Find You in the Dark (9 page)

 
Neither of my friends said anything.  They seemed to be a bit taken aback by Clay's appearance at our table.  How humiliating!  “Say hi, you two.  Or he'll think you never learned to talk.”  I rolled my eyes and Clay smiled tightly.  I could tell he was uncomfortable. 

 
Rachel blinked rapidly, the way she did when she was caught doing something embarrassing.  “Sorry, Clay.  Nice to meet you.”  She gave him an overly bright smile.  I frowned at her and silently communicated to her to stop trying so hard.  Daniel looked at Clay almost as though he were examining him.  “Hey.” He replied back. 

 
Okay, well it looked as though Daniel would be a hard sell.  He was so territorial sometimes.  Clay cleared his throat and started eating his lunch.  The vibe around our table became really tense.  “So, how's your day so far?” I asked Clay, trying to cut through the thickening silence.  Clay shrugged, not looking at me.  “Just another day.” He said before returning to his lunch.

 
Wow, this was getting bad and fast.  If he didn't want to talk, why the hell did he sit down?  Of course it didn't help that Daniel was watching him while he ate.  I shot daggers at my best friends, urging them with my eyes, to snap out of it.

 
Rachel sat up straighter and opened her eyes dramatically at me.  “Sorry” she mouthed.  I pointedly looked at Clay, who was shoveling salisbury steak into his mouth.  “So, Clay. Did you finish that assignment for Creative Writing?  I'm having a hell of time writing my short story.  I think I got a whole paragraph before I gave up.”  Rachel said, laughing in that really fake way of hers.  At least she was trying.

 
Clay shrugged again.  Was that his only reply?  He was being really rude.  Not at all like the Clay I had come to know over the last week.  I felt a knot in my stomach by his attitude.  He was so rigid in his seat as though he wanted to be anywhere but at our table.  I just didn't get what he was trying to do?  I mean, he was the one who had approached us.  But now, he looked as though he couldn't be finished with his food fast enough.

 
Was it me?  Had I done something wrong?  Should I have been more vocal to my friends when they were being so weird towards him?  Why was I obsessing over what
I
did?  But did
I
do something? 

 
Then after a few minutes of complete silence, Clay stood up.  I looked up at him in surprise.  What the heck was going on? 

 
He finally looked down at me and I saw his face soften a bit.  “Thanks for letting me sit with you.  I'll see you later.”  He gave me a half smile and then turned around and left. 

  “
What the fuck was that?”  Daniel asked after Clay had left.  I was still watching him make his way through the cafeteria, his shoulders slumped over and his head down.  I had no idea how to answer Daniel's question.  Because I don't know what
that
was. 

  “
Maybe he's just shy.”  Rachel volunteered.  Daniel snorted.  “Or a whack job.  He has that whole school shooter thing going on, you know?”  Okay, that made me lose it.  “You don't even know him, Daniel!  So stop being so god damn judgmental!  Maybe he was acting strange because you were being an ass!  Did you ever think about that?”  My voice was loud and I had to struggle to calm myself down.

 
Daniel looked at me like I had grown a second head.  I never yelled at him.  Ever.  “What is your problem, Mags?”  He asked me.  “Ugg!”  I gathered up my trash.  “My problem is that Clay is my friend.  And you are my friend.  So you need to start learning to get along with him.  And maybe next time engage in a little conversation.  Show people you have more than the social skills of a fucking first grader!” 

  “
Maggie!  Chill out!”  Rachel urged, trying to smooth over the situation that had started to escalate.  I just shook my head and got up to leave.  Forgetting that I was really sore, I groaned as I moved too quickly. 

 
Rachel was on her feet and moved to stop me from leaving.  “We're sorry okay?  We didn't mean to make him feel uncomfortable.  The whole thing just threw us all right?”  She was using the placating tone she usually reserved for Daniel. 

 
What was my problem?  Why was I so upset with them?  It wasn't like me to fly off the handle like that.  I needed to get myself in check. 

