Foster Siblings 3: Brokedown Hearts (18 page)

But the guy is so messed up
. In the car alone, Ben groaned and shook his head, chastising himself for letting things go so far so fast with David, during a time in which he was professionally tailing the guy.
I don’t know why I want him so much, and why I can’t make myself pull back with him, even when I know it goes against every work code I’ve ever created for myself.

Ben only had to point to David’s confession of love to confirm his fears about the man’s inability to separate his physical desires from his emotional stability. While Ben had been struck in the moment of hearing David confess to falling in love with him, Ben intellectually knew David had created those feelings in order to make himself okay with his sexual feelings for Ben. David had a lot of traditional upbringing firing on all synapses in his head; it was why he’d fallen so hard for Christian Sanchez, the first man he’d confessed his homosexuality to and had sex with.

But that doesn’t explain why I came so hard when I heard him confess to those misguided emotions, let alone that I’m in my car, still half-hard, excited beyond what is sane to get back to him and teach him some more very vanilla things.

Ben muttered, “Shut up,” to himself. Then, as he made the final turn to Jonah and Christian’s home, he closed down all thoughts of David in a sexual manner and put his work face on. Ben didn’t plan to blow Jonah out of the water in front of Christian; his presence alone, under any pretense, would let Jonah know he was serious about having that talk.

After pulling up in the couple’s drive next to a beat-up old truck, Ben shut down the engine, pocketed his keys, and got out of the car. A soft light glowed above the front door, and after taking the steps to the porch in two long strides, Ben rang the bell. Nobody answered, but Ben knew that truck belonged to Jonah. Annoyed and getting less forgiving by the second, Ben lay on the doorbell again and let it buzz for longer.

“Honey”—a feminine voice reached out from the next porch over and teased Ben’s psyche—“you can hold down that buzzer all night if you want, but it won’t matter. They’re not home right now.”

Oh hell
. Ben spun toward the ample older woman standing on her porch next door, and his heart squeezed. Mrs. Ida Santini. His ex’s aunt. Ben would know that kindly, sassy tone and recognize the warmth in her generous bosom anywhere. With his thoughts so distracted, Ben had totally forgotten that Braden’s aunt, the woman who’d practically raised Braden, lived in this neighborhood.

Clearing his throat, Ben traipsed down the stairs and faced the portly woman. “Thank you for letting me know Jonah and Chris aren’t home.”

Ida leaned over the porch railing. “Oh my goodness.” She pulled her glasses, which were hanging on a chain around her neck, up to her eyes. “Ben Evans?” She made her way down her porch steps and over to Ben. “Is that you?”

“It is.” Ben bowed awkwardly, uncertain how to behave. “Hello, Mrs. Santini. I wasn’t sure you would recognize me.”

Ida tsk-tsked. “Of course I do. Come here, lovey.” She dragged Ben down to her petite height and enveloped him in a warm, violet-scented embrace. “Just because things didn’t work out with Braden doesn’t mean I didn’t think you were something special to me. You are.”

Succumbing to the outpouring of welcome from this woman, Ben hugged her tightly and let himself bask for a moment. “Thank you.” His throat closed up a bit, and he had to clear it again before he could continue. “I always appreciated your kindness toward me.”

“Well deserved, lovey. Well deserved.” After pulling back, Ida kept hold of Ben’s arms and looked up at him from her diminutive height. “But you know, if you’re looking for the boys, they’re out of town.”

Fuck
. Further questions, demands to know where they’d gone and how long they’d be, punched at Ben’s throat, but he put on his best affable poker face and replied, “That explains why Jonah isn’t responding to my texts. He has more important things occupying his attention right now.”

Ida hooted like an in-the-know teenager. “If you know Jonah at all, you know that’s true.”

“Indeed I do. Well, thank you for sharing the information.” Already thinking about his next move, Ben waved and took a step toward his car. “It was good to see you again, Mrs. Santini.”

Ida smiled back at him. “And I appreciate the pretty Christmas and birthday cards you still send me every year.”

Ben thought about the sparkly card with the poinsettias still propped up next to his TV these many months after Christmas, and his stupid chest started hurting again. “It does me good to get the same from you.”

Before Ben could take another step away, Ida reached out and touched his arm. “Don’t be a stranger, lovey. Okay?” Up on her tiptoes in her slippers, she touched his cheeks. “I know it’s a bit of a drive from Tampa, but it’s easy to pick up the phone to talk.”

