Fighting Desire (Bay State Series Book 2) (4 page)

Regrets

As I watch her from across the room, she dances and laughs with her date, whom I want to go punch in the face if he puts it anywhere near hers again, I can't help but think of how I should have handled things differently.

She looks stunning in her bridesmaid's dress. I keep imagining what she'll look like while taking it off.

She hasn't spoken to me since that day back in December when Trisha, my bitch of an ex wife came to my apartment. Technically she wasn't my ex yet. Something I now regret not telling Sarah. She came over that night to give me the papers it took her six months to sign. Leave it to her to wait until she knew Sarah was there to stick it to me one last time. It wasn't enough that she constantly cheated on me. She didn't want me to be happy. I have no idea what I did to her to make her despise me so much. But she sure likes to remind me of the fact often.

If I could just get Sarah to talk to me so I can explain. My divorce was final a few weeks ago. I don't want anyone who knows the situation to talk to her for me. I'm biding my time. I want her to miss me but I have no way of knowing. The girls have been pretty tight lipped about the whole thing. Telling me she's just fine, or she'll come around, just give her time. Well fuck! How much time does she need? Till this douche gives her what I couldn't? Maybe she wants a man with an untarnished past? Be his one and only? I would give her anything she wants within my power. I can't stand it. Watching her with him, it's like a knife through my heart. I fell fast and hard for her and nothing's changed. I feel the same now as I did three months ago, completely in love with her. I'm going to try my hardest to get her to feel the same about me. I just need to figure out how to do that.

I've caught her looking at me a few times tonight and everytime our eyes meet she looks away but not before giving me a small smile. That has to count for something right?

She immediately stopped coming into the office. Whenever I would ask Braydon about it he would tell me she asked for personal time to work from home. I didn't pry. Chances are she didn't tell him anything. The girls on the other hand must know everything. The looks they all gave me in the beginning were all knowing.

The need to go to her keeps pulling at me. I don't want to cause a scene today of all days so I keep my ass firmly planted in my seat. John and Rachel's ceremony was beautiful. I'm truly happy for them. I can only hope I have a chance at a real marriage built on love. Unlike my pressured wedding to Trisha because she forgot to take her pill and ended up pregnant, only to miscarry halfway through her pregnancy. It still kills me to think about our baby that we lost. Point is, I should have never had the shotgun wedding at twenty one. We stayed  together and supported each other for seven months before I had to file for divorce. I couldn't do it anymore. She didn't want me, was never home and I would find messages from countless men on her phone. I have no dilusion that she was faithful to me. The destruction of mine and Sarah's relationship was meaningless to her. To this day I can't understand her motive.

I'm taken from my reflection by Frank and George who are being tailed by a petite blonde. I'm guessing from her platinum hair, she must be their sister Tanya.

“Hey Brent, we wanted you to meet our sister. This is Tanya.” George indicates with a sweep of his hand.

“Tanya, this is Brent, one of my good friends from work.” Frank finishes the indroduction before taking a seat next to me.

Extending my hand, I take hers lightly, briefly shaking it and bringing my attention back to Sarah, who is now in Mr. no name's arms and his hands are extremely too close to her ass for my liking. Quickly looking away before I end up getting in this dude's face, I release her hand. “Nice to meet you Tanya. Are you all done with school?” I ask her as she smiles, tilting her head to the side in question but otherwise mercifully ignoring my distraction.

“Yeah, I have a few interviews next week with some broadcasting companies. Hopefully one of them picks me up. That would be so awesome.” Nodding her head towards the dance floor she asks, “Lady troubles?” So maybe she's not going to let me off the hook that easily.

Laughing at her assertiveness, I play it cool. “Something like that, no big deal really.”

“Ah huh, well I'll talk to you later, my date's waving me over.” She points to the bar where a good looking kid with daggers for me is waiting expectedly for her. “It was nice meeting you Brent.”