 
Sighing, I gave Rachel a quick hug.  “I know.  Thanks.  But I better go catch up with Clay, make sure he's cool.”  I gave my friends a smile and took off out of the cafeteria.

 
Looking down the hallway, I saw Clay at the other end.  “Clay!” I called out, moving quickly toward him.  He didn't turn around.  Did he not hear me, or was he ignoring me? 

 
I caught up with him and grabbed his arm to stop him from walking.  I felt his muscles tense under my arm.  I moved so that I was standing in front of him.  His jaw was clenched and he wouldn't look at me.  “Why did you leave so quickly?”  I asked him.  He shrugged (I was starting to really hate it when he did that-).  “Didn't really want to hang out with people who didn't want to hang out with me.”  He said coldly as he stepped around me to move down the hallway.

  “
Hold on a sec, Clay.  You're being ridiculous.”  I let out an incredulous laugh.  Okay, so maybe my friends were less than welcoming at first.  But I thought his reaction to the whole thing was a bit over the top. 

 
The look Clay leveled at me froze my blood.  Clearly, he didn't think he was being ridiculous.  Without saying another word, he left me standing alone in the hallway.  This time, I didn't go after him.  There was only so much rejection a gal can take. 

 
I stomped back to my locker, throwing the door open so that it bounced off the metal behind it.  “Seeing as you're in a seriously shitty mood, I'm assuming lover boy was still an ass when you chased him down like a love sick puppy?”  Daniel snarked, leaning on the locker beside me. 

 
I yanked my books for the afternoon from the top shelf and glared at my friend.  “What is your problem with him anyway, Daniel?  It's not like you to be such a dick to someone you don't even know.”  I couldn't help the hurt that bled through my voice.  I tried to stay indignant and self-righteous but I could hear the vulnerability in my words.

 
Daniel softened immediately and put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly.  “Sorry, Mags.  I know you want to be friends with this dude.  But there's just something about him that rubs me the wrong way.  But I'll put on the happy face, just for you.”  I smiled at him and leaned in to give him a hug.  Daniel patted my back awkwardly, unaccustomed to such a show of affection from me.

 
He pulled back and looked at me, a strange look on his face.  “What?”  I asked him, frowning.  Daniel only shook his head.  “You really like this guy?  I mean really?”  He seemed to be in a state of disbelief.  Why was that such a strange concept for Daniel to get?

  “
Yeah, Danny.  I really, really like him.”  I couldn't help my dreamy tone and I tried to ignore the eye roll Daniel gave me.  “Why?  He has the personality of a rock.  I don't get it.”  Daniel seemed genuinely perplexed.  And I guess I didn't blame him.  It wasn't as though he had seen the Clay that I did.  The Clay that made me forget everyone and everything else.

  “
No he doesn't.  He's a lot of fun.  I can talk to him about stuff that I can't talk about with anyone else.  He has this crazy spontaneous side that makes everything we do so fun.  He's cute and smart and...”  Daniel held up his hand.

  “
Okay, enough already.  I think I vomited in my mouth a little.  Whatever.  Just be careful.  I worry is all.”  It was my turn to roll my eyes.  How many times had I told him the exact same thing when it came to Kylie or some other girl he was drooling over.  I thought of anyone, he would understand how I was feeling. 

 
Maybe not. 

  “
And I'll be nice.  For your sake.  But that doesn't mean I trust him...or like him.”  Daniel gave me a hard look and I tried not to yell at him again.  I wanted to shake my best friend. 

 
Not wanting to start another argument, I opted to stay silent.  With a smile thrown in his direction, I left Danny and headed to class.

 
I hated to admit that I looked for Clay all day but he successfully avoided me.  Had I unwittingly ruined our friendship?  Was I trying too hard to hold onto something that had barely begun?  I was the worst kind of pathetic.  I should be focused on kicking ass in my last year of school.  Thinking of where I'll go to college.  Working my butt off to get the cross country team to state.  I had a million and one other things going on in my life but the only thing I could think about was him.