“I’ll definitely do that soon.” And then, before he fucking started tearing up on Christian and Jonah’s front lawn, Ben gave Ida a quick kiss on the cheek and strode to his car. He waved and said, “Bye.”

“Bye.” The stylish yet grandmotherly woman strolled back to her porch, waving at Ben the entire way.

Well, fuck
. Ben backed his car out of the drive and turned in the direction of the motel, growling the whole time. Not that it hadn’t been nice to see Braden’s aunt again, but damn it, that hadn’t been his mission tonight. And truthfully Ben didn’t need the weird familial pangs Ida stirred in him. He didn’t like the way they disrupted his ability to think in a linear and logical manner. Shaking the weirdness out of him, he trained his mind on the next few days.

With Jonah out of town, Ben no longer expected to even get a text reply from the man, let alone more, until he returned to Coleman, whenever that was. That meant Ben had to put things on hold with David for an undetermined amount of time. He’d already dived in much too deep with the man. He’d mucked up the waters. If he took their growing relationship even one more step, he’d muddy them so completely he wouldn’t be able to see an inch in front of his face. Ben needed to pull back enough to keep everything nice and clear, but not so much that the skittish side of David reemerged. This would also give Ben some time to get his head back on straight. Fuck, while in the throes of passion, Ben hadn’t reacted at all to David’s confession of a prison guard hurting him. Well, technically he had responded.
Fucking made me want to kill the guy for him
. Ben growled as if the bastard were within hitting distance right now.

In truth, if Ben had been properly in work mode, he would have reacted with surprise to David mentioning a prison guard. An appropriate response would have been to ask a few questions. Express the natural shock most people would have in the same situation. But Ben hadn’t, because all he’d been thinking about was getting David to see him enough to carry on with what they’d been doing. Then, afterward, Ben had to play off nonchalance when David had so sincerely, sweetly confessed to his incarceration.

One more slipup and David would figure out Ben’s deception. Ben would then likely lose the guy before ever truly having him.

I shouldn’t care
. With another foul utterance, aimed squarely at himself, Ben wiped his face and swore he felt new worry lines etched around his mouth and eyes.
I shouldn’t want someone this high maintenance. He’s way more work than I’ve ever wanted when dealing with a man.

Yet as Ben pulled onto the road leading to the motel, a new, jittery pulsing skittered through his chest and tumbled in his belly. He hadn’t experienced this level of excitement, let alone battled teenage nerves over any man, in years.
Hell, I’m not sure I ever have like this. Not even over Braden.

That truth hit Ben like a ton of bricks, blinding him, and he almost ran into the fence surrounding the motel’s pool. Just as the dirty KEEP OUT sign reappeared in his vision, looming much too large, Ben slammed on the brakes and stopped the car mere inches from the gnarled chain link.

A sudden knocking on the driver’s-side window thundered through the car. Ben jerked and looked to the left, and David stood outside, frantically banging on the glass.

The moment Ben stepped out of the car, David threw his arms around Ben, hugged him close, and whispered against his neck, “Are you okay?” Squeezing Ben, David pressed kiss after kiss against Ben’s cheek and jaw. “You almost didn’t stop. You almost went right into the pool.” David looked up at Ben, and his cobalt stare pierced into Ben’s core. “You scared me.”

“I’m fine.” Just by looking at David, noting the way he didn’t hide his concern—no subterfuge when dealing with this man—tension drained out of Ben. He lifted David’s hand and gently kissed the inside, not only in an effort to soothe, but because he ached for the contact. “I was distracted for a minute, but I stopped in time. I didn’t hit anything.”

David twisted out of the handhold and kept touching all over Ben’s face and body. “Are you sure?” Working his way around Ben, David poked and prodded muscles and organs. “I sense you’re one of those strong-and-silent types who wouldn’t tell me you were injured even if you were.”

“I promise I’m okay.” When David continued to fuss, Ben grabbed the man’s arms and forced him to stand still. “David. You saw me naked barely an hour ago, and we were active enough together for you to see the state of my health.” The fresh memory stirred another fluttering in Ben’s belly. A satisfied murmur escaped him. He stole a fast kiss and assured against David’s lips, “I’m still exactly the same. I promise.”

