Flawfully Wedded Wives (23 page)

—
Sullivan Webb

 

Sullivan felt compelled to apologize the moment she saw her father the next morning. He'd asked her to meet him at a park near his and Marti's hotel room. Sullivan could only pray that he knew she had nothing to do with Vera's antics and that he wouldn't hold it against her.

Sullivan hugged him. “I'm sorry about the Christmas party.”

“It wasn't your fault.” Samuel pulled away. “I don't want you blaming yourself for what happened.”

“How's Marti?”

“We had a long talk about it last night.” Samuel paused, pensive. “Marti made me take a hard look at some things.”

“Like what?”

“Like my place in the church and in the community and how it would affect Daryl and Thomas if this got out.”

“
If?
My mother announced to everyone at the party that I was your love child. I think it's safe to say that the word is out now.”

“Not necessarily,” Samuel said. “There weren't that many people at the party, maybe thirty or forty people, and none of them know Marti and me or live in Atlanta.”

“Yes, but what about when I come to visit? Won't people start asking questions about the young woman who is staying at your place or sitting with your family at church?”

“They won't ask, because you won't be there.” Samuel held her hands in his. “Sullivan, baby, we just don't think it's going to work.”

Sullivan was genuinely confused. “What's not going to work?”

“You know . . . having you in my life and all.”

She snatched her hands back. “What?” “Sweetheart, I have a family already. I have a life. I have responsibilities, and I've worked too hard—”

“Too hard for what?” she interrupted. “You've worked too hard for everyone to realize what a liar and a fraud you really are?”

“It's not like you're a kid anymore, Sullivan. You don't need me.”

“I
do
need you,” she cried, her voice going up an octave. “You're my daddy. I don't care how old you are. Every girl needs her daddy!”

“You've got a husband. Charles is a good man. He'll look after you just like I would. You've got your own family. You don't need me.”

Sullivan backed away from him. “So she was right. Vera told me not to get my hopes up. She told me not to trust you, but I didn't listen. I wanted it so badly. I wanted you, my father, to be a part of my life and my daughter's life so badly that I couldn't see the writing on the wall.”

“Baby girl, you're young. Just keep living. After a while, it'll all make sense to you.”

“I just got you back in my life!” Sullivan threw up her hands. “How can you walk out of it again? How can you walk out of your granddaughter's life? Is that the image of a man you want her to have?”

“Sullivan, you're a preacher's wife. You know better than anybody how this works. You know what this kind of scandal can do to a ministry.”

“Yes, I know exactly what it can do and how it can divide a church. I've lived it, but we got through it both as a church and as a family. Not only did we get through it, but it made us stronger.”

“I can't take that chance.” He lowered his head. “It's like I told you when you first came to me. I'm a coward, Sullivan. I don't deny it.”

Sullivan could feel her heart breaking. “I thought you loved me. You said you wanted us to be a family and get to know one another again.”

“I do, but there's too much at stake for that to happen right now. Maybe one day, but not now.”

“So this is it? You called me out here to say good-bye?”

Samuel hugged her. “It's not you, baby girl. Don't ever think this has anything to do with you.”

She sprang away from him. “This has
everything
to do with me! This isn't the fifties. So you had an affair thirty years ago. What does that matter now? Who cares?”

“It matters to a lot of folks who matter to me.”

A tear escaped Sullivan's eye. “Obviously, I'm not one of those people who matter.”

“I didn't say that.”

“You didn't have to.” She exhaled and quickly wiped the tear. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry for him. “You can't run from the truth forever, Daddy. You know these things have a way of getting out one way or another, don't you?”

Samuel's posture changed. He stood upright, and his eyes turned cold. “I hope that's not a threat, Sullivan. Don't try to go public with this. Don't forget, I know things about you too—things that you don't want to get out about that little girl. I can destroy your life as quickly as and as easily as you could destroy mine.”

Sullivan's mouth gaped open. “I told you that in confidence because you're my father and I was crazy enough to believe that I could trust you! And to think that you'd stoop so low as to use your granddaughter as a ploy or a means of blackmail is deplorable.”

“I wouldn't want to do it. Lord knows I wouldn't,” he insisted. “But I can't let you or anybody else ruin what I've worked so hard to build.”

Sullivan nodded slowly. “You know, I sat there and defended you when Vera accused you of killing Amber and trying to kill her in order to keep her quiet. I thought there was no way any father could do that to his own child. Now I can't say for sure that you didn't do it or that you aren't a murderer.”

“Sullivan, that was an accident,” he swore.

“It doesn't matter what you say, because I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth.” She shook her head. “There was actually a time when I felt bad that Charity would never have a chance to know who her grandfather is. Now I thank God that she'll never know what a sorry excuse for a man you truly are. It sickens me to think that a person like you has dominion over a congregation and that you have been trusted with the souls and lives of God's chosen people. You better pray that there isn't a cozy corner in hell with your name on it and that God will have mercy on you.”

“Sullivan, I'm sorry it's come down to this. I really am.” He kissed Sullivan on the forehead, pressing his lips hard against her skin. He knew that it was that last time he'd ever kiss or set eyes on his daughter again. “One day you'll understand, sweetheart.”

“No, I won't.”

Samuel nodded and turned to begin the walk to his car. Sullivan waited and watched him. A part of her was hoping he'd at least turn around for one last glimpse or to tell her that he loved her. He didn't.

Sullivan knew she had Charles's love. More importantly, she knew she had God's, but there was something about suffering another rejection at the hands of her father that Sullivan couldn't make peace with.

