Flying with the Rich and Famous: True Stories from the Flight Attendant who flew with them (12 page)

I opened the door and began to do my usual clean up. I carried my dishes in a dirty dish bin to the kitchen where I intended to wash them. Then out of the corner of my left eye, I see this guy running up to me and he is not happy. He yelled that my high heels on the hangar floor were clicking and ruined their shot
again! “Well, excuse me!”
I had walked as close to the right wall as possible – I had to do my dishes! And after all, this was my planes hangar. He didn’t quite see it that way. Anyway, the airplane ended up being in a scene from a very popular television
show. Yikes, I have truly digressed.

CHERYL TIEGS AND MARY TYLER MOORE

Like I said, on Regent Air the action was in the staterooms. After meal service, we would make up the beds and shut the curtains and the passengers could sleep the remainder of the flight. In this era, nothing out of the ordinary was surprising. Many passengers just plain told us to stay out of the stateroom, period. But if we were starting descent, then we were required to disturb the occupants to begin preparations for landing. Especially, if we had made up the beds, it took a while to restore them into their original club seats.

When I went to awaken the most recognizable
Sports Illustrated
swimsuit edition model, Cheryl Tiegs, a little dog came bounding from under the bed ready to attack. I was shocked, I had no idea there was a dog in there. The little runt of a dog must have been in her carry-on, and I was not privy to this. She had secured the tiny thing to the airplane and he was snoozing under the bed. When I walked into the stateroom, he
was startled and went into miniature attack mode. Cheryl Tiegs jumped out of the bed with a tiny nighty all askew to shush him. I stood there like an idiot and stared. She grabbed the dog and dived under the covers. I think we were both embarrassed!

There were many little dogs on my flights, before it became fashionable to have a doggy with you everywhere you went. Mary Tyler Moore, the famous actress from the show bearing her name, was another frequent flier who always had her tiny dogs with her. But with Mary Tyler Moore and most others, we knew about them!

LUCILLE BALL

All through my career flying around the world, I was fortunate to be with wonderful people. It’s awfully difficult to spend so much time with someone you don’t respect or admire, regardless of whether they’re passengers or crew. I had been lucky enough not to have to fly with very many mean-spirited people. I heard horror stories from other flight crew all the time. I tried to be impervious to these tales until I could come to my
own conclusions. Usually, though, they turned out to be true. It was always a huge letdown when the people you couldn’t wait to meet were, in fact, jerks.

I was so excited to fly with Lucille Ball myself, but I had heard horrible stories about her from everybody. Before I got my opportunity to see if the rumors were true, she was banned from Regent Air. Apparently, she was a total bitch, I guess that’s why they call it
acting
.

CAROLE CHANNING AND ELVIRA

Singer, actress, and comedian Carole Channing is probably best known for her
Hello Dolly
role. She boarded a flight with two hatboxes in her arms and a turban around her head. She tried to strap the hatboxes into seats around her, but I told her they must be stored in the closet for takeoff. She looked at me and said, “Be careful, Honey. Carole Channing is in there.” When I was out of sight, I looked inside the boxes and sure enough Carole Channing’s hair, or more appropriately wigs, were inside.

Elvira, “Mistress of the Dark,” boarded another flight with many hatboxes. I had no idea who she was. Standing in front of me was an adorable redhead. I did not recognize her name or face without all the makeup and that hair. When I was out of her line of vision, I peeked inside the hatboxes, and yes, Elvira was in there too.

ROBERT DE NIRO

Robert De Niro, the academy award-winning “Godfather,” was seated in the front cabin on Regent Air. Remember I said some of the seats weren’t as desirable as others. He was opposite a stranger in front of him and an elderly couple across the aisle. He felt they were all staring at him. He actually said to them, “Stop staring at me!” He begged us to move him, which after several tense minutes of seat juggling, we were able to do. I guess people staring at you all the time would get old.

STEVE MARTIN

Speaking of staring, comedian and famous actor Steve
Martin was on one of my flights. He has the BEST skin I have ever seen on a man. It is almost translucent. It was difficult not to stare at him. I should have asked him what his secret is!

