Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel) (21 page)

I don’t even attempt to stop the flow of tears. Ramzi of all people knows how it is to be raised by a single mom. Her father bailed the moment he found out her mom was pregnant and never looked back. Her mom had refused to talk about him, other than to say he sent her money to help take care of Ramzi, but he wanted nothing to do with either of them. Ramzi didn’t even know his name until he died. That’s when she found out he was a very rich man and he’d left her 25 percent of his estate. Come to find out, he had been married when he’d gotten her mom pregnant. Her “dad” left her enough money that she never had to work another day in her life if she didn’t want too. But that wasn’t Ramzi. He also left her a letter that, I assume, was an explanation of why he’d done what he did. She refuses to talk about him or that letter and has basically used the money to spoil the hell out of her mom and to get started with her dream of owning her own bar.

“Thank you,” I manage to choke out before hugging her again.

“Now, go to the store and buy a damn pregnancy test so you can get this over with
tonight
,” she barks, stressing the tonight part.

I drive to the store in a daze. I can’t stop thinking about what I’m going to do about this baby. I mean, I can’t go to Arizona pregnant and alone to go to school. I’ll have to put that goal off for a few years until the baby is older. I mean, it’s not as if I don’t already have a good career. I can’t ask Ramzi to come with me to Arizona because her bar is here. Her life is here. For some odd reason, I just can’t consider the fact that Eli will take this well. He basically told me on our first date that he wanted to get married and have kids someday but not anytime soon. He has his goals he wants to accomplish before that.

Grabbing a few things to make dinner and a pregnancy test, I head for the cashier. I drop my stuff on the conveyor belt and step in front of the cashier. She smiles politely and asks about my day. Just as she reaches for the pregnancy test, a throat clears behind me, and when I turn to see who it is, my heart drops into my toes.

Ben Harper.

And he’s looking at the pregnancy test in the cashier’s hand. Why can’t the earth just open up and swallow me whole?

I can’t speak apparently because I’m standing here with my mouth hanging open. Ben quirks his eyebrow up in question.

“Oh hey, Ben,” I squeak out lamely. “How are you?”

Maybe I can just avoid the subject of my possible pregnancy and he’ll ignore it.

“Is it Eli’s?” he grunts out.

What the hell? Does he think I’m a whore?

“Well, not that it’s any of your business, but
if
I’m pregnant, then
yes
, the baby is Eli’s,” I bark at him. I turn my back on him, praying that the cashier hurries. I watch as her eyes scan my hand for a wedding ring, and a look of disgust crosses her face. Awesome. Someone else judging me.

I pay for my things and almost run for my car. As soon as I put my hand on the door handle, a hand rests on my shoulder, and I know immediately that Ben followed me outside.

“I didn’t mean to be an asshole, Sara,” he says gently. “I don’t trust people easily and seem to jump to conclusions quickly these days.”

I don’t turn around but nod my head, pulling up on the door handle to get out of here.

“When are you going to tell him?” he continues.

“He and Destry are supposed to be home this evening. He’s coming over for dinner. I’ll tell him and take the test then,” I reply quickly, setting my bags in the backseat and shutting the door harder than I had planned.

“Sara, listen, I didn’t mean to offend you,” he says with caution. “Eli is a good guy. He may freak out a little, but he’ll be an amazing father. I have zero doubt about that.”

“Neither of us are ready to be parents though,” I choke out before I can stop myself. I do
not
need to confide in Eli’s twin brother about my fears right now. Eli doesn’t even know yet.

“I’ve never believed in the bullshit saying ‘everything happens for a reason,’ but I do believe that even in bad situations, good people usually make the right decision, together,” he tells me. “I know Eli better than anyone. He’s going to freak out, but he’ll make the right decision.”

I nod because I can’t speak. I take a step toward him and his body goes rigid as I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him quickly before getting in the car and driving away. I’m not sure why I hugged him. I guess knowing that he thinks Eli will make the right decision helps my fears a little.

The whole drive home, I go over scenarios in my head on how this night is going to play out. My mind goes from best possible to worst-case scenario in the ten minutes it takes me to drive home.

I KNOW HE’S HERE
before he even knocks because Diesel is at the front door scratching at it. He must’ve heard Eli’s truck pull up.

I walk to the front door, unlock it, and let him in. As soon as he’s through the doorway, he pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly.

“I missed you,” he whispers into my hair.

“I missed you too.”

He lets me go but grabs my hand as we make our way back into the kitchen so I can finish up dinner.

“How was work?” he asks nonchalantly.

“Long,” I reply with a chuckle. “I don’t mind long shifts normally, but the night ones are killer. Usually by the time my body adjusts to the change, I’m switching back to days.”

“Is something burning?” Eli asks just as the smell of smoke hits my nose.

“Damn it,” I scream, running for the oven. Too late.

I pull the roasting pan from the oven and see the black charred remains of the yummy chicken and vegetables I was making.

“Take out seems to be the viable option at this point,” Eli says, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back into him. “Thanks for making me dinner. I’m sorry it burned.”

“It would’ve been awesome too. I followed the recipe to a tee,” I grumble, pushing the pan to the back of the stove top so Diesel can’t get to it while it cools. That was a waste of twenty-five dollars.

“How about I just take you out to dinner?” Eli asks, stepping back and turning me around to look at him. He presses his lips to my forehead, and if my brain wasn’t on overload with the discussion we’re about to have, I’d probably melt at how sweet he’s being.

“I think we probably should be alone when we talk. Let’s just order pizza or Chinese. Which would you rather have?” I ask, trying to sound cheerful but failing miserably.

