First Light (4 page)

Despite having laid awake most of the night trying to talk myself out of it,
I was taking time over my hair and applying my sister’s mascara and blush ready to go and meet Kalen. It was more effort than I’d made, ever, and I had no idea why I was even going. Not only that, but I was missing a class to do it. Third day back. Nice one. I waved away the negative thought; considering every teacher practically fell off their chair when I walked in the room anyway, I didn’t think my absence would be a big deal.

I didn’t have much to go on, so I went back to the beach where we’d sat yesterday at the exact same time.

He didn’t show.

I perched on the seawall with my legs dangling onto the damp
sand
for almost an hour, feeling so foolish that warm tears stung my eyes. Furiously, I squeezed them back and walked the two miles to school instead of getting the bus.

I didn’t see Mae for the rest of the morning. She was missing in French, which was the one class we had together. I eventually found her in the cafeteria sitting with Cheryl and Toni. I weighed up my options: I could go find some of the girls Mae and I used to hang out with, or I could stop being a baby and sit with my best mate. I took a breath and headed over.

Toni was flicking through a hair magazine looking for a new style.

‘That wouldn’t suit you,’ Cheryl was saying.

‘It’s the same as yours,’ said Toni with a pout.

‘Well, you’re not me are you? Your face is too long anyway, go for something shorter.’

Mae nodded along in agreement and I wondered at them all. Six months ago, Mae and I would have been testing out our French skills or deciding on which countries we were going to travel to in our gap year before university... or some days, having our own private jokes about girls just like the ones she was BFF with now. I considered telling Mae about Kalen, but scrapped the idea almost immediately. They would have questions about my dad I couldn’t answer. Plus I’d have to tell them he’d stood me up. Somehow, that wasn’t something I wanted to share in front of Cheryl Matthews, who had probably never been stood up in her life.

The rest of the week passed slowly. The days I could handle; even hanging out with Cheryl and Toni was a breeze compared to the nights on my own. If it were possible, the house felt more silent with each night that went by. Rachel had moved into her boyfriend’s apartment months ago, before Dad had become ill, but from time to time she still came home and stayed in her old room. Lately though, her visits were becoming more infrequent.

I was trying not to let it get to me, but ever since our solicitor had told me that Dad’s secret gambling problem meant the inheritance Rachel and I assumed we had coming was gone, I felt a weight had fallen on me. To top it off, in typical Rachel style, she hadn’t made it to the solicitor’s meeting, so it was up to me to tell her we were going to have to sell the house. I wasn’t looking forward to it. I wanted to crawl under my bed and never come out.

On Friday night, the perpetual ache in my chest made it impossible to sleep. Hours ticked by so slowly that eventually I was counting each minute. My radio alarm clock taunted me from my bedside table.

Tick-tick-tick.

I tried thinking of Kalen. Replaying in my mind the moment he’d given the waitress the money, to when he winked at me and said he didn’t want it back. But it would always bring me back to the fact that he had dealings with my dad and I didn’t know what they were. Considering Dad had ended up with so many debt problems, which were now my problems, I couldn’t help but wonder if the two were related. The ache grew.

Tick-tick-tick.

Tossing the covers aside, I went to my window and stared out. A thick layer of clouds covered the night sky, making it darker than usual. But as my eyes adjusted I could make out the rolling fields behind our back garden and the forest that had haunted my dreams as a child. I still felt like a child, but what good would it do me now? Now I had to be an adult, whether I liked it or not.

Tick-tick-tick.

Back on my bed I watched back-to-back sitcom re-runs until finally, dawn shimmered into my room. I hadn’t slept at all.

Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick – BOOM.

I found myself walking through the dense undergrowth of the forest that sat beyond the edge of our land before I was fully aware of my decision to leave the house. My clock radio lay shattered in pieces on my bedroom floor. I managed to find what I was after without much trouble. The small cabin my father had built was not far into the canopy of trees, nestled on the edge of a clearing.

The hut felt colder inside than out, so I was thankful for the portable gas heater Dad had left in the corner of the room. That and a foldout bed was everything inside. A plastic window looked out onto a frost-covered spider’s web. I wiped it with the cuff of my jumper to let in some more light, then I pushed the ignition on the heater until a small orange-blue flame replaced the clicking noise. Glancing around, I perched on the icy bed, pulling my knees up to my chest and waiting for the air to warm.

When my toes no longer felt numb, I emptied my small bag on the bed. Three books, a packet of biscuits and a bottle of water fell out. I lay back and began reading, becoming distracted by a large house spider in the room with me. It made its way from the floor to the ceiling and positioned itself in a ray of early morning sunlight. I wondered if my dad had looked at the same spider. The pain in my chest returned.

Walking around outside, the fresh air helped a little. Eventually though, the cold forced me back inside and in front of the heater. My stomach growled in appreciation as I crunched down on the first of what was to be many Jammy Dodgers. Midday came and went. I stacked my books, un-stacked them and read each back cover at least five times before arranging them on a cardboard box, using two small rocks to hold them in place.

As I finished my last biscuit, I wondered if anyone had noticed my absence at home. The thought got me through a few more minutes and finally I curled into a tight ball and managed to fall asleep.

