Finding My Forever (9 page)

“Until your ex comes around. I’m sure once he finds out that you’re pregnant with another man’s baby that will set him off.”

I nod because he’s right. Damien always wanted a baby and I did everything I could to prevent us from conceiving.

“I’ll deal with him then.”

“No, we’ll deal with it. You have to tell the father, Jenna.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not? He has a right to know,” Liam pleads.

“I’m pretty sure he regrets sleeping with me. I don’t need to see the look on his face when I remind him of the night we spent together and how we’re now having a child. That sort of stuff ruins lives, Liam. I don’t want to ruin his life.”

“He has a right to know and if he doesn’t want to be a part of your baby’s life, then he’s the one missing out, but you have to give him the opportunity whether you think he’s father material or not.

“Don’t take the opportunity away from him. It was taken away from me and I live with a gap in my heart. He deserves to know.”

Liam gets up and leaves us. Josie and I jump when the basement door slams. She moves over next to me, pulling me into her arms. I try not to cry, but it’s to no avail. It should’ve been easier to tell Josie and Liam over my mother, but it wasn’t. My mom has always known that I want to be a mother. She knows this is my chance.

“Congratulations. Are you happy?” she asks.

I nod. I pull away and wipe away my tears. “I am. I really am.” I set my hand on my stomach and smile. “This is a good thing.”

“It is, babies are wonderful, believe me I want another one, but it’s not in the cards. But do me a favor and really think about telling the dad. I wish Liam were there for Noah. I know that things with him and I may not have worked, but I have no doubt he would’ve been there for his son. Every dad needs to be able to make that choice himself.”

When I made the decision not to tell, I hadn’t thought about what Liam and Noah have gone through. Or even Nick. But this man, he doesn’t want this. He wants his life the way it is and this isn’t a bump in the road, it’s a sinkhole, and I’m not sure if me being pregnant is enough to make him change his life.

“W
HAT
are you doing here?”

I look up from my piece of sheet music and find Liam at the door. The studio has a private entrance and we’ve always been told it’s okay to come whenever we want, but judging by the look on his face, he doesn’t want me here right now.

“It’s late.”

I take a quick look at my phone and notice the time. “I’ll go.”

“No, stay,” he says, moving further into the room. He picks up his guitar only to put it back down. He walks towards Harrison’s drums, hitting the cymbal with his fingers a few times before walking back in my direction. The studio isn’t that big with all our equipment in here and his wandering around makes the room feel much smaller.

“Do you ever feel like your head is going to explode?”

“All the time. Why, are you and Josie having problems?”

Liam shakes his head. “Her and I are solid. Every day I have with her is the happiest day of my life.”

“If this is about a manager, I have a mate who’s in a band. I can ask him and see if his manager is interested in helping us out. We might even be able to do a tour with them this summer if we need to.”

“It’s not about the band. We’ll figure that shit out. It’s about life.”

I have no idea where he’s going with this, but if he says he’s happy with Josie then I don’t have a clue what’s weighing so heavily on his mind. This is the notable difference we’ve all seen in Liam since he moved back to Beaumont. It’s like he’s more human. Before, he wouldn’t give a shit about anything, but now everything matters. I like this Liam, but I’m not gonna lie, the emo crap gets on my nerves.

“Is it Noah?”

“No, it’s Jenna.”

Jenna? What the hell could be going on with Jenna that Liam would be so depressed about? I don’t want to be nosey, but I’m curious. I know I’m not as close to her as he and Harrison are, but I still consider us to be family and if she’s in trouble I’d like to be able to help. I don’t know if there’s anything I could do, but I’d damn well try.

“What’s wrong with Jenna? I thought the ex was gone.”

“He is, at least according to Paul.”

Liam stops talking and sits down on his stool. He picks up his acoustic guitar and strums a few chords.

“Do you know how I found out about Noah?”

“No,” I say. Liam kept Noah a secret from us for a while after he found out about him. Harrison and I never understood why, but I think it’s because he was afraid that Josie was going to take him away.

“I was having a meltdown over Mason’s death and everything was closing in. I was minutes away from saying ‘fuck it’. Instead, I got on my bike and started driving and ended up at this sports museum we have in the next town. Walking in was a mistake because there I was, staring back at myself. I was being mocked by the cocky teenager that I was and there wasn’t shit I could do about it.

“I could hear the crowds cheering in my head. I could remember every pass I had thrown to Mason and every touchdown I had. All these memories came flooding back and it was the sound of laughter that broke me. I ran to the bathroom to hide because I didn’t want to be recognized.

“When I came out, this boy… this shaggy haired boy was crying and I thought he was being bullied and remembered that Mason and I beat the crap out of some kid in high school for bullying someone who was weaker than us. I felt rage boiling inside of me. Do you know what I did?”

I shake my head.

“I spoke to him and he told me that he wasn’t allowed to speak to strangers and I thought ‘wow, what a smart kid’. It was when he said he’d seen me kissing his mom that I knew. I tried to play it off, but one look and it was obvious. One look into his eyes and I saw her, the one I left behind. I knew I had fucked up so badly that I’d never be forgiven. I knew that I was never leaving Beaumont again because I had a son whether this boy knew I was his dad or not. I would’ve stayed in the background just to watch him grow up, but I would’ve been there.”

“Josie loves you, Liam.”

“I promised her the world when we were in high school. I knew she was my girl, but when I went to college, shit was bad and I freaked out. If Mason hadn’t died I wouldn’t know my son.”

