Sela, if you really mean that. I just can’t believe…you’re the one who can do it all, even with one arm tied behind your back.”

Sela let out a shaky breath. “Doug and the girls are angry because I’m never home lately, and I’m stressed to the max trying to get things going here. I thought I was doing a good job of managing everything, but I think I’m just doing a good job of killing myself.”

“I offered to help,” Kerri couldn’t resist pointing out. “But you need to do it all.”

“I need to learn to delegate better,” Sela agreed. “We had a big blow out at home last night and I realized things have to change.”

Wow, that was a huge thing for Sela to admit.

“And,” she continued. “I owe you another apology.” She pushed the magazine toward Kerri, folded open. She pointed to a small article at the bottom of the page.

Kerri glanced at it quickly, not really seeing it. She took another look. The article was a little promotional piece about the White Lotus Spa and Yoga Studio in Santa Barbara.

“Hey!” she said with delight. “That’s us!”

“Mmhmm. Read it.”

Kerri read it quickly. “This is nice!” Apparently a beauty editor at the magazine had visited the spa, unbeknownst to them. She’d had a few services and had loved them all, raved about the “incredibly silky, rejuvenating massage oil that made skin feel like polished silk, the fragrance mesmerizing and sexy”. Kerri gave a little shiver of pleasure. The woman hadn’t attended a yoga class, but had called and been told there were waiting lists for almost every class.

“I didn’t know you had waiting lists. I just didn’t realize how popular your classes are. And you’ve expanded so much, that makes it even more amazing.”

“Why is it amazing?” Kerri asked with annoyance. She pushed the magazine back across the desk. “Why is everyone surprised that I can actually run a successful business?”

“That’s not what I meant! I just meant, ‘amazing’ as in ‘great’. Fantastic. Not that I’m surprised by what you’ve done.”

Kerri grimaced, unsure if she believed her sister’s protests.

“And the oil…obviously I made a big mistake there. You were totally right. People love it. They’ve been coming in and asking for it ever since this magazine came out last week.”

“Great,” Kerri said, both pleased and dismayed. “I can’t exactly mass produce it in my kitchen.”

Sela laughed. “Is that where you make it? I had no idea. So, I was thinking…maybe we
should
mass produce it. We could sell it here at the spa.”

Kerri looked at her warily. She and Mitch had already talked about that idea, but it had seemed a bit far-fetched. “Who’s going to produce it? You? Or me?”

“Both of us. Partners.”

Kerri shook her head. “I think we learned this week that we could never be partners. We’re too different.”

“Come on Kerri. I know I’ve been difficult, but a lot of it’s the stress.”

“No, a lot of is your anal, controlling personality.”

Sela surprisingly didn’t take offence. “I’m working on that,” she said. “We could do it, Kerri. Come on.”

“You want one of my business ideas,” she said slowly.

“We’d have to work on a business case.” Sela nodded. “Cost benefit analysis and all that. But I think it has huge potential.”

“I do have other ideas for some skin care products…cleansers and moisturizers…shower gel, bath stuff…”

“That sounds great! We could have our own White Lotus line of beauty products.”

“I don’t know.” Doubts still tapped at her with little hammers. “You’re already on overload. How can you think about taking on more?”

“I was hoping you’d take on most of it.” Sela eyed her hopefully. “I’ll help with financing and anything else you need from me, but I’d like you to run with it. If you’re interested.”

Yeah, she was interested, but it was hard to believe Sela could contribute financially to a project and not want a say in every small decision.

Sela frowned, looking at Kerri’s computer screen. “Are you…what are you looking for, Kerri?”

“New space.” Kerri glanced at the monitor. “After last week I thought it might be best if I find other space for my studio.”

“Oh, no.” Sela sat up straight and her brows drew down. “I’m so sorry, Kerri. I didn’t mean to drive you away. Really, I didn’t. I just lost my cool.”

Kerri nodded. Her sister did seem genuinely remorseful.

“Don’t go,” Sela begged. “You’ve been a huge benefit to my business.”

“I have?”

“Yes! You’re such a…special person, you draw people in. I’ve had so many people coming to the spa that are your clients, and with the popularity of that massage oil…it’s been great. Plus, I have to tell you that when you took your stuff out of the lounge, a couple of clients commented that it felt different in there.”

Kerri smiled slowly. She so much wanted to say “I told you so”, but restrained herself. She’d never had much chance to use that line as kids because Sela was invariably right, but now she felt a flood of warm pride that Sela had recognized
she
had been right about something.

“I guess we can keep trying,” she said slowly. “I just…I always feel so inferior to you, Sela. You have it all—a great husband, family, your business—and Mom and Dad just think you’re the sun and the moon. Maybe it would be better if I were on my own again.”

Sela tipped her head to one side. “Mom and Dad think
you’re
the special one,” she told Kerri. “They’re always harping on me to not work so hard. They think I neglect my family and I’m too focused on money.”

Now Kerri shook her head. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Sela shook her head, too. “No, I’m not.”

“They’ve never said anything like that to me.”

