Fighting to Stay (14 page)

“Are you ready, baby girl?  Aunty Jenn will be here soon,” I say excitedly.

Lola bounces on the spot.  “I can’t wait,” she squeals.

“Go on now and get your party dress on.  She’ll be here shortly.”  It’s Lola’s fourth birthday and Jenn is making the trip up to see us.  It will be the first time she’s seen Lola and me since we left.  I’m excited to see my best friend, but I’m also excited for Lola to meet her aunt.

I see Jenn’s car pull to a stop out front.  The driver’s door flies open and Jenn jumps out.  She screams when she sees me and we run into each other’s arms.  When we pull apart, we’re both crying and laughing at the same time. 

“Mommy,” Lola calls from behind me.

“Lola?”  Jenn gapes.   “Sweet Jesus, come and give your Aunt Jenn a hug.”

Lola runs into her arms, hugging her and then laying a wet kiss on her cheek.  “Hi,” she grins.

“Hey, baby.  Lord, I’ve missed you so much,” she sobs.

“Come and see my cake,” Lola, oblivious to the enormity of the situation, begins tugging Jenn inside.

Lola proudly shows Jenn her chocolate cake, decorated like Dora the Explorer.  Then she runs off to play with the birthday presents she got this morning from me.

I pour us coffees and we sit at the table.

“You look fantastic,” I tell her, placing my hand over hers.

“So do you.  I can still see the sadness behind that mask though, Lacey, so don’t try and fool me.”

“I don’t think it will ever leave,” I admit.

“You should talk to him, Lace.”

“It’s been too long now, Jenn.  I should have made contact years ago.  It’s too late now.”

“You regret leaving him?”

“Of course I do.  I love him.  But I won’t be one of those women.  I know Roam, he’s a fantastic father and I would have had to deal with that woman in my life forever.  I’m not strong enough to do that.”

“
Look! 
Look what my daddy sent me,” Lola comes screaming into the kitchen.

Jenn’s eyes go wide and she gives me a quizzical look before turning back to Lola.

“Your daddy sent you that?”

“Yep. He always sends the
best
presents.”  She holds up the toddler sized walking, talking Dora the Explorer doll, for Jenn to see.

“Wow. That’s an awesome daddy you have!”

“Yeah.  He’s really busy with work, so I don’t see him for real, but he sends me presents and letters all the time.”

I see a tear fall from Jenn’s eye.

“That’s a pretty bracelet,” she says, pointing to Lola’s tiny wrist.

“Oh, my daddy sends me the charms to put on
it.  I get a new one in the mail
all
the time!”  She holds up her hand for Jenn to examine the silver bracelet.  There are the numbers one, two, three and four, plus a motorcycle, a helmet, an L, a written letter charm and a candy cane.

“Wow.  That’s really beautiful, Lola.  You’re daddy sounds very generous.”

“Yeah. He loves me,” she says flippantly before she skips off.

“She’s a character,” Jenn laughs.

“She certainly is.” I couldn’t agree more.

~*~

ROAM

Switch sits at the head of the table and I’m on his left.  The old wooden table is full of nicks and scratches and we definitely need new chairs sometime soon, but it’s ours.  This room has heard the secrets and confessions of the Mayhem Motorcycle Club for over eighty years.
  We’ve been in here for the last forty minutes discussing and voting on club matters.  My head hasn’t really been in on the meeting, except for when Axe gave a run-down of the Veronica and Christa altercation.  Like Louie said, Christa has gone into hiding.  If she knows what is good for her, she’ll stay fucking gone. 

My mind fills with images of what I’d like to do to make Christa suffer.  Make her hurt for all the hurt she’s caused me.

“Roam,” Switch barks.  “You listenin’ or what?”

“Sorry, Prez,” I mutter.

“Right, well, as I was sayin’ before, Jenn spouted some piss poor excuse to go out of town for the night – a night that I’m sure you haven’t failed to miss, is also Lola’s birthday.”

“And?” I grit out.

“I put a tail on her?”

“Who?” I grit out again.  If there’s a chance they can find my woman and kid, I don’t want some piece of shit falling down on the job.

“Vinnie,” he states.

“Vinnie’s good,” I nod.

“He won’t fuck up, brother.  If that’s where Jenn’s goin’, he won’t let us down.”

“When did she leave?”

“S’morning.”

I nod again and then stand.  “We done?”

“Yeah.”

I stalk out of the room and grab a
bottle of vodka on my way.  I sink a few shots, then set about fixing a bike.

~*~

Two hours later a call comes through.  Switch walks to me and puts his phone on speaker.

“Go ahead, Vinnie.”

“I followed Jenn to Rockford, Tennessee.  She got lost a few times, but I’m reckonin’ I managed to stay outta sight.”

“Just tell us who she’s fuckin’ with,” I shout.

“Uh, she’s with a woman who resembles the picture you showed me.  There’s a young girl as well.”

I spin around and punch the wall.  Elation and anger course through my veins at rapid speed.

“I gotta get outta here.”  I look at Switch.  “You comin?”

“Brother, it’s getting’ late.  We go now, we camp somewhere for the night.  We’re not riding the entire way.  Otherwise, we wait ‘till tomorrow.”

I can’t fucking believe it!  She’s four hundred and fifty miles away in some bumfuck town just South of Nashville.

I nod.

“Let’s go then.”

Twenty minutes later, we ride out.  I’m antsy.  I just want to get to them.
  Nothing else matters at this point.  I just need them.

~*~

Lacey

Lola and I make Jenn a beautiful chicken salad for lunch, and then we sing Happy Birthday and eat cake.  I show Jenn the creations I sell and I give her some to take home with her.