Burning with anger, Sullivan climbed into her car and strapped on her seat belt. “Who needs him, anyway?” she grumbled. Sullivan exhaled, and her lips began to quiver. Her vision became blurry from the tears filling her eyes. “I needed him!” she sobbed. “I needed my daddy.”

Sullivan sat in the parking lot and cried. She cried for Charity because she'd never know the joy of having a strong, loving grandfather. She cried for Vera and the price Vera had to pay for being foolish enough to love Samuel and what it had done to her. Mostly, she cried for the little girl who still lived inside of her, who wanted nothing more than to know that her father loved her.

—
Sullivan Webb

 

Sullivan returned home to find Vera in her solarium, having coffee and leftovers from the party.

Sullivan poured a cup of coffee and sat down next to Vera at the table. “Where are Charles and the baby?”

“Upstairs somewhere.”

Sullivan sighed. “You were right.”

“Right about what?”

“My father. He turned out to be exactly who and what you said he was. He's gone. I think it's for good this time. He said it would hurt his family and his church and, of course, his image too much for people to know he fathered an outside child.”

Vera laughed. “I ain't been wrong about a man yet!” She sipped her coffee. “But this was one time I was hoping I would be.”

“I used to wonder how a man like Samuel could fall for someone like you. I'm starting to think that you were actually the moral one in that relationship.”

Vera set her cup down. “Sammy ain't no different from any other man, Sullivan. Most of them are liars and cowards when it comes right down to it. It takes either a real strong or a real stupid woman to risk loving one. I stopped taking that chance a long time ago.”

“Did you really love him?”

“Of course I did. Sammy is the only man I ever
did
love, and it cost me everything.”

“If it matters, he claims that he really did love you, Vera.” Sullivan's lip trembled. “I just wish I knew why he doesn't want me.”

Vera cut her eyes over at Sullivan. “Don't do that. You know I ain't good with tears, Sully.” Sullivan sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “You might as well stop all that. It is what it is.”

“Can't I have at least one person with my blood running through their veins to love me? Why do I have to be everybody's reject?”

“Jesus Christ!” Vera uttered as she stood up. She walked into the guest bedroom to retrieve her purse. She rejoined Sullivan at the table and pulled out an address book. She dug a wrinkled-up piece of paper out of her purse, copied an address out of the book, and handed it to Sullivan. “Here.”

“What's this?” She read the paper. “Who is Luella?”

“That's Luella Sullivan. She's your grandmother on your daddy's side. That's her phone number and address.”

“Why are you giving this to me?” She thrust the paper back at her. “I don't want anything else to do with those people.”

“Well, I'm asking that you make an exception for your grandmother.”

“Why? So she can reject me too?”

Vera sucked her teeth. “Please, the woman is in her eighties. She's too close to meeting her Maker to be nasty to anyone!”

“I have no desire to test that theory. All of 'em can go play in traffic, blindfolded, for all I care!”

“If we're talking about your daddy or that witch he's married to or your no-account granddaddy, I say yes. But not Miss Luella She's different.”

“Why?”

“Because out of everybody in that family, she's the only one who ever cared anything about you.”

Sullivan furrowed her brow. “How do you figure that? She's never said or done one thing for me.”

“Whether or not they admit it, they all knew about you,” Vera acknowledged. “Of course, a whore like me wasn't good enough for Judge Sullivan and his family, but Luella came to see me right after you were born. She knew she couldn't publicly recognize you as one of her own, so she did it in private. Every time you had something at school, she was always there in the background, watching. When you went and got yourself locked up when you were thirteen, she was the one who pleaded with the folks to drop the charges. She always made sure you had Christmas presents and birthday gifts.”

Sullivan couldn't believe what she was hearing. “I thought that was all your doing.”

“Sullivan, you know I'm way too selfish to spend my money on you, but your grandmother did. In her own way, she loved you. She's the only one from that family I have any respect for. She was even at your wedding.”

“She was?”

Vera nodded. “She sat in the back so nobody would notice her. You can hate everybody else in your family, including me, but don't hate her.”

“Where is she?”

“She's still living near Savannah, over in Metter. Her address is on the paper, along with her phone number. You can call her if you want or not. It makes no difference to me, but I get the feeling it'll make a lot of difference to you.” Vera stood up. “Well, I guess I better be headed back. I need to get out of here before you and Charles start throwing all that religion around.”

Sullivan stared down at the paper. “Vera, you know what you said about not wanting to risk loving again? I was like that too. If I didn't have Charles and God in my life, I would still be the same way.”

“See? That's what I'm talking about! I'm leaving.”

“Wait.” Sullivan took her mother by the hand. “Knowing that God loves me made all the difference. I gave my heart to Him because I knew I could trust Him to send me a man who would take care of it. He sent me Charles.”

Vera poked out her lip. “Maybe one day I'll give all this God stuff you and Charles keep talking about a try. If it saved you, there might be a little hope for me.”

“I think there's a lot of hope for you, Vera.”

Vera looked at Sullivan and squeezed her arm. It was the closest thing resembling a hug that she'd given Sullivan in years.

“All right, I'm gonna go tell my grandbaby good-bye and then I'm out,” said Vera.

“Okay. Call me when you get there.”

Sullivan sat down and looked at Luella's contact information again, debating whether or not it was worth risking her heart being broken again. According to Vera, it wasn't. Then again, Sullivan never was one to listen to her mother.