“You shouldn’t think like that, man. I’m sure she would’ve found you.” I know he said that he and Josie are fine, but I’m starting to think otherwise. Why is he going on about him and Noah like this when they’re a family? When they seem to have everything going for them?

“Jenna’s pregnant and doesn’t want to tell the baby’s father even though I think she’s making a mistake. I told her that the dad has a right to know.”

I play a few chords, working out a melody. “I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. Why doesn’t she want to tell him?”

“I don’t know, something about him not being father material and they’re not together.”

I take my guitar off and put it on its stand. I rub my hands down my legs. “I’m sure she’ll come around.”

“I don’t think she will. She won’t even tell us who the dad is.”

“How many weeks is she?” I don’t know why I’m asking, but I need to know.

“She’s past her first trimester. I didn’t know what that meant so I looked it up before I came down here. She got pregnant sometime around the wedding. A one-night stand with a lasting memory.”

I swallow hard and stand up. I don’t have anything else to add to the conversation. I have no idea why women make the decisions they do, but I do understand why Liam is upset. He missed out on a lot where his son is concerned. No one should have to experience what he did, unless it’s by choice.

I
sit outside, replaying Liam’s words over and over in my head.
Jenna’s pregnant
. The way he opened up about him and Noah really struck a chord with me. Liam always wanted to be a father. I know my mum wanted me, but my dad… he couldn’t have cared less.

I light a cigarette, blowing the smoke into the cool night air. I make smoke rings to entertain myself while I try to work out how to get Jenna outside. I should just go to her room and kidnap her. That would be exciting and slightly stalkerish, but she’d forgive me. Her father may shoot me though.

“You shouldn’t smoke.”

I turn sharply at the sound of her voice. She’s wearing a long white pyjama top and I’m unable to see her belly, not that I’m looking, but I’m definitely curious.

“Jesus, you put the shits right up me, Sweet Lips.” I stub my cigarette out. The last thing she needs is me blowing smoke in her direction and hurting her baby.

“I did what?”

“Ah sorry, I mean, you scared me.”

“You have an interesting way with words, Jimmy. What are you doing out here?” she asks, sitting down next to me. Her gown covers her legs, still making it impossible for me to see any evidence of a bump. I don’t know what my infatuation is with her, but I think she’s beautiful and this baby is going to be lucky if he’s staring at her all the time. She could be having a girl with the same dark red hair and green eyes.

“What are you looking at?”

“You,” I reply, smiling.

“Why?” she brushes her hair with her hand and looks away.

I reach over and pull her chin towards me. Her muscles are tense. Her eyes are downcast. I hate that she’s afraid of affection.

“I’m just counting your freckles.”

“Sprinkles,” she says. I look at her questioningly. “I called them sprinkles when I was younger and never stopped.”

I drop my hand, but let it rest on her leg. She doesn’t push it off or shift away. “Will you call them sprinkles for your baby too?”

She looks at me in surprise. I shrug in response not wanting to give up the source of my information. I try to smile at her, but it turns more into a flirty gesture. I rub my hand over my face, still unable to move my other hand from her leg.

“You know what, I promised you a holiday. What do you say we leave right now, get a flight to some tropical island and sit on hammocks for a week while waves crash onto the beach around us? You can go to the spa and get pampered and I’ll treat you to moonlight walks and dinner under the stars.”

“I don’t know, Jimmy, what will all your girls think of this treatment?”

I shake my head. “Only you get this side of me. I want to give you a week of pure bliss. It’s the least I can do seeing as you never look down on me.”

“Okay,” she says, not hesitating in the slightest. I thought she’d definitely put up a fight.

“D’you want to leave now?” I know I do. I want to get out of Beaumont as quickly as we can and go where no one will know us, where no one will bother us unless we request their attention.

“What about arrangements?”

“Go and change and don’t pack anything. We’ll buy everything we need when we get there.” I stand and reach out for her hand. “Come on, you go change and I’ll leave a note to let everyone know. I want to sneak out before someone tells us you can’t go or it’s no good for the baby. It’ll be good for the baby’s mum and that’s what’s important right now.”

Jenna hesitates, she doesn’t move when I pull on her arm.

“What?”

“Who are you and what have you done with the Jimmy Davis I know?”

I shrug. “My friend needs a week of rest and relaxation and I’m going to provide it. Come on, Sweet Lips.” I move forward without thinking and place my lips on hers. She doesn’t pull away, she freezes. I try not to let my disappointment show. I’m not sorry that I kissed her, but I am sorry that she didn’t kiss me back.

I
should’ve said no. That one syllable word with two letters mocks me. But I said yes and now I regret it.

Jimmy helps me off the flight. His arm is cinched tightly around my waist, holding me up. I spent a majority of the flight in the small overly cramped bathroom throwing up. It was the food. That’s what I told Jimmy. But in all honesty, the moment I smelled the processed chicken in First Class I knew it was going to be a long flight. He tried to comfort me. He even held me while I tried to sleep.

Now he’s holding me as we walk through the terminal to our waiting car. He helps me in and gives the driver the address to our hotel. The
Four Seasons
, of course. I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the seat. Nothing about this trip is going smoothly. I’m betting Jimmy is going to drop me off at the room and hit the bar to find some entertainment for the night. I can’t really blame him, even though he said he wouldn’t. I might have to encourage him just so he’ll relax.