Forgiving Gia (Rocker Series Book 2) (17 page)

“Fuck, I can’t see.” I squinted up at him.

He laughed. “I’ll take that as a compliment, darlin’.” He took my lips for a searing kiss.

“Ah! My mascara’s in my eyes, jackass.” I pushed against his shoulder. It burned like a motherfucker and he didn’t seem like he was removing his cock anytime soon. However, I needed a lady-moment in the bathroom. No doubt my makeup was running down my face. My vision was cloudy at best. He kissed my nose before helping me up.

I couldn’t see a damn thing. His hand stayed on my chin as he used his shirt to wipe the excess mascara from beneath my eyes. He bent down to grab our now wet clothes and then led me to the inside cabin.

“It’s so nice and warm in here.” I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself. He handed me a white velour robe that was laid out on the curved salon couch. I shrugged it on, trying to do something with the hair matted to my face. “I’ll be right back. Is the bathroom this way?”

He said he didn’t know. I’d have to check it out. I didn’t have a problem since he was busy at the bar. Wow, the yacht had all the comforts of a hotel room. I guess it kind of was a floating hotel. God only knew what it had cost him to rent.

I found my way to the bathroom after opening several doors. After washing my makeup off with some face-wash I couldn’t pronounce, I made my way back to where Abel was. He sat at the bar, staring out the panoramic windows. The city’s lights were beautifully blinding. A girl could get used to this.

With his hand around my waist, he pulled me in securely. “Champagne?” He handed me a glass. I shouldn’t be drinking on my medication, but….

“Thank you,” I responded. “I’m not supposed to drink on my meds.” I shrugged feeling like an idiot.

“Yeah, and I shouldn’t take these but I do.” He produced the same bottle from the other day. He flipped the cap off, easily shaking a few into his mouth before swallowing.

I wasn’t a naive girl. I grew up with a prescription-addicted mother. I didn’t like seeing him the way I saw her. What were my options? It was part of the scene, right? I decided I’d try to help him—subtly. I didn’t want to come off like a prude. Or his mother. Or even some overbearing pain in the ass. I’d have to be careful.

He held his glass up to me and I could see the white coating on his tongue from the pills. The feeling was familiar in the pit of my belly. “To us. Here’s to the living and the loving…never the leaving.” He clinked my glass.

“To us,” I toasted back. I had the strong urge to say something. However, after the beautiful day we had together, I chose to bite my tongue. There’s a time and place. That was not the time nor place.

A few minutes before docking, he radioed Commando to be ready for our arrival. We never saw the staff again until we reached the mooring on the left bank. We thanked them and Abel handed the captain an envelope. Payment for a job well done. Or as he said…there was no amount of money he wouldn’t pay to have his privacy. It meant the world to him.

Commando’s presence on the dock awaiting us was a reminder of Morgana’s reach. Unease filled my body where just moments before, it was his love that filled me. What I wouldn’t give to live forever in those lost moments with him…

We arrived back at the hotel. Beauty slept the short ride in the limo. I opened the privacy window when I was sure she fell asleep and asked for an update on the Morgana situation. Renee was convinced Morgana had a mole on the inside. Fuck that shit. I agreed to disagree. My crew was loyal to the core. I didn’t want to hear another word about it. I fought the urge to spit in Commando’s face. In an effort to be diplomatic, I closed the privacy window in his face. Fucker.

I grabbed my phone and quickly sent Ender a text.

Me:
Dude, get ladybird on the phone…refill needed ASAP.

Ender:
You ate them all you crazy fuck?

Me:
Like my favorite candy. Get it done…please. Btw, wru?

Ender:
Done. At the bar. You?

Me:
Heading your way. I’m putting Gia to bed. Come up.

Ender:
Nah, I’m meeting the dr for a drink. I’ll drop your shit off. Then I’m out.

Me:
No worries.

It didn’t come as a surprise to me that Ender was fucking Ladybird. I was positive Jake was, too. They usually tagged teamed. They had similar tastes and didn’t mind sharing. Hey, we all had our kink. I didn’t share—ever. Fuck that. I was too much of a high alpha.

A smile donned my face. Thank fuck the limo was dark. I’d look like a real pussy smiling to myself. The thrill that my buzz wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon had my dick twinging. Yeah, I was a demented fuck. Pussy wasn’t the only thing that got me hard. Getting high got me hard, too.

I carried my beauty from the car. Commando offered to take her. I spoke no words. The look on my face was unmistakable. “Try putting your hands on her. I’ll rip them off and beat you with them.” He backed away, keeping a close distance behind me. Motherfuckers were all around me as I walked through the main lobby. A few patrons ogled me carrying my girl. I laughed to myself. They probably thought I drugged her. Not that she was sated and exhausted from it. Yeah, I was pretty full of myself.

The door to my room swung open. Chance.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Don’t you have a room?” I stepped past him.

His hurried pace was on my heels. Christ almighty. “I was just dying to know how your day went. Stop being so broody,” he huffed.

I laid Beauty on the bed. I insisted on her wearing home the robe from the yacht. Her clothes were soaked. Mine were, too, but I’m a man.

“Why is she in that dreadful robe?” He peeked over my shoulder, shaking his head.

“Because she is! What’s your fucking fascination with textiles?” I turned, stepping toward him. I needed to hear this shit.

“I’m gay,” he answered.

That’s it? He’s gay? There’s plenty of homosexuals that couldn’t give a fuck about fabric. Damn, where were my pills. I patted my pant pockets until I found the bottle. I popped the top off, fingering a few into my mouth. Damn, the bottle was empty. I tossed it into the trash can across the room.

