Fly Like You've Never Been Grounded (Summer Lake, #4) (16 page)

“You're right. I admit it. I
am
scared. I'm scared shitless. I feel like I'm exposing my soul to you, and giving you everything you need to destroy me. That scares me more than you can know. But the thought of this....” He squeezed her tight. “Of you and me, ending now. That scares me a whole lot more.” His face looked pained. “I want to keep seeing you. See where this goes, but part of me knows...I can't give you what you want. Be what you need. You're right, if I walk away I am being a coward. But if I stay, maybe I'm being a selfish bastard and you just don't know it yet.”

Laura held him tight, relieved he was still here, but afraid of what he might mean. “Smoke, I don't think I can give you what
you
want, be what
you
need either. I don't know where we can even go with this. It would be easier, safer for me to run and never look back.” She looked deep into his troubled gray eyes. “But a part of me knows that if I did, I would spend the rest of my life looking back, always wondering, never knowing. I don't want to do that. I am scared, but I trust you, I believe you trust me. As long as we have that we'll do okay. So, let's just see where this goes, can we?”

He nodded. Then his hands were in her hair, his mouth was on hers, and she was lost. She couldn't know where they were going, but his kiss told her they were going somewhere. Together.

S
moke sat in the lobby bar waiting for Pete. It had been a while since they'd done this. It seemed whenever he flew Pete these days, Holly was along with him. This was like old times, getting together for dinner after Pete's meetings. Except it wasn't like old times at all. Dinner used to be followed by hitting the bars, checking out the ladies. In his case, going home with one more often than not. Now he had no interest. There was a blonde in a suit at the end of the bar who'd been trying to catch his eye since he came in. Not so long ago he'd have been over there by now, setting up the rest of his night. Tonight though, she barely registered. His radar for hot, available women was too finely tuned to not notice her—or the signals she was sending loud and clear—but that was it. He didn't want a blonde in Seattle, he wanted a dark-haired, blue-eyed beauty in San Francisco.

She'd taken him back to the airport early this morning. Even then he hadn't wanted to leave her. For the first time in his life he'd considered canceling a flight to be with a woman. Pete would have been pissed, but he'd almost done it. She'd insisted she had to get to work though. That they'd see each other soon, even though they hadn't figured out when 'soon' would be. As he'd kissed her up against her car in the parking lot, she'd clung to him. He'd clung to her, not letting her go until their kisses had left him with only two choices: leave, or get her into the back seat of her car and out of her dress. It had taken every last shred of self-discipline, but he'd left. All he could think about now was when he could see her again. He dug his phone out of his pocket and tapped out a text.

Come stay with me this weekend?

She wouldn't say no to that, would she?

I can't.  :(  By the time I get there I'd have to leave. Flying to London Sun night.

He shook his head. He hadn't meant for her to drive.

I'll come get you in Papa Charlie. Have you back to SFO in time for your flight.

He stared at his phone, waiting.

I'm not Dan! I can't afford jet fuel!

Oh. Yeah. He hadn't thought of that. Well, if they were going to do this, she needed to know.

I've got it. My plane. My fuel  :0)

This should be interesting. It took her longer to reply this time.

YOUR plane??? WTF?

He laughed out loud.

I told you the guys just lease him. No more excuses.

Be at the airport 5pm Fri, lady. If you're not there I'll have

to come find you!

This time she was quicker.

I think I like the come find me option – sounds like fun
:)

Good. No interrogation about Papa Charlie.

Either way. I'll have you Friday.

He hit send and waited a couple of seconds.

SEE you – I meant I'll see you Friday – honest :0)

She came right back.

I'll look fwd to it – and to SEEing you too.

Smoke spotted Pete through the window. He was handing his keys to the valet. He'd be here in a second, but Smoke couldn't resist sending one last one.

I'll come find you. I'll need to SEE you before we can go anywhere!

He stared at the screen a few more seconds as Pete came sauntering into the bar and pulled up a stool beside him.

“S'up partner. How's it going?”

Smoke grinned. “Just great. How was your day, dear?”

Pete laughed. “You're not going to let me off the hook for saying I don't want to lose you, right?”