“You as well Tanya, enjoy yourself.” I tell her as she walks away towards tall, dark and broody. I only have eyes for one woman. He's got jack shit to worry about from me. The fucker with his hands on Sarah's ass is another story.

I get up from my chair ready for a fight when Frank grabs my arm. “Come on buddy you need to chill. Flipping your shit here won't do you any good. Let's go grab a drink.” He guides me towards the bar and finds a seat where our backs are to the dance floor.

George joins us and we grab three beers. “Do you want to to talk about it?”  He asks slapping me on my back.

Sighing I place my head in my hands, scrubbing my face a few times before turning to him. “Not really. I don't see what good it will do. The only person I can talk to and make any sense of this is her and she won't talk to me.” I turn and look out onto the dance floor and can't see them anywhere. Flinging myself from my seat I go in search mode through the venue, ignoring the yelling coming from the guys.

Just as I'm rounding the corner into the hallway she comes out of the bathroom, bumping into me. I hold my arms out to steady her and the electric charge that flows through me is undeniable. “Sorry.” She apologizes and tries to move away.

I back her up against the wall, pressing myself into her as I drink her in. The top of her breasts are accentuated by the snugness of her dress. Her hair is pulled up into some kind of twist with loose curls framing her beautiful face. I lean in to kiss her lips and she turns away. Burying my face in her neck, I plead with her to hear me out. “Will you please talk to me? It's not what you think. I'm absolutely miserable without you.” Kissing her neck I pull away to search her gaze for any sign of compassion for my feelings.

She tries to break free from my hold. That's so not going to happen. If she won't listen willingly, then I'll make her. “I don't know what you want from me Brent, it's been over for three months.” I see the tears falling from her eyes and I bring my hand up to wipe them away.

“I just want you to listen to me. I love you, I've never stopped. Just please agree to hear me out. It doesn't have to be here. I want you to give me a chance to tell you everything I was too stupid to before. I'm sure people are wondering where we are so I'll let you get back, but I do want to talk.” Looking into her glistening green eyes I feel like I'm home.

Reluctantly letting her go, I follow her back out into the party. Rachel waves us onto the dance floor and I allow myself some enjoyment, letting go of my misery for the first time today. Feeling somewhat hopeful when a slow song comes on and Sarah turns to me, I open my arms in invitation and she accepts, folding her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest. I pull her chin up so she's looking into my questioning eyes and raise an eyebrow. “Jimmie went home, he has work early in the morning.” She tells me, answering my unspoken inquisition. “I love this song and wanted to dance, and for some reason I can't explain, I still feel safe in your arms.” Placing her head back into it's previous position I start to stroke her hair, careful not to make a mess of what looks like took forever.

She lets out a long sigh and I never want this moment to end. “Do you love him?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer.

“Who?”

“Jimmie.”

“No, he's just a friend.”

“What?” I pull her away from me, searching her face. “Why did he have his hands all over you? For the record I want to break every one of his fingers for having them on what's mine.”

Shaking her head, she lets out another sigh. “That's just it Brent, I'm not yours. Not anymore.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I pull her close and settle my hands on her lower back, the material of the dress, smooth under my fingertips, reminding me of her silky skin. “Let me take you home.” I can feel her silent sobs as I clarify. “To talk, I promise nothing more until your ready. I just need you to hear me.”

“I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear you. You successfully ripped my heart out, leaving a gaping hole in my chest. Your married, or you were, so I hear. You should have told me. That's what hurts the most. You lied to me.” Hearing it from her lips brings to light how bad the situation really is. It was a shithead move, honestly with Sarah I never had a single thought of Trisha on my mind. That's how I wanted it. I erased that part of my life the minute I walked out  the door, never looking back.

“Do you want me on my hands and knees begging you? Because I will. I will do anything for you to forgive me Sarah. I haven't so much as looked at another woman. You're all I want. Please give me a chance?” Looking around the room I notice a lot of eyes trained on us. Rachel and Ilyanna wearing matching, knowing smiles, both giving me a thumbs up. Resting my chin on the top of her head, I wait patiently for my answer. The song ends and she releases me. I immediately miss the contact, the feel of her in my arms.