David made a keening noise and flung himself into Ben’s arms. He rubbed himself against Ben and pleaded, “Then make love to me.” He ground his emerging erection against Ben’s thigh and awakened Ben’s cock too. “I need you right now.” David pulled Ben’s head down and licked, pushing his way past Ben’s lips. “More than anything.” David slid his tongue along Ben’s, and Ben swore his dick responded as if it had been lapped from the root up to the head.

David licked again, and Ben moaned, but he also pushed David an arm’s length away. “Honey…” Jesus, Ben could hardly look at the innocent arousal pinking David’s skin without his prick lifting to full staff. Still, soft echoes of the argument he’d made for holding back batted around in his skull, compelling him to say, “We should wait.”

“I’m ready for you.” An earnest stance kept David’s head held high and his gaze open in welcome. “I can feel it in my gut.”

David’s seeming shift to confidence lured Ben, mingling with the fierce sexual need awakened with one touch and kiss. Ben took David’s hand loosely in his, mesmerized by the long fingers, but still shook his head. “I don’t know.”

David shot to his tiptoes. “Please.” He rearranged the hold Ben had on his fingers and instead clutched his hand. “Look at me. You said you would know when I was truly ready by looking at me. I want you, Ben. I’m ready for everything you need.” Leaning up and in, David grazed his lips against Ben’s, back and forth, back and forth. At the same time, he eased their twined hands behind his back, shoved Ben’s hand into the back of his snug sweatpants, and forced Ben to caress his buttocks. “I need it too. I swear.” Tied to Ben with an unblinking stare, David pushed Ben’s hand down farther into his sweats and underwear and brushed the middle fingertip against his striated hole. As the muscle quivered, David moaned and rocked into the touch. “I want you. I swear.”

Holy Jesus God. He’s for real
. One more look at the purity of light in David’s eyes, one feel of his warm, ready flesh, and the entire conversation Ben had just had with himself in the car flew out of his mind. Only need for this man guided him now.

Ben groaned, “Christ, yes, David,” against David’s lips. With a hand latched to David’s ass, Ben dragged a willing David to his motel room.

Chapter Eight

David stumbled backward into Ben’s room. His pulse raced much too fast, and his nerves had knotted themselves into a big ball in his stomach, but his cock had already plastered itself to his belly, and his rear passage throbbed with need too. He desperately wanted Ben to take him, and while he’d learned in therapy to exercise caution, he didn’t know how to hide his overwhelming desire for this man.

His mouth still fused to David’s, Ben kicked the door closed behind him, and the slam of the wood shook the cheap pictures on the walls. Pausing for the barest second to grab something off the table and throw it to the bed, Ben then started moving again, his front stuck to David’s, and forced David to move too. Within a few steps, David bumped into the foot of the bed, and a tremble rocked through him.

Ben pressed kisses up the side of David’s face and into his hair. Lingering with his mouth buried in David’s tresses, he curled his hand around the back of David’s neck and tilted up his head. Ben studied David, and the longer he did, the more his hazel gaze deepened with green. Sighing, he grazed the rough pad of his thumb against David’s cheekbone and murmured, “Christ, you’re too beautiful for me.”

His heart squeezing with exquisite tightness, David grabbed Ben’s hands and shook his head. “No. From the moment you rescued me and Elsa, I thought you were too sexy and sweet to ever notice someone like me.” Hints of old, bad fear crept in, scraping against David’s throat, and he admitted, “I’m the lucky one here, believe me, and I know it.”

“Hell, honey.” Ben held David’s hands trapped against his chest. “Maybe we’re both lucky.” He sighed again, and his heart beat steady and true against David’s palms. “Maybe we’re both due something good.”

“I hope so.” Unable to help himself, David petted the wide expanse of Ben’s chest, touching firm, hot muscles everywhere. He cataloged Ben’s uniquely handsome face, from the faint fans of wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, to the hairline scar under the sharp edge of his left cheek, to the insanely lush lips bracketed by harsh lines, and the bluntest square jaw he’d ever seen. The more David absorbed about Ben, the clearer he could see that this perfect man ticked each box on David’s most secret list of wants in a man, and another flare of nerves bloomed in his middle. His mouth dry, David confessed, “All I know is that I’m scared I’m going to wake up from a dream and find out you aren’t real, and that I only imagined you.”