Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel) (26 page)

“Jesus, Sara. What is wrong with you?” she barks at me, but I ignore her.

My eyes are scanning for him, and my heart lodges in my throat the moment my eyes connect with the side of his face.

A face that I’ve missed so much my chest physically hurts.

A face that used to look at me tenderly when I was having a bad day.

A face that is currently staring at the gorgeous woman in front of him, who is smiling at him as though he is the best thing since sliced bread.

A face that has that sexy “bad boy” smirk that he does when he’s flirting.

Everything around me tunes out. He’s here. With a woman.

Ramzi steps beside me and says something but my ears are useless with only the sound of my own blood rushing through them. She follows my line of sight, and I know when she sees what I’m seeing because she grips my arm, pulling me back into the world of sound.

“Let’s go,” she whisper-shouts into my ear. I shake my head, unable to tear my eyes away from what’s happening in front of me. He reaches forward and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, causing her to lean into his hand, almost nuzzling it before he pulls back and scans the crowd on the other side of him.

A guy steps up and stands beside him and I recognize him immediately. It’s Destry. He stands beside Eli for a moment and says something to him before hugging the blonde and striding off. My eyes follow Destry as he walks away, pulling his car keys from his pocket.

I’m almost afraid to look back over at him, when Ramzi once again brings me back to earth. “We’re leaving,” she demands. She takes the beer from my hand, setting both our glasses on the table beside us before grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the exit. Just as we’re out of the fenced in area and onto the sidewalk, I chance a glance back at him and meet his shocked expression. His eyes are glued to me.

I don’t give him my emotions. I return my gaze to Ramzi as we walk away.

The moment we’re in her car, she turns to me. “Are you okay?”

I don’t really know how to answer that. Yes, I’m not breaking down, but my heart broke a little bit more the moment I saw him give her the affection that should belong to me. He was already back to his philandering ways less than a month after we last spoke.

“I’m fine, but I need to go home now,” I tell her. She nods and starts the car without another word.

We drive in silence until Ramzi pulls onto my street.

“He misses you, Sara,” she says cautiously. I shake my head because I don’t want to hear this. “I haven’t told you because you don’t want to talk about him, but I’ve seen him a few times at the bar with Ben. He always asks how you’re adjusting to Arizona, how Diesel is, if school is going okay. He asks even though he knows I won’t tell him. Hell, even Ben was on me the other day because I won’t tell Eli anything.”

I finally let the tears fall, because her telling me he misses me after witnessing him with another woman both angers and confuses me.

“I don’t want to hear this, Ramzi,” I choke out as she pulls into my driveway. I’m out of the car and heading to the door before she’s even completely parked.

“Damn it, Sara. You’re going to listen to me,” she yells at she runs across the front lawn, trying to get to me before I get inside. I start to run but her legs are as long as my entire body, and she tackles me to the ground before I can get more than a few steps.

“Get the fuck off me, Ramzi,” I laugh out, because I cannot believe she just tackled me in my own front yard… in a short-ass dress.

She pins my arms beside me and sits on my hips, straddling my legs. I’m sure my neighbors are getting a kick out of this.

“No, you’re going to listen to me damn it,” she responds with frustration. “I get that he acted like an ass and that he said he isn’t ready for a relationship. I get that he hurt you. But you need to know he’s hurting too. Ben also asks about you because he’s tired of seeing his brother acting like someone he’s not. He said he has become a homebody, which he never used to be. That he spends most of his time now doing research on his new obsession with counseling.”

She lets go of me and slumps her body to the ground beside me. “He misses you too, Sara. He’s just too goddamn caught up in what he feels like his life path should be.”

“I can’t do this. I love him, and I can’t be just his friend. I can’t be what he needs me to be right now,” I admit.

“You love him?” she chokes out.

I nod, my eyes filling again.

“You know his dad screwed them up, right? I mean, Ben won’t tell me everything, but I do know his dad was a lying, cheating bastard, and I think the boys are afraid to end up like him, or ending up in a relationship that failed like their parents’ did.” For someone who isn’t in a “relationship” with Ben, she sure does seem to have his number.

