Flaws and All (29 page)

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Authors: Shana Burton

BOOK: Flaws and All
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“You are my wife,” stated Charles, “and you are the First Lady of this church. Hold your head high, and know that you are the righteousness of God, no matter what anybody in here has to say.
“My saying this might drive some people away from the church or cause them to turn on me, but I can't worry about that. I'm not looking for a church made up of perfect people. This is a rest haven for the weak and weary who come seeking the Lord and His protection and forgiveness. No one in here has a heaven or hell to put you in, and that includes me. I can't waste my time focusing on the crisis, but rather, how God is going to lead us out of it.”
“Do you mind if I say something?” whispered Sullivan.
Charles passed her the microphone. “Say whatever is on your heart.”
Sullivan gripped the microphone and looked out into the congregation. “First off, I want to thank my husband for the kind words and his forgiving nature. I know that despite your best efforts, some of you—probably most of you—will still think I have no place at your side or at this church. If my actions have crippled anyone's walk, I'm sorry. Whether or not you believe that, I truly am, but this isn't about me.
“The fact that my husband can stand here and stick up for me when he has every reason not to shows what an extraordinary man he is, and if you've ever questioned whether or not he is a man of God, I think he's answered that question.” Several people applauded. “I messed up. I know I did, and I accept whatever repercussions may come of it. Even though God is forgiving, nature and society are not so forgiving. I will have to reap the harvest I've sown, but please don't take my sins out on my husband. He's a good man and an anointed pastor. Don't turn on him for loving me. He's only doing what God told each of us to do, which is walk in love. That's all I wanted to say.” She gave the microphone back to Charles.
A few people clapped; others grumbled amongst themselves. Charles held onto Sullivan's hand as he spoke again. “Now, you've heard from me, and you've heard from my wife. You are free to stick around as long as you want to dissect the ‘hows' and ‘whys' of it all. There's plenty of food in the back. Feel free to help yourselves and take some of it home if you'd like. Again, I thank you all for coming. I thank you for your support, and I love each and every one of you in here. God bless and good night.” With that, he whisked Sullivan to his office and locked the door behind them.
“Charles, you really didn't have to do that,” said Sullivan, who was appreciative but didn't feel worthy of his public support.
“Yes, I did. That wasn't just about you, Sullivan. I'm tired of the church keeping down the very people we're here to lift up. Do you think you're the only spouse in there who's cheated? A lot of people who needed to be convicted were, and a lot of people who needed to be were set free.”
“Well, I was if they weren't. I thank you for that.”
“Don't thank me, thank the Lord. I'm only trying to follow in His footsteps. I can't really claim to have faith and be forgiven if I can't withstand the pressure when I'm being tested.”
Sullivan nodded. “You're right—no test, no testimony. I hope you'll remember that when the press is ripping me into shreds in tomorrow's paper, saying that I cost you the election.”
“Things like that don't happen without God cosigning on it. I don't blame you. It just wasn't the thing for me to do, not now anyway.”
“You ran a good campaign,” she replied. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Yes, I do. I let winning blind me. Power can be an alluring drug. I wanted it so badly, you know? So much so that I didn't realize everything that I was sacrificing in the process.”
Sullivan put her arm around his shoulder. “You lost the election—big deal. You still have your job, your friends, and who says you can't run again in a few years and win?”
“I lost a lot more than the election, Sully. I lost you too.”
She exhaled. “Well, if it's any consolation, I lost me for a while there too. I get it, you know.”
“You do?”
She nodded. “Last night, I took a hard look at myself. I kept replaying our wedding over and over again in my head. Usually, when I do that, I think about my dress or how good it felt to have all my friends and family around, but last night was different. I thought about our vows and what we pledged to do for one another. I failed you, and I failed God. I felt so ashamed of my actions. I truly know what it means to be sorry for what I've done.”
Charles laughed a little. “Wow, look at us. It's been a wild ride, hasn't it?”
