Finding Grace: A Novel (37 page)

"I've missed you.”

A tremble of excitement seized, her face
flushing with warmth. She was surprised at her own ability to
maintain her voice. "I've missed you, too."

He sighed in frustration. "When can we be
alone again? Really alone, and not like this. Stealing a moment,
wondering who might come along."

She sighed in return. "I don't know.”

She felt his fingers, a light touch, on her
jaw. He lifted her chin, and she gazed into his eyes, seeing how
they sparkled with mischief. He was plotting something. She could
see it in his look. And she gave him a little smile, which he
returned as he revealed his thoughts.

"Maybe we can meet somewhere, just the two
of us."

After a quiet moment, he leaned back to
study her face…and his smile deepened at seeing her cheeks flushed
with color.

"You are blushing. Are you thinking of being
with me, but afraid to say so out loud?" She did not answer, and it
seemed to amuse him all the more. "It is not a sin to enjoy being
with someone."

"I know," she said softly. “But being near
someone, and not being able to show them how you feel…” She sighed
in frustration. She knew she should not, but she felt drawn to him
more than ever. In a moment, she was leaning against him, pressing
her cheek against the warmth of his chest.

His arms went around her, his cheek firm
against her head. "I know we promised to be sensible. But this may
be the most difficult promise I’ve ever kept."

She sighed, feeling his heart beat against
her ear. “There must be something we can do.”

He nodded. "I'll come up with something.
I'll leave you a letter when I think of it." They lingered together
for as long as they dared, but all too soon they knew they had to
part, at least from each other's arms. To remain in an embrace was
too risky. And yet, that element of danger only heightened their
longing for one another. As she turned to go, he took hold of her
hand and pulled her back quickly, placing a brief but heated kiss
on her lips.

"Go, quick," he said, his voice a low
whisper. She nodded, smiling, and hurried away.

* * * *
*

On the street outside, she started walking
towards the stairs of the El. She knew she could easily ride home
with Henry. He would want her to, and she would have relished the
chance to be so alone and close with him. But she had decided it
would not be wise, as they were trying to maintain a sense of
decorum. The time on her way home, alone, would be a quiet time, to
think and reflect on her day. As she reached the stairs, she was
stopped by the sound of a familiar voice…and it chilled her to hear
it.

“
Gracie,” he
said.

She turned slowly, and there he was.
Charlie, standing with his hat in his hands, looking nervous at
best. It was not the expression she knew so well on his face. There
was something forlorn about his look. But she did not dwell on what
his appearance was. All she knew was that he was standing in front
of her, when he should have been far away from here, and she felt
the urge to flee. He must have sensed it, for he spoke almost
instantly.

“
Don’t run away. I promise,
I won’t do anything. I just want to talk to you, that’s all.
Please, give me five minutes.”

She looked at him, seeing his sad eyes. She
could not help but pity him, despite what she knew lurked under the
surface. And part of her wanted to hear what he had to say. If
anything, he owed her an explanation. So she sighed, and relented
to his request.

“
All right Charlie. There’s
a little coffee shop across the street. We can go there and talk.
I’ll give you a little time, but if you try anything, I swear I’ll
call someone for help. The police, maybe. Or my brother. He would
love to have some words with you, or worse.” She walked past him
across the street, and he followed quickly.

* * * *
*

“
The church set me up at
the YMCA,” he said, sipping a cup of coffee. “That’s where I’ve
been staying since I got here. I just couldn’t make myself go
home.”

She sat across from him at a little table,
watching him as he talked. He looked a little thinner, she
realized. The last time she’d seem him, she’d been too rushed in
her actions to notice it. There was a change in his face…a look
that seemed desperate and gloomy.

Somehow it troubled her more to see that,
rather than the angry side of his personality. In its way, there
was something darker about his gloom. But she tried not to dwell on
it. He had come here to talk, and she wished him to be done with
it.

“
Charlie,” she said gently,
“Why are you still here? If it’s to make me change my mind, I’m
sorry, but it’s not going to happen. I’m happy here, and that’s not
going to change.”

“
But I want to talk to you
about the night I proposed,” he said quickly, before she could stop
him. “I was angry. I was hurt. You don’t know what it was like for
me, growing up with Uncle Robert. I had all this anger inside, but
I wasn’t supposed to express it. I was supposed to believe that God
meant for everything to happen to me, and that I should accept my
suffering with humility.”

He was rambling…and making her nervous…but
she let him go on.

“
Sometimes, with all that
anger bottled up, I just lose my temper. But I didn’t mean to talk
to you that way. If I could take it back, I would in a
second.”

She wanted to believe him. And she was sure
that somewhere in his soul, he really did regret the things he had
said. But what did that matter now? Their lives were set on
different paths. And she realized that this was the point where
they needed to part, perhaps forever.

“
I forgive you Charlie, for
everything. I think all we can do now is move on. I think it’s the
best thing for both of us.”

He looked down at his hands, his voice low.
“I was still hoping we could go on together.” He turned to her,
placing his hand on hers. “I love you, Gracie. I always have, ever
since we were kids. You were always the one good thing in my life.
Like my own little angel.”

She pulled her hand from his…his touch
sending fearful tremors up her arm.

“
I’m no angel, Charlie. I’m
not perfect. No one is. Besides, there are plenty of other girls
out there. And you have a lot to offer them.”

A light of hope seemed to light his
eyes.

“
Oh, I see what this is
about now. You’re thinking about my inheritance. That’s something
else I have to talk to you about. There was a rumor going that I
only wanted to marry you to get my hands on my father’s property.
But that’s not true. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted to be
with.”

