Finding My Way Home (14 page)

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey,” she smiled and touched my hand, “don’t worry about it.  I like it better this way but I know there will come a time when he is going to ask why his dad never comes to visit.” She squeezed my hand gently, her way of telling me everything was ok. “Listen, I was at the library the other day and guess what. They have a position available because Mrs. Wilson decided to retire.  Anyway, I went to the office and got an application for you.”

I was about to jump out of my chair and hug her, when I heard
a familiar voice behind me.

“Well, well, well, what have we here?”  His laugh filled out the empty patio, sending warm waves throughout my entire body and I could only pray that my face didn’t give my feeling
s away. 

“It’s about time you showed up; they are keeping your plate warm so go get it.” I didn’t turn around to look at him but the minute he walked away I felt myself relax once again.

“You asked him to join us?” I whispered. 

“Well since you said you guys are friend
s, and only friends, I figured why not?”

“We are.  I’m just surprised that he had time to come.  I mean, doesn’t he have a job or something?”

“He sure does, but since he’s the owner he can come and go as he pleases.”

“What do you mean he’s the owner?”

“You know, the owner as in he owns the tattoo shop.  Don’t tell me you didn’t know?  Darn it girl do you guys not talk to each other?  Don’t you ask questions when you’re together?”  She shook her head in disbelief and when I didn’t answer she continued. “I guess I’m just nosy like that,” she laughed out loud.

Oh she thought she was clever, didn’t she. I took a sip of my drink and tried to pretend that being around him had no affect on me whatsoever.  I could do this.  I mean,
how hard could it be?  Noah returned with his plate and sat in the chair next to me.  His smell filled my senses and I felt the need to reach out and touch him.  I busied my hands with the drink, playing with the straw and moving my eyes from Gigi to James but never towards Noah.  He had the ability to read each and every emotion so looking at him was never safe. 

“I got Bren to agree to go to the fair
next month,” Gigi told him acting as if she just won some very hard battle. 

“I didn’t have a choice since you said you won’t take no for an answer, remember?
And by the way I thought you said it was a parade.” 

“If you must know, the parade is in the morning but after is the fair.  That’s where all the fun is.”

We talked some more about the fair and once again I was relaxed. Before long James was sitting on my lap showing me his game while Gigi and Noah talked about tattoos, movies, the weather, and everything in between.  I pressed my face against James’ head, his soft hair tickling my cheek and it was the best feeling in the world.  I didn’t want the lunch to end.

Noah paid for everyone’s lunch, even after I tried to arm-wrestle him for the check. 
Gigi simply stood back and watched us with a big smile on her face.  I could tell what she was thinking since just like my nana, she was always on the hunt for some matchmaking.  I hated to disappoint her but there was not going to be any match between Noah and me.  We were just not like that. 

On
my drive home my mind was filled with thoughts of Gigi, James, and Noah. 

             
It had been three weeks since I’d filled out that application and as it turned out, working at the library was the best job in the world.  At least for me.  I spent most of my days reading or surfing the net, talking on the messenger with Angel, and organizing returned books.  If I was lucky, some afternoons I would get to help some of the kids with their homework.  That was the most rewarding part of the job.  The pay was not great and I knew I wouldn’t be able to fully support myself on that income but thanks to my nana my bills were paid for the rest of the year and I really didn’t have any expenses.

             
Next week was the parade (or fair, or whatever Gigi called it) and for whatever reason I was feeling nervous.  Seeing old classmates and people I grew up with made me feel uncomfortable and I wasn’t ready to explain my return from Boston to anyone. 

My
nana has been showing up more often lately. Every evening I would take out old photo albums and talk to her about each picture and the memories they reminded me of.  I made sure not to bring up Max since the last thing I wanted was for her to leave me again. 

             
The old house was looking better and better with all the changes I had made over the last few weeks; new paint, curtains, and even a few new rugs in the hallways and family room.  I glanced over to the big box waiting in the back yard and couldn’t wait for Noah and Gigi to arrive and help me set it up.  I always wanted a swimming pool and when I saw the sale they had at the store I decided to treat myself and bought the largest above ground pool they had.

             
Gigi and James were the first to show up and the minute I opened the door her son jumped up in my arms.  I kept falling more and more in love with that little boy and considered myself his non-official godmother.  I spoiled him and wasn’t sure if that was the only reason he liked me or not.  Even so, every hug and each little kiss made me feel special and I treasured every minute of it.

             
We walked out back to the small patio table where I had lunch and cold drinks ready for us.  Last week I found plates and cups with Iron Man on them and knew James would get a kick out of them; watching his reaction as he saw the new tableware made me smile.  I set a few pieces of fruit and a small sandwich on his plate as Gigi sat across from us and served herself. 