Smoke laughed. “Too right. It gave me the warm and fuzzies to know how much you love me.”

Pete rolled his eyes. “Well it's true! I need you. I can't live my life without you.”

Smoke's phone beeped.

Can't wait to SEE you too  xx

He laughed and put it back in his pocket.

Pete was smirking at him. “It's not like you to give 'em your number.”

Smoke scowled at him. “What makes you think that was a woman?”

Pete laughed. “The goofy grin! Though I must admit I'm more used to seeing it on Jack's face than yours. In fact.... Who the hell was that? I've
never
seen that look on
your
face, Hamilton! What's going on?”

Smoke shrugged. “Nothing.”

Pete's lips quirked up in that weird little smile of his.
Damn!
He wasn't going to let it go. “It was Laura, wasn't it?”

Smoke shrugged again.

“Man! We're dropping like flies since we started to moving to Summer Lake! Jack and Em, me and Holly, Dan and Missy. And now you? I never thought I'd see the day that Captain Cole Hamilton got over his shit and fell for a woman again.”

Smoke scowled at him. There was no point denying it, but he wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it either. “I think I am falling for a woman, Pete. But I'm a long way from being over my shit.”

Pete nodded. “Well if the woman you're falling for is Laura, you'd better get over it in a hurry. I've heard Jack go on about her for years, and I'll tell you two things. First, she's as much of a flight risk as you are—and I don't say that lightly. Second, Jack sees her as his little sister, and you know what he's like.”

Smoke nodded. “I've already talked to Jack.”

Pete looked taken aback. “Damn. You must have it bad.”

“I do.” He was puzzled though, he had to ask what Pete knew, to call her a flight risk. “What do you know of her story?”

“Only what Jack's said over the last couple of years.”

Smoke raised his eyebrows, waiting for more.

“Don't you think you should be asking her?”

“Yeah, I do. But unfortunately I'm having dinner with you, not her. So tell me what you know.”

“You might want to work on your charm and persuasion skills?”

“I've got charm and persuasion down to a fine art. I just know I don't need 'em on you, Hemming. I already know you don't want to lose me, so you'll give me what I want, however I ask for it!”

“Wow! I'm glad I'm not a woman,” said Pete with a laugh. “I think they'd either be slapping your face or dropping their panties at that one.”

Smoke smiled though pursed lips. “It's usually the latter, but that's beside the point. Get back on track and tell me what you know about Laura.”

“She needed to get out of Texas a few years back, and Jack set her up in San Francisco. She was making her jewelry already. She's done pretty well for herself, opened a store, is building quite a reputation as one of
the names
to go to when the money crowd want something special made.”

Smoke nodded. “I know that much. None of it makes her a flight risk, though. What else?”

Pete shrugged. “She was engaged to a guy in San Francisco. Nice guy. I met him a couple of times.”

Smoke hated the way his heart pounded in his chest at the thought of her with another guy. He needed to think of him as an asshole, not a nice guy. Besides, he must be an asshole if he'd let Laura get away.

“For fuck's sake, Smoke! I said she
was
engaged. She's not anymore, so can you drop the murderous look?”

Smoke ran a hand over his eyes. “Sorry. Go on.”

“Like I say, he is a nice guy. It was a big shock when she called it off. His family is old money, their engagement had made the society pages. You of all people know how that goes, right? She went into hiding for a while. Jack went and spent some time with her. Apparently she cracked under the pressure, the expectations. The guy, Dale, wanted her home, there for him. He's a rising star in city politics. His family had tried to draw her in, make her one of the ‘ladies-who-lunch,’ all that shit, you know? According to Jack she tried to roll with it for as long as she could, but in the end she freaked and ran.”

Smoke stared out the window. He and Laura really were the same kind of animal. She'd run from being tied down just the same way he had. He should be glad to hear it. So why wasn't he?

“Earth to Smoke. You still with me?” Pete gave him a worried look.

“What?”

“Well, I'm thinking I probably just screwed up. All of that is for her to tell you, not me. But since I have told you, I'm wondering if you're going to talk to me.”

