Finding Grace: A Novel (33 page)

The early morning sun shined through the
living room window. It was a lovely, quiet morning, except for the
low volume of the music coming from the record player. Standing
with sheet music in hand, Grace went over the song lyrics, quietly
singing to herself as she practiced. All was melodious, flowing
quite nicely…until she stumbled over a word for the third time.

"Damn!" she cried, stomping her foot.

The stomp made the record player jump, which
made the record skip and screech. She rushed over to shut it off,
and when the silence fell so did her head, coming to rest in her
hands.

The week had started with such promise.
Being with the band had been so wonderful, and she found herself
looking forward to each day with them. And she’d anticipated seeing
Henry every day. But as it turned out, his manner as a boss was
very different than his usual persona. He was quite serious, even
stern at times, particularly with Toby. At times he seemed very
irritated with him, always telling him to do more work and less
socializing. She wasn’t quite sure why Henry would single Toby out,
when the whole atmosphere of the club was so very relaxed. Everyone
chatted and goofed around a little in between practicing their
music or routines. It seemed rather strange to her. But then again,
he was the boss. He must have had his reasons for his behavior, so
she didn’t do more than wonder about it.

Stern as he was when he was working, she
found herself watching him more and more with fascination. His
presence commanded respect, and from the way he moved, it was clear
he knew he was the top dog. And oh how she loved to watch him move
about. His strides were smooth and confident, his eyes a brighter
shade of blue when he was deeply involved in matters of business.
At times she would be looking at him and those eyes would turn to
her. A few times he gave her a little smile when he caught her
staring, and she would turn away with a blush. At those moments she
was certain he’d come to her, ready with a sly remark.

But he didn’t. In truth, he didn’t speak to
her very much at all, except to ask her how her work was
progressing or how she was getting along with everyone. Part of her
was glad he was being a gentleman for once. But another part of her
wondered at the change in his behavior.

Is he bored with me?
She asked herself.
Has he
lost interest in me already?

She wouldn’t have blamed him if he had
turned his interests elsewhere. In all honesty, she wanted a deeper
relationship with him…but fear and uncertainty kept her from
pursuing it. He was so much older, so much more experienced. She
was so unschooled in so many ways. If he did want more from her
than friendship…if by some small chance, he might think of engaging
in a romance, he would likely be disappointed by her naiveté in
even the smallest matters. Maybe it was better not to hope for
something more.

If there was a consolation to Henry’s
seeming lack of interest, at least Toby and the boys in the band
were there for her. Toby was quickly becoming a good friend, always
ready with a joke or some way to entertain her. Thomas was like the
grandfather she’d never known, so patient and easy-going as he
taught her. It was he who had suggested she practice at home with
the aid of a record player, to help her learn the lyrics. So she
had. But she’d hardly started practicing before she found herself
having to begin again, for she missed a word here or a phrase
there. She tried not to look at the paper in her hand, but found
her eyes consulting it again and again. At first, she had remained
calm about her mistakes, telling herself not to mind it and start
over. But with each practice came more slips and small mistakes,
and they began to chip away at the confidence that had just started
to build within her.

Early this morning she had risen at her
usual time, but instead of going to the kitchen to cook, she had
gone back to the record player and turned it on, though she kept
the volume low. Alice came in a little while later, watching her
for a moment. Grace apologized for not starting breakfast, but
Alice waved it off and left her alone to work.

Several times, she listened to the record
all the way through without singing, to let the words and music
soak into her brain. Then once again she began her vocals. When she
got through the entire thing without a mistake, she felt her
confidence soar. But when she began again, and her tongue slipped
over a word, she wanted to pick up the record and slam it down.
Instead she cursed out loud.

"What's with the cussing, baby sister?"

Jack stood, leaning against the doorframe,
dressed in his work clothes. She looked at him for just a moment
before turning away again, and she grumbled in frustration.

"I'll never get this in time. They'll have
to find someone else."