 
Clay fucking Reed. 

 
He had royally screwed up my head in the month I'd known him.  And I couldn't even claim to know him that well.   I had really thought we had the beginnings of something.   But, I'd be damned if I would invest energy into something that wasn't reciprocated. 

 
I had worked myself up into a ball of determination.  I would not allow myself to obsess over some boy.  I was better than that.  I had more going for me than being some stupid girl who fixated on whether a guy would give her the time a day.  That was not the person I was.

 
My internal monologue had me fired up.  I could practically hear my own personal soundtrack.  I hummed a tune with an angry beat the whole way to my locker.  I was feeling strong and untouchable. 

  
And then a piece of paper fluttered to my feet.  It had been shoved between the slats of my locker and had fallen out when I opened it.  Probably some stupid flyer for the pep rally.  I started to ball it up and throw it away when my name caught my eye. 

  
Maggie.

 
The handwriting wasn't familiar to me but somehow I knew it was from him.   So, just like that, all my new found strength went straight to hell. 

 
I opened up the folded paper and smoothed it out.  It was an amazingly intricate charcoal drawing of a gothic looking butterfly.  The detail was unbelievable.  It looked like one of those cool tribal art tattoos.  It was edgy yet delicate at the same time.  I couldn't quite believe that Clay could be capable of such beautiful artwork.  His aloof coldness belied the sensitive soul who was able to communicate so much through a drawing.  Then I noticed some writing at the bottom.  In thin, sloping script it read “
Goodness
is your virtue.  Quiet beauty your weapon.
”  I almost stopped breathing.  The words sounded like some sort of love poem.  What did he mean by them?  And why could he act like he wanted nothing to do with me one minute and then practically lay his heart out on the table, the next?  It made no sense.

 
I looked up and found Clay standing a little ways down the hallway, watching me.  Our eyes met and an undeniable electricity passed between us.  Did he feel like I did?  What did this drawing mean?  Was he trying to tell me something?  I gathered up my book bag and shoes for cross country and walked toward him.

 
He watched me the entire time with a hesitant look on his face.  I stopped in front of him and held up the drawing.  “You did this?”  I asked him, although I already knew the answer.  Clay nodded.  “I didn't know you were an artist.  This is...just...wow.”  I said inarticulately.  God, why did I have to be such a moron?

 
Clay's lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile.  “Thanks.”  He said simply, still watching me in that intense way of his.  “And the words at the bottom?  Did you write them?”  I asked, trying to pull something out of him that would get him to open up.  To tell me what he was thinking.

 
Clay pushed himself off the locker and started walking with me down the hallway.  “No.  It's a Japanese poet I really love.  That particular poem made me think of you.  You should read it.”   Japanese poetry huh?  Deep stuff. 

   
He was reciting pretty Japanese poetry to me.  A guy didn't do that sort of thing unless he liked the girl, right?  I mean, that's the only thing that makes sense.  But then what was with the arctic freeze out earlier?

 
Ugg!  There was that obsessive self- doubt again.  It had to stop! 

  “
Well, thanks.”  I forced myself to say cooly.  There was no way I would let Clay know what he did to me.  It was becoming a bit embarrassing.  Clay took a hold of my hand and pulled me to a stop.  I should probably have moved out of his grasp.  That would have been the smart thing to do.  Not throwing myself head first into this crazy whirlwind that seemed to suck me in and refused to let go.  But I liked how his hand felt around mine way too much to do that.  So I looked at my shoes, finding them suddenly very interesting. 

  “
Mags.  Look at me.”  Clay said softly.  The way he said my name made me feel fluttery inside.  Like that beautiful butterfly he had drawn me.  Damn him.  I looked up at Clay.  His dark brown eyes were full of contrition and I found it impossible to stay distant and closed off.