Sela grinned. “That’s the great thing about our parents. They might try to tell us what we’re doing wrong, but at least they do it to our faces. They don’t criticize us behind our backs. They’re nothing but supportive of you and Justin and Jared when they talk to me.”

“Yeah. That’s true.” Kerri took a deep breath and glanced at her watch. “Oh, God, I have to go. My kids are waiting.” She looked at her sister. “Thanks, Sela.”

Sela smiled. “I’m sorry again. Please, think about it. I don’t want you to go.”

The kids were running around the studio, balls of energy bouncing off the walls, rolling around on the floor mats and giggling and yelling. Kerri grinned, couldn’t help but feel energized by their joyful exuberance.

Kerri focused herself and soon the kids sat quietly, practicing their “balloon breath”. She took them through the fun poses, the class louder and more active than her adult classes. They did the cobra snake, hissing enthusiastically, the elephant, making nasal roaring noises, and the fish, popping their lips in exaggerated fish kisses. Kerri laughed and made the noises along with them.

She was opening and closing her mouth in huge fishy kisses when she happened to look up to see Mitch standing at the door, watching through the window. He was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed across his broad chest, smiling faintly, and her heart gave a little bump at the sight of him. She closed her mouth abruptly, mildly embarrassed, then refocused herself on the class.

The children lay down for the shavasana, arms at their sides, eyes closed, and Kerri laid there quietly herself, keeping an eye out for anyone who might not be so relaxed. That would be her, actually. Knowing Mitch was watching her was testing her ability to focus inward and harmonize mind, body and spirit. Okay, it shot that ability all to hell.

She would be a great mother. You could just tell she really loved kids and was so comfortable with them, down on the floor with them, joining them in their goofy antics and laughing.

When they were finished, he watched with charmed amusement as many of the kids ran up to Kerri for a hug before they left. Mitch became aware of all the mothers in the hall around him, waiting for their children to come bursting out.

“Isn’t it amazing how the yoga calms them down?” one mother said to another.

“Oh, yeah.” She nodded vigorously. “There is such a difference in Rachel’s ability to focus lately. Kerri’s so good with them.”

He glanced at them, then back at Kerri with a warm feeling of pride. When the room emptied, he stepped in and closed the door behind him. Kerri was picking up mats and cushions.

“Hi,” he said.

She looked up at him solemnly. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

He didn’t answer right away but started helping her put things away. “Can we talk?” he asked.

“About what?”

“About us.”

“I don’t know.” She pushed her hair off her face. She looked tired and a bit drawn, but still stunningly beautiful. “I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.”

“How come?”

She looked back at him, her gaze steady but wary. “Stuff.”

He rolled his lips in. “Please. I need to talk to you. You won’t take my calls, and you’ve been avoiding me. We have to talk.”

She gave a tiny nod and led the way through the side door of the studio into her office. She took the seat on the other side of the desk, out of touching range, damn it. His hands ached to feel her, his body needed her.

He sat down, feeling stiff as a plank compared to her easy grace.

“So talk,” she invited in a cool and uninviting tone.

Now he was there and actually had her attention, the words evaporated. He swallowed. “Kerri, I was wrong…” he began.

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed, startling him. He lifted his gaze to her. She had a look of exaggerated astonishment on her face. “Are you okay? I don’t think I’ve ever heard those words come out of your mouth before.”

He scowled. “You’re not making this any easier.”

“Why should I?” she muttered.

He dragged in a deep breath. “I love you, Kerri. I want to be with you, and most of all, I don’t want anyone else to be with you. You think you need a husband? Fine, then—it’s going to be me.”

She stared at him, her mouth gaping open. She snapped it shut.

“Yesterday I had a meeting with a client. Remember the guy who still wanted to get back with his wife and was giving her everything under the sun?” She nodded, eyes shuttered. “Well, we were talking and I realized it doesn’t matter if we’re married or not —being without you hurts. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of our lives and if I can’t be with you… Hell, I don’t know how to say this.”

He watched her swallow and lick her lips in a sexy way. “Are you saying…you want to get married? Or are you still trying to convince me we can be together without being married?”

“I’m saying I want to marry you.”

He could not believe what had just came out of his mouth. He had never in his life thought he would ever say those words. A painfully heavy silence hung between them for long heartbeats.

“Well,” she said eventually. He’d expected a bit more of a thrilled reaction from her.

“Uh…”

She still just gazed at him. “The thing is,” she finally said. “I don’t think I need to get married any more.”

“Huh?” He didn’t get it. “What the hell does that mean, you don’t
need
to get married?”

She gave a crooked little smile. “Turns out my family apparently does respect me.”

What did that have to do with marriage? Sometimes she really was flaky. He gave his head a shake.

“I don’t need a husband and a family to be taken seriously,” she said. “I am a successful, independent woman.”

“Yes, you are,” he agreed, still bewildered. “But…is
that
why you wanted to get married?”

She nodded, looking a little abashed. “That’s part of it. I do want to have a family and I’m not getting any younger, but I…” She focused on her hands. “I felt like nobody took me seriously. All the stuff I’ve done… I know my business isn’t as big as Sela’s, but I do okay. My parents treat her like an adult and they treat me like a little kid. I just thought if I was a married woman, a mother…they would know that I’m grown up. They would treat me like an adult, respect the things I’ve done.”

