Finding Forever (Living Again #4) (31 page)

When the door shut after the doctor, Brant let out a noise that he wasn’t even in control of. He lay over, the top half of his body using the bed for support. His body shook with painful, earth-shattering sobs. It would hurt less to be stabbed in the heart. His beautiful Lacey. He would never make love to her again, or laugh with her. He wouldn’t celebrate when she was in remission. He would never, ever live again.

“Noooooooo…”

“Brant.” She shook his shoulder, the movement of doing so making her cough. She sucked in the oxygen that was helping her breathe, shaking him again. He was shouting out in his sleep. He had been passed out when she woke up, and she couldn’t bear to wake him. Apparently he had been here long enough that some nurse, probably sweet on him, had brought him a roll away bed. She had no idea how long he had been here or even how long she had been in the hospital, but she had never been so glad to see him.

He jerked, his eyes flying open like he had just been shocked. He looked around the room, his eyes finding her. “Lacey?” He looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Brant,” she said. “Are you okay?”

He looked around again, then back at her. She was about ready to press the button for a nurse for him when he stepped up, touching her face. His eyes looked up and down her body. “You’re really here?”

Okay, now she was getting
really
worried. “Honey, you’re scaring me. Sit down. Do you need to see a doctor?”

He shook his head, running his hand along her arm and linking his fingers with hers. He lifted her hand and pressed it against his cheek, closing his eyes. When she saw tears sliding down his face, she reached for the button to call the nurse.

“I’m fine,” he whispered, his eyes still closed. “I can’t decide if that was a dream or this is. If this is the dream, I don’t ever want to wake up.”

She caressed his cheek with her thumb, feeling his body shake under her. Whatever he had been dreaming about must’ve been awful. She had never seen him so out of sorts. “You’re awake, baby. This is real. I’m in the hospital because I got sick and couldn’t have treatment. You were gone to New York and just got back from a shoot to be on the cover of GQ. My sexy, handsome GQ man. I want to hear all about it.”

“Oh my god,” Brant breathed, blinking open his eyes. “I… that was so real, Lacey. I was here, right here in this room with you. I woke up and your machine was beeping, and there were all these nurses and they made me leave the room…”

All of a sudden, she understood. His reaction, the way he wanted to touch her to make sure she was really here. “I died, didn’t I?”

Brant leaned over, his eyes looking directly into hers. He outlined her face with his fingers, then pressed a kiss to her lips. “I thought I was going to die,” he whispered. “It was so real. They said you were gone, that I had to say goodbye to you forever. All I wanted to do was go with you, Lacey.”

She watched him, his hands traveling all over her, still stuck in the throes of that dream. God, she hated that she did that to him. Seeing him right now, she knew that she had been right before when she knew she would wreck him. If she didn’t survive this, this is what he would feel like. She had been so selfish to have him go through this with her. Now it was too late for her to save him.

He laid his head gently on her stomach, his eyes closed again. She ran her hands through his hair, wishing she could change the fear that he lived with daily. It wasn’t even about her anymore. If she died, she’d be gone and wouldn’t know any different. But the people she left behind, they would be the ones affected.

“I’m so sorry, Brant,” she whispered. “I’m here, though. I’m here.”

He lifted his head. “God, I’m so glad that was a nightmare. I’m sorry I left you, Lacey. I’ll never leave you again.”

“Brant, it’s okay. It’s not your fault that I’m sick. The doctor said it happens a lot. I have no immune system. Anywhere I go and anything I do puts me at risk. I’m going to be okay. They’ve got me pumped up on lots of good drugs. I’ll be ready for treatment before you know it. Now, tell me all about New York.” Lacey felt like if she got his mind on something else, he would stop panicking about his dream.

Brant sighed. “It was amazing, Lace. I wish you could’ve been there.”

“I noticed there weren’t any sneak peek photos.”

“No time. But I can’t wait to see the photos they did.”

“Angela met you there, right?”

Brant frowned. “Yes, she was there.”

“What’s that face for?”

He looked away, and her stomach fluttered. “I fired her.”

“What? Why?”

Brant turned back to her. “I’ll find another one. They’re a dime a dozen out there. I had no choice. I couldn’t stand for what she did.”

“What did she do, Brant?” Why did she think she wasn’t going to like this?

“She asked me to go to dinner after the shoot. When we arrived, she was wearing this dress…”

Lacey closed her eyes. No. Hearing this was going to be painful.

“Lacey, look at me.” Brant’s voice had changed, and she looked up at him. “Don’t do that. Don’t close up on me. Just listen.”

She nodded, and he continued. “I felt uncomfortable the second she got there. Her dress was inappropriate, in my opinion. After dinner, I was literally counting the seconds until I could get away from her. Plus, I hadn’t heard from you or Sam and I was panicking. We shared a cab and when I got out to go to my hotel, she followed me.”

“She did
not
.”

“She propositioned me, right there on the sidewalk like she was a hooker and I was a john. I don’t think I’ve ever been so floored in all my life.”

“Were you tempted?” Lacey whispered, hating herself for asking.

Anger flashed in his eyes. “Seriously? Do you think I would be tempted to have sex with my agent while she throws herself at me on a New York City sidewalk? What kind of man do you think I am?” Shit. She’d made him upset.