When I woke it was getting late. Soon, the whole cabin would be plunged into darkness. I cursed my stupidity and looked under the bed.
Surely Dad had a way to light the place in here somewhere?
Pushed up against the far wall was a small box of candles. Rummaging through it for one suitable, the sound of footsteps approaching outside catapulted me upright. I held my breath, trying to hear over the pounding in my chest. Maybe Rachel had sent Jared to look for me.

The door creaked open and I bit back a gasp. I hadn’t expected Kalen.

He scowled at me from the doorway. ‘You’ve had people worried.’

‘Oh, it’s you. What do you want?’ I said, feigning disinterest and tossing the box of candles back on the floor.

He walked in, closing the makeshift door behind him as much as the out-of-place hinges would allow. Because the room was so small he could either sit on the bed with me or stand by the window about three feet away. He chose the window. Trailing one finger across my improvised bookshelf. I didn’t repeat my question, though he made no move to answer it either.

‘Kalen?’ I said. Enjoying saying his name a little too much. ‘You stood me up the other day.’

‘I tried not to,’ he replied.

It sounded like an honest answer, but I wondered what he meant. As far as I was concerned if you didn’t want to stand someone up, you didn’t. ‘Why are you here?’ I asked with exasperation.

He shrugged.

‘You don’t speak much, do you?’

‘Sometimes.’

Sometimes what?
‘How did you find me?’

‘I’m good at finding people.’

‘Okay then,
why
did you find me?’

‘Why here?’ he asked suddenly.

I followed his gaze out of the small window.

‘My dad used to come here,’ I said before I could think. I clutched my stomach as a sharp pain rushed through me at the memory. ‘He thought we didn’t know, but sometimes late at night he would sneak out of the house, not coming back until dawn. I followed him once. I don’t know why he liked it here, but I suppose it just gave him some time away from us. I didn’t consider it much, but it must have been hard having to bring up two girls by himself,’ I reflected sadly, ‘Rachel doesn’t know, please don’t tell her.’

‘I don’t know your sister.’

I couldn’t see his face, but I thought his voice sounded kinder somehow. I stared at him while his back was turned. Without his hat, I could see his hair was dark blond, cut short with no particular style. He was dressed entirely in black, like before. Timeless clothes. He didn’t dress like anyone our age – or anyone older for that matter. He definitely had his own style. I tried to put my finger on it. Practical? Still, the fitted sweater clung closely to muscles hiding beneath; I doubted there was much he wouldn’t look good in.

He turned around and I averted my eyes.

‘You need to get home,’ he said. ‘Being alone in the woods is no place for a young girl. You of all people should know that.’

‘Why me of all people? And who are you anyway? You haven’t told me anything I want to know, but you expect me to leave here with you. Are you mental?’ I was serious about the last part: he definitely had me questioning his sanity.

His face broke into a wide grin. I hadn’t seen him smile and the transformation was startling. He had without a doubt, the best smile I’d ever seen. Bright and disarming with deep-set dimples piercing each cheek, it lit up his face and I was forced to look away to catch my breath.

‘I do expect you to leave here with me. I’ll make you if I have to.’ His smile continued with an arrogance I wanted to hate, yet found myself blushing at.

‘Tell me how you knew my dad,’ I insisted.

He seemed to think it over and then with a measured tone said, ‘You told me you have responsibilities at home – your sister, your niece? I don’t think you’ll stay here long, Red. If you insist, I’ll stay with you, to make sure you’re safe.’

I pulled my hair back from my face and let out a lungful of air. But I knew I was no longer mad. I actually wanted to go home. I wasn’t even sure why I’d left in the first place and I definitely didn’t want to stay alone in the woods after dark. I refused, however, to have some smart-aleck stranger tell me what to do.

‘Stay, see if I care,’ I retorted.

He hesitated, then shrugged and kicked off his shoes. ‘Awesome, I was looking for a way to kill some time anyway.’

Sitting on the rickety bed, he bounced lightly on the springs and arched his eyebrows. ‘This is going to be tough to sleep on with two of us,’ he noted. Lying back, he closed his eyes. His long legs hung to the floor.

While I knew he wasn’t really sleeping, I was a little lost for words at his calling my bluff. ‘You can’t sleep on the bed with me.’

He opened one eye and looked straight at me. ‘Where should I sleep, the floor?’

‘I don’t want you to stay here.’

‘I don’t want
you
to stay here.’

‘Get out,’ I huffed.

But he’d closed his eyes again, stifling a smile.

I changed tack. ‘Kalen, why are you here? Why do you care what happens to me if I stay by myself in the woods all night? Stop evading my questions and I’ll let you take me home.’

He kept his eyes closed for a while longer and silence lingered in the room, broken only by birds outside and the wind picking up through the old oaks.

‘I stopped by your house,’ he said finally, sitting up straight. ‘I overheard your sister talking on the phone. She was… worried. I wondered if you were okay, so I came to check.’

With a gulp, I asked the question that was on the tip of my tongue, ‘Why?’

‘Young girl, father just died. I had nothing better to do anyway.’

I pressed my lips together – I would never get a straight answer out of him. ‘Hey, hang on. You were at my house? How do you know where I live?’

‘No, my turn to ask a question.’

I folded my arms across my chest, trying my best to look cross.

‘What is the point of this?’