Fiendish: A Twisted Fairytale (77 page)

“Damn it, Macy.
I’m an adult! I can do with my life whatever the hell I choose to do with it, without your approval. So go back to Mitch. Go be happy. Go lead your easy, non-stressed life, and leave me the fuck alone!”

Macy
’s face changed from anger to sadness in an instant. I didn’t really mean what I said, well not really. Part of me was insanely envious of her life. She’d always had it easy, perfect looks, perfect family, guys always falling for her. She never bragged about any of it. Most times it didn’t even register with her, but I noticed. Some people got dealt better hands in life, I knew that, but I wondered now, more than ever, why my hand had to be so terrible.

“You know,” she stated softly. “I think I will go back to Mitch
’s house. I don’t know who the hell you are, but why don’t you call me when my friend shows back up…because this person standing before me isn’t someone I want to be around right now.”

She stepped around me, and I stood there wanting to tell her I was sorry. I didn
’t want her to leave angry, but I needed her to go, more now especially knowing that Seth heard everything.

***

The door to Calida’s room flew open, and Macy stormed out. She shot me a nasty glare then looked back at Calida who kept her head down.

“I don
’t know what you have done to her,” she hissed, getting right up in my face. “But that woman in there is not the same woman I’ve known most of my life, and that’s your fault,” she finished, pointing her finger in my face.

“I don
’t believe I’ve done anything to warrant the level of hostility I’m feeling from you right now.” I kept my voice level, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Calida step forward.

“Like hell you haven
’t,” Macy retorted, not daring to back down. She was feisty and would be a fun one to break. The fighters always were.

“People change. They grow and
evolve; it’s all part of human nature. No one stays the same forever. So, of course she won’t be the person you’ve known all your life. Would you really like to stop her growth because you don’t approve of the changes?”

Macy turned to look at her. The two shared some sort of silent exchange before Macy left, slamming the door as she did. Calida stood staring at the door for a few moments then started towards the bathroom.

“Let me go, Seth,” she cried when I grabbed her arm.

I saw the unshed tears pooling at the bottom of her eyes as she fought to get out of my grip. She closed her eyes, turning her head away from my gaze when they started to roll down her cheeks.

“Are you happy now?” she whispered.

The doorbell rang before I could reply
, and she took that moment to pull free and lock herself in the bathroom while I answered the door.

I
sat at the table waiting for her to come out. Once she did, she kept her eyes down as she sat at the place I’d set for her.

“You didn
’t have any food in your kitchen other than bread, eggs, and cereal, so I had to order out.”

“That
’s fine,” she replied, taking a small bite of her pizza.

Calida kept her eyes on her plate as she picked and nibbled at her food. Her leg bounced continuously as we ate our meal in silence.

“It was not my intention to cause a fight between you and your friend.”

Calida closed her eyes and did a slow inhale then exhale. I watched as her leg continued to bounce, but she made no acknowledgement of my statement.

“Would you really, knowing how much she means to me, would you really harm her?” she asked quietly.

“Do you think I would really harm her?”

Calida looked up at me for the first time as she thought over the question. Her eyes held that same look of sadness that she had when she awoke that next morning, and I was uncertain of when it would leave.

“Are you done?” she asked, suddenly standing
, picking up her plate then mine.

Calida walked off towards the kitchen without giving me an answer.

***

I busied myself putting away the leftovers and
cleaning the kitchen. I felt Seth’s arms circle my waist as I washed our plates. He said nothing as he held me, nuzzling his face in my hair. Moving my hair to the side, Seth planted soft kisses along my neck, my hands gripped on to the lip of the sink so tightly my knuckles turned white. He pulled away so he could spin me to face him.

“You didn
’t answer me,” he said, letting his finger trace the outline of my jaw.

I turned my head
, pulling away from his touch. Seth grabbed my face tightly, kissing me hard. I felt the frustration and the intent in his kiss. His lips painfully pressed against mine while his tongue forcefully probed my mouth. I tried to turn away, but Seth held my face tighter, prohibiting my ability to move. Finally, he pulled away then walked out of the kitchen leaving me standing there shaking and breathless.

I
rubbed my face, it tingled painfully where he’d held it. I delayed for as long as I could before I walked into my room to find him sitting on the bed. He didn’t look up to acknowledge me standing there. Curling up in the safety of my own bed would have been ideal. I wanted to snuggle under the covers and pretend none of this had happened, but that wasn’t going to happen. I doubted he had any plans to leave me tonight. Or ever.

“Do you remember our first date?” he asked.

“Yes, of course I do.”

“That night you were so moved with the story.”

In one fluid motion, Seth got up and came to stand in front of me. My arms hugged my body protectively as he towered over me. He reached past me to close the door. Instantly, I felt claustrophobic in the tight confines of my room. His hands cupped my face, tilting it up so I had to look at him. I was not prepared for the look I encountered. I had seen many emotions in those eyes: anger, happiness, lust, but never had I seen sadness. 

“You were so moved by his story, the Phantom
’s story that you wept for him. You looked past his actions and understood why. You understood him and what he needed, what he wanted most.”  He spoke softly, but I could hear the pain laced in his words.

My breath hitched as he stepped closer to me. I wanted
to block out what he was saying; I wanted to block out what he seemed to be feeling. I couldn’t let myself fall for this; I couldn’t believe him. I put my hands on his chest to push him away, but he wrapped his hands around my wrists, prohibiting me from pulling away.

