Fixated On You (Torn Series #5) (15 page)

Clutching my engagement ring, I silently cried and held it close to my heart, praying that my fears would subside.
That, when tomorrow came, things would resort back to normal.

~E~

I was woken up by a drunk Bass at two in the morning as he stumbled into the nearest accent table before he finally found the switch that flooded our bedroom with soft lighting.

My heart reached out to him, knowing that I had played a major part of him putting himself in a stupor. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier; all of the hurtful things I’ve said. Most of them I didn’t mean. I was hurting and I wanted to inflict pain.”

“Go to sleep, Em,” he said, not looking at me.

He had to listen, at least. “Bass, please, let me explain.”

He sighed, letting his head fall as he squeezed the bridge of his nose before speaking, “I fucked up. This is all on me.” He breathed in and made a long, grumbling exhale sound. “I know. Each time I look at you, I know.” He started walking towards the bathroom, murmuring in his wake, “I’m sorry for all of this. This is all on me, Emma. All on me; so go to sleep.”

I could hear the shower running, but as I waited for him to finish showering I drifted off to sleep, much to my frustration.

I awoke the next day with a note from Bass saying that he didn’t want to wake me up before he flew out to Vancouver.

Honestly, I was so embarrassed about my abhorrent behavior that I couldn’t even bring myself to text him. I knew he was angry
at me, which only made it twice as daunting.

For an entire week we were both incommunicado. Not one of us tried to bridge the vast space that was now dominant in our relationship. But what could I do? I was the one who’d gone off the rocker, ranting like I was some loony bin woman, but still, he must know how embarrassed I was at the moment. A simple text from him would save me all the worry of wondering how he was.

If things continued going this way for another few days, I already knew I had to make the grand gesture of flying out there to seek forgiveness.

Bass might’ve said this was all on him, but I knew what I had gotten myself into, so technically, this was all on me really.

When would I have the guts to put on my big girl panties and fight for the man I loved?

Chapter 17

Emma

It was late afternoon Friday, and yet, I felt like I was aging and rotting with no perspective in mind. I was in bed, curling up after I finished the entire tub of a coffee Haagen Dasz ice cream with Gus looking at me like I was the most selfish bitch for not sharing a piece of my heaven. Honestly, where was my mojo?

“Don’t be such a puss, Gus. You can’t have coffee, in any shape or form.” I scratched the back of his ear, hoping he’d understand.

Glancing at my phone that was sitting on my bedside table, I sighed for the umpteenth time, hoping for Bass to give me a sign that he wasn’t mad at me anymore. Alas, he was staying mum, letting me simmer in my own pile of shit.

When that device indicated that I had a text message out of nowhere, I was on that phone in an instant, scanning to see
who the sender was.

Amber:
Hey doll, just wondering, is everything okay with Bass?

My entire body froze while my brain was going everywhere, wondering why she was asking this particular question when, in fact, everything wasn’t going a-oh-kay with us.

Me:
Just a little tiff. Why? What’s up?

Amber:
Thought I should ask. Never mind.

Umm, no.
WTF?
No one tells me to “never mind” it when I’m dying as to why and what prompted her to text me out of the blue. Typing like a mad woman, I tried to be nice.

Me:
Spill it or I’m going to hunt you down for it!

I was rude, but hell, I was freaking the hell out!

Amber:
Don’t bite my head off. I just thought the picture was misleading and I hate it…

Okay, where the fuck was the picture she was talking about?
I thought as I read her message… Then it hit me like a ton of bricks that had been blasted with a flamethrower followed by cannons, blow after blow.

Bass and Nikki on the front of a magazine cover. Him touching her belly while he was opening the car door for her. And those damn fools were smiling at each other!
What the bloody fucking crap is this shit?!?

Tears streamed down my face as I watched my phone drop on the carpet floor because my hands were shaking so badly, and frankly, I doubted that I had any strength left to keep it together.

This was what I’d feared most. Judging from Bass’s clothes, it was that day he’d gone with her to the doctors. We never spoke about what happened because I went off on him like a demented woman. That picture was deceiving, but all I could register afterwards was how happy they both looked; like a real couple that couldn’t wait to have their first baby.

I was curling up in a ball, holding Gus tight against my chest while I buried my face against his neck, hoping to die like this when my door was yanked open and in came a frenzied looking Lindsey.