“I know all about their nasty divorce. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to watch him with other women and to wait for him to figure it out. To figure out that we’re not them, and that just because their relationship started when they were young, doesn’t mean every relationship that starts out that way ends that way. The idea of a pregnancy scared him into backing away, but it made me see things more clearly about what I want.”

I hear a truck coming down the street and we both jump to our feet. When it comes into view, I can breathe again.

Ben.

He pulls up to the house and gets out of the truck looking none too happy.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he barks at me.

Ramzi steps in front of me and points her finger at him. “This has nothing to do with you, Ben. This is between Sara and Eli.”

“The hell it is. Three weeks. It’s been three weeks since you walked away from him and I finally got him to agree to go out and have dinner with Destry. To get out of the house and away from the damn computer, and then you show back up,” he fumes. “When are you leaving?”

Ramzi starts to speak, but I grab her arm to stop her. Stepping around her, I stalk to Ben so we can stop yelling across my yard. My neighbors are already nosey as hell; I don’t need the added drama.

“First of all, I didn’t walk away from him. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now. He’s the one who made that call.” I stop and let that sink in before I tell him the rest. “And I’m not going anywhere because I live here.”

I watch as his face registers the shock of my words before I turn and stomp back toward my house. Ramzi steps around me and goes toward him, probably to try and get him to let it go.

“What do you mean you live here?” he roars, causing me to cringe and then turn back toward him.

“Ben, I like you, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, but what I do is none of your business. Eli made the choice to end whatever was going on between us, not me, so your anger is misplaced. Whether I live here or in Arizona has no bearing on the fact that he told me he does not want a relationship with me. End of story. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drink a bottle or two of wine and try to erase the memory of him flirting with another woman.”

I hear Ramzi trying to talk to him but don’t listen as I ascend the stairs into my house, shutting the door behind me.

Taking a wine glass from the cabinet, I reach into the fridge and grab a bottle of wine from the door. Uncorking it and pouring myself a hefty glass, I make my way to my bedroom and strip out of my clothes. I throw on my sweats and a T-shirt and head back into the living room just as Ramzi comes in. Her face is red and I can tell she’s trying not to cry. Ramzi doesn’t cry.

“You okay?” I ask her, genuinely concerned that she’s so upset.

“No, I’m not. Are you okay?” she returns.

“Nope. Want some wine?” I ask, heading back into the kitchen to fill her a glass.

“Yep, a lot of it. I’m gonna use the bathroom,” she says before disappearing down the hallway.

I set her glass down on the coffee table and wait for her to return. When she hasn’t come back after ten minutes, I make my way down the hall and can hear her sniffles before I even get there.

“Z, you okay?” I ask softly through the door.

“I’m fine. Just give me a minute,” she snaps.

I lay my hand on the door handle and am about to open it when there’s a knock at my front door.

Shit.

Stepping up to the front door, I’m relieved when I see its Ben and not Eli.

Before the door is even all the way open, he’s pushing his way in.

“Ben! What the hell?” I shout at him. He looks furious.

“Where is she?” he growls as he storms down the hallway.

“Get the hell out of my house! I don’t know who you think you are bursting in here! Plus, she doesn’t want to talk to you!” I scream at his back as he stomps away.

Diesel comes out of my bedroom, hair on end and starts growling at Ben as he makes his way past him and to my side.

“It’s okay, boy,” I assure him, patting his head. “Stay.”

“Ramzi!” he bellows.

The bathroom door flies open and she storms out just before he gets there.

“What do you want from me, Ben?” she screams, bringing her fists up and smashing them into his chest when he tries to pull her into him. “No. Do not touch me,” she demands, her voice cracking as she tries to push him away.

I can barely hear his words, but my heart cracks when I hear Ramzi sob.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it,” he mumbles into her hair.

She stops pushing against him and goes limp in his arms. I don’t know what he said to her to make her this upset, but it couldn’t have been good. Ramzi doesn’t get upset. She’s a tough bitch.

