Freeing Carter (37 page)

He pats my shoulder.
"
There
'
s more to life than ball
,
man.
"

"
No shit
,
but still. It
'
s up there. It always has been. You couldn
'
t handle it if you got kicked off the team.
"

"
Then be quiet and stop talking about it so no one knows.
"
He leaps off the table.
"
I
'
m gonna go dance with my date. You should be doing the same thing rather than trying to babysit me.
"
Travis heads over to the girls
,
squeezing his way between them and wrapping his arms around Patrice
,
who doesn
'
t seem to mind. Kira backs up a little before turning and heading over to me.

"
Hey
.
What's
wrong?
"
She asks
,
taking her position between my legs again.

I open my mouth to tell her
,
but then stop. Am I freaking out? Overreacting? I mean
,
how many people drink and have fun? Drinking before a dance doesn
'
t make him Mom.
"
Nothing.
"
I hug her close to me
,
but can
'
t concentrate to continue where we left off a few minutes ago. Instead
,
I watch Travis across the gym. The familiar question hits me again. Am I doing the right thing? Should I say something? Do something? But then
,
why does it always have to be
me
. Why am I always the one responsible for everyone else? For one night
,
I just wanted to be free with Kira. Free to have a good time without any of the other shit and I
'
m determined to make that happen. Even when she kisses my ear before whispering
,
"
Liar
,
liar pants on fire.
"

***

Kira and I spend the dance sitting on the table. We talk a little bit
,
but I
'
m watching Travis. He
'
s laughing with Patrice and having the kind of fun I should be having. They disappear every once in a while
,
but then find their way back to the floor dancing and laughing. I suck. I know I do because Kira deserves to be having that much fun
,
but instead
,
she
'
s stuck with me
,
who
'
s stuck babysitting someone else
,
hoping they won
'
t drink too much.

"
Wow
.
Like
the suit
,
Carter. You
'
d think you could at least try
to
dress up.
"
Mel and Trina stand next to the table
,
two guys I don
'
t know with them. She
'
s all princessed-out
,
even wearing a tiara. What did I ever see in this girl?

"
Since I didn
'
t come with you
,
I don
'
t see why you care what I
'
m wearing.
"

Kira
'
s hand tightens on my arm.
"
Plus
,
he looks gorgeous. You know
, he has
the kind of hair a girl loves running her hands through.
"
There
'
s all sorts of innuendo in Kira
'
s voice that makes me want to cheer for my girl.

"
Whatever. Excuse us while we actually go have
fun
at the dance.
My
date actually wants to dance with
me.
"

I open my mouth to say something
,
not caring that Mel is now walking away from me because she
'
s not the one I want to talk to.
"
Shit
.
I
'
m ruining this
,
aren
'
t I?
"

We
'
ve sat through all the slow songs. All the fast songs while everyone around us is free to have fun.
"
I
'
m sorry
,"
I turn to her and say
,
hoping she understands where it comes from.
"
I want to dance with you. Have fun with you.
"

Before she replies
,
a slow song comes on.
"
Then dance with me
,
Carter Shaw.
"
She stands up and holds out her hand. I grab it
,
leading her to a corner of the gym before pulling her close. So close that she couldn
'
t get closer without being a part of me. Inside me. Me inside her. Together.

Her hand plays in my hair. My hands rub up and down her back. And it feels good to be this close to her. So good that I
'
m pretty sure she feels the evidence of it against her stomach
,
but she doesn
'
t say anything so I don
'
t care. And I know this is supposed to be our night
,
but I need to be honest with her
,
too. Need her to understand why I
'
ve spent the whole night sitting at the table.
"
Travis is drunk
,"
I mumble into her hair. My hands don
'
t stop moving
,
exploring and neither do hers. I feel her chest rise and fall against mine until our breaths are synchronized
,
like it
'
s a play on the court that we
'
ve practiced a million times.

"
I wondered
.
I smelled it on Patrice too.
"

"
He
'
s been partying a lot.
"
I didn
'
t think much about it until tonight. I let it go. He told me about his parents and I just let it go
,
without trying to do anything.

"
It
'
s not your fault.
"
Her words counter my thoughts
,
trying to battle my demons into making me believe her
,
but I don
'
t. It might not be my fault he
'
s started drinking more
,
but it
'
s my fault for not trying to stop him.

"
Okay.
"

Kira leans far enough away from me that we
'
re face to face.
"
I
'
m serious
,
Carter.
"

Instead of replying
,
I kiss her
,
needing to feel that
closeness
. Needing to feel like everything is normal. Seeing Travis makes me think about Mom
and
Grandpa until they
'
re all I can think about.

I part her lips with my tongue
,
and she lets me
,
kissing me back just as fiercely. It goes on and on and on. Maybe till the end of time
,
or at least until I feel like I could explode from it
,
but I keep going because this isn
'
t such a bad way to blow up.

"
Carter!
"
Someone grabs onto my arm
,
pulling me away from Kira. It
'
s Patrice. Her eyes are wide with worry.
"
I need your help. Travis is sick. He
'
s in the bathroom. I think he
'
s
throwing.
"

Automatically
,
I take off for the bathroom. The door slams against the wall as I storm in. Travis is laying in one of the stalls
,
puke all over his suit and his head in the toilet.

Suddenly
,
he
'
s not Travis anymore. I see Mom. Hear Mom.
"
Sowwy
,
Carter.
"

I shake the thoughts from my head
,
making my way to Travis.
"
Hey
...
You
okay?
"
And finally! We have a winner for the stupidest thing Carter has said tonight!

"
Peachy
,"
Travis says before he starts up-chucking again. I want to puke
,
too. I hate the smell. The sound. It
'
s worse than nails on a chalkboard. Worse than anything.

"
We gotta get you out of here before someone sees you
,"
I tell him.
"
I
'
ll be right back.
"
Nausea battles my insides
,
but I push it aside
,
before opening the bathroom door. Kira and Patrice are waiting outside.

"
Some people tried to come in. I told them it
'
s broken. We need to figure something out.
"
Kira touches my arm. And now I know. I know what she is. She
'
s more than awesome. She
'
s the girl I love
,
because that little touch
,
it somehow helps.

"
Here.
"
I hand her my keys.
"
Can you pull my truck around back?
"
I point down the hall.
"
Then bring my gym bag in for me?
"

She grabs the keys with no question and starts for the door.
"
Don
'
t let anyone in here.
"
Patrice nods at me and then I
'
m gone
,
heading to the stall to check on Travis again. He
'
s throwing up again
,
splashes of vomit hitting the inside of the toilet. I fight the urge to throw up myself. I don
'
t have time. Right now
,
I have to make sure no one catches him. I can
'
t let Travis loose basketball or get kicked out of school.

Pulling some tissue off the roll
,
he wipes his mouth
,
still kneeling by the toilet. We
'
re quiet for a couple minutes. Kira should be back any second. I am about to go check when Travis speaks.

"
Dude
.
I am so fucked up
,"
he says. It
'
s then I notice the flask on the floor.

Hold it together
,
Shaw.
"
Are you done? Kira
'
s getting you clothes. You can change and we
'
ll sneak you out.
"
There
'
s no emotion in my voice even though I feel like it
'
s spilling out of me from everywhere.

He nods his head. At the same time
,
the bathroom door creaks and I freeze.

"
Carter? It
'
s me.
"
I relax at the sound of Kira
'
s voice. Man
,
she was fast. I run back over to her and grab the bag
,
my eyes catching hers
,
trying to tell her thank you. I
'
m pretty sure the small smile she gives me is telling me it
'
s okay.