“IN NO WAY ARE YOU GOING TO CHECK OUT SHIT ONLINE, you hear? Don’t you dare!” Lindsey was busy unplugging my laptop from its charger while her eyes scanned for something.

Gus barked at her twice, but Lindsey was not paying attention to him, nor me, which was troubling.

“What’s going on?” I mumbled, wiping my tears away.

Lindsey finally found my phone on the floor. “Damn these things are toxic!” she exclaimed, picking it up before finally giving me a look; a look I had seen before. One that meant that something horrible had happened and she wished that I wasn’t going to be hurt.

“Tell me. You know I’d do it for you,” I said, my voice shaking as I noted that this was about Bass. Anything that went with the Internet was connected with him. “If it’s about that picture of Bass touching her belly, I’ve seen it already.”

Lindsey looked at me, calculating if she should or shouldn’t. Those big, brown eyes contained immense sadness, scaring me even more. “There’s this video that was just released on TMZ and it has them together.”

Damn this day was getting worse. I hadn’t imagined that it could get worse, but
surprise, surprise
, I was in for a big shock.

“Say it,” I whispered, closing my eyes because I simply didn’t have the energy to keep them open.

Lindsey moved closer. “Emma—”

“Say. It,” I hissed while tears flowed freely off my face. I felt Gus move close, licking my knees like it was his way of telling me that he was here to comfort me when shit was going to blow up in my face any second now.

“It’s of Nikki going down on him. It’s grainy, but you could tell that it’s Bass and her.”

Did this happen recently?

Bass cheated on me? After all the vows, the promises,
our fucking engagement?
He decided to cheat on me?

Bass… Why was being with him so painful now? Why was my present continuing to be haunted by his past? Everything we did now involved Nikki. It was never going to stop. Everyone thought that I stole him from her. Did I? Was Bass lying to me all this time?

“I need to be alone, please.”

Lindsey tried to touch me, however I avoided it, hoping that she’d understand my need to be in my own pain. “Let me be here for you.”

“No.” I shook my head, not hiding my ugly cry anymore. “I need to be alone. I need it.”

She nodded with tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m here for you,
doll. Whenever you need me. Always.” She quietly shut the door, though I was aware that she’d only done it reluctantly.

Now all alone, I sat there, feeling like my insides where being lasered off, killing me slowly at the same time that I felt this big emptiness occupy my existence.

I went back to him for
nothing
. All we ever worked for came to
nothing
. My feelings for him were coming to a big load of nothingness. That was all what we were; a big pile of nothing.

There was a monumental silence as this realization floated about in my mind until…

The vomit started, rolling off in folds, as I ran for the bathroom. While I puked my guts out, hugging the toilet as if my life depended on it, my brain kept beating me to ruins.

Was this why he hadn’t contacted me all this week? Honestly, I wouldn’t even be surprised if this video had come from him. He did like to tape his women; all of them except me. Yeah, so all this week he was probably plotting our demise. This was probably his way of breaking it off with me because he hadn’t had the balls to do it in person. Yep, that was probably it.

There was nothing to do other than to let all the evil out of my system while waiting in vain until the nightmare was done.

Three hours later, I found myself with Gus next to me driving down the 101 Freeway, LA bound. I had two stops, which were both important to my mission of exorcising this wretched piece of my life.

Once those stops were done, only then could I ever move forward and never look back.

Bass was blasting up my phone, but I completely ignored it. No, this bitch was going to get it. They both could rot in hell for all I cared. I was fucking done puzzling this crap out in my head. I was so done compromising.

Fuck.

Compromise!

I knew my way to my first destination. Hell, I was only here once and I had only graced the curb, yet it was one location where I would never forget.

I didn’t ring the doorbell when I finally made it to Westwood. Instead, I banged on the fucking door because ringing the bell was for people with good intentions, where as I came for the fucking opposite. Because let’s face it, someone’s got to pay for my heartbreak. One way or the other, I had to vent out this toxic spew that was in my system.

After my loud banging and still the door hadn’t opened, I was about to use my foot and kick the fucking door down until my toes were black and blue when the blasted thing finally opened.

“Emma?” She sounded fucking shocked.

Huh? As if she hadn’t been expecting this visit.

“Can I help you?” A frowning Nikki greeted me.

Fake
. The fucking bitch was a fake! “Yes, you
can
fucking help me!” I snarled at her while I stepped inside her house, pushing her aside with force as I moved passed her form without care.