“Let’s go for Chinese. I just spent four days with a bunch of eighteen-year-old guys. We ate pizza every day for at least one meal. I could go for some variety,” he responds easily. “I’ll call and order it. What do you want?”

After telling him what I want, he heads into the living room, and I start cleaning up the kitchen from the disastrous dinner I tried to make.

I swear one of these days, I’m going to make an amazing meal. I love to cook. I love to try new recipes, but nine times out of ten they are horrible, and I know I had to have done something majorly wrong for them to go so wrong. I’ll get there. I just need more practice.

Eli comes back into the kitchen, grabs my hand, and pulls me into the living room. He sits me down on the couch and then takes a seat beside me, not letting go of my hand in the process. Rubbing his thumb across the top of my hand, he watches me for a moment before he finally speaks.

“I think I know what you want to talk about, Sara,” he tells me, causing my heart to start beating rapidly. Holy shit. Did Ben tell him? He doesn’t seem pissed. He’s speaking gently as though I’m a scared cat or something. “We both knew going into whatever this is”—he gestures between us with the hand not holding mine—“that you were leaving at the end of the summer.” And my heart falls. He’s breaking up with me. He drops his eyes to our joined hand, letting go and bringing his hand up to cup my face. “The past few days, while I’ve been away, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what is next for us. Do we say good-bye when you go to Arizona? Do we stay just friends? Do we try to make a long-distance relationship work?”

“Eli, I need to—” I try to stop him before he breaks my heart, but he puts his thumb on my lips to stop me.

“I like you a lot, Sara. I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t want to lose it. I realize our relationship is new, and that we’re still getting to know each other, but I think we should give the long-distance-relationship thing a try. I mean, we both have a couple of years of school left so we could visit each other during holiday breaks or whatever.”

I’m trying to fight back the tears that are threatening to spill over. I’m both happy he cares about me enough to want to try but terrified because he’s already told me he isn’t ready for a family anytime soon.

“Can I talk now?” I choke out. He chuckles and nods before I continue. “I have something I need to tell you before we discuss anything else.” I take a deep breath and watch his face pull back in confusion.

My phone chimes with an incoming message, but I don’t even look at it, keeping my eyes on Eli’s when I say the words that could ruin everything he just said.

“I think I’m pregnant,” I blurt out, and I watch as the color drains from his face.

His eyes roam my face before dropping to my stomach. With his elbows on his knees, he drops his head into his hands and is shaking his head back and forth. I don’t interrupt his internal discussion, thinking he probably needs time to process what I said. I’ve had a few days to process it.

“How could I have let this happen?” he mumbles to himself. His head snaps up and he narrows his eyes at me. “We use protection, Sara. How did this happen?” he accuses.

Okay. So, he’s going to start with being angry. Deep breath.

“No protection is 100 percent reliable, Eli,” I reply as calmly as possible. Over the next few minutes, I watch as his face falls and he looks so confused and lost. “We can do this, ya know,” I tell him quietly. “It’ll be okay.”

The lost look is replaced by the pissed one, and he’s back to barking at me. “Nothing about this is okay, Sara! Nothing!” He starts to pace back and forth, and I’m too stunned at the depth of his anger to reply. “Wait. You said you
think
you’re pregnant. Have you taken a test?” he shouts at me.

“I haven’t. I thought we should do that part together,” I tell him honestly. “I’m a week late. I’m never late.”

“Do you have a test? Go take the test.” He immediately heads for the bathroom, not even paying attention to whether I’m following him.

Just then the doorbell rings. I pay for our takeout and send the guy on his way quickly. Setting the food on the kitchen counter, I go in search of Eli.

I walk slowly into the bathroom to find him digging through cabinets.

“It’s right here,” I tell him, picking up the test that I’d laid on the back of the toilet earlier.

“Right. Okay. Let’s do this,” he says, ripping the box from my hand and tearing it open. “You’re a nurse, Sara. Jesus, how have you not taken the test yet?” he barks, looking over the directions and not at me. “At least we’d know for sure if our lives are over,” he mumbles under his breath.

My body goes rigid, and I clench my teeth together to keep from screaming at him. Who the hell does he think he is? I mean, I get that this is scary and that he just found out, but he’s being a dick, and I’m about five seconds away from just kicking his ass out.

I take the test from his hand and look him in the eyes before I speak. “If you step out of the bathroom, I’ll take it.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he growls. “I need to know now if my life is going to get thrown completely off track.”

I feel the tears coming and I need him out of the bathroom now. “I have to pee on it, Eli. You don’t need to be in here for that. I’ll let you back in when I’m done,” I say as firmly as I can because I don’t want him to know that he’s ripping my heart out.

“Fine.” He storms out of the bathroom, slamming the door on his way out. I flip the lock and sit on the edge of the bathtub. Letting the tears fall as I open the plastic the test is wrapped in, I quickly glance over the directions and follow them.

“Are you done yet?” he fumes through the door.

I don’t answer him. I return the stick to the back of the toilet and turn to the sink to wash my hands. Looking into the mirror, my face is red and swollen from crying. After washing my hands, I put them on my hot cheeks for a second and then splash cold water on my face.

Eli knocks.

I dry my face on the hand towel and then turn toward the door. Deep breath.

The moment the door is unlocked, Eli is on his way through it. I turn my back to him and stand looking out the small window on the back side of the bathroom.

He steps up behind me but doesn’t touch me. I need him to have his arms wrapped around me, telling me it’s going to be okay. That we’ll make this work. That he’ll stand by me and whatever my decision is. Instead, he stands silent, anger rolling off him. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I made a huge mistake and should’ve done this without him. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I guess I had hoped he’d be helping me through it, not making it worse. So much worse.