Fixated On You (Torn Series #5) (11 page)

“So instead you choose to hurt me.”

“It’s not like that, babe,” I murmured, reaching out to him, but he wouldn’t look at me.

“Isn’t it? If you were in my place, you’d feel like shit, too.”

What other choice did I have? “I was with him physically when I met you… I made a promise that I wasn’t going to let another man kiss me, let alone have sex before him. I broke that promise when I came back home as your girlfriend again.” The memories of my broken times flooded me. “He was there for me when you abandoned me, Bass.” Now it was
me abandoning Carter, the guy who stood there soothing my broken heart. “He held me in my sleep, crying. Every. Single. Night. Carter was there for me.”
I was a rotten person
, I thought as guilt took charge of my feelings.

“Are you sure you’re not choosing to be with the wrong man then?” Bass stared ahead, still not looking at me.

“
What do you mean?
” His question baffled me. We were engaged, and yet, he was still questioning this? What the hell!!!

Bass rested his head against the white leather, tufted headboard, exposing his sinful neck. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times before he decided to speak again. “If you need more time, I’d understand.” His voice sounded truly hurt. “I’m always going to be here.”

He was scaring me. Where was he going with this? “Why would you suggest that? You just proposed to me.” Would Bass leave me again? The thought brought chills all over me.

“I know what I want, it’s always you for me, Emma,” he rasped out. “But I wasn’t always yours.”

The tight coil in my stomach got severe. I had to make Bass understand. He did before; surely he could see it through my eyes again. “Carter rooted himself when he became my pillar of strength—my go-to person when I was feeling blue. Those months happened…all I’m asking is for a little understanding here.” I waited for him to respond, staring at him without risking a blink because I didn’t want to miss anything.

This was important to me. I merely needed time to make him happy.

He finally opened his eyes and gazed down at me. “Then you shall have it.” Bass smiled sadly at me.

Chapter 12

Bass

I see it in her eyes, she knew that her decisions were hurting me, however she was taking a stand in protecting Carter.

This was one of the things that I had to swallow and accept. I would have to try with all my might to understand somehow because I made a mistake in leaving her, thus resulting with me making consistent sacrifices. At the end of the day, as long as we both knew where we stood, as long as she remained honest and forthcoming with me, I could always compromise.

I loved her, which was all that mattered. These hurtful things were a pain to endure, and I was still learning the ropes in being in a committed relationship. I also believed, though, that if I couldn’t tackle these details now, how would I ever face future problems later on during our marriage? Even if this situation was upsetting, in the long run, it would all pave off. For now, I had to do what Emma was asking of me.

Emma scooted all the way up against the headboard and planted her legs on my sides before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me close against her chest. “Let’s not do movies tonight.” She kissed my neck. “Maybe doing this for hours would make you a little sweeter?” she suggested before backtracking. “On second thought, don’t answer that question.

“Well, maybe I have some news to cheer up my sexy sour puss.” Emma huskily laughed next to my ear while her hands were busy skimming about on my chest.

“Yeah?” I cocked my head to the side, brow rising, as I looked at her sunny, grinning face. “I could do with a healthy dose of good news.”

“It’s not really that exciting, but I want you to know that I declined the GQ spread.”

My, she had definitely got my attention. “I thought you wanted to do it the last time we spoke?” What made her change her mind? She never mentioned anything that could be the cause of her pulling out of a very important—well-renowned—men’s magazine.

“I did, you know.” She paused, smiling lovingly at me. “With all the bad press surrounding my name at the moment and then having me worry about your reaction with the final shots, I wouldn’t want to put that on top of all the pile of poop you’re on.”  Her head rested atop mine before whispering,  “I can compromise, too.”

Apart from the whole Carter debacle, Emma was truly showing how much she was trying to make me happy. “That’s good news indeed.” Her surprise visit and this GQ news was a good sign, but I was feeling somewhat guilty about it. “Thank you,” I said thoughtfully, wondering if I should say something more. 

“You’re welcome.”

“I appreciate all of the effort, my love, but if you really want to do this spread, don’t withdraw because of me. I’m not that guy that would hinder your future and the vast possibilities this exposure could do for you.” Holding her fingers, I kissed the tips before lightly sucking on her thumb. “We can make this happen, I’ll always be supportive of your work, never fear that.”

“Yeah, yeah, buddy.” She pulled away from my hand before sliding both of her palms upwards, towards my shoulders, slowly massaging them. “The decision’s done. Besides, I know you’re supportive even though the last thing you want is to have the world gawk at my semi-nakedness. You’re amazing; I know that already. Now, how about those videos, hmmm?”

Damn, we were back to that? I had prayed that she hopefully had forgotten about that whole thing—apparently not. “I’m still thinking…don’t have an answer for you yet.”

“Oh, come on; don’t be such a pussy.”

Was that pun intended? I was afraid so. “Taunt me all you like.” I was not going to budge here. Nah, I sure as hell wouldn’t.

She brushed her lips against my ear, using her sweet voice and hot breath to muddle my way of thinking. “Please? I promise to be objective.”

I groaned.
Seriously?
“Why, Em? I don’t fucking get it. This is baffling me.” What woman asked this question? Most would be mortified, yet then again, this was Emma. She truly had a way of always surprising me.

She sighed, though continued to remain as persistent as ever. “Maybe I just want to know more of you? This is a part of you—your desires—even if you claimed that you haven’t watched any of them since we got together, still…these were once important to you somehow.”

“Not important like
that…
” These were merely videos. They meant nothing to me.

“Okay, they were your jackoff vids. I get it.” She nodded, looking like she had just gotten the answer for a difficult mathematical equation. “I think I can deal with that.

