Finding Ever After (29 page)

           
Vi
and I laid in the hammock talking about the most
random things until the guys came out on the deck carrying plates of food for
dinner. We ate outside and watched the sun go down over the water. I was sad
that it was our last night, but I was also looking forward to being
back
home. I couldn’t hide forever. Reality was waiting for
me and I needed to get back to it, no matter how chaotic it could get and no
matter how scared I was.

           
My thoughts were all over the place when I climbed into bed. Connor, Kyden, Bas
and Lissa . . . I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t know what to do about any of
them, except trust, like Vi said that it would all work out.

           
Lord, I can’t see the bigger picture here. Everything looks like a mess to
me. I’m told to trust you, to have faith, and I want to so badly. I’m just not
sure if I know how.

           
My body finally found rest with
desperate prayers still running through my mind and in the morning things
didn’t seem so bleak. I was embracing the new feeling of hope I woke with.
Faith, trust and pixie dust, minus the pixie dust. That was my new philosophy.
Not entirely original but I’m a sucker for all things Disney and it was
fitting. If I wanted to make it through whatever was coming next, because there
would always be something, that’s just life, I had to hang on to the belief in
something bigger than me.

           
The interview on Friday at Renwick
Jamison Gallery of Art turned out to be little more than a formality. Carla, my
former boss, had given me a great recommendation before I even walked in. Erik
Renwick offered me the position on the spot himself and asked if I’d be ready
to start on Monday.

           
Renwick Jamison was slightly bigger than the gallery in Portland and they not
only dealt with local up and comers, which was primarily what we had dealt with
in Portland, but they also featured some very well-known artists from around
the country.

           
Working with the high end showings would be a new experience for me but I was excited
that Mr. Renwick had trusted me with the
job,
it was
an amazing opportunity for me. My first week went better than I had hoped and I
was feeling more confident and content than I had in a while. I had a job that
I knew I was going to love, and not only that, but it provided a distraction
for me from worrying about Connor and trying not to think about Kyden. I failed
more at the last one.

           
He’d texted a few times throughout the week to check in and congratulate me on
the job, but I hadn’t seen him since that Thursday when they left the cape
house. I would see him tonight though. It was Friday and the band was playing
in Springfield. The rest of our group was going to watch them and celebrate my
first week.

           
I was on the way back to my house from the gallery so I could change before Bas
and I met up with
Vi
and Jake so we could all ride
together and get dinner before the show. Once I was back at the house, I
quickly changed; trading the pencil skirt I wore to work for a pair of tight
black skinny jeans. I threw a sheer green, sleeveless blouse on over the top of
a darker tank top and added a little bit more kohl and shadow to create a smoky
eye. I pulled the pins from my hair shaking out the low chignon and letting my
hair fall in loose waves around my face. The last step was to slip into a pair
of four inch emerald green stiletto pumps and grab my leather jacket.

           
When I came downstairs
Vi
and Jake were in the kitchen
pre-gaming with Bas.
Vi
looked gorgeous as always in a
tight little, dark purple dress and silver heels that had to be at least an
inch higher than my own. The boys both looked good in their dark jeans. Bas had
on a slim fit black v neck and Jake was in a long sleeved, plaid button up. If
they weren’t both taken, the girls would’ve been in trouble tonight. 
 

           
Technically Bas was single, really he was just stubborn. He still hadn’t spoken
to Lissa, but he was still hurting and missing her, so on Sunday, when he went
his Mom’s for a dinner party, I was finally going to do something about it. I
just hoped it would work. Until then, all I wanted was one night out without
something going wrong.

           
The drive to Springfield took us just under two hours and when we pulled up to
the restaurant we decided on, we had almost another two hours before the guys
went on at ten. They were already at the venue, so it was just the four of us
for dinner. We’d picked a little Mexican place not far from the show. They had
good food and cheap drinks. By the time we left, we were all full and the three
of them were pretty buzzed.
Vi
and Jake both got
‘friendly’ with a little alcohol so they had a hard time keeping their hands
off each other in the car. Bas wasn’t drunk yet, but he was feeling good and in
a playful mood as well. It was infectious and I was smiling and laughing with
them when we got to the address Chris gave us.