Jack pursed his lips and rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on, now. You started this, and you'll finish it. We're not
quitters, are we?"

She slumped in defeat, moving to the sofa
and falling on it in a heap of discouragement. She flung her arms
over her eyes, as Jack came to sit in the chair beside her.

"Oh buck up, will you?" he demanded. "I
can't stand a weak woman."

She sat up a little, her brow crinkled in
irritation. "A little while ago you were fussing at me for wanting
to do this. Now you're mad at me for NOT wanting to do it. Make up
your mind!" She flopped back down.

"Don't get all huffy with me," he snapped at
her. "You're the little hothead who insisted on doing what you
wanted to do. Now you're stuck with it. It's your bed, sister.
You'll have to lay in it."

She curled up on her side and tried to hide,
but he just laughed at her. Then he took her by the sleeve, pulling
her up to a sitting position. And a moment later, he was dragging
her to her feet. She protested, insisting that she be left alone.
But he ignored her.

"Quit your bellyaching.” He went to the
record player and turned it on. She stood there for a moment, and
watched with a raised eyebrow as he began to dance and sing to the
song. She tried not to smile, forcing the muscles of her face to
remain composed. Then, he tried to dance with her.

She pushed him away. "Get away from me, you
idiot.” But she couldn’t help smiling a little.

"This is not an incestuous thing," he
declared, holding her at a distance from himself and leading her
into a dance.

The smile fell from her face. "That's
disgusting!"

"You're the one with your mind in the
gutter, not me!" he shouted back. "Now shut up and move your feet.
If you're going to sing, you should know how to dance, too."

She reluctantly consented to the lesson, and
found that it came to her quite naturally. All the time they moved,
Jack kept looking at the floor, perhaps fearing that she might
smash his toes. But she didn’t. It seemed to all come to her quite
easily, and it helped ease a little of the fears she had on other
matters. When the song was over, there came a round of applause
from behind them. They both turned to look.

"Nice," said Alice. "Very smooth."

Jack came forward, smiling. "What can I say?
I'm the best."

"I was talking about Grace," she replied,
now with face straight. But it turned back into a little smile as
he came to stand before her. He leaned in and kissed her, an ardent
expression on his face.

"Evil woman," he said, smiling wickedly. He
made for the door, putting his hat on his head. He paused for a
moment to tip his cap at Grace, and then he was gone.

Alice, still smiling, went to stand next to
Grace, who had turned and picked up her lyric sheet again.

"You aren't thinking of quitting, are
you?"

Grace looked up at her. "How did you know I
was?"

"I heard you taking to Jack.”

Grace shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think
I can get out now. I already promised to be part of the show. I
don't know what I'm going to do." She sighed again.

"Well I say, don't miss the brass ring.”

Grace looked at her with a blank expression,
and Alice smiled.

"It's an expression," she said. "When you
ride a carousel, each time you go around, you have a chance to grab
a ring made of brass. If you catch it, you get a free ride. So the
meaning of the saying is, don't miss your chance. This is your
chance, Gracie. Don't let it go by."

She gave her a light touch on the arm, and
left her to her thoughts.

Grace reached out to turn the record player
back on, but paused when she heard a knock on the front door.
Somehow, she knew who it was even before Alice went to answer it.
Her heart beat a little faster, and she anxiously reached up to
tuck a loose curl of hair behind her ear. Why her appearance
suddenly mattered so much to her, she didn't know. It was almost
like a reflex… something involuntary that she could not control. A
moment later she heard that warm, familiar voice falling on her
ear, and she could not suppress a thrill that ran over and through
her.

"Sis, you have a visitor," said Alice, who
flashed a sly little smile as she left the two of them alone,
retreating into the kitchen.

Grace turned slowly, and felt her breath
catch slightly as Henry set eyes on her and gave her a slight
smile. He came near, his hat in hand. He looked from her to the
player a moment, reading the label on the record, then back to her
again.

"Working at home, I see. Very smart of you.
But then again, you don’t have to try very hard in that department,
do you?