VAN HALEN

On one flight I was so excited to have rock stars! Van Halen, known for some pretty original rock and roll and tumultuous antics, were
the
band at the time. Eddy Van Halen and David Lee Roth were best pals then and were partying and laughing while we soared across the country. When I pushed open their curtain, Eddy handed me a straw. I had no idea what that was for until I looked down and saw the lines of cocaine on the tray table. Although, I had never seen the stuff before, it wasn’t hard to figure out. I politely excused myself saying I didn’t indulge. In the 80’s, there were no drug tests for flight crew and everyone in every walk of life was partying up a storm. It wouldn’t be unheard of if a flight attendant did do drugs with the passengers. I had heard stories that this (amongst other things) had been happening on other flights. They were cool with
me not joining them, but wanted to make sure I would bring them beer. And so I did. They ran me for beer every twenty minutes. Every time I came within earshot of them, they yelled for beer. I was constantly putting warm beer in the ice to stay ahead of them. At last, we just ran out. They drank every last beer on that airplane, which was no easy task!

Incidentally, Van Halen had a rider in their contract for the venues where they would play concerts. Apparently, one of the requests was that a bowl of M&Ms be put in their dressing room with all the brown M&Ms removed! They asked for that because they wanted to be sure the rest of the contract had been honored, as there were legitimate safety concerns. The M&Ms were only an insurance policy, so to speak, that the contract had been read in full. Maybe the producers on Tom Cruise’s flight caught wind of this and decided to jump on the bandwagon? Weird coincidence—or was it?

MERV GRIFFIN

I was called at the last minute to do a 5:00 am “show
time” for a jet that was an hour and a half away from me. I awakened at 2:30 am, got ready and drove and made my 5:00 am show time. I can
never
be late, so I arrived about 4:45am, maybe even 4:30-ish.

That was great, but no one was at the FBO. I walked around, all the doors were locked, the hangar was locked. Everything was locked. It was freezing, but I had my favorite giant big green “squishy” coat that I bought in Quebec, Canada (one of the coldest places I’ve been). So I sat in front of the doors until somebody finally opened them. But I still couldn’t get into the aircraft, which was locked as well. So I waited and waited and waited. At least I had coffee.

I finally got into the airplane, when I walked in, I was dumbstruck. This beautiful private jet was a disaster! First of all-it stank a horrid stench. It was a mess. There were dirty dishes and crap all over the galley. The cabin was equally as messy. Blankets and pillows all thrown about, crumpled newspapers and papers strewn everywhere.

I began to clean it up – I mean who else was going to? I opened the dirty ice drawer and almost gagged. I had to hold my nose, while I collected all the room temperature milk and every other stinky thing in there. Then I scrubbed it with vinegar which took me forever to find in the hangar (all private jets use vinegar some place). It was nasty.

I thought to myself, “
they only called me to clean this mess up!”
After I cleaned it up as best I could with my limited time frame, I looked around and noticed, nobody took care of this plane – I’m sure it didn’t have a regular flight attendant. It needed an interior face lift so bad, it was sad. The couch desperately needed to be replaced. The galley needed to be redone completely. The lavatory was disgusting as well. Who lets a 30 million private jet go to hell?

Anyway, I almost didn’t fly it, because I was thinking about the mechanical situation. After talking to the pilots, I was assured the plane was flying worthy and I went with them. I was disappointed that it was friends of Merv’s and not him, but what
are you going to do? That’s how this business is.

I flew some really nice people to Mexico and dropped them off. On the way back, I scrubbed that plane until my fingers were raw. And I told the pilots that someone had to give a crap about the interior even if Merv Griffin didn’t!

MICHAEL LANDON

Bonanza
and
Little House on the Prairie
alumni, Michael Landon, and his family were on a Regent Air flight in the morning. He was adorable as expected, but he was not very talkative. He was rather cold and standoffish, and I was very cautious around them. I felt as if I was bothering them even though I was bringing them food and drink. Michael Landon did not eat, he explained to me he didn’t eat breakfast or lunch. He didn’t eat all day on the set, so when he returned home he could have a large meal with his family. I guess this was to keep his weight in check and maybe to keep his family in check. He was very svelte and thin. The family part of the plan I’m not too sure about because after the meal service I served his son, who was
just a toddler, a bowl of ice cream and he threw it at me! Seriously, chocolate ice cream all over my uniform! I was waiting for some kind of a reaction from him or his wife, but they brushed it off, like it was no big deal that their son throws ice cream at people. Please.

