Finding Christmas (12 page)

“Nope. Keep talking.”

“I loved it. The rush was amazing. But my mother hated what I was doing. I guess I understand, but it was the only place I wanted to be.

“That day, I was flying a patrol. There was nothing aggressive on my part, nothing out of the ordinary, but the rebels who fired at us didn’t see it that way. The missile just clipped me. I honestly didn’t think I was going to have to ditch at first, but I got to open water as fast as I could. As I was limping back toward the ship, the fire broke out. No one knows exactly why it happened, but it did and it was a quick mover.”

“I can’t even imagine how you kept your wits.” Will was in awe of her, but his heart broke for her at the same time.

“I didn’t. I panicked. I’d always been so Zen about the dying thing, but when I actually had to face it, I was terrified. I punched out as soon as I could. My flight suit was fire resistant, thank God, or I’d have been in even worse shape. After that, I was pretty much out of it until I woke up in Texas. There’s a special unit that’s dedicated to dealing with combat related burn victims. They sent a special medical flight crew that met me in Germany and transported me home. I don’t remember any of it.”

“Wow,” he whispered. “I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing to say. Treating the burns took a year. I thought I was through the worst of it when the infection set in. My foot and ankle had the worst burns, and no matter what they tried, nothing worked.”

She gazed out the window as they passed through the endless stretch of pine trees known as the Pine Barrens. Twenty years before, there was a fire that wiped out thousands of acres of trees, but like with all things in nature, the area adapted and recovered. He wanted that for Maggie.

“I almost didn’t let them take my leg,” she said so quietly he barely heard her. “I got so depressed, so fast, I didn’t want to live. Initially, I said no to the surgery. My mother begged me, my father and sisters pleaded with me, and Matt cried, so I finally agreed to go through with it, as long as they left. I didn’t want them to have to see me go through one more thing.”

Will whistled through his teeth. All of a sudden, her family’s protectiveness, the doting, made more sense. It also helped him understand Matt a little better.

“You were alone?” He couldn’t imagine it. His parents had been with him through everything when his career crashed to earth.

“Completely. But after a while, with time and good therapy,” she tapped the side of her head, “I realized that wasn’t making me better. Misery like that is exhausting. So, I made a commitment to work toward being happy, to healing inside as well as out. That’s why I came home.”

“Your family loves you. There’s no doubt about that. I think even Aunt Brigid loves you in her way.” Aunt Brigid had become a bit of a running joke between them.

“Oh, I know. I’m trying to get better for them as much as for me, because I love them so much. Aunt Brigid, too. But they don’t know what to do with me. I’m not the Maggie they knew.
I’m not the Maggie I knew
.”

Drawing a deep breath, she shut her eyes tight, trying to compose herself. This woman was tough, but he wished she would let herself go.

“Really? I think you’re very much the person everyone described to me. Brave, smart, open. Thinking more of others than yourself.”

“You’ve only known me a couple of weeks. I put on a good front.”

He felt like he’d known her a lot longer. Will wasn’t the type to get involved in a serious relationship easily—he tended to let friendships develop with women, believing that love was something that grew. Falling in love, feeling that crazy emotional high, was something he’d never experienced.

Until now. With Maggie, his heart was getting hammered. Emotions that Will wasn’t totally comfortable with were ruling his decisions. It was insane, and for the first time in his life he wasn’t overanalyzing every move he made. He wasn’t trying to be perfect.

She made it easy to be himself.

She was right, though. They’d only known each other for a short time, but in spite of that, he felt more connected to her than he did with his ex-wife or his ex-fiancée.

“Is that why you’re sharing your story with me? So I can see the ‘real’ you?”

“I guess. You should know what you’re getting into. You’ve been so wonderful, Will. On Thanksgiving… I…” She took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been emotional, not like that anyway, and you just handled it.”

“You were hurting. I’m glad I could be there for you.”

“Hurting? I fell apart. Like I said, I’m a mess.”

Will pulled the car off the road into the public parking lot in Port Jefferson. “The restaurant is a short walk, but before we go, why don’t you tell me what I’m getting into. I’d like to hear your take on it.”

“Uh, well. I’m a disabled, disfigured vet, with a touch of PTSD, who’s trying to figure out where she fits in this world. I came home because Holly Point, and my family, have always centered me. But I’m feeling more than a little lost, and I’m scared.”

“Anything else?”

“Isn’t that enough?” She laughed. “You should be turning right around and attempting to break land speed records to get me home.”

“I’m not a daredevil like you.”

“Well, you see where that got me.”

“Come on. Let’s walk a bit.” He got out of the car and met her as she got out of the passenger side, immediately taking her hand. Maggie turned her face to his, and Will felt the thump square in his chest. She affected him more than a little, and he realized he could be in big, big trouble.

‡

W
alking with Will
through the picturesque waterside village made Maggie feel that coming home was the right thing to do. Drama happened in every family, and hers was no different. The good thing was she knew it would pass. The town was decked out for Christmas with pine garlands on all the storefronts, and lighted wreaths on each lamppost. It was beautiful and festive. Magic. And it’s one of the things that made her want to come home. Long Island loved Christmas. From the towns on the north shore to places like Holly Point, there were traditions that made the villages special.