He grabs her hand and pulls her down the hallway back toward the front door. He turns to me, not letting his hold on Ramzi go.

“I’m sorry, Sara. You’re right. It’s not my business and I won’t ask again. Just know that you’re not the only one upset about your split. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he misses you,” he tells me before reaching for the door.

He turns to Ramzi, grabs the back of her neck, and pulls her to him. He leans his forehead against hers and whispers, “Please come with me, baby.”

She nods, turning to me, and I smile in return. She loves him, and who am I to stand in the way of that. I just hope he admits it before it’s too late and he breaks her heart completely.

She kisses my cheek and follows Ben out of the house. I watch them get into his truck and drive away, leaving her car in my driveway. Guess I won’t be going anywhere until she comes back to get it since she parked behind my car. Rolling my eyes, I return to the living room and the two glasses of wine waiting for me.

Diesel lays down at my feet, having not left my side since the moment I said “stay.” Such a good boy.

The silence is cathartic after the screaming that just took place. I’m surprised my neighbors didn’t call the cops.

Today was definitely way more than I’d bargained for. As excited as I am to have gotten the job, a better celebration would’ve been girls’ night in with Ramzi here. Now I have a burned-in memory of Eli touching another woman, and Ben and Ramzi are fighting. Awesome.

I get my Kindle so I can read to take my mind off the craziness in my life, but I once again find myself reading words but not comprehending them. Two chapters in and I can’t remember a single thing about what I read.

I down the rest of my wine and dump the second glass that I’d poured for Ramzi. One was enough to help me sleep.

I put my phone on silent and plug it in in the living room. I don’t want to be distracted by it tonight. I need a good solid eight hours of sleep, which hasn’t happened in weeks. My dreams of Samuel have continued. I’ve even had a few that I knew I was dreaming but still couldn’t shake the heartache I feel when I wake up to the realization that he’s not real.

As I make my way down the hall, I hear my phone buzz and realize it could be Ramzi. I can’t leave her unable to get a hold of me in case shit goes bad with Ben and she needs me.

Picking up the phone, I almost wish I hadn’t.

Eli.

I still haven’t read any of the texts he sent since the night I told him good-bye, and I’m still not going too, but I need to know what he’s going to say knowing I saw him with another woman.

I open my messages and click on his face. His handsome smiling face.

Eli: How long are you back in town for? Can I see you while you’re here.

I consider ignoring it, but God I miss him. Over the last three weeks, I’ve been able to somewhat numb myself to just how much because I didn’t have to see him. After seeing he and Ben both in the same day, there’s no denying how much I miss him. Although I know it’s not my right, because he’s not mine and never has been, the memory of him caressing that woman’s face is burned into my brain. In all honesty, it makes me feel a little bit pissy.

Me: Probably not a good idea. Doubt your girlfriend would appreciate that.

I know she’s not his girlfriend. He doesn’t do relationships. But I needed to get that jab in so he knew I saw him with her. I don’t even get a chance to set my phone down before it goes off again.

Eli: Not my girlfriend. I want to see you while you’re here. Just to catch up and hear about Arizona. I miss talking to you.

Okay, so, I’m not sure how I feel about the non-descript “not my girlfriend” reply. Makes me wonder if I’d just witnessed a probable one-night stand hookup. Gross. But my heart flutters a little with his admission that he misses talking to me. Not misses kissing me or having sex with me, but talking to me. Which means he misses me.

Me: Shouldn’t you be talking to your date and not me?

Because I can’t help but continue thinking about him being with her.

Eli: Stop it, Sara. I’m at home. I had dinner with Destry and a friend and then came home.

A friend.

Me: Sorry. A little bit of the green-eyed monster popped up. If it’s just talking to me that you miss, we don’t necessarily need to see each other. Texting seems to be working just fine. :-)

Eli: Jealous, huh? You have nothing to be jealous of. Nothing.

I don’t know how to respond to that. I was just being honest about my bitchy comments. Does he expect me to respond to that?