LANA TURNER

Lana Turner was a huge film star mainly from the 1940s and 1950s, although she worked much of her life. Early in her career she was often cast opposite Clark Gable. Her most famous role was most likely
The Postman Always Rings Twice
. She was another famous movie star who was married eight times, although most people think this unique to Elizabeth Taylor.

Lana was on a morning flight on Regent Air. She asked for caviar, which was fine, we served it, just not in the morning. That did not sit well with her. She had been told we served caviar and she gosh-darn wanted some! She threw a fit—she wanted caviar. There was a small amount of mayhem while the chief purser tried to acquire caviar. Well, this is the rich and famous
and if they want caviar at eight o’clock in the morning, then they should have it! Somehow the chief purser managed to get the caterers to the aircraft in record time with her caviar. The flight left twenty minutes late, but I am sure had we not gotten the caviar, she would have been difficult the entire flight.

GUESS JEANS: MARCIANO BROTHERS

The Marciano brothers were in the beginning of their amazing career. Their “Guess” jean line was just beginning its rise to fame and was yet to flourish into the brand it is today. There were four Marciano brothers, Georges, Paul, Maurice, and Armand, who traveled together. The eldest—the decision maker—led them.

When I asked for a beverage order, the eldest answered first, regardless of who I was looking at. He replied, “Coffee black,” and then the next brother answered, “Yes, coffee black,” and then the next brother, “Yes, coffee black,” and the last brother, “Yes, coffee black.” It was all said so fast as if it was a comedy sketch, but of course it wasn’t. When it was time to take
their lunch order, the exact same thing happened. I couldn’t help giggling to myself, because I knew they didn’t do it on purpose, it was just how they were. They weren’t laughing, but I was dying inside, trying to suppress a full core meltdown because it was hilarious! Every course, the exact same thing happened.

If I did not have four of something, I never offered it to the Marciano Brothers as I knew whatever the eldest brother wanted, the others would follow suit. I guess it was respect for your eldest brother that traveled down the lineage?

OJ SIMPSON and MENENDEZ BROTHERS

Well before all three of them ended up in prison, they flew with us on Regent Air. Before OJ was considered a murderer by most, he was actually a pretty nice guy. He always had a smile on his face and was very polite – How’s that for an oxy-moron!

The Menendez brothers flew with us many times – with their parents. And yes they were alive. Why would you kill your
parents when there are taking you on private jets? Hell, I’m glad I made it out alive.

ROBERT EARL

I was flying on a Gulfstream out of Burbank for Planet Hollywood. Robert Earl started the Planet Hollywood restaurants after leaving the presidency of the Hard Rock Cafés amid a huge scandal. It seemed that the Hard Rock Café was pissed-off that Planet Hollywood had “stolen” its theme. Robert Earl was my sole passenger. He was angry because his pasta was not al dente. Okay, mister, we are at 36,000 feet in two percent humidity, did you want to consider that? He was condescending, rude, and full of himself. He was the only passenger I refused to fly again.

ESTER WILLIAMS AND EDIE ADAMS

I had these two women on a flight, and they were absolutely delightful. I had no idea who they were. The next night I was watching a movie with my mother and I recognized Ester Williams. Ester Williams was a retired competitive
swimmer and movie star from the 1940’s and 1950’s. She is known for “aqua musicals.” Edie Edams was the sexpot actress, singer and comedian from the same era as Ester Williams. Ester Williams was Lorenzo Lamas’ stepmother, who also did a stint on
Celebrity Apprentice
.

I had driven out to my parents’ to spend the weekend with them at our lake house. It was really cute because as I was watching the movie, I piped up, “Hey, I flew that woman last night! She was with Edie Adams, and they were so much fun.”

GUESS WHO

I was called for a four-day charter to take this man and his posse to perform two shows. This man is the most clever, smartest, fastest thinking brilliant comedian I have ever been lucky enough to see (and fly). The lot of them were so dang funny, I had a permanent smile on my face and have never laughed so loud, spontaneously and often on any charter, ever. It would be impossible to fly with these men and not break out into hysterical laughter; I would bet my life savings that no one could
remain straight faced. He drank Bailey’s Irish Crème on the rocks stating, “Real men drink Bailey’s!”