Being with Will also made her feel special. Part of her wondered if she just wasn’t reacting to the fact that he was an extremely handsome man with an incredibly kind heart. Looking at his profile as they walked down the block to the restaurant, she took in the details.

His jaw was angular and strong, giving a line to his face that would age well. His skin was ruddy, and possessed a five o’clock shadow, even though she could see he was freshly shaved. His dark hair had a few flecks of gray at the temples, and his blue eyes fluctuated between a bright electric blue and a color so deep it reminded her of a lapis lazuli stone she came across at a market in Karachi.

“Will? How old are you?”

He glanced down, and the grin that teased his mouth made her stomach flip. “I’m thirty-nine. I’ll be forty in March.”

“Ah. Okay. I should have figured that.”

“I’ve never really cared about birthdays, but forty is getting to me a little.”

“Why do you think that is?”

He shrugged and focused his gaze forward. “I’m not settled. No wife. No kids. I guess I thought things would be different. Remember when you said I don’t break a sweat? That’s not true.”

“But you have your career. The kids you teach love you. You’re very much part of the town and the culture.”

“All true. I have a great house and I do love my job, but it’s not the same as a family.”

He was big, gorgeous, sweet, and he wanted kids? Maggie felt little pops in her ovaries. The thought of this man with a pack of kids was the most attractive thing she could imagine. The problem was she could never be part of that dream.

They walked slowly, enjoying the cold air, and enjoying each other. When she stumbled slightly, his arm shot out to support her.

“Okay?” he asked once she was steady.

“Fine. The boots are different, but I love them.”

“Were you able to see your
prosthetist
? Did I say that right?”

“Yes. She made an adjustment, and I tried the boots out with her. All good.”

“You look great. Happy.”

“Being with you makes me happy.”
Damn
. The words flew out before she could stop herself. Her mouth had no filter. Once it was out there she couldn’t take it back; all she could hope was that her honesty didn’t send him running.

It didn’t. In fact, it seemed to do the opposite. Will stopped, tugging her back onto the beautifully decorated stoop of a local bakery that had already closed up for the night. They were surrounded by twinkling white lights, pine garlands, deep red bows and gold and silver ornaments—Maggie felt that special Christmas magic she’d been missing the last two years surround them. Standing in the middle of all that glittering light, Maggie believed anything was possible.

Will’s fingers tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. There were no words exchanged, just a smile, and a sweet, sexy kiss that quite literally made Maggie’s heart skip a beat. Would miracles never cease?

“I could totally get used to that,” she smiled against his mouth, loving how protected and safe he made her feel.

“That’s good,” he said, his voice low and seductive. “Because I plan on kissing you any chance I get.” He kissed her again, moving to create a gentle friction, his tongue dipping in for a taste. Maggie responded by holding him closer and going all in. He left a trail of soft kisses and tiny nips along her jaw and down her neck, returning to pay special attention to a spot just behind her ear. Her body was on fire. She wanted him so badly, and based on the hardness pressing into her thigh, he felt the same way.

Part of her wanted to skip dinner and head right back to his house, while another part of her wanted to run and hide.

They were totally lost in each other, drowning in a deep passionate kiss, when a voice from the street yelled,
“Get a room.”

Startled, they burst into laughter at the same time. “I guess we’d better get moving.” He stepped off the stoop, holding his hand out for her.

“Probably, I just…” She took his hand and stepped into his space.

“What?”

Going up on her tiptoes, Maggie kissed him—nothing seductive, but she felt it with every fiber of her being. She hoped Will did too.

“I’m not ready yet. I want to be with you, but I can’t. Not yet.”

Knowing she was talking about making love, he wrapped her in his arms, and drew her so close, Maggie didn’t know where she ended and he began.

“There’s no timeline. When you feel it’s right, you’ll tell me.”

Maggie nodded, appreciating this man more and more every day. He was a gift.

Her last relationship lasted three years, ending when her boyfriend got a look at her burns for the first time. He couldn’t handle it, and accepted a three year assignment in Japan. It was subtle, but it was a rejection, nonetheless. And while she knew she was better off without the guy, for the first time in her life, Maggie became aware of her appearance.

All her life, people told her she was pretty, some said she was beautiful, but she never thought about it much. However, now her appearance was in her face every day. But with Will, she felt normal, that maybe someone could look past the scars and see her.

Now she just had to get past the scars herself. She wanted this.

She wanted him. She wanted him more than anything.

*     *     *

They’d walked around
town a little more and arrived at the restaurant just a few minutes before their reservation. It was set in an old building that faced the harbor, and like everywhere else in town it was decked out for Christmas. “I love the decorations,” Maggie said as she watched a ferry bound for Connecticut pull away from the dock. “Just being here makes me feel like a kid again.”

He nodded in agreement. “Less than three weeks ’til Christmas.”

“Don’t remind me. I haven’t bought a single present.”

Chuckling, his laugh warmed her. “It’s not the holidays unless I’m buying presents on Christmas Eve.”