“You’re crazy,” I blurted out, aghast that she was still pressuring me to bust out my phone and show her intimate videos of me with women I had before her. What now? Did she expect me to get some popcorn, too, while we watched back-to-back Basswhore raunchfest? Fuck. Me.

“Yeah, yeah, nothing I haven’t heard before.” She rolled her eyes at me.  “Show me one then maybe that will make me shut me up.”

What in the world was going on inside my fiancée’s head? I was starting to worry where she was going with this discussion, or the aftermath of said discussion was more like it. “I don’t know why you’re obsessing about this. Really, these are old.”

“Okay, great. Now show me.” Emma outstretched her hand, showing me her palm as she waited.

Think, damn it
. “Fuck, this is bad.” Maybe if I showed her a quick glimpse, she’d be repulsed and quit the subject all together?
Fucking hell and this hellish predicament
.

“Come on,
hurry
.”

I was done for. Whatever happened after this mini showing, I had no one to blame other than me. It wasn’t like I really wanted to, in fact, I was completely against it, but Emma was being relentless. If didn’t oblige her now, she’d never cease the nagging.

“One minute.”
Here comes my doom
.

“Two.”

Oh, she was negotiating this? Not a chance. “No, Emma, one minute is all I can agree with.” I stood my ground. This was all I would give. “I don’t even know why I’m talking; I weighed this a thousand times, and all those times I didn’t see myself agreeing to even a peek at it.”
But look at me now…

My crazy love simply winked at me. “‘Cause you can’t say no to me, that’s why, BC.”

Sadly, she could be right about that. The things we do for the people we love. God, Jesus, Mary and all the Saints, please let this be nothing and not some ploy to add more onto our ongoing problems.

Counting patience from one to ten, I took hold of my phone and painstakingly went through my folders. Unlocking the specific folder that had
all the past kink in it, I randomly chose a video and pressed play before handing it to her. A quick peek of the small screen was all it took before she had her hands all over it, giving me an idea of what and who she was seeing in the video.

“Oh.” She leaned closer, the tip of her nose almost hitting the glass screen, like she needed closer scrutiny. “Is that…?”

I pulled my hair to the side, hoping I’d pulled enough hair so I could feel some pain and be jolted awake and away from this extremely bizarre circumstance. “Yeah, that’s Lydia.”

“You—huh—umm, huh.” She pressed her lips together, unblinking as she soaked in the images playing before her.

That’s it; her one minute was up. “No more of this, Emma. That’s enough.” I yanked the phone away from her and shoved it on the side table without glancing at it because I was too keen on watching Emma’s beautiful face, hoping to have an idea of what she was feeling or thinking at the moment. “Emma?”

Her piercing blue gaze penetrated me, baring a look of something I couldn’t pinpoint. “I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t jealous watching that, but I admit, there’s some sick fascination to it.

She was quite a woman, that’s all I could say. Had it been the other way around, I could only see where things would be heading—to Hell. “That’s quite brave of you, but I don’t think I could muster enough courage to watch one with you in it.” It would fuck me inside out. “I just couldn’t.”

“Not even if it’s you and me?” she jested in a teasing tone.

Now,
this
was a subject I fairly loved to participate in. “Well, if you put it that way, then I’m all for it.” Oh, the possibilities this conversation could grant me. I sure as hell would be lucky if this dream of mine came to life, HD and all.

Emma snorted, lightly giving me a small pinch on my arm. “God, you’re so predictable.”

“Hey now, I’m only a man; a sinner through and through.” I was grinning like a beloved puppy. “What other good news do you have? I like where this conversation is heading.”

“Oh, yeah, I have one more,” she gleefully announced, getting my quick attention in a flash. “I’m thinking of adoption.”

Okay, that was random. Of all the things to hook her attention to, she wanted to adopt? “Whoa, that’s a huge deal. I mean…have you weighed the responsibilities and all that entails?” This was no joke. Surely she knew that?

Her eyes widened, twinkling with mischief. “Of course,
adopting a dog
isn’t a walk in the park, but I want someone to cuddle with when you’re not with me.” 

Ha.

“A dog,” I laughed, shaking my head at my stupidity. Why did I think that she was talking about an actual baby? “How about you wait for me until I get back this weekend? I’d love to go with you to choose the new member of our family.”

“
Oh, so we’re family now?
” she asked, considering me with scrutiny

Not the kind of man to intimidate here, Emma. “You bet we are,” I answered, not wavering from her heated gaze. Nope, definitely not melting under the heat those magnificent orbs radiated. “We’re practically married, you know.”

She pressed her lips together, showing a cute, tiny dimple on the side of her cheek before shaking her head like she was not getting it at all. “Damn,
did I miss the memo on this?
‘Cause I don’t feel married at all.” She cocked her head to the side, taking a moment and aiming for great effect. “In fact, I don’t feel like I’m Mrs. Bass Cole.” She paused, pretending to ponder as she nodded her chin a few times before shaking her head.
“Yup, still not feeling it.”

The woman loved to provoke the animal in me, much to my fevered enjoyment. “So you want to feel it, huh?” My carnal body throbbed. Immediate ache travelled, coursing all over me, before settling on one particular, pulsating area. “Then you shall experience the very
feel
of me, my love. I’m not stopping until your nice, tight, little kitty is all injured, bruised and drowsy while still creaming from the way my cock ransacked it, robbing you of everything you have.”  Without much forethought, my body took over, readying to charge forth.

Emma shrieked when I yanked her silk slip, ripping it in two. “Hey—that’s La Perla—
and I just bought
—”

I raised my brow, incredulous. “Didn’t you say you were my surprise present?”