           
He met us at a side door so that we could slip in for free. There was still
half an hour before they took the stage. Whoever played before them was still
on. I could hear the upbeat music reverberating through the walls. Chris led us
down a narrow hallway to a door that opened up just right of the stage and then
he left us to go get ready with the rest of the band.

           
The space looked like a giant warehouse, and there were people packed from one
end to the other. There was a bar set up in the back and stairs on either side
that led up to a second level balcony that wrapped around the back half of the
room. 

           
The music blaring through the room sounded really familiar, when I looked up on
stage I realized why. Only, this time, it wasn’t just Kaylie and one other
girl, but they had a full band behind them. I hated to admit that they were
even better than when I first heard them. They had a unique sound that was
bluesy rock with a little bit of folk. As much as I didn’t like the girl, I had
to give her credit. She belonged up on that stage just as much as
Ky
and the guys.

           
We made our way through the sea of bodies to the bar and pushed our way up to
order drinks. Kaylie’s band played three more songs before they exited the
stage. Equipment was switched and moved around and then the guys appeared. I
felt the excitement and anticipation build in the room as the sound checks
started. I knew that the majority of this crowd had to have either heard them
play before or just heard of them. There was one more local band that would
play after Ashes and Embers, but it was obvious that this was the performance
everyone was waiting for. I felt sorry for the group that had to follow. It was
poor planning on someone’s part. The energy level continued to climb until the
guys took their final positions and Kyden leaned into the
mic
.

           
Girls were shoving forward to try and get as close to the stage as possible; it
was like a mob up front. When the first notes rippled through the air, there
were shouts of adoration. Kyden’s voice was as sultry as ever and song after
song was flawless. He worked the audience over like he was making love to them.
The bodies were grinding on each other as they were swept up in the sensual
haze of the music.

           
Their set for the night was predominantly original songs, intermixed with a few
of their most popular covers.
Vi
pulled Jake out into
the crowd to dance and Bas had consumed just enough alcohol that I was able to
drag him out there as well. I felt the bass pulse through my body as my hips
moved with the rhythm. Bas’ hands were on me, but not in a way that would’ve
made any old ladies blush, unlike a lot of the couples on the floor.

           
It was freeing to just let go of everything except for the music. I let it wrap
around me until there was nothing else, just the energy and feeling that the
music created. The four of us moved and swayed to the beat until droplets of
sweat ran down our skin and our hair and shirts were plastered to our bodies.

           
Nobody was ready for the final song to be played and when the guys left the
stage they were followed by thunderous cheers and demands for an encore which
turned to disappointment when the next group took the stage. We used the break
to re-hydrate while we waited for them to begin playing.

           
The name of the band was Scene Not Heard and they were good, really good even,
but had nothing on my guys. Their sound was a little more punk and alternative,
but it still had great beats to dance to. As soon as it started we were back
out there. I didn’t lose myself in the music the way I did before, but it was
fun and that’s what I needed.

           
Half way through their set I felt like I was going to drop to the floor from
exhaustion. I gave Bas the signal that I was going to get something to drink and
then left the three of them out there. I managed to squeeze in at the bar and
get one of the bartender’s
attention
for some water. I
was waiting for him to bring me the cold refreshment when I felt strong, warm
hands on my shoulders. I turned to see Kyden smiling down at me. I was still
buzzing with energy and without thinking I launched myself up into his arms. I
squeezed his neck and felt his chest vibrate with a deep laugh as his arms
wrapped around my waist.

           
“You guys were amazing. I’m so proud of you.” I shouted with
all
the
excitement still coursing through me.

           
“Thanks Princess.” He shouted back. Then one arm released me and he leaned
forward to reach for something behind me. A second later I felt something icy
press into my back. I squealed from the shock and dropped my feet back down to
the floor. He chuckled and handed me my bottle of water. I guzzled almost the
entire bottle in one drink, and finished it on the second.

