Fixated On You (Torn Series #5) (16 page)

I knew the second that Emma didn’t pick up my call that something big was going down. It was the weekend, so I had enough time to book the next flight out and get to her before she ruined us both. With Emma and how insecure she’d been lately, it didn’t take a man like Einstein to know what was running through her head.

One thing was running through mine, and that was to save our relationship. True, I had been MIA in her life over the past week, but I intentionally did that to help her calm down. It was
me giving her space, hoping that some time of reflection would enlighten her that our relationship was worth fighting for; worth everything to live for. For me, most especially, she was my beginning and my ending.

For the entire flight duration, I was antsy, praying to the gods that nothing was going on.
That when I did come to see her, she would be willing to listen to my side and not shut me out.

Since Lou had already been ordered to leave the car in the LAX garage, I was planning to drive home and check if she was still there. If she wasn’t, I was going to head to her house in Santa Barbara. Then, if she wasn’t there, I’d wait out, knowing that she was bound to come home sometime. If none of those options worked, I’d hire people to hunt her down.

It was a known fact that my lovely woman liked to run away and not face the music; me. I wasn’t going to let that happen. No, especially not after what we had gone through together.

Without each other, we’d both suffer. The last break-up was proof of that. I was going to fight for us, tooth and nail, until my dying breath
; unless of course, she decided to jump into another man’s bed and ruin us both. Even then, though, I still might fight for us. The only time I would back off—and I think she knew this, too—was if the time ever came that she went back to him; Carter Mason. That would definitely seal our demise.

For now, I was focused on plan A, hoping that talking would fix this problem.

Whoever released that damn video, though grainy as it was, definitely hadn’t hidden the fact that the receiver of that fellatio was, in fact, yours truly. Since it was Nikki doing the deed, it could never be her unless she’d had someone tape it, which I wouldn’t put passed her because she was demented that way.

The video was the main thing that had prompted me to panic because it immediately went viral online. That magazine spread of Nikki and I looking as if we were a little happy family had then clouded my already dampened mood. I wasn’t aware of any of this until the filming was wrapping up for the day and one of the camera men had tapped me on the back stating that I should make up my mind about Emma because she was too nice of a girl to be led on by a man who couldn’t choose.

Baffled, I was about to get into a brawl until someone threw the damn magazine on the table. Then someone handed me a phone with the video playing at full volume.

Yeah, it was embarrassing to be scrutinized like a womanizer, but I was more troubled that people could easily be brainwashed by certain things they saw and follow all the lies that others fed them.

My heart only loved Emma. My cock only graced her body. From the second I touched her in Munich during that press junket, I had been hers, through and through. Not only that, but I only yearned her. Emma should know that surely?

When I called her and she didn’t pick up my call, which was unusual, a red alert had been raised. I had instantly known that something was up, or that she was never going to make this easy for me. I could endure it all—her punishments and whatever she wanted—but I couldn’t, for the life of me, survive if she left me for the third time.

I was a brave man—I could tackle whatever life threw at me—but take Emma now and I’d die with heartbreak. She was my reason. My everything. The only purpose I had in life to keep going and not give up. Though my life was shit at the moment, the thought of spending my future with her was the only thing that warmed me.

High with adrenaline, I gunned my car the second I got into it, routing towards our home, and if she wasn’t there, I was heading straight to Ventura County to find her.

The second my car entered the gated driveway and I saw her parked SUV, I sighed with relief, however it didn’t last long. Dread settled in, ebbing that relief away the moment I spotted her luggage on the side of the car with boxes of her personal effects situated next to it.

My eyes darted to the front door hanging ajar as I got out of the car, drastically out of breath while I ran inside and started looking for Emma. From the look of things, it seemed like she was in a rush, getting her things out of the house before she placed them inside her car, as if she was in a hurry to leave, or hoping that she wouldn’t run into me. She knew me so well. Deep down, she’d known that I was going to come back and come after her.

Fear consumed me. Dread settled inside my heart. Helplessness started to emanate slowly. With every step I took, all of these emotions got worse.
Emma, Emma, Emma
. She knew that I was going to come rushing back to LA, but her immediate reaction—moving her belongings out of our house—implied and reinstated most of my fears.

I was already here, and I hoped to God I had enough strength to persuade her to stay, enough love to shower her with as I hoped to ease her pained heart.

My eyes scanned the vast, open area from the kitchen, living room and whatever else my eyes gathered, hoping to find her somewhere. When I heard a loud thud that came from upstairs, I immediately took the steps two at a time, needing to stop this train wreck of madness immediately.

My heavy breathing stopped midway running up the stairs when Emma came out of nowhere about to descend, hauling much of her things in both hands and now wearing a shocked expression that I was here.

My throat bobbed upwards then downwards, making my heart stop beating for a few seconds before it recharged and started galloping at a speedy rate as we stared at each other, not knowing what to say.

“Emma,” I finally murmured, pained. “Talk to me. I can still fix this,” I begged with my voice, my eyes,
my heart. “Please.”

We had an eye battle for a minute. Two. Maybe even three. I wasn’t sure.

Slight relief reverberated through me when I saw her contemplating, looking away for a second so she could regain some composure.

Emma nodded before using the hand full of her stuff to wipe her eyes. “Let me put these away.” She slowly walked passed me, barely glancing in my direction as she went down the stairs. I watched in agony as she went outside and placed her things next to her car.

With heavy footing, I detached my foot, one after the other from where I was frozen and slowly moved towards the foyer area, situating myself next to the cool waterfall. Leaning against the chilled marble wall, I closed my eyes and tuned my psyche to calm myself down as I listened to the soft cascading water. It used to calm me, but today, nothing seemed to work.