“No, I don’t,” she answered. “I just know that it would be hard in that scenario, coming off a high like that with your GQ shoot, to say no to a sexy woman coming onto you.”

“You underestimate me,” Brant said quietly. “The only thing I was thinking about was you, Lacey. Remember when I told you that I work with many sexy women? That’s my job? I can appreciate that a woman is good looking, but none of them do anything for me. The only woman, and I mean the
only
woman that I want like that is
you
. Don’t insult me again by asking me that.”

“I’m sorry, Brant. I-it was my insecurity talking. I know, deep down, that a woman could parade naked in front of you and you would come home to me. I do. I promise.”

Brant shook his head. “Lacey, I don’t know how many times I have to reassure you.”

“You’ve never had parts of your body removed, lost your hair, and had months where you weren’t even able to do the things that made you
you
, so I don’t think you can really understand how all of that makes me feel about myself.”

He froze, then gathered her in his arms as much as he could with wires everywhere. “You’re right,” he murmured in her ear. “I don’t ever want to give you a reason to think less of yourself. I wanted you to know what happened because I always want to be honest with you. Next time I have something awesome like that, I want you there with me.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Lacey had spent a week in the hospital, and had to postpone her fourth treatment until the week after that, putting her treatment plan behind by over two weeks. She had recently gotten a wig; though she didn’t like to wear it much. It did look very real and a lot like her real hair, but it was hot and itchy so she kept it only for going in public.

It was Christmas Eve, and because of her pneumonia scare, they had decided to celebrate alone. Sam and Ellis had gone to Florida for Christmas with both her parents and his ‘dad’, Carl. Aubrey and her boyfriend would be by tomorrow for a visit, as would her father. He was doing better, and she thought that even seeing her go through this had been good for him.

So even though she felt like hell, nothing could stop her from sitting with Brant on the couch, the room lit only by their first Christmas tree, watching old Christmas movies.

“Let’s open presents,” Brant said, winking at her. She was so glad for online shopping, otherwise she wouldn’t have a thing for him. She was rather proud of what she had gotten for him. It had taken Sam and a connection to get it before he had even seen it, but it had been worth the effort.

“On Christmas Eve?”

“Yes. I can’t wait anymore to give you yours.” He went to the tree and pulled out several presents.

“No, no, no. You always think of me first. You’re opening yours first,” she announced, getting his gifts from under the tree.

Brant opened some new cologne, clothes, and new workout shoes that he had wanted before he got to the box she really wanted him to open.

She started bouncing like a little girl as he lifted the lid off the box. He eyed her warily. “This isn’t going to jump out at me, is it?”

Lacey laughed. “No. Now open it.”

She knew right when he saw it, because his mouth dropped open. “How did you… ?”

“Connections,” she answered. He pulled out the large plaque she had made for him with his GQ cover on it. The cover showcased him in a hot suit, the jacket opened to show a fitted pink shirt that he had worn for her that said ‘I never knew a real hero until my girlfriend became one’. There was no hiding that killer body, and the look on his face she could only describe as sultry. And he was all hers. The title of the cover said ‘Meet Brant Tucker: Mr. Most Eligible Bachelor of Nashville is Off the Market’. Then the subtitle said, ‘Read all about this hottie and his determination to see his girlfriend through breast cancer on pg. 29’.

She hadn’t been able to get the inside spread yet, but they would get to see all of it when the February edition was printed within the next few weeks.

“Lacey,” he said, running his fingers along the smooth wood. “That’s beautiful. Thank you so much.”

“Hey, it’s for me, too,” she joked. “I get to stare at that hunk not only in person, but also on the plaque in our room. That has to be the hottest cover GQ has ever had.”

“Spoken like a true girlfriend,” he teased, leaning over and kissing her. “I don’t know how you got to see it before I did, but thank you. I still can’t believe that happened.”

“Believe it. This is just the beginning for you.”

“Enough of me,” Brant announced. “It’s your turn.”

After she opened a new fluffy robe, some gift cards for her online shopping, and a photo album full of pictures of her and Brant, he pulled out one more box.

“More? Brant, you spoil me.”

“I could never spoil you enough,” he replied. “Now, open.”

It was a medium sized box, and she shook it, making him laugh. She tore the paper carefully, making him groan. When she got the box open, she came across a small silver drawstring bag.

“Hmmm,” she murmured. “What is this, GQ?

“Open it up,” he said.

She untied the drawstring and turned the bag upside down. When she saw what fell into her hand, she gasped. “Oh, my god.” Lacey lifted her eyes to look at Brant and saw him on his knee in front of her.

Brant took the ring from her and put it in his palm. He took her hands in his. She couldn’t believe this was happening. “Lacey Kathryn Russell, since the day I met you, I knew. I knew that you were the one for me. All of these months, the amount of things we’ve gone through together has only solidified what I already knew. I’ve loved you for what seems like forever. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life loving you, being your partner, your lover, and best of all, being your friend. Will you marry me?”

She couldn’t believe that for the first time in months, she was crying happy tears. This man was beyond anything she could’ve ever dreamed for herself, and he was real. He was hers. “Brant, there’s nothing more in this world that would make me happier. You’re my dream come true; the love of my life. For as much as I tried to fight it, you never let me give up on us. I can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done and continue to do for me and with me. The answer is absolutely yes, Brantley Tucker.”