Fiendish: A Twisted Fairytale (78 page)

I pushed hard against his chest
, needing him to move. I was suffocating. This was too much, I couldn’t handle hearing this now; I couldn’t do this now. But I had no choice. He wasn’t moving, and I could see from the look in his eyes he wasn’t done yet.

“
It’s not something I needed or wanted. In fact, before you, I was fairly certain love was an emotion that would never complicate my life. But then, you happened,” he said, running his hand along the side of my face. “You bumped into me, drenching me in coffee, and things were forever changed. You have become what I want most in my life. Before you, I didn’t care about anyone. You brought out something in me I never knew existed. I enjoyed the power, the rush of holding the lives of others in my hands. They weren’t important to me; they weren’t people to me. You are.” Seth leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on my lips. “What I said was true about there being no darkness without light. You, Calida, are my light. You may not want to believe that right now, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.”

I struggled to get air into my lungs; it was as if I had a hundred pounds of pre
ssure sitting on my chest. Seth’s words swarmed around in my head. I stood shaking my head as I fought to breathe. It was a lie; I needed it to be a lie. All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to love me, to need me, as deeply as he was claiming now. Looking at him was a mistake, I saw the need he had on his face for me to believe, but more importantly, to accept what he was saying, to accept him. My heart ached, wanting to make it better for him, but it was wrong.

I couldn
’t make it better for him; I couldn’t let him suck me in. But he was. My hand shook as I lifted it to cup the side of his face. This was the first time I had voluntarily made physical contact with him since I’d learned the truth, and I found myself questioning my actions as I did them. Seth leaned forward, taking my face in his hands, he gave me a gentle unrushed kiss. He didn’t try to deepen it by forcing his tongue in my mouth or holding me tightly. He simply gave me a slow, appreciative kiss as if he was trying to prove to me the truth of his words.

When he pulled away, I knew that my physical obligations could no longer be avoided. Seth took my hand, pulling me away from the door.
 Our eyes met in the reflection of the mirror as we stood in front of my dresser. Seth slid his hand under my shirt. His fingers gently ran cross my stomach before moving upwards to cup my breasts as he watched my reaction in the mirror. After a few moments, his hands worked my shirt upwards until I finally lifted my arms so he could take it off, then he started planting kisses around my shoulder.

“That looks good there,” he murmured, referring to the tattoo that was the undoing of the world as I knew it.

I still wasn’t ready for what he wanted, but I was his in every way, and he wanted to prove it to me and himself. Slowly his fingers glided over my rib cage as they journeyed north. He cupped my breasts, squeezing and tweaking my nipples between his fingers. I tried to stand as still as possible; I didn’t want to acknowledge the sensations. Soft kisses feathered my shoulders as he worked his way south to the waistband of my pants. I held my breath when his hand slid down the front, his fingers gently parting my lips as he stroked them up and down painstakingly slow. Using his thumb, he circled my nub, causing me to bite my lip to keep from moaning. My pants were pushed down, and I obediently stepped out of them.

His free hand moved up to cup my breast
, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I had to lean forward to support myself on the dresser as the sensations began to build. This shouldn’t feel good; I shouldn’t be this close to the edge. I tried to think about all the things I had been trying to forget. I needed to not want this, but I did. And I hated myself for it. I was close, so very close, and then he stopped. I didn’t need to turn around to know Seth was removing his clothes.

I thought about fighting him
, and I probably should have. I should have screamed, and kicked, and fought for the right to keep my body as my own. Maybe I could have won and it wouldn’t happen this time, but what about next time? And what would he do if I denied him? Would he go after Macy while I slept or possibly some other person? Would he hurt me physically at some other time when I least expected it? There were a myriad of things that ran through my mind, and the fear of the ‘what ifs’ was what made me follow him over to the bed.

Lying on my back
, I turned to stare at the dried rose on my nightstand. I remembered how excited I was that day. I was so happy. I felt like I was floating. Now looking at it, as I waited on him to use my body as his temple, I felt sadness. Its look mimicked me perfectly. The beauty it once held was gone. What remained was only a shadow of its former self. A rose, such a simple object that came with an extremely high price.

Seth’
s hands were on my ankles, pulling my legs apart. I tried to keep them closed but his grip tightened forcing them open. The cool air hit my exposed sex. Again I attempted to close my legs, but his hands grabbed my ankles to stop my progress. I fisted the comforter, my anxiety growing as I lay there legs spread, waiting.
What was he doing? Why hadn’t he started already? What was he waiting for?

Tired of being on display, I slowly started to close my legs again. This time he lifted one of my legs
, planting kisses along the inside, starting at my ankle, working his way up to my knee. He bent my leg, placing it back on the bed before giving the other one the same treatment. The bed dipped as he kneeled between my legs, his hands leisurely running along the inside of my thighs. Inch by inch they continued their gradual journey. My breathing became shallower as he got closer to my center. I felt my traitorous body changing, preparing itself for his touch, preparing to welcome him, anticipating him filling it, pleasuring it in the way that only he could. When his thumb flicked across my already sensitive clit, my back arched, wanting more. He did it again, and again my body craved more. 

Seth shifted
, and I held my breath thinking, this was it. Instead, I felt the warmth of his breath as his tongue probed me. When his mouth closed around my aching nub, I cried out from the intensity of the orgasm that rocketed through my body. I was still shaking from the aftershocks as he trailed kisses up my body, finally claiming my lips. He entered me swiftly then rolled us so that I was on top. My eyes opened, and they were met with his hungry, burning gaze. I was not prepared for this. He was supposed to be in control; he was supposed to claim me. Seth’s hands dug into my hips as he lifted his, pushing himself deeper.