“Yep.” She rested her head on his chest. “It hasn't been a total loss, though. I think I've finally figured out what I want in life and what's really important.”
“What's that?”
Sullivan raised her head. “You. I'd give anything to have the chance to start over and get it right this time.”
“Can I make a confession? I've been thinking the same thing.”
“Do you really mean that, Charles? Even after everything I put you through?”
“It wasn't all your fault, Sully. Anytime there's a screw-up this big, more than one person is usually the culprit. I blame myself too. I didn't take of care you or put you first like I should have. I practically handed you over to Vaughn.”
Sullivan chuckled. “You know, if I never hear that name again, I could die a happy woman.”
“Is that how you feel about me too?”
She shook her head. “I could never feel that way about you.”
“Wow, it almost sounds like we're ready to give this marriage another shot.” He dropped his head. “Almost.”
Sullivan nodded, somber. “Yeah, I know. It's not that simple, is it?”
“You know, the first time I saw you, I thought, ‘My God, she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.' I just wanted to love you and wanted you to be mine. Nothing else mattered, and that's where the problem started.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sully, the only major decision I've ever made in my life without praying about it first was marrying you. I just wanted you so badly that I didn't care what the Lord had to say. That was my biggest mistake.”
“I'm guessing you don't think that God approved of this marriage.”
“Whether He did or not is irrelevant now. We stood before him and made vows that we're responsible to uphold.”
“So, you're saying it doesn't matter,” inferred Sullivan. “Even if God didn't approve, we still have to try because we made that covenant to Him and each other.”
“Yes, but that means that, as a couple, you'll have it that much harder. Sullivan, I counsel couples all the time, and the one thing I tell them over and over is that they have to be equally yoked. That goes far beyond just both being Christians. It's about sharing the same morals and beliefs and vision for the kind of family you want to raise and the life you want to lead. With us, though, I didn't take my own advice.”
“You don't think we're equally yoked?”
He chuckled. “Do you? You're this beautiful, free-spirited soul who wants to spend her days shopping in Europe and her nights jetting off to some other exotic place to live out another wild adventure. I'm just a simple, church-loving man, who wants to sit on the porch with my kids and my wife.”
“Nothing scares me more than spending my life doing that,” admitted Sullivan.
He patted her hand. “I guess we just want different things out of life, that's all. These are the issues we should've talked about and asked God to reveal to us
before
we got married. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, so it can't be an emotional decision like it was for us.”
“So, where do we go from here?” wondered Sullivan. “This sounds so final, you know . . . the end of an era.”
“It doesn't have to be the end, Sully. We vowed 'til death. This can be a new beginning if we're both willing to pray and make the changes that need to be made. If we're committed to each other and seeking God's will for our marriage, we'll be fine.”
“What if we try but nothing changes?”
“Things will change if you ask God and wait on His timing. Whatever happens, though, I don't regret a single day of my life that I've spent living with you”—he lifted her chin—“or loving you.”
“I was such an idiot. Why did it take you leaving me to realize what a good man you really are? I could kick myself—and Vaughn!”
“I want you to know that I'm not worried about the affair. I've forgiven you for that. You're human. I just hope you can forgive me for making you feel like that was your only way out.”
“There's nothing to forgive. You didn't do anything wrong. Let's just try to do this thing one step and one day at a time,” offered Sullivan. “Let's see where it goes and try to enjoy the ride.”
“You know, I could really go for a strong cup of coffee. What about you?”
“Won't you be ashamed to be seen out in public with me?”
“How could I be ashamed to be seen with the most beautiful woman in the city?”
She smiled. “You always know exactly what to say. I would love to have a cup of coffee with you.”
He extended his hand in a courtly affectation. She laughed and curtsied before sliding her hand into his. She didn't know what the future would hold, but for the moment, Charles was holding her hand. For the first time, that was good enough.
Epilogue
“Promise me it'll always be like this.”
—
Lawson Kerry
 