How many times did our relationship have to restart and be restored? Each time we tried, something always attempted to threaten it. Each time I convinced myself that every trial made us a stronger couple. However, looking at Emma now, I was more persuaded that the effect was the polar opposite. Those trials did in fact shake our foundation. They had weakened it.

When the sound of Emma’s shoes started to get louder, indicating that she was on her way back into the house, I let out a long breath, hoping that she would let me speak; that I would get a chance to explain before she started jumping to colorful conclusions.

“Bass,” she spoke, making me flutter my lids open.

The woman before me was still the same woman I fell for and loved with my everything, but she also held something hard in those blue depths that were zeroing in on me, like she didn’t hold any compassion or understanding.

This newly noted emotion caused more uneasiness and agitation in me. “I apologize for the hundredth time for causing you pain. You must understand this didn’t come from me. That video was in Dallas, Em. I swear I don’t even remember it.” Which was true because I had been plastered as hell and all I could think of was her, Emma, and how much I missed her back then.

Her eyes darkened, slicing me in two. “Yeah, cause you were probably drunk off your ass! I’ve had enough of this shit, Bass.” She pressed her lips, looking away. “It’s enough…” she continued whispering. “I can’t handle anymore of this. I don’t have it in me. I just can’t.”

I moved a few steps closer, an arm’s reach away. “Don’t. Please, don’t,” I choked up, feeling hot all over from the fear of losing her. This time, I knew it would be for good. “I don’t know how to live without you. You’re my life… Why would you be so cruel to take that away?” Tears pooled in my eyes. I was begging for another chance. Some might think I didn’t deserve one, but all I had ever done was love this woman. From day one, it was what I’d done, and yet, loving her wasn’t enough, apparently.

Hard eyes stared back at me before she snorted. “Haven’t you hurt me enough? What more do you want from me?” she screeched, teary and hysterical, looking like she was about to hit me. “You ruined me inside, Bass. All you do is hurt me. I’m tired of being in this pain. The happiness I get from being with you for the short time when we’re together is not worth it anymore.” She paused, pleading. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay with you.”

Had she really gone through and started hitting me with her fists, I’d rather take physical pain than this crippling emotional one. Anything but this
; I’d take any punishment. “What do I do now, Em?” I didn’t even dare wipe my tears away; I was too weak to do that. “My world is centered around you. I’m in love with you. I want to marry you and for us to grow old together. I wake up only thinking of you. You’re the last thing I think about before going to bed, but you know all that, don’t you? No matter how much I beg now, you won’t change your mind.” My world was falling apart. Right here. In our home.

Emma started shaking her head, rejecting whatever I was telling her. The second she lifted her left hand and started to pull my engagement ring away, I dropped to my knees before I started walking towards her using my kneecaps to get to her. I was weakened, my heart was in shreds, and my throat felt constricted, but I pushed through, reaching her side.

“Emma,” I murmured, silently weeping as I dropped my head onto her thighs, begging for another chance. “This is going to kill me, Em.” I wrapped my arms around her legs, not wanting her to move away from me, forever. “I can’t survive without you.”

“Bass, get up.” Her arms tried to lift me off, yet I was stubborn.

I stayed put, praying in vain that she would pay heed to my desperation. “Not until you take me back,” I persisted.

She sniffed. “Please, let’s not do this,” she whispered so
softly, however the hard drive behind her voice was evident.

Emma was unshaken, unabashed to the fact that I was on my knees as I held on to her with my life, hoping that she wouldn’t throw me away, but it seemed that she had already made up her mind about me. How could she? I didn’t understand how someone could so easily throw away the future we once enthusiastically discussed from dusk ‘til dawn. It was staggering.

Let’s not do what? How could she take this so lightly? “You’re asking for the impossible.”

When she snorted in disbelief and started to laugh like this was a whole fucking joke, it made me look up and watch the absurdity of her laughter.

“Do you remember when I came here, drunk off my ass at three in the morning, hoping you’d take me back and you told me to fuck off?” She looked around, as if replaying the scene before her very eyes. “It feels like that now, but the situation’s reversed.” She paused before looking down on me, undaunted. “This is me telling you to fuck off, Bass.”

Things had been different then or were they? We were engaged this time around, and yet, she had the audacity to throw that back at me. Emma’s murderous glares, her determined chin and her sharp attacks clearly told me that whatever hope I wished to attain had never been there to begin with. She came out here with no intention of fixing things with me. Getting us back on great footing was hoping for the impossible. She’d made the decision of breaking things of with me in a matter of hours. She hadn’t even paused, thought or breathed for a second to settle in and speak to me about it like it was supposed to be. Instead, she was taking this bitter, sadistic route of stepping all over what we had while, at the same time, squashing me into smithereens.

She was out for blood. This was her revenge.

If being apart from me was going to make her happy, then who was I to stop her? Always, each and every single time, I had always wanted her to be happy. Each time I’d let her go, it was always for her—even that last incident she’d just thrown in my face—it was me letting her go because I knew her heart was torn between Carter and I. So I’d simply made it easier for her.

I walked away, hoping that she would come to me months later, telling me that she was no longer in love with him; that yes, it was just the two of us and no room for another person to be the big elephant in the room. That never happened, though, because she went straight into Carter’s arms. For six long months, I held off getting into any sexual relations because I wanted her to come back. For once, I wanted her to choose me without hesitation or doubt.

“Let. Me. Go.”

Each word pierced my soul. Dropping my head down, I told myself that it was over. That no matter what I said from this point on, it didn’t matter anymore. Words meant nothing to Emma, and neither did I.