“This isn
’t new to you, Calida, you know what I want, you know what you want,” he commanded looking deep into my eyes.

I quickly diverted my gaze
, trying to focus on something, anything that wasn’t him and to shield my mind from what was about to take place. If I could be anywhere right now, I would, but instead I was utterly and hopelessly trapped in my own home in my own bed with his body molding to mine.

“Now!” he ordered, and I felt my body comply as I slowly swayed my hips in sync with his.

I was in love with him, and he claimed he loved me. I should have been happy, but it all felt tainted. Just as tainted as this sex he was forcing on me, none of it felt right. This isn’t how this was supposed to be. He was supposed to be my Prince Charming, but the fairytale I had envisioned in my head had twisted into a nightmare.

Seth
’s hands slid up my thigh, holding onto my hips, helping to guide me as I moved up and down on his shaft. He pushed his hips upward in perfect sync with my movements, driving himself deeper within me time and again. I felt another set of tingles building deep within me. Damn my body for enjoying this and wanting more. I fell forward, my hands were spread across his chest, my breathing was ragged, and my face was mere inches from his. He smiled up at me as though this was planned, as though I wanted to be this close to his lips. To him.

“Kiss me,” he whispered.

Hesitantly, I leaned forward and allowed his tongue to penetrate my lips. For every thrust into my body, his tongue darted over my own, suckling and pulling at my mouth roughly. I could taste myself on his lips, and it was a reminder of how easily I gave myself to him. Unconsciously, I moaned at the feelings his body bore into mine. I leaned back, breaking the kiss. I moved my hips faster, pushing myself along his shaft until my orgasm burst free, sending shock waves throughout my body. Tears rolled out the corner of my eyes.

Seth quickly rolled us again
, giving me no time to recover. Gripping my waist tightly, he continued to move within me. I allowed him to use my body as he needed to; anything he wanted as long as this was over soon. But time ticked away slowly and seemed endless. He forcefully pumped himself inside me, faster, harder, deeper. His fingers dug into my flesh. My eyes were closed tightly, my lips pressed together in a futile attempt to keep the moans contained.

“Look at me,” he growled.

My eyes fluttered open; his were ablaze with excitement. With each dominating thrust into my body, his eyes sparked with life.

I was his. He had made this claim to me before, but it seemed to ring truer at this moment. I knew there was no escape. I was his, and while that ideal may have brought me a sense of peace and belonging before, now I worried his possession of me might cost me or someone I loved their life.

Seth let out a long deep groan, burying his face in my neck as he finally reached his climax. Only once he was certain I had received every drop of his seed did he finally withdraw and collapse beside me. I rolled to my side, curling my body into a fetal position. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to remember what I had just done, what I had let him do to me, or how I’d enjoyed it.

***

I pulled Calida into my arms. Her body was curled tightly into a ball, but she didn’t resist. She trembled as I held her.

“It
’s okay; we’re going to be okay. You just have to stop fighting it.” I spoke to her soothingly, wanting to give her comfort.

She was making things
harder on herself by holding onto this idea that she should feel differently.

“Look at me...please.”

Silently, she complied with my request, turning in my arms so that we were looking at each other. Smoothing the hair from her face, I took stock of her appearance. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her skin was paler and she had prominent dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep. Her body felt different as she had lost some weight from not eating. I didn’t like seeing her like this. I didn’t like seeing her so stressed because she was fighting so hard hoping for a different truth.

“Say it
, Calida.”

Her eyes closed briefly. I watched the struggle on her face as she battled what she felt with what she thought she should feel. My lips brushed against hers.

“Say it,” I whispered again.

She opened her eyes, and I saw the pain and torment. They n
o longer held that same sparkle. The excitement for life was replaced with a sadness and shame as she waged an internal battle over her feelings. I kissed her, and her lips respond briefly.

She closed her eyes again. Fresh tears leaked from beneath the lids. “I love you,” she finally whispered.

Chapter 52

She tossed and turned most of the night, whimpering and crying in her sleep. I held her when she would let me, trying to comfort her.
Is this what I wanted for her?
She just needed time, just a little time to adjust to the changes she would have to make, but things would get better.

I
brushed the hair from her face, watching as she was finally able to sleep peacefully. She began to stir. Her body stretched, and a ghost smile crossed her lips. It quickly vanished when her eyes fluttered open and she became aware of the new day that lay ahead.

“Good morning,
Cara Mia,” I said, kissing her forehead. 

“Morning,” she replied quietly.

Slowly, Calida tried to tighten the covers around her, I felt my anger surge, yet I fought back my first response which was to yank them away. Instead, I got off the bed to give her some space.

“I went to the store earlier. I
’ll go fix breakfast.”

I turned to leave before I let my temper get the best of me. I remembered the look on her face when we got here yesterday. There was a genuine fear in her eyes when she asked me not to hit her. She really believed I was capable of doing that to her.

***

I winced when he slammed the door behind him. I waited until I heard him moving about in the kitchen before I forced myself out of bed to take a shower. No amount of scrubbing could make me feel better, but I could be alone for a few moments. Locking the door securely behind me I turned on the tap as hot as I could stand it. 
 

Admitting that I loved him still, saying it out loud to him, made me feel dirtier than the fact I enjoyed being intimate with him. I
’d always thought I was a good person that simply had bad things happen to me, but maybe I was wrong. Good people aren’t in love with murderers, but I was. So what did that make me?