Friends With Benefits (18 page)

He rubbed his face as he stood there, leaning against the doorframe, watching the red taillights disappear. Maybe he could have handled that better. He knew that was a sensitive topic. But, he defended himself, she also knew he had no intention of ever getting married. Why on earth would she think he would change his mind?

He shut the door as he moved back into his dark, silent house, even emptier without Kerri there. Lately, if she wasn’t at his place, he was at hers. He was getting used to her being around all the time.

He dropped down onto his couch, knees spread, hands hanging down between them, head bowed. The last thing he’d ever wanted to do was hurt Kerri. He almost groaned with the pain of having hurt her. He sat up and rubbed his chest, peered at the ceiling.

Maybe she’d get over it. He’d go over tomorrow to get his vehicle and talk to her. She’d be less emotional and they’d be able to talk about it rationally. There was no reason they couldn’t go on just as they had been. Things were great. Maybe they could even move in together at some point. He might be okay with that, even though admittedly that wasn’t a far cry from marriage.

But it was different. The expectations were less, there was no anticipation that living together would be forever, setting them up for a spectacular, hostile failure.

Kerri leaned back in her chair and watched her sister numbly.

“All of them? All the massage therapists?” she clarified.

“Yes! And apparently it came from you! I cannot believe this. Why the hell would you do something like that behind my back?”

The secret massage oil was out. Kerri sighed, but after what had happened with Mitch on the weekend, it was hard to get too worked up about massage oil.

“It’s really not that big a deal, Sela,” she said dully. “Chill.”

Sela’s face reddened even more and she straightened, clenching her hands into fists at her side. “Chill! Kerri, you are way too laid back. I don’t know how you run a business like that. You can’t just do things like that…what if someone had some kind of horrible allergic reaction? We can’t be using products without making sure they’re safe and tested.”

“Has anybody had a reaction?”

“Well, no. But they could have.”

“The products are all natural botanical ingredients, pure and simple and safe,” Kerri told her sister. “Not only that, I didn’t actually intend for your massage therapists to use them on clients. I gave some oil to Amanda once to try on herself. I didn’t know she was going to start using it here.”

“But you kept giving it to her!”

Kerri’s mouth turned down. “Yes, I did. Because her clients loved it and kept asking for it.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, Sela. I know you like to control every detail of your business, but it just didn’t seem that big of a deal. And it seemed to be a popular thing; I thought it was actually helping your business.”

“My business doesn’t need your help!” Sela shrieked.

“You know, I think you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. You are really overreacting to this.”

Sela looked even more outraged, apparently annoyed by Kerri’s calm reaction.

“While we’re having this discussion,” Sela continued tightly. “I’ve noticed all the stuff you put in the lounge. The Buddha statue has got to go. Same with the tinkling little water fountain. It’s annoying. And your plants can go back into your studio or your office. If I want plants, I’ll get my own plants.”

Kerri just stared at her. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

Sela shook her head. “You are leasing space here, and I’m the boss. If you want to make any changes that impact
my
business, you come see
me
. Got it?”

Despite her numb detachment from the situation, a little spiral of anger started deep down inside. Her sister thought she could walk all over her and call all the shots. Well, not any more. She was so tired of people thinking she was flaky, with no mind of her own and no need to be taken seriously. Despite Mitch’s compliments the other day, he clearly felt that her desire to be married and have a family was inconsequential.

She stood up. “You are not my boss,” she told Sela clearly and coldly. “Do not ever say that again, and do not even
think
that. I am my
own
boss. I apologized for doing things without your knowledge, but I was only trying to make things better. My clients come here, too. You are totally overreacting, which just shows what a stressed-out control freak you are.”

“Control freak!” Sela sputtered. “Well, at least I have a profitable business.
You
wouldn’t even have a business if it weren’t for my help, after losing your lease.”

That kind of stung, mostly because it was true. No. Kerri shook her head. It wasn’t true. She would have found a way to keep going even if Sela hadn’t come along with her offer to share space.

