Finding June (34 page)

Thanks, Mom. Way to be awkward.

“With her leaving I would hate to be apart from her.” Reece grabbed my hand, not letting go, and telling my parents the same message.

My dad caught the hand holding and this time he did look away from his book. “Yes, that is right, South America? Maybe when you get home from this trip, June, you will actually be able to find a job.”

Oh, Dad, you never change.

Daniel piped in at this point and said, “What she is doing is great. She is young, there is plenty of time to find a job. Let her do this and don’t give her crap for it.” Daniel was never afraid to speak his mind. I wasn’t either, but my parents always knew what to say to make me feel like shit and I never knew what to say to make it better. I chose to ignore it instead, and bypassed my mother to grab a couple of plates. I handed one to Reece and dug into the food my mother had pulled out. If I was going to be stuck with my judgmental parents I might as well not go hungry.

Reece gave me a small look of confusion, one only I could see, slightly shrugged his shoulders, and grabbed a plate of food. Avoidance was the tactic I was aiming for in this situation. It was going to be a long holiday if it only took less than ten minutes for snippy remarks from my parents to put me on edge.

Daniel and my parents grabbed food and we ate quietly. After a dinner filled with awkward silence, I took Reece upstairs to throw my stuff in our rooms. Before I turned the corner, my mother called out, “Don’t forget, I set up the spare bedroom for Reece.”

How could I forget my mother was separating us? I chose not to answer and shook my head as I climbed the stairs. I threw my bag into my old room and Reece followed me in. When I had moved I took some stuff with me, but left most anything that had to do with my high school experience. I had a good time during high school; I wasn’t too popular or uncool. I dated a little bit, but mostly I focused on getting good grades and living up to my parent’s expectations. I had friends, but no one that was really my best friend until I met Jolene. Girls were always intimidated by me and my lack of filter.

I had a few pictures of friends and my achievements were still on the wall. It was a view into the mind of a girl who thought that by doing everything right, life would return the favor. It was pretty damn depressing to now know what a crock of shit that view was. I knew I would be the one sneaking into Reece’s room because I didn’t even want to stay in here.

It was only nine at night, but my parents were creatures of habit and were already heading to bed, saying they had to get up early to make Thanksgiving dinner. Reece and I headed back down to the living room and sat with Daniel as we opened a bottle of wine. Even though I was newly twenty-four, I still felt like I was a teenager getting into my parents’ liquor cabinet when I drank at home.

After finishing off the bottle of wine and the long drive I was exhausted. Daniel said good night, heading to his room down the hall from the living room. Reece and I made it to my room, and while I was tired I didn’t want to be away from him.

“So. Your place or mine?” he whispered into my ear. It never failed; his deep voice close to me always gave me chills.

I threw my arms around his neck and leaned in, giving him a taste of what he did to me. “Yours. Be there soon.” I kissed him good night, lingering on his lips and taking in everything he was willing to give.

I went into my room and changed into a flannel pair of pajama pants and a large shirt that belonged to Reece. I loved sleeping in his shirts; they smelled like him and they were definitely coming with me to South America so I would have a little piece of him with me. It made sense since he had a part of my heart, if not all of it. I waited about fifteen minutes before I snuck in. Luckily, my parents’ room was at the end of the hallway and since we had spent about forty minutes downstairs drinking, they had to be asleep by now. I slowly opened the door and literally tiptoed down the hallway to the guest room.

I slipped into the room and closed the door softly behind me, leaning back into it. I looked and saw Reece sitting up on the bed with a book in his lap, the sidelight on illuminating his face. He’d looked up from his book when he heard the soft click from the lock.

“Hey there, beautiful.” Reece scooted over on the small full bed and patted the seat next to him. I crawled on the bed and snuggled under his arm. I could stay here forever, under the crook of his arm.

“I think that went over well.” He kissed me on the top of my head, his hand curved around me.

“I’m not sure what your definition of well is, but that was more like a quiet train wreck. Knowing my parents, it will get worse by tomorrow. Nothing like the holidays to bring together dysfunctional family fun.”

“I thought that
was
the definition of holidays?”

Reece leaned over me and switched off the lamp. He was already wearing pajamas, but took off his shirt and lifted the covers over us. The guest room’s full bed was smaller than the king bed Reece had in his room, but it just meant we had to cuddle more and I was okay with it. I was only going to stay for a little bit, eventually going back to my own room so I didn’t get caught.

We kissed and made out like teenagers afraid to get caught, which I was slightly afraid of, but I wouldn’t let it move farther. Eventually, I lost track of time. Perhaps it was close to midnight by the time I fell asleep. Only for a few hours, then I would go back.

The guest room faced east, so when the sun rose the next day I was awakened by the rays through the window. I woke up with a start, looking over to see Reece face down with one leg hanging off the bed and his arms cradled under the pillow. I took a mental picture, kissed him on the shoulder, and snuck out of the room.

For some reason I was wide awake, so I decided to go downstairs and start coffee for everyone. I doubted my parents were up, it was only six in the morning. While they said they wanted to get up early, I thought it was more like seven.