All of these revelations were too much. And
now she feared that if she told him what was in her own heart, he
might not be able to accept it. But if she did not tell him, he
would only be lingering on. No, the best thing to do was to tell
him the truth, and hope that this time, he would understand and do
what was best for the both of them.

“
I’m sorry Charlie. This
has to be goodbye.” She tried to say more, but could not find the
words. She rose to her feet, and though she heard him say her name
pleadingly, she hurried out of the restaurant before he could stop
her.

Chapter 19

“
Anticipation”

Sitting at his desk at home, Henry held his
pen over a sheet of paper, prepared to scribble out the details of
a secret rendezvous. They would meet at the Oriental Theatre…a
grand movie house, where once the lights went down, they could sit
as close as they pleased and few would notice them. And yet as he
held his pen in his hand, something kept him from writing the
words.

He had so anticipated the night to come. He
imagined sitting beside her, feeling her slight figure leaning
warmly against him. Holding her hand, so warm and soft in his own.
Kissing her. He felt a deep, wild thrill at the thought.

And then a great sense of shame.

It was that shame that kept him from
writing, and he put the pen down, folded his hands together, and
leaned his mouth against his knuckles with a deep sigh.

Had he not promised her, and himself, that
they would keep their relationship tame? Yet here he was, about to
plan out a secret meeting, while his wicked mind conjured up
thoughts of the two of them entwined in each other's arms, sharing
heated kissed and whispers…all while in the dark, hoping not to be
found out. Grace was not like the women he had known before, and
yet he was treating her as he had treated them… thinking of himself
first, of his own burning needs and desires. He had made a promise
of chivalry to her, and already he found himself near to breaking
it. And what galled him more was the idea that she might allow it.
He had so admired her strength and stubbornness…and her resistance
to him had been proof of it. But despite her strength, she was
young and vulnerable. Sweet words, soft affections…after her
initial struggle, she had given in to those temptations quite
willingly, and he had so delighted in every moment. But therein lay
the rub.

She was a pure woman, a good woman, better
than any he had ever known. Better than he deserved. He would not
treat her like a cheap plaything. He swore he would not, and as he
vowed it to himself, he rose up from his chair to pace the floor,
as yet another troubling thought came to him.

How would he keep his word? He wanted to
keep it. He wanted to be a good and decent man for her. And yet, it
was so difficult to restrain himself when she was near. His
weakness had been proven earlier that day, when they had embraced
in his office. She had initiated it, which he had not minded at
all. But then he had taken it a step further by kissing her, which
was proof that neither of them were quite in control of their
feelings for one another. There had to be a way to solve their
dilemma. For one wild and thoughtless moment, he entertained the
notion of just running away from her. He could flee temptation, and
it would free her from his clutches. But then he realized such an
idea was not only cowardly…it was utterly ridiculous.

He could not leave her,
ever. She was the woman he wanted, and giving her up was not an
option. How would that look to her, to have him wild for her one
moment, and then abandoning her the next? No, he would not go the
route of a coward. He sighed deeply, and thought,
If only I could make her my wife.

The idea hit him like ice water, shocking
him with its suddenness.

His
wife
? For a moment the word petrified
him, as it had for so long. The idea of committing himself to
someone, body and soul, for the rest of his days? He had tried it
once, and failed. He shook his head, trying to dislodge the whole
stupid theme from his brain.

But it would not go. And the
more he tried to fight it, the more his resistance to it was worn
away. His
wife.
How
he had loathed the word for so long. But as it was churning again
and again there in his head, he began to partner the word with the
person who had occupied his thoughts for weeks. He began to imagine
how it would be to spend every moment of his life with her. It
would never be boring, that was for sure and for certain. And
thinking of her, he marveled at the idea that he could be the only
man ever to have her. She would be his, and only his, and the
thought seemed so heavenly. Almost too heavenly, it seemed. What if
she refused him, as she had refused Charlie? But nearly in an
instant, he banished that idea from his thoughts. She loved him. He
could see it in her eyes, could feel it in her kiss and her touch.
They were meant to be together.

To know he had found his mate was a
revelation that words could not describe. Yet he knew their path to
happiness was still paved with stones. Her tender age, her admired
reputation in the circle of the club, her brother…all were
potential landmines, and had to be handled delicately. And as to
marriage, it was something he vowed not to take lightly this
time.

Fools rush
in
, he reminded himself…and he vowed
not
to be a fool with this
second chance.

* * * * *

She hadn’t "consulted" with
Jane in quite a while. The whirlwind of activity she'd been in
lately had left her little time for her mentor, but now, it seemed
that a perfect opportunity had come along. The night was quiet. She
was calm, and yet too excited to go to bed. The day at the club and
her progress there…the glorious moments alone with Henry. Then, to
come home and learn about the baby. All of it was too much to allow
sleep. She was selective about one thought…that of Charlie. She
wanted to erase him from her mind, preferring to only dwell on
happy things. So she brought out her well worn copy of
Jane Eyre
opening it to
one of the loveliest of scenes…Jane and Edward, newly engaged and
deliriously happy. The words held a new and deeper meaning for her,
as she understood at last what it felt like to be so much in love.
She was sitting against the pillows, reading, when there came a
soft rap on the door.

"Come in," she said, raising her head, and
she smiled when Alice appeared.

"I saw your light under the door. I thought
I would come in for a minute."

"I'm glad you did.” She put her book down as
Alice came to sit beside her on the bed. She smiled at her. "How
are you feeling, little mother?"

A great beam of delight came to Alice's
face. Her hand came to rest on her belly.