And what the hell did Sela know? Her yoga business was making money. Maybe not seven figures like the day spa, but it was making her very comfortable, thank you, even with having hired two instructors.

She narrowed her eyes at Sela angrily. “I don’t need your help.”

They glared at each other for a long moment, then Sela turned with a huff and exited Kerri’s office. Kerri stared after her, throat aching, eyes burning.

Suddenly it all seemed too much. Mitch’s hurtful refusal to commit to her despite the fact that he said he loved her, and her sister’s cutting words were just too much to bear.

Tears stung her eyes as she leaned against the edge of her desk, staring blindly into space.

She hadn’t wanted that much. A man to love, to spend her life with, make a family with. Respect from her family and friends. And sure, a successful business, although she already knew her definition of success was different than Sela’s and maybe her parents’, and maybe even Mitch’s. Everyone was so focused on money and profits. Kerri liked the fact that she was making a difference in people’s lives.

Even with the stupid massage oil. She’d been so proud of the formulas she’d developed and how popular they had been. Even the fact that Amanda had apparently given the oil to the other therapists and
they
too were using it was a compliment to her abilities. Nobody seemed to recognize that.

Nobody would ever take her seriously now.

Glumly, she contemplated her office, blinking back tears.

Clearly this wasn’t going to work out with her and Sela in the same space. For some reason, Sela thought that gave her the right to criticize and tell her how to run her yoga business, too. She sighed. Back to the drawing board. She’d have to start again looking for some space for a studio.

It was going to be even harder now, though, because she’d added all those classes, which were really popular. People liked it here—the warm décor, comfortable waiting area and changing rooms, and all that parking. She sighed.

She pushed a hand wearily through her hair. She was emotionally drained from her disagreement with Mitch and now this. She’d lost her best friend, the love of her life that she’d only just found, and now her business was in jeopardy too. Shit.

She glanced at her watch. She had one more class today and then she could go home and hide and maybe she’d never come out.

Kerri sighed. Hailey had convinced her to make an appearance at the birthday party she was throwing for Miguel, even though she knew Mitch was going to be there. Kerri hadn’t wanted to talk about what had happened between her and Mitch, so she hadn’t told Hailey about their break-up. It was too humiliating. She was completely, helplessly in love with a man who refused to marry her.

But when she’d refused to come to the party, she’d had to tell Hailey something. Too bad Hailey’s sympathy just made her start crying all over again, when she’d thought she had finally cried herself dry and gotten control.

Now here she was walking into Hailey’s home, knowing she was about to see Mitch, her stomach in tight knots, her mind a whirl of frantic thoughts.

Her eyes searched the room even as she greeted her friends and followed Hailey into the kitchen. She didn’t see Mitch.

“He’s not here yet,” Hailey told her in a low voice. “I haven’t said anything about you two breaking up, but everyone’s going to wonder why you’re here without him. Someone’s going to ask where Mitch is.”

“Oh, God.” Kerri pressed a hand to her stomach. “What should I say?”

“Just keep it simple.” Hailey handed her a glass of wine. “Just say you’re not together any more and you think he’s coming later.”

Kerri nodded. She went back out to mingle with friends, her eyes constantly going to the door every time someone came in. She tried to laugh and talk and pretend her life wasn’t crumbling, tried to keep the sadness from swamping her. Luckily, Jason and his wife had just announced they were pregnant, which focused everyone’s attention on them.

She was talking to Jason’s wife about the baby, and strangely, she wasn’t even envious. Usually when someone was pregnant, she had to fight off feelings of jealousy because that was something she wanted so badly.

Was it possible that if she didn’t have Mitch, it didn’t matter if she had kids?

Whoa. That was a radical mind shift for her. But a baby didn’t seem like such a big priority when she was so miserable from missing Mitch.

It wasn’t the best time for Mitch to finally show up. He walked in looking all tall, big and gorgeous, smiling at Hailey, clapping Miguel on the back and wishing him happy birthday.

Kerri couldn’t take her eyes off him. Her heart squeezed painfully and she could hardly breathe. He hadn’t noticed her yet, so she could watch him. He didn’t look like the happiest guy in the world either. Well, good.