           
“Dance with me?” He asked. I nodded my head and let him lead me back out to
where I had left the other three. Kyden danced as skillfully as he sang. It was
effortless, like the music just flowed right through him as his body moved with
mine.

           
He didn’t make any lascivious moves toward me. Our bodies were close enough
that I could feel the heat coming off of him, but he was nothing less than a
gentleman. Even when his hands rested on my hips and my heart rate sped up, he
appeared completely unaffected. At least I could blame my red face on the heat,
which wasn’t entirely false. It was just a different kind of heat burning me
up.

           
I tried to block out all other feeling except the music, but it was too hard
being so close to him. While I relished the moment of nearness, a part of me
hoped to see just a flicker of something more in his eyes, but there was never
anything more than friendly affection on his face. At least not until Kaylie
cut in.

           
He gave me a quick hug but then the two of them wrapped around each other and I
could see the fire burning in his gaze. My heart sunk down in to my stomach and
I felt the disappointment like a punch to the gut. I wanted to look away from
his hands on her hips and her lips on his neck, but as much as the image stung
my eyes, I couldn’t help but watch.

           
I didn’t want to be jealous. I didn’t have the right to be jealous, but the
bitterness wouldn’t leave me. It was ugly and ripping me
open
from the inside out. Thankfully Bas was the only one to notice my anguish, or
at least I hoped he was the only one who saw it. He pulled me away and forced
me to stop watching the pair. He led me out the door on the back wall.

           
“You okay?” He asked me once we stepped into the fresh air. It was just enough
to clear my head and I realized I shouldn’t be upset. This was exactly what I
needed, a healthy dose of reality. I couldn’t keep hanging onto the hope that
he could be what I wanted, because he wasn’t ever going to be that. I’ve known
all along
who
he is and I was foolish enough to forget
that, or ignore it or whatever I had been doing, but no more. Being Kyden’s
friend was better than being his nothing. Eventually the desire and longing I
felt would fade, because they were nothing more than a temporary infatuation,
they couldn’t be more than that.

           
“Yeah, I’m fine. That was nothing.” I tried to brush it off, but Bas knew me
way too well for that to work.

           
“It wasn’t
nothing
Jazz. You’re
hurting,
I just need you to tell me how much. Do I need to keep him away from you?” Once
again Bas was trying to put himself between me and whatever was causing me
pain. I couldn’t let him do that anymore either.

           
“That’s not necessary. It’s just a little crush, but I know there’s nothing
real between us. I’m human is
all.
I let a little
jealousy get the better of me for a moment, but, I know that I don’t actually
want to be in her place. She might have him now, but in a couple of hours he’s
gonna
be throwing her out until the next time he wants to
use her body.” Bas’ eyes were awash with sympathy and I wished that for once I
could stop giving him reasons to worry about me. I promised myself that this
was the last time I was going to let him see me react this way to
Kyden.           

           
“Look Jazz, he’s been through some shit. He’s never had much faith in people
outside of his close friends. That especially goes for women. You’re the first
girl that he hasn’t treated like a disposable pleasure toy, and even though you
might not realize it, that’s a big deal. Even with
Vi
and Liss, he only tolerated them out of respect for me. You though, you got to
him and I think he’s still trying to figure out what to do with that. So please
just don’t hate him for how he is because it’s all he knows right now.”

           
“What are you saying Bas? Is that why you encouraged me to give him another
chance to be friends? You want me to wait around for him, and in the meantime
what? Just brush off the whoring around?” How could he ever think I would be
okay with that?

           
“No, not at all.
I don’t want you to think I’m
choosing between him and you, or making excuses for him. You’ve got feelings
for him.” He wasn’t asking me, he was telling me. It was a fact. “Right now
you’re smart not to pursue them, but I’m also going to ask that you don’t hold
it against him. You always look for the good in people, and you expect more
from most of us because you have a good heart Jazz, and you truly believe that
we’re capable of being better.” He paused and looked down at the ground before
bringing his eyes back to mine and I caught the frustration in them. I knew
there was a lot he was keeping from me. He knew things about Kyden and I would
guess at least part of it involved me.