Six Months Later
 
“And you thought this day would never get here,” said Lawson as she smiled up at her groom during their first dance as man and wife.
“Well, it took long enough, but I would've waited a lifetime to make you my wife.”
Lawson laid her head on his chest while they swayed to the music. “Promise me it'll always be like this.”
“If I promise you that, it means our life can never get any better.” Garrett lifted her chin and kissed her. “This is only the beginning, Mrs. Bryant.”
Lawson held onto her husband, allowing herself to be totally in the moment and consumed wholly by his love. “I feel so blessed right now.”
Garrett gazed down at her. “Are those tears?” “Don't worry—they're the happy kind. I'm still taking it all in.”
“You want to sit down for a while? You've been on those pretty feet all day.”
Lawson shook her head. “I'm fine. I'm going to dance and smile and eat all night. I've never been this happy, and I want to savor every second of it. I have the rest of my life to sit down, but not tonight.” They danced a while longer before they were interrupted.
“Can I cut in?” Mark smiled bashfully. “I just need to talk to Lawson a minute before heading out.”
Lawson nodded, signaling to Garrett that it was okay.
Garrett kissed her on the cheek. “I think I'll go ask your new mother-in-law if she'd like to take a whirl on the dance floor.”
“Don't stay too long. Leave and cleave, remember?” teased Lawson before allowing Mark to enclose her in his arms. They stared at each other a second before succumbing to laughter.
“Well . . .” began Mark.
Lawson smiled. “Well . . .”
He gave her the once-over. “You know, I didn't think you could get any more beautiful than you were the day you bought this dress, but you've managed to outdo yourself.”
“I had a lot of help,” admitted Lawson. “That Sullivan is a one-woman glamour army.”
Mark shook his head. “It doesn't have anything to do with the hair or the makeup or the dress. You're happy. In fact, you're glowing. You made the right choice marrying Garrett. I don't think I could've made you shine like this.”
“You're part of the reason I'm so happy, you know. If things were still tense between us, I don't think I'd be feeling so good right now. I'm not even worried about Namon staying with you this week while Garrett and I are in Aruba on our honeymoon.”
“I appreciate you having that kind of confidence in me. We're riding up to North Carolina tomorrow to bring his sister down for the summer. I can't wait for them to meet each other.”
“Namon's excited about that too. It makes my heart smile to see the two of you forming a real relationship. To be honest, I never thought I'd see this day come.”
“Well, it wouldn't have happened without you.”
She pulled back. “Are you kidding me? I'm the one who kept the two of you apart.”
“But you're also the one who brought us together, and for that, I'm grateful.” He hugged her. “I love you, Lawson.”
“Is that the kind of thing you tell another man's wife on their wedding day?” asked Lawson, teasing him.
He kissed her on the cheek. “That's the kind of thing you tell family every day.”
Lawson smiled. “I love you too, Mark. Now, get out of here and stop hoggin' the bride!”
Garrett approached them as Mark was leaving. “We appreciate you coming out tonight and supporting us.”
“Well, we're fam now, right? Just remember that I'm one of those witnesses who heard you vow to love her forever. I intend to do everything in my power to make sure you stay true to your word,” warned Mark.
“Hey, that's what family's for.” The two shared an awkward hug.
“All right, enough of this male bonding,” teased Lawson, wedging between them. “How about some spouse bonding?”
Garrett swept his bride up in his arms and carried her off. Lawson shrieked with delight.
“Get a room, you two,” ribbed Reginell as she and Jody strode by the amorous couple.
“I'm sure they already have that covered,” replied Jody.
“Don't hate,” called Lawson over Garrett's shoulder. “You kids could be next.”
“
Whatever
!” Reginell replied and grabbed Jody's hand. “Come on, let's dance.”
Jody wrapped his arms around Reginell's waist, pressed her body against his, and said, “It would not be such a bad idea, you know?”
“What?”
“Me . . . you . . . a church . . . long white gown . . . some vows, some rings . . . 'til death do us part.”
Reginell raised an eyebrow. “Let's just stick to dancing for the time being.”
Jody took the hint and let it go. “It was just a thought.”
“Yeah, a thought whose time has yet to come,” said Reginell. She closed her eyes and swathed herself in his embrace. She laid her head on his chest. “Then again, 'til death do us part might not be so bad, and I
do
look good in white.”
“Mark my words: they're gonna be next,” predicted Kina, watching Reginell and Jody sway to the music.
Sullivan nodded. “They look great together,” she admitted, then followed up with, “and you better not tell her I said that!”
“I'm just thankful that he was able to convince her to give up all that dirty dancing. Lawson said that Reggie's actually thinking about joining the choir. I think singing for the Lord will be good for her,” said Kina.
“Kina, you have to try this cake,” gushed Angel. “It's so moist and delicious.”
“None for me, thank you.” Kina patted her stomach. “I'm trying to watch my figure, you know.”
“Mama, how come you're not dancing?” asked Kenny, licking cake frosting from his fingers.
She tickled his belly. “Because nobody's asked me yet.”
Kenny held out his hand. “Well, I'm askin'.”
Kina giggled and accepted the offer. “Wow, I must be special! The most handsome man in the room just asked me to dance.” Kenny and his toothy grin escorted Kina out onto the dance floor.
“He seems to be doing well,” noted Duke, watching Kina and Kenny dance.
Angel agreed. “Yeah, he's in counseling now. They both are. They're happier than I've ever seen them.”
Duke leaned into her ear. “You know what would make
me
happy right now?”
Angel eyed him suspiciously. “I'm almost afraid to ask.”
“If the most gorgeous woman in the room would dance with me.”
“Do you think Garrett would mind?” joked Angel.
“Lawson's all right, but the most beautiful girl is right here. Just don't tell Lawson I said that.” Angel laughed and joined Duke on the dance floor.
“Daddy, what about us?” cried Miley, chasing after them with her sister in their matching flower girl dresses.
Duke turned to Angel. “You think there's room for two more?”
Angel scooped up Morgan as Miley jumped into her father's arms. “The more, the merrier.”
Charles stealthily crept up to Sullivan's side. “You remember when that was us?”
She smiled. “You were so handsome in your tux, so proud and loving.” She sighed. “I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world that day.”
“You were . . . still are.” Sullivan blushed. “On our wedding day, I promised that I would always love you, didn't I?”
“You did, but I'm not holding you to that promise, especially not under the circumstances. I've been a pretty rotten wife to you.”
“Don't be so hard on yourself. We both made mistakes in the marriage.”
“Today marks eight months since the last time I've had a drink,” touted Sullivan. “The Christian-based support group you put me in contact with has been really good for me.”
Charles beamed. “Congratulations, Sullivan! I'm very proud of you.”
She smiled. “I'm kind of proud of me too. Now that I'm back to painting full time now, and we're slowly but surely getting back on track, my life seems to be making sense again.”
“We'll understand it better by and by,” quoted Charles.
Sullivan glanced around at all of the dancing couples and longed to join them. “How about a dance for old time's sake?” she asked Charles. He complied.
As if on cue, the ladies all looked at each other at the same time and broke into laughter. Their smiles were partly due to being happy to have survived the tumultuous year, but mostly because they were able to see each other through God's perspective. It was only then that they could see past all the flaws and imperfections. The road ahead wouldn't be easy, but with God and friends, it wouldn't be traveled alone, and was bound to be interesting.

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