“Are you using?” His tone sounded parental.

I swung around, looking from Gia to him, and giving him my best
shut your fucking mouth
expression. I pointed to the living room and he stomped out of the bedroom like a bratty kid. I wanted to kill him. I turned my attention to my beauty, untying her robe and removing it. The bed was already turned down. I just covered her with the sheets, leaving her naked. Fuck yeah. She didn’t need anything covering her lush body when sleeping with me. I kissed the top of her head. Even then, she never stirred…thankfully.

I closed the bedroom door and turned. “Do you fucking forget who pays you, Chance?” I asked.

He looked offended. The blood drained from his face. Good. “How could I? You remind me all the time,” he offered. Oh, he was acting like a real cunt that day.

“You need reminding every day because of your opinioned mouth. I don’t need your advice unless I ask. I haven’t. Have I? You’re not my parent. And watch your fucking tone with me.” I got in his face, making my point.

His face blanched. That’s fucking right. He should be scared. I’d had it with his bullshit. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off that way. But, I’m concerned. You get…umm…reckless when you use. And you’ve been good for a while now.” He took a deep breath. I realized he was probably shitting his pants.

I backed off. More often than not,
percs
or
vics
got me paranoid and aggressive. I loved the high. However, nobody could stand to be around me. He was right. But that didn’t mean I was stopping, either. I knew I could be an asshole.

“Listen, go find the boys. Let loose and have a drink. Rock and roll, Chance… We’re heading to Germany in a few days. Go get laid, will you.” I slapped him on the back ushering him out the door. Perfect timing, too. Ender was just getting off the elevator.

“Chance.” Ender nodded, walking past him into my suite. Chance looked over my shoulder at Ender.

“What’s he doing here?” he whispered. I gave him a pointed look. I wasn’t answering
that
question. Besides, it wasn’t his fucking business.

“I’ll text you. Later, Chance,” I closed the door behind me.

Ender poured himself a tequila, shooting it back. “What’s with the drama queen?” he asked. I shrugged. I didn’t want to get into it.

“You got?” I walked over, meeting him at the wet bar.

He fingered through his pocket producing an orange prescription bottle. “She said she can’t refill again unless she sees you for a re-check.”

I rolled my eyes. Not happening in this lifetime.

“Whatever she thinks,” I answered with a snort. I grabbed the bottle out of his hand.

He laughed, too. He knew she’d never see me again. Pfft. Re-check? He took another shot, placing the shot glass upside down and knocked on the bar.

“I’m out…” He patted my back. “Much love to your lovely.” He winked.

“Go fuck your mother, cocksucker,” I shot back and he responded with his middle finger, leaving the suite. I was alone. And the silence was deafening. I could hear the ding of the elevator as Ender stepped on through the closed door.

I had a few melodies running through my head so I grabbed my guitar along with a pen and paper. I wrote half the songs on our album while fucked-up. I wasn’t proud of it. However, it was the truth. I wasn’t an enigma in the business. This behavior was pretty standard. Ugly, torrid, and true. Speaking of which…that wasn’t a half bad title.

I strummed the guitar once and listened. It needed tuning. With my fingers plucking the strings, I tuned the guitar perfectly. Fuck. I was pretty bent. I needed something to wake me up before I wrote. I walked over to the bar, pouring myself a finger of Macallan18. I always requested it. If I didn’t, they supplied the twelve-year-old. Which totally sucked.

There was pricier scotch on the market. However, my old man drank this. So did his pop. Yeah, I was a contradiction. I hated my old man…what he stood for. But then again, as I matured, I found myself doing similar things. Having like-traits. Without a doubt, as of late, his actions were paternal. I wanted to feel something negative. But, when push came to shove, I needed him. And he was there.

He also took good care of my girl when she needed me. He stepped in without a thought. Ugh. She needed me and where was I? I was on a plane halfway across the world with hate in my heart. It still ate away at me. Would I ever forgive myself for my hasty actions? My guilt was more like a veil of shame that I wore daily. I promised I’d make it up to her. And one day I would. She’d come to know without a doubt that she was the end of the road for me. The last stop. My last call. My beauty…

My thoughts were scattered and blurred. I had a good buzz going, but I was getting tired. And I was nowhere near ready to sleep. Fuck. I should’ve still had some of Jake’s blow in my phone cover. I didn’t remember finishing it at the club that night. There was a very good chance it was still there. I pried off the outer box from my cell. Fuck yeah. A small, clear bag of coke fell into my lap. I raised my hands above my head in silent victory.

I jumped up, pouring myself two fingers of scotch and setting it down in front of me. Pad and pen to my right. Scotch to my left. Spin magazine with coke in front of me. I grabbed for my wallet in my back pocket; I needed a credit card and crisp bill. I pulled a bill along with my American Express Black. I stared at my face on the cover of the magazine and rolled my shoulders back, preparing for my next high to invade my system through my nose.

Fuck. I dumped out the contents of the clear bag onto the cover. It wasn’t much. My hands were instantly sweaty, my throat dry. I rolled up the bill and tightly set it aside. Then I started chopping any rocks into finely pulverized powder with my credit card, shaping four long, skinny lines with the edge of it. I picked up the rolled bill and placed it under my nose. With my index finger, I applied pressure to one side of my nostril as I sniffed the white powder with the other. My head lolled back, anticipating the drip to come. I waited, feeling the coke speed through my veins. I ran my fingers through my hair. I was always amazed how self-stimulation felt when I was high. My head rested on the back of the couch…