Lola falls asleep watching “Nemo”, so I carry her to bed and then Jenn and I sit out on the porch with a bottle of wine.

“So,” she drags out the word, “Lola’s daddy has been sending her stuff?”

I raise my eyebrows at her.  “I just don’t want her to grow up thinking he doesn’t want her.  This way, it doesn’t hurt her every time one of her friends brings up their dad.  She just says hers is busy working but at least she has gifts and letters from him.”

“Except they’re not really
from
him.  Don’t you think she’s going to be pissed when she finds out it was you all along?”

“She might be, but I hope I will have raised a daughter that will understand the situation I was in and won’t judge me for the decisions I have made.”

“I hope so, too…for your sake.”

“How’s things with you and Switch?”  I ask, changing the subject.

“Good.  He’s been talking about marriage and babies lately.”

“That’s great, Jenn!  You guys have been together long enough.  ‘Bout time he thought about putting a ring on your finger.”

“Yeah,” she agrees on a laugh.  “But, if ever finds out I’m here…” she trails off.

“Well, it’s a good thing he won’t, then, isn’t it?” I smile.

She refills our glasses and we sit in a comfortable silence for a while. 

“I’m proud of you, Lace.  This home you’ve created for you and Lola, the business you’re building…you’re doing really well.  You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” I say, wiping my eyes.

“But, I’m pissed that you only called me
three
times in the last four years.”

“I know. I’m sorry.  I’m a bad friend.  I missed you so much, Jenn, but you always seemed to bring up Roam on the phone, and my heart couldn’t handle the hurt of hearing anything about him.”

“It’s my fault, too.  I just want you to know the truth.”

“Well, sometimes the truth hurts too much.”

Not long later, we head off to bed.  Jenn has to leave early so she can be home before Switch gets suspicious. 

~*~

The next morning, I’m awake early, making pancakes with crispy bacon, before Jenn has to go.  Lola comes bounding in shortly after.

“Is Aunt Jenn staying for breakfast?”

“She sure is, baby, but then she has to get back on the road.”

“Aw,” she pouts.
  “Can she visit with us again soon?”

“I’m sure she can,” I ruffle her hair and she runs off to turn on her morning cartoons.

“Mornin’.”  Jenn wipes her eyes and yawns as she slides onto the stool.

“Morning,”
I slide the plate stacked with pancakes and bacon towards her.

“Syrup?”

“Is that even a question?”  She retorts.

I stick my tongue out at her and reach for the syrup.  I dish up a plate for Lola and call for her to come and eat.  I fix myself a plate and take out the cutlery, then we silently enjoy our food.

“Coffee or juice?”  I ask Jenn.

“May I have juice, please mommy?”

“You may,” I smile.

“Coffee, please,” Jenn answers.

I pour our drinks and we go back to eating.

“Mom says you have to go soon,” Lola says, with a mouthful of food.

“Uh-huh,” Jenn nods.  “Got a long drive, sweetie.”

“Well, maybe mom and I can come visit you sometime.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Jenn grins, triumphantly.

Bitch
.

“Maybe one day,” I smile at Lola.  Then I look up and glare at Jenn.  She shrugs, looking gleeful. 

“This visit wasn’t long enough,” I pull her into my arm and hug her tight.

“I know.  I miss you so bad, Lace.”

“I miss you, too.  Drive safely, okay.  Ring or text when you get home.”

“I will,” she promises.

After she hugs Lola goodbye, we stand in the drive and wave until Jenn disappears from sight.

“Come on, sweetness.  Let’s get inside and tidy your toys.”

~*~

ROAM

“Roam,” I answer my ringing phone.

“Jenn just left the house.  I’m following her now, looks like she’s headed back to ‘Bama,” Vinnie says.

“Right, keep on her.”

I snap my phone shut and look over to Switch, who’s trimming his beard in the tiny motel room mirror.  “Hurry up, pretty boy.”

“If my woman has been with your woman and known about her whereabouts for the last four years, I’m set to tan her hide,” he mutters.

“
Let’s roll out, brother.”

“Patience,” he says, quietly.  “What are you gonna do when we find her?”

“First I’m gonna fuck her until she can’t think straight, then I’m gonna turn that sexy as fuck ass of hers a pretty shade of pink. 
Then,
I’m gonna put a ring on her finger so she’ll never leave me again.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” he winks.

“It is, so let’s get the fuck outta here.”

I slide my cut over my shoulders and walk out to my bike.  I start her up and fasten my helmet
.  Switch’s bike revs to life beside mine and we tear out of the parking lot.  The sound of the pipes is music to my ears as we chew the miles towards the two loves of my life.

Two hours later, we roll into Rockford, Tennessee.  The directions Vinnie gave us, end up getting us lost a few times before we finally pull onto the right street.
  We slow the bikes and they rumble to a stop near the curb.  Up ahead, I see the house Vinnie described.  White picket fence out front, cottage style house, tidy yard, a few pots of flowers scattered here and there.  There’s a tiny trampoline and a swing set with a slide visible over the back fence.  My hearts starts to speed up and all of a sudden I turn into a pussy.  Sweat beads on my forehead and I’m scared as all fucking get out.  I take my helmet from my head and sit it in my lap.  I swallow hard and watch the house, waiting for something,
someone
, to come outside.

“What do you want to do, brother?” Switch asks from beside me.

“Don’t know, man.  I was all confident and shit before I got here, but now,” I shake my head.

“Can’t hurt
to wait a bit, brother.  Think on it.  Think about what you’re going to say.  Have some time to calm down and work that anger out of your system before you go in there gun’s blazing and fuck everything up.”

“Yeah,” I agree.  “Let’s go some food. I’m starvin’.” 

I’ll come back in a few hours.
  I need time to think.  Time to calm down.