Smoke shook his head. “Not tonight, I'm not. Do you want to go eat?”

Pete nodded. “But do you want to eat here? I'd just as soon have a burger and a beer at the bar than go sit in the restaurant. Much as I don't want to lose you, I don't think we need a romantic table for two overlooking the water, do we?”

Smoke smiled. “Nope. I'm a cheap date when it comes to you. Buy me a beer and tell me about Laura and I'm all yours.”

“Come on,” said Pete. “Talk to me. Spit it out. I haven't seen you look like this since....”

Smoke cut him off. “Don't even say it!”

Pete held up a hand. “Okay. Don't bite my head off. You just look like you need to talk.”

“I do.”

“So talk?”

Smoke stared into space again, until he realized he was staring in the direction of the woman at the end of the bar and she was smiling at him. He shook his head looked back at Pete. “I'll tell you one thing.”

“About Laura or about Anabel?”

Smoke pressed his lips together to hold in the anger that still rose up every time he heard that name.

Pete raised his eyebrows. “Sorry partner, but you've not moved on ’til you can hear her name without wanting to punch someone. And there's no point talking about Laura until you have moved on.”

Smoke fumed silently for a few moments. “What I was going to say is that I almost canceled our flight today.”

“Why?”

“Because last night, when I took Laura back to San Francisco, I stayed with her. And this morning, I didn't want to leave.”

“So much that you considered canceling our flight?”

“Yup. That much.”

“Wow! Isn't that a good thing? You've never, ever done that, so what's the problem?”

“The problem is...Anabel—there I said her name out loud, happy now? And just so you know I am well and truly over it, I'll say it again. Anabel, for everything else she did to me, did me one big favor. She taught me that I am no freaking good for a woman. That in order to be what a woman wants, I'd have to give up on everything I want. You remember what she was like, all the times she wanted me to cancel flights, to give up the long haul, to put her first. Since her, I've done a good job of avoiding the whole issue. I refuse to give up who I am. But I like women, so I trade with them short term. I give them what they want, they give me what I want, physically, and I stay the hell away from anything more than that.”

“But with Laura you want more than that?”

Smoke nodded. “I do.”

“And what makes you think
she
wants you to be anything other than what you are? What makes you think she would want everything from you that Annabel wanted? Anabel didn't teach you what women want. She only taught you what one crazy-ass bitch wanted. The sooner you stop judging all women by her example, the better off you'll be. From what I know of her, Laura would run a mile from everything Anabel told you a woman needs. Hell, she did run from it. Think on that.”

Smoke did think on it as he sipped his beer.

“You know it's
her
you should be talking to, right.”

He rolled his eyes at Pete. “You were the one that wanted me to talk! And like I said, she's not here and you are.”

“So when are you seeing her again?”

“Weekend. Which reminds me. I'm taking the weekend off. If anyone needs to fly...tough.”

Pete laughed. “Fair enough. I don't think anyone does, and if anything comes up we'll make other plans. I've wondered for a long time if you were going to end up the creepy old guy at the end of the bar, still hoping the uniform will be enough to attract the ladies. This is making me think you might not.”

Smoke laughed out loud. “Thanks, Pete, and I thought you loved me!”

“I do. That's why I'm happy to see that you're finally ready to get over the past and build something healthy with a good woman. Now, if you'll just mend the bridges with your family, I'll know that you're really getting over it.”

Smoke scowled at him. “I have started mending those bridges. I've been out there twice in the last couple of months and I'm going again soon.”

“Good. Glad to hear it, and maybe soon you can take Laura to meet them, too.”

“Fuck off, Hemming!”

“Okay. I think that
is
enough for one night.” Pete raised his hand to the bartender. “Could we get a couple of menus? We're going to eat here.”

Smoke blew out a big sigh and slapped Pete on the back. “Thanks, Pete.”

Pete nodded. “Not a problem, old friend. When you meet the right one, she can prove that everything you think you know about women and relationships is completely wrong. That's what Holly did to me. It just took me way too long to see it. I think it's what Laura is about to do to you. If I can help you get there any quicker than I did, then I'm all in.”