Mitch studied her for a long moment, not sure what to say. Was
that
what this whole marriage thing had been about? He couldn’t believe someone so together, someone as smart and funny and special as Kerri could have had doubts like that about herself.

“Kerri, you are most definitely all grown up,” he said. His throat felt like he had a popcorn kernel stuck there. He gave a little cough. “I’m just…mind-boggled you could think that. So, what happened to make you realize that’s crazy?”

“Sela and I had a big fight the other day, about her trying to control my business and me interfering in hers.”

“Ah. The massage oil issue. I gather she found out.”

“Oh yeah. And was she ever pissed! Some beauty editor from Lux magazine came to the spa and had a massage with one of my oils. She raved about it and wrote a promo piece in the magazine about our spa. Then people started calling here and asking for the stuff. That’s how Sela found out.”

He nodded.

“But it’s actually a good thing. When she found out about the article, she wasn’t so mad, because it is good publicity after all. Free advertising. So, she apologized. She really overreacted because she’s been so stressed about the move and everything. Sounds like her family is going to make her change some things. I
knew
she was overdoing it.” She shook her head. “And she actually proposed that we start producing some of my oils and other skin care products—remember, you and I talked about that?”

“Yeah, I remember.” He smiled, warm pride rushing through him.

“She also told me that Mom and Dad
do
think I’m doing a good job,” she continued softly. “So getting married just to show them how together I am is probably not the best idea. I thought I needed to do that, but now I know that was just crazy. Besides, you don’t really want to get married. You’re just saying that.”

“Kerri, why would I say that if I didn’t mean it? God,
me
of all people.”

She nodded. “You’re just trying to make me happy.”

“Is that…bad?”

She smiled slowly. “No. I love it. I love you. But I don’t want to make you miserable. If you don’t want to get married, I’m fine with that. We can be together and…just…be together.”

“What about…kids? You know you want to be a mother. You
should
be a mother.”

Her smile softened, touched with a hint of sadness. “Yeah. But if it never happens, I’d be okay with that. It would be…you know…karma. I think I can live without kids.” She hesitated, took a breath. “But I don’t think I can live without you.”

He felt like a fist squeezed his throat. Ah, hell. That was how he felt, too. Now he
had
to touch her. He rose up out of the chair and went behind her desk, pulled her up out of hers. They stood there, his hands holding hers, tightly pressed between their bodies.

“I don’t want you to give that up,” he said. “You want kids and I want them to be mine. Nobody else’s.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to go to a sperm donor or anything.”

He snorted. “Jesus. That’s not what I meant. I just…I told you before that it was driving me crazy thinking of you with other guys, maybe marrying some other guy. I can’t let you do that. You’re mine and I’m going to marry you and that’s it.”

“Oooh. I love it when you get all possessive and dominating.” She gave him a wicked little smile. She pulled her hands from his and wound her arms around his neck. He set his hands on her waist, tugged her closer. She smelled so damn good, that ylang-ylang stuff making him want to eat her up. Her blue eyes sparkled, captivated him as always. “You know, most guys
ask
a girl to marry them.”

“Forget it,” he dismissed. “Not giving you a chance to say no. Besides, I know you want to marry me.”

“Arrogant,” she murmured, lips curving into an enticing smile.

“Let’s go do it right now,” he challenged her.

Her eyes widened, then she laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out some papers, folded thickly into quarters. He handed them to her.

She took the papers, gazing at him with curiosity. She unfolded them and read, then read again. She looked up at him, eyes wide and crystalline blue. “What is this?” she asked, her voice husky. “Airline tickets?”

He nodded.

“To…Paris?”

“Yep. Leaving Monday.”

“But…I can’t…we can’t…Mitch, you’re crazy.”

He grinned. “We’re going on a honeymoon. I couldn’t get the marriage license without you, but we can do that Monday morning.”

“Oh. My. God.” She stared at him, then threw herself against him, stood on her tiptoes to reach his mouth, giving him a long, deep, hungry kiss, fingers threading through his hair to pull his head closer. He held her close, kissed her back thankfully, with huge relief and all the love and lust and friendship he had for her.

She pulled back to look at him, mouth wet and swollen from their kisses. God she was sexy. And adorable. And smart.

“Why are lawyers’ graves forty feet deep instead of the traditional six feet deep?” Kerri asked him, arms still around his neck. Thrown off balance for a moment, he gave his head a little shake.

“Oh, God. Why?”

“Because really deep down, lawyers are not such bad guys.”

He groaned.

“Sorry,” she said softly, her mouth touching his. “But I really mean that. I love you so much. Now we really are friends with benefits.”

He drew back with a glower, and she smiled. “You’re still my best friend,” she told him, putting her hand on his cheek. “But so much more than that. Now I have
all
the benefits—not just the sex. Benefits like love and friendship and commitment and…”

“And sex…”

She frowned, and he laughed and kissed the frown away. “I know, I know,” he said. “
All
the benefits.”