She turned back to Marla with a bright smile. “So, do you want a boy or a girl?”

Marla laughed. “I know I’m supposed to say I just want a healthy baby, but the truth is, I really want a little girl!” She chatted on while Kerri put on a show of listening and talking animatedly in case Mitch looked over.

When she glanced back to where he’d been standing, he was gone. She swallowed, and she and Marla and Hailey continued their baby discussion. She turned her empty glass in her hands and wished desperately for another drink, but she was afraid to get up and go get one in case she ran into Mitch.

“Hailey?” she murmured. “Would you be a super friend and get me another glass of wine?”

Hailey just looked at her. “Sure,” she said. “You just hide here in your corner all night.”

Sarcasm. Whatever. Kerri was totally fine with just hiding there in her corner all night.

Eventually Mitch reappeared in the room and, like magnets, their gazes collided instantly, sending a jolt through her like a live current. The music, the loud chatter of voices fell away, and all she could see was his face—sober, serious, mouth straight, eyes shadowed. Kerri’s lips trembled and her throat hurt. Her chest ached painfully.

I can’t do this. I cannot do this. No, I have to do this.
She wanted to flee, but some small remnant of pride made her stay where she was, leaning down to hear Marla’s latest comment. She laughed, tearing her eyes from Mitch’s, and flipped her hair back from her face. Even as she did that, she recalled him teasing her about flipping her hair and slowly lowered her hand with a little heart stab.

She downed the rest of her wine and stood, happy now to have a reason to escape the room.

There was a second smaller party going on in the kitchen, as usual. Hailey was getting some food ready to serve. “Can I help?” Kerri asked desperately.

“Sure,” Hailey handed her a bowl of chips. “Go take this to Mitch.”

“Huh?” She stared at her friend, dumbfounded.

“I’m kidding,” Hailey said. Then she muttered, “Sort of.”

Kerri took the bowl from her friend and said in a low voice, “Are you trying to tell me I should talk to him?”

Hailey looked back at her, her face sad. “You guys had something special. I just think you could still work things out if you just talked.”

“I don’t want to talk to him,” she said through clenched teeth, and turned and stalked away. She went into the living room, flung the bowl of chips down onto a table, and walked out again. She went down the hall to the bathroom, fighting back tears. Someone was in there, so she went into Hailey’s bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, trying not to sob. God, this was hard.

She was sitting in the dark when the open doorway filled with a large body silhouetted against the hall light. She recognized Mitch’s form even though she couldn’t see his face.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a low voice.

Desperately she blinked back tears and forced a smile. “Of course,” she said brightly. “Just waiting to use the bathroom.”

“Kerri…”

“Just go away, Mitch.”

“But…we need to talk. I was going to talk to you on Sunday when I came to get my vehicle, but you’d already brought it back. I tried to call you…”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said, with a little shrug. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But…”

The bathroom door opened and Kerri jumped to her feet. “Excuse me.” She waited for Mitch to move and let her out of the bedroom. He didn’t budge. She stood there. They stared at each other, tension crackling between them.

Her heart was breaking, literally shattering. A sob rose and she caught her breath, trying to hold it in, making a little hiccup noise. She swallowed hard. As someone passed them in the hallway, she shoved past Mitch and darted into the bathroom, closed and locked the door behind her.

Shit, shit, shit. Now she was trapped in there all night. She leaned on the marble vanity, taking deep breaths, fighting for control. If she could just get out of there without crying and humiliating herself, she could slip out the front door and leave the party.

She stared at herself in the mirror, her cheeks flushed pink with the effort not to cry, eyes glistening and full of pain. Her mouth was pinched tightly together. God, get a grip, she told herself.

She borrowed Hailey’s hairbrush and dragged it through her hair, then ran her hands under cold water and pressed them to her hot cheeks. When she felt she looked relatively normal, she left the bathroom, praying Mitch hadn’t waited in the hall. There was no sign of him, so she found her purse and quietly left the party without even saying good-bye to Hailey and Miguel. Right now it was all about survival with her dignity intact.