             
“This looks so delicious Bren.  I can’t wait for the pool.”

             
“Tell me about it.  The library has AC but I think it’s an old unit so most of the time it doesn’t even feel like it’s turned on.”

             
“So how are you girly?”

             
I thought about it for a moment and realized that happy was the only way to describe how I was feeling.  I had a job I enjoyed, good friends, and my nana was still with me.  “I’m really good.  I can’t thank you enough for helping me get that job.  How about you?”

             
“Well I’m hanging in there.  I feel like every day something goes wrong with the old house.  I just found out that I need to replace the roof and there’s something wrong with the heater.  If I knew that I could make some money out of it, I would sell the house tomorrow.”

             
I felt terrible for her since she had no help from anyone.  I wished that there was something I could do but in my situation it wasn’t like I had unlimited funds at my disposal. 

             
After Noah showed up, we finished lunch then started setting up the pool.  I didn’t realize just how huge it was until I saw it all out of the box.  We placed the water hose inside and waited for the water to fill up.  Every now and then Noah would take the hose out and spray us getting lots of screams and giggles in return.  I was half way drenched and tackled him for the hose when someone called me.  Noah was still holding me when I looked up and saw Joe standing in the middle of my back yard.

             
“Joe. What are you doing here?”  I tapped Noah’s arm to let me go but he pretended not to notice and tightened his hold. 

             
“Hello Brenda. I knocked but, well no one answered, and I heard-” There he stood, his hand in the pockets of his expensive slacks, looking every bit of the lawyer he was, yet not able to finish a simple sentence.  I pushed Noah’s arm away and walked slowly towards Joe, feeling more confused by the minute.  What was he doing here after all this time? This was first time I’ve seen him since coming back from Boston.  “Can we talk alone for a minute?” His eyes moved past me to Noah as if challenging him to follow. 

             
“Guys I’ll be back.  Don’t have too much fun without me.”  I smiled at both Noah and Gigi and walked past Joe, urging him to follow me inside the house.  Whatever he wanted to talk to me about wasn’t going to take long.  I pointed at the sofa and waited for him to sit before sitting on the big chair across from him. 

             
“What are you doing here Joe?”

             
“You look good Brenda.”

             
“Thank you.  Would you like something to drink?”

             
“Yes please.  I can’t believe how hot it’s been lately.”  I couldn’t believe he was here in my house talking about the weather like it was the most normal thing.  I walked away quickly to grab some water bottles and when I returned he was looking through one of the old photo albums.  He took the water bottle but his eyes never left the pictures. 

             
“So how are you?” I asked trying to get him to open up about the mysterious visit.  This was not something the Joe I knew would normally do.

             
“I’m good.  Overworked, but good.  My father has finally decided to retire and at my mother’s insistence he has agreed to move to Europe for a while.  That means I’m now in charge of the company. As much as I thought it was what I wanted, I now question whether or not I’m cut out for it.”

             
“Are you kidding?  You were born to be a lawyer.  It is what you’re best at.” I wasn’t trying to be nice; it was a fact.  I got to see him in action a few times myself and I had heard from some of his friends that he really was the best there was.

             
“Babe I miss you; I miss us. I thought a lot about what happened between us and I want another chance to fix it.”

             
Before I could answer, the lights in the entire house started to flicker and there was a loud noise coming from the attic.

             
“What was that?”  Joe’s voice quivered and he looked thoroughly freaked out.

             
“Oh that’s my nana.”  Watching the look on his face was priceless.  For a moment he didn’t speak but kept staring at the end of the hallway waiting for something else to happen. 

             
“Ah, ok.  Umm. So what do you say Brenda?  I’m sure Angel would give you your job back, no questions asked.  Or you could go back to school, or we could start that family you said you wanted.”  The lights flickered some more and when Joe’s eyes met mine they were filled with questions and nervousness.   “Babe, really, what is that?”

             
“I’m dead serious.  That’s my grandmother.  She’s still here in the house with me, keeping me company, making sure I make all the right decisions.”

             
“Is this some kind of a joke?”

             
“Nope.  What are you going to do?  Call Dr. Cruz again?  Look, coming here was a mistake.  If you really wanted me back you should’ve done something about it the first week.  Second week, at the the most.  But you wait all this time and think you can show up and I’ll do what?  Jump up with joy?” 

             
“Won’t you even consider it?  I mean I made this trip ready to overlook all the mistakes we both made and start fresh but now wonder if maybe you’re more comfortable in this kind of setting.”