The second I heard her shut the door, I was on her like icing on a cake. “Fucking
explain this whole video to me because, frankly, if this came from you, you can kiss your life goodbye because I might possibly kill you right now!” I screamed at her, bunching my hands on the side as I tried my damnedest not to stomp her lying ass down on the floor and go at it like there was no tomorrow. I had never been into catfights, but boy, I was so pumped for it now. Interloping bitches be damned.

Nikki smirked before resting a hand on the side of her hips, looking at me like I was a sore loser. “You could go to jail for threatening a pregnant woman.”

The woman simply appalled me.

“
Fuck jail
and fuck you, Nikki!” I threw at her, provoking her evil side to come and play. Oh, yeah, her evil twin was going to come out sooner or later. “Oh, yeah, I said it! You were out to fuck with my relationship with Bass from the get go, so don’t stand there and pretend you didn’t know shit about this damn thing!”

Her eyes sparkled before feigning a sigh as she moved forward towards the living room area. Automated, I followed suit, needing my answers this instant. Today of all days was purely hellish. I doubted this day would ever be stomped because, surely, this topped everything.

Once she felt comfortable with her prolonged silence, giving me some more torture, I had to growl a few times before I got her attention, smiling so nicely at me—like the devil itself—I could see it in her. “Well… if you really must know…” She paused for effect, clearing her throat before continuing. “I think, and I’m not all too sure about this theory, but I think someone hacked into my phone or something. I’m not sure.” The Russian bitch dared check her nail beds, a finger at a time, dragging my anger out of its brim and restraint. “Besides, we both know you don’t belong with Bass. I do. We’re having a baby! Didn’t you see how happy he was in that mag pic?” That pathetic, taunting grin emerged again before batting her lashes at me, feigning hospitality. “Do you want tea or anything? I don’t do coffee around here since I’m pregnant, you know… but you do know that, don’t you?” Nikki dragged my eyes down to look into her burgeoning belly by rubbing it at the top softly.

I flinched, knowing that, yes, Bass did look stupendously happy in that damn photo. The more I stared at her belly, the more the jealousy blackened my vision while some things illuminated in the back of my mind perfectly. It was her tone, her evil smirks and her nasty delivery of her words that loaded with innuendoes that did it for me.

“It was you.” Everything fell into place. “You fucking released that video,” I whispered again, disgusted at her. Most of all, disgusted that I had trapped myself into her sick, twisted play. “Why?” I asked, knowing what the answer was going to be, but I needed her to say the words; I needed to hear them.

She smirked again, rolling her eyes like I was the dumbest person on earth. “It was time.” She patted her belly, speaking as if she was talking to it instead of responding to me. “The world needed to know that Bass loves me… we love each other.”

Make me understand this stupidity because, clearly, I’m the one who was at a loss here. I shook my head, not grasping her level of rationality. “
So this whole time, you’re saying that Bass was in love with you?
” I asked, dumbfounded.

“He does, the moment he knows you’re gone, he’ll come back to me. He’s all wrapped up in that whole first love thing with you, but really? That whole crap is gone and pure bullshit. It’s like hanging onto something that was once there, but doesn’t exist any longer.” Nikki looked me straight in the eye, serious and unapologetic, sending chills all over me. “We both know that he doesn’t make you happy. You have Carter, don’t you? He’ll make your life complete, like what Bass will do for me and my baby.”

The world was a toxic place because of people like her that existed amongst us.

I didn’t even blink once, nor did I hesitate. She didn’t see it coming, but I was on her in a heartbeat, ready to make my anger known,
mildly
. I slapped her, twice,
hard
, before cupping her chin and spitting in her face. “You’re fucking sick. May you and your twisted self have a happy ever after with Bass,” I hissed. “I’m fucking done with you all!” I pushed her back just enough to shake her guard, but not hard enough to make her fall flat on her ass; she was after all, pregnant, so I had to be a tad cautious.

I didn’t even run out of her rotten den, I strutted out of there like it was my runway. Damn straight, I did.

This fierce Emma wasn’t going down without a fight.

Next stop was to light Bass’s house on fire. Okay, maybe not, but you know, it was a nice thought.
A very nice,
tempting
thought.

I was on a roll, and by the end of this day, I was going to go home and sleep this nightmare away.

Onto the next one, the very last one.

Chapter 18

Bass