She lowered her head, feeling a blush come
to her cheeks at his compliment. She tried to hide her smile. Much
as she wanted to bask in his sunshine, there was something within
her that held back. But he was making that rather difficult, with
the way he looked at her at times, and the way his voice was so
soothing and rich. If only she could believe in him, without having
a memory that warned against it…a memory of Victoria, in
particular. Had he spoken to her like this, at some time in the dim
and distant past? Had he smiled at her in this way, and sent the
same warm thrills down her spine, just at the sound of his voice?
Her smile fell away as she realized that Victoria most probably had
felt those very same feelings, and in the end, they had all been
for nothing.

Henry must have sensed the change from joy
to doubt, for she heard him sigh bitterly. She looked up, and saw
that his smile had gone as well.

"I see it's too early in the morning for
compliments," he said. "My apologies. I'll just skip the flattery
and get to the point." He lifted his chin slightly. "I wanted to
thank you for being a help to me. For putting yourself out there
against your will, etcetera, etcetera. So I wanted to know if you’d
like to take a little trip?"

"A trip?" she exclaimed, shaking her head.
"I don't know. We have to be at the club soon, don't we?"

Now he smiled again. "I'm the boss, aren't
I? I can show up whenever I please. It's one of the many perks of
owning a business. So, are you coming along?" He turned from her,
almost as if he expected her to follow. And strangely enough, she
did. She paused just at the front door.

"Where are we going?"

He clucked his tongue as he put his hat on,
and he smirked at her. “Don't ask so many questions. Sometimes a
journey is better when you don't know the destination."

Alice appeared in the kitchen doorway,
watching them. Henry turned to her with a smile.

"Don't worry. I'll bring her back safe and
sound, along with her reputation."

Grace watched as Alice smiled and wagged her
eyebrows. Then, Grace turned her eyes back to Henry. He opened the
door, waiting for her. Hesitant, and yet willing, she stepped out
before him, feeling his eyes upon her as they moved down the
sidewalk. She was headed towards the streetcar stop on the corner.
But his words made her still her steps.

"We're driving," he said. "Where we're going
is a little outside of the city."

She paused a moment, feeling a shiver of
anxiety at the thought of being alone with him again, and in the
close quarters of a car. And as before, he seemed to sense her
feelings, as the look on his face told of his irritation. But for
the moment he was silent on it, and she moved with him across the
street to his car, where he opened the door for her and waited. She
took her seat, waiting for him. When he came around to his seat,
and the door closed, she expected him to say nothing about her
nervous ways. Though she'd often wondered if her wariness offended
him, how could she know? It had seemed to be his way to wear a look
of irritation, and then to let it pass away as if it had never been
there. He had never voiced his feelings. But this time he turned to
her, his expression serious and slightly dark.

"Look," he said, his tone sharp. "I'm no
angel, but I’m not a heathen devil either. I’m not dead set on
jumping you, if you must know.”

She stammered shamefully, trying to defend
herself. But his words kept her from it.

"I’ve been as pleasant as I know how to be.
And I thought it would be nice if you and I could spend some time
together, outside of work. Away from the clutches of your brother
and sister-in-law. But if you’re that afraid of me, maybe this
isn't a good idea. Maybe we should stop associating with each other
at all."

He waited, as if allowing her the chance to
get out of the car and go home. She put her fingers on the door
handle, but then she paused.

When did I become such a
coward
? She thought.
I adore this man, but I try to fly away like a nervous little
bird whenever he gets too close.

She turned to look at him, seeing his
handsome features marred by the scowl he wore. He stared straight
ahead, his hands resting on the steering wheel. He was silent. It
hurt her to imagine what he must have thought of her. She had
wanted him to see her as strong and independent…able to make her
decisions with intelligence and maturity. But now she realized how
small her behavior was…how her mistrust in others made her seem
flighty and weak. If she said nothing now, just opened the door and
walked away, his suspicions about her would be confirmed. And that
she could not allow.