“Seth
, don’t. Haven’t you hurt me enough? Can you please not manipulate my emotions any more than you already have? Just let my feelings for you die. I’m begging you. Be angry; be demanding. Make me fear you, but don’t…don’t do this.”

“I don
’t want you to fear me, and I certainly don’t want your feelings for me to die. You said that night that if it was true love then nothing else mattered. Do you still believe that?”

“Seth.
Stop just stop!” I yelled, twisting until my hands were free from him. “This isn’t some fucking story! We are having this moment right now because you revealed to me that for kicks you fucking kill people. Then you threaten my friend, and the lives of other innocent people, if I try to leave you. So don’t. Okay. Just don’t,” I shouted, pushing against his chest.

Seth didn’t attempt to stop me; instead, he allowed me this outburst.
There were so many emotions swarming inside me that I just felt ready to explode.

“
You aren’t lost or misunderstood. You aren’t looking for true love to show you the error of your ways. You are not horribly disfigured, nor were you mistreated as a child. No you are a rich spoiled brat that wants to throw a fucking tantrum if he doesn’t get his way! So stop! Don’t…”  I was losing steam. I was tired and weak from the lack of proper food or sleep.

Every word out of his mouth hurt me. Every time he t
ried to be the man I wanted him to be, every time he failed to be that man, he hurt me. My emotions were still too raw to listen to him while he continued to lie to me. But it didn’t stop me from loving him. 

It was the last part that affected
me the most. I should hate him and be completely disgusted and repulsed by him. On some level, I was, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to override the love or attraction that had grown over the course of our relationship, and it was something I couldn’t just turn off no matter how much I wished I could. It was a shameful and horrifying truth I didn’t want him to know. 

“Do what you want to me physically. That
I think I can handle, but this…,” I placed my hand over my heart as a sob caught in my throat, “this is already broken beyond repair. I have walked around with an ache in my chest since that night. I’m here; I’m too scared to leave you, so you win. Why can’t you be happy with that victory?  I’ve spent all of this time fooling myself into believing that you lo…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t admit out loud to him how foolish I had been this entire time.

“That I what?”
he asked, wiping the tears from my face.

His voice was soothing, and in a different time
, I would have believed he really cared. Now I knew it was all a game to him. I knew that someone who did what he does couldn’t have the capacity to care about anyone. To care about me.

“That you loved me okay?
I spent all of this time making excuses for you, reading too much into the little things, but I was a fool. I am a fool. Would I like to believe you wouldn’t hurt Macy? Yes! God I would love to look at you and know that without a doubt you wouldn’t hurt my friend, if for no other reason than because of some feelings you have for me, but I can’t. I can’t believe that because you don’t have feelings for me! You don’t and never have loved me,” I said, finally stating that painful truth out loud. I paused, taking a stuttered breath. “And I was a total fool for letting myself believe otherwise. So why do you insist on continuing to try and make me believe you give a damn about me? Haven’t you gotten enough amusement out of me?”

Seth held my face wiping my tears away with his thumbs. I didn
’t want him to be gentle with me; I didn’t want him to look at me with concern, and I most certainly didn’t want to look and see the pained expression on his face as he looked down at me because none of it was real.

“You’re not a fool,
Cara Mia.” He leaned down to kiss me, and I stood frozen, knowing better than to pull away from him again. “I’ve always told you that you know more about me than you realize, and that is still true now. You know who I am and what I do. How can you stand there and claim I don’t have some feelings for you?”

My heart was racing as I listened to him talk. He was so close, and I was trapped with nowhere to run. There was no anger in his eyes, only sincerity, and I didn
’t want to see it. I didn’t want to hear anything else he had to say. I needed him to make me hate him. I needed that so desperately right now, but he wasn’t going to give me that.

“Everything I
’ve done, the fact that you are here right now, proves to you what you already know. You’ve heard the expression I would die for you; well I would and
have
killed for you, Calida. That is how much I want you in my life. That is how much I love you,” he whispered those last three words softly in my ear, and for the second time, it felt as if the world had stopped.

My eyes closed, the tears continued to stream down my face. Why, why did he have to say those words? I
’d waited so long to hear them, and yet he never did until now. Until they were tainted by his lies, tainted by his threats. He used them like a weapon, knowing how much I’d longed to hear them, but waiting until they would hurt me the most. Hearing those words now left me wounded and betrayed. Betrayed by my own feelings for him. Betrayed by the way my body conceded to his every whim. Betrayed by the conviction in his words, and the look in his eyes when he spoke them. How could he say those words now?  I put my hands against his chest to push him away. This lie was more than I could handle.

“Please don
’t, don’t say that.”

“Why not?” he asked tenderly.
“You express your feelings all the time. Why am I not allowed to do the same thing?”

I glared up at him
, suddenly very angry at the game he was playing. “Because, unlike you, I mean it when I say those words. Every single time I’ve told you I loved you I meant it! I didn’t say it because I thought it was something you just wanted to hear. And I certainly didn’t say it in hopes of gaining something. But you…you. No! You wrap them up in the same breath as murdering people. You can’t mean them! Not when you wait till now of all times to say it. It’s just another way for you to get what you want from me. You can’t mean it.”

Just when I thought he couldn
’t hurt me anymore, he goes and does this. I needed space; I needed to be away from him. I turned to open my door, but he slammed it shut, nearly closing it on my fingers.

“I
’m thirty-one years old, Calida. Those three words have never crossed my lips before now. If I didn’t mean it, if I didn’t truly feel that way, our relationship would have taken a very
different
path.”