When I rounded the corner into the kitchen I saw my mother was already up and coffee was made. Hopefully she didn’t look into my room. Fingers crossed.

“How did you sleep?” my mom asked as she took a sip from her coffee cup, a plain tan one lacking animals. My parents never understood some of my odd quirks. Actually, neither did Owen. Reece not only understood my quirks, he embraced them. I smiled at the thought.

“I slept great,” I answered.

“I’m sure you did since you were wrapped up with Reece instead of in your room.” I knew I got my trait of bluntness from somewhere.

“Hmmm,” I replied as I grabbed a cup and poured coffee. I did not have enough caffeine to deal with my mother right now.

She gave a heavy, melodramatic sigh. “June, really, you bring home a boy you barely met and now you’re running off to another country. I don’t understand what is going through your head right now. You should be focusing on your future.”

Her words so early in the morning without even finishing my first cup of coffee set me off. I had been trying so hard to figure out my life, and now she was throwing this at me.

“I
am
focusing on my future. What do you think this is all about?” I snapped, an edge to my voice.

“We put you through five years of college and now you want to go run and play?”

How could she think this of me? I was going to help people and I had a man who loved me for who I am, not because I had a degree and a boring job.

“I love Reece. He isn’t a guy I just met. He has helped me more than anyone else in the last few months and I am thankful for that. And I don’t want the boring job that you and Dad have envisioned for me. I don’t know what I want!”

“That’s your problem, June, you never know what you want. Which is why I don’t understand why you brought home Reece. You can be so wishy washy. It took you plenty of time to figure out what you wanted with Owen and you pulled him along, no wonder he broke up with you. And you going away to another country. Owen will see how flightily you are and will never take you back. Oh, and I know you lied about the job interview. I don’t even know who you are anymore, June.”

You have to understand that my mother said all of this perfectly calm. There was no raised voices from her, there never was. I couldn’t even find it in me to tell her Owen had moved on. I calmly set the coffee cup down, turned around, and walked out of the house.

I needed the cold air to clear my head or I was going to go crazy. I didn’t grab my keys when I left, and after walking for about five minutes down the street I realized I was still in my flannel pajama bottoms and Reece’s shirt. Did I mention it was November in Portland? I was so mad I didn’t even care or realize it.

I walked over to the next street to a park I used to go to when I was little. It was empty because it was only six thirty and it was Thanksgiving. There was only the homeless man across the park taking up the other bench. Curling up on the bench, I hugged my knees, trying to keep warm and hide what I was wearing. Yes, I was self-conscious in front of a homeless man and the squirrel currently eyeing me from the tree he was trying to climb.

My parents never really showed warmth and support to me, but this morning was beyond ridiculous. I had no idea they felt the way they did, and I couldn’t even fathom what my mother was thinking about Owen taking me back. I didn’t want him. I only wanted the man whose half-smile stopped me in my tracks and his green eyes that made my heart skip a beat. It was cheesy as hell, but it was something I never understood until I met Reece. Who gave a flying shit we’d only known each other for such a short amount of time.

And I was going to South America for myself, no longer caring what my parent’s “expected” from me. I was helping people, I was going to figure out what I was doing in my life, and maybe this would help.

Right?

My breaths came faster as I thought more about what my mom had said. Was this the right thing to do, to leave? Would I find a job eventually? Or would I miss out because I was gone? Would I miss out on my chance of being with Reece when I was gone?

Should I be leaving? I hated this back and forth I had with myself. At times I was positive going to South America was the right thing to do, but other times that tingling feeling of doubt crept in and I had no idea what to do. Leaving could ruin everything and solve nothing. But if I stayed would I find what I truly wanted to do or be? Would I find out who I was?

I lifted my head as I saw Reece walking toward me. He was holding my coat in his hand. “I felt a warm pair of lips on my shoulder this morning, waking me up. I thought it was a dream. I looked and you were gone. After checking your room to see you weren’t there, I got dressed and headed down the stairs. Call me a bad boyfriend, but I overheard what your mom was saying and saw you walk out the door.”

I took a deep breath and grabbed the coat out of Reece’s hand, putting it on to ward off the cold.

“I feel so torn, Reece.”

Reece wrapped his arms around me, tucking me into his warm embrace. “I thought you already decided. The last thing you should do is let your mom get to you. Only you know what the right thing to do is.”

“But that’s the problem!” I yelled. I wasn’t yelling at Reece, but more at the world. I was figuratively shaking my fist at the world, but then hiding it before the world saw and screwed me over even more. Fate could be a traitorous bitch.

I looked over to Reece, always the picture of calm, but in a way that reassured me rather than put me down like my mother did.

I took a deep breath and tried to answer more calmly, “I know what I want. But it’s still hard to hear the disappointment from your parents, who think you’re throwing your life away. It gets in my head and I second guess myself.”

“June, you can’t listen to anyone else besides you.”

“But—”

His embraced tightened around me, his voice in my ear.

“No buts. I’m serious. This is a decision only you and you alone can make. I want you to clear your mind and not think about anyone else’s opinion. I want you to honestly tell me what you want. Leave out what your mom said, our relationship, and getting a job. If none of that was an issue, or what you’re making into an issue, what would you say?”