Taking my hand she leads me to the head table, grabs her drink and walks to a secluded section in the corner of the room. “I miss you too Brent. God, I miss you so much it kills me.” Makeup streaks down her cheeks from the moisture leaking from the corner of her eyes. “I've been waiting for you to make me listen. Honestly, I couldn't bring myself to go to you. You did wrong, not me. I'm not going to be the one doing the chasing.” She lets out a small laugh as she sniffs and brings a napkin up to her eyes first wiping one and then the other, trying to clear the smudges that have taken up residence on her beautiful skin.

Taking the napkin from her, I reach up to get the spots she's missed. “There, perfect,” I tell her. “I've tried so many times to talk to you. Why now?” I need to know, what's so different now? Has something changed?

“This is the first time I've laid eyes on you since that night. I knew this day was coming and when it did my resolve would crumble. Pretending to be strong for my friend's sake is one thing. I know the truth. I knew today was going to be it. The day I gave in. Seeing you was a given.” She begins to fidget with her dress so I take her hands in mine, keeping them still, drawing her attention back to my face.

Braydon comes to stand next to us with a hand on  my shoulder. “Hey, we're taking some group pictures in ten, we want you both in them.” I can't speak for Sarah but I'm sure she'll want some time to freshen up.

“Sure where do you want us to meet you?” I ask, needing just a few more minutes alone with her.

“Out back by the big grouping of trees. See you in a few.” He walks away to join our group of friends, who are looking at us with raised eyebrows. I shake my head and chuckle.

“What's so funny?” Sarah asks.

“All of our friends are probably over there playing out our reunion. And I can guarantee nobody's more hopeful than me.” I really just want to get these pictures over with so we can leave and have our talk.

Standing from her seat, she looks over at the group and smiles. “Come on, I need to go out to my car and freshen up. Walk with me.” Don't need to tell me twice. I'd follow this girl anywhere she wants to go.

Posing for our pictures my mind drifts back to our last time together. I'm sure I'll have a huge grin in every one. My spare bedroom is converted into my home gym, where I was working out before bed that night.

“You coming to bed baby?” She asked from the doorway before walking to me and running her hands up and down my sweat slicked chest.

“I don't know, I can think of some things I could do to you right here in this room.” I told her with a sly smile. Damn she looked sexy, her nipples clearly visable in a flimsy blush pink  tank top and matching lace panties. “Go climb on that weight bench. On your knees.” Arching one perfectly manicured eyebrow she licked her lips and did exactly that, spreading those sexy as fuck legs as far as she could, shaking her ass for me as I walked to stand behind her, straddling the bench. “I hope your ready for it. Seeing you in those tiny little scraps of fabric has me horny as fuck.”

She shook her ass at me again earning her a light smack on her right cheek. “Oh!” She exclaimed. “That's what I was looking for when I put it on.” She looked back at me, slowly running her tongue along the seam of her lips before facing forward again and backing up until her ass was pushed up on my harder than hell cock. I took hold of my shaft, running the tip along her slit through her panties. Not bothering to take them off I slid them aside and plunged in hard and fast, making her gasp. “Yes, yes.” She chanted as I held a steady rhythm.

Meeting me thrust for thrust it didn't take long to reach our mutual releases. “You feel so good wrapped around my cock. I love how your pussy grips me, so tight. Cum for me beautiful, cum hard on my cock baby.” Not knowing it was possible she tightened even more around me and screamed in ecstacy, milking me for every last drop.

Commotion around me brings me back to the present. Sadly tearing me from my daydream. I'm determined to feel that again. How long I'll have to wait is the question. As we quietly follow our group back into the hall one of Sarah's favorite songs comes on.

“Let's go dance.” She looks at me expectedly. How in the world am I ever going to say no to her. Impossible.