             
“Oh wow.  Thank you Joe.  Thank you for proving to me once again that leaving you was the right decision.  Have a safe trip.  You know where the door is.”

             
He looked at me one more time then almost ran out of the house.  I sat there, in the big chair, looking at the empty hallway, and wondered how I ever stayed with such an empty, shallow, poor excuse of a man for almost three years.  

             
The lights flickered one more time and I smiled at the empty room. 
Thank you nana for looking out for me
. I went back outside to join Noah and Gigi and was engulfed by hugs from both of them.

             
“You ok?” Gigi asked.

             
“I am now,” I laughed as I reached for the hose that was resting against the pool and started spraying both of them.  A few hours later, we were all tired from spending the day in the water.  We ordered pizza and ate outside and once again I thought just how blessed I was to have them all in my life.  By the time they all left, I was ready for bed.  I checked all the doors one more time, then made my way to my room for a much needed shower.  I could sense nana in the room and smiled remembering the prank she pulled earlier.  She sure was something else.  I fell asleep with her presence next to me, the soft glowing light making me feel warm and calm and no longer alone. 



The streets were packed with people, some sitting on the sidewalk, others on plastic folding chairs. Waving little flags at the passing parade, little kids sat up high on their fathers’ shoulders.  For a moment I felt like I went back in time and I was a child once again.  If only things were that simple.  The weather was beautiful and I was glad I wore shorts and a thin peasant shirt.  I could feel little sweaty lines going down my spine from standing out in the sun. 

             
We were still waiting for Noah to find a parking spot so that he could meet us, and James was getting antsy.  I looked up and saw Noah trying to make his way towards us, and my stomach started doing summersaults.  Someone poked me and I turned ready to hurt whoever did it only to find Gigi laughing at me. 

             
“I know you like him, I know you like him,” she sang and did a funny little dance.  It was just like high school all over again. 

             
“You are one silly duck, aren’t you,” I couldn’t help but laugh with her. “Since you brought up dating, how come you’re not?  Unlike me, you’ve been single for a long time.  Don’t you think it’s time you put yourself out there?”

             
“Girl, I would kill for a bubble bath.  What does that tell you?  I’ll tell you what it tells you.  That I have no time for myself.  I’m lucky if I get to have a quiet meal every now and then, thanks to you.  I don’t have time for a man, are you kidding me?”

             
Noah finally reached us and he looked just as yummy as always in his plain white t-shirt and faded jeans.  He filled his clothes to perfection and it was really hard not to stare.

             
“I knew you guys were going to die of thirst so I got us some water, some coke for you Bren, and for you young man, I got you lunchables.  Your mom said this one is your favorite.”   James’ smile was priceless when he saw the little square box.  Gigi poked me again and we both had that can-you-believe-just-how-sweet-he-is kind of look on our faces.  All we needed was to sing “awww” in unison.

             
We found a spot close to the sidewalk and joined the rest of the parade watchers but the entire time my mind was on Noah. Did he have to be so perfect?  Some days I wished he was dating someone so that I wouldn’t find myself constantly attracted to him.  If Gigi was able to tell I liked him, did it mean that my feelings were that transparent to the outside world?   

             
After two excruciating hours spent in the scorching sun I was finally going to get the full fair experience, drowning myself in fat fried food then trying to keep it down while going up and down in ridiculously fast rides.  Yeah that was what both Gigi and Noah had planned as my coming-out-of-the-house party.  James kept pulling me from one stand to another, pointing at everything.  That kid’s energy could put the energizer bunny to shame. I was about to go on the hundredth ride when a group of very rowdy guys approached us.  I instantly tensed and grabbed Gigi’s arm.  While they looked kind of familiar and we were in a public place, I still didn’t feel comfortable with the way they were looking at us. 

             
“Look Billy, we got fresh meat,” the bold tattooed guys said and pointed his dirty fingers towards me.

             
“Keep moving Hank,” Gigi yelled at him and pushed him hard making him fall back a few steps in the process.  “There’s nothing here for you so why don’t you go back to you trailer, trash-talking wife.”  I didn’t dare to look at the Hank guy.  Never in a million years would I have dared to talk to him that way but Gigi didn’t even bat an eyelash.  She was one strong cookie.  Either that, or maybe she was simply crazy. 

             
“Who’s your friend G?” Hank asked her and once again pointed at me.  “Oh hell no. Brenda? Is that you?  Damn girl, I can’t believe my eyes.”  He laughed out loud making his beer belly jiggle reminding me of the old fat Santa Clause I once saw in Boston.  I looked at him closely and felt my mouth drop to the floor.  “Come on babe, don’t hurt my feelings and say you don’t remember me.  We dated for almost a year back in the day.”