Feeling This (17 page)

As I settle back into the driver’s seat of my car, I can faintly smell her. She didn’t get to change her clothes from last night which I was sorry for but a sweet scent still lingers in the small space. There’s something about this girl I can’t quite put my finger on. She’s so strong and stubborn, this I found out when I bought the battery for her. But something else, maybe her friend was right, fragile was how she described her. There is way more than meets the eye and I am intrigued. A feeling I can’t explore though. I had my one chance and I blew it. Susan was it, any other ideas are just futile and I can’t even fathom a relationship with anyone else.

I check my watch to see if a drink is even a possibility. No, it’s only eleven thirty. A full day with nothing else to do except think has no appeal. I could go back to the motel but that will just cause thoughts of Susan to stir. Instead I put the car into drive and head down the road toward the Bruin Ranch. Mr. Bruin said I have today off but he probably won’t turn me away if I want to work.

When I pull into the drive a tall woman steps out onto the porch. Her light brown hair is fitted into a bun on the top of her head with wisps of gray framing her face. She is dressed in worn jeans and a white t shirt.

“Hello, you must be Jordan. I’m Ann, I thought Stanley gave you today off.” She meets me at the bottom step and holds out a hand for me to shake.

“Yes ma’am, he did but I thought, I thought maybe he could use the extra help. I only got one day so far to learn about things, so maybe I can see how things work.”

She smiles and nods, “I bet he could use the help. We never turn anyone away who
wants
to work. You might have just earned some points with him.” She winks after the last part. I smile uneasily.
Who voluntarily goes to work on their day off?

She tells me to go on out to the barn and that Mr. Bruin will meet me out there. I walk out through the grasses that brush against my calves. Once I enter the barn, I notice the stalls lined against the walls. Each one contains a horse, totaling about ten. I approach the first to my left, a black mare. I reach out to her and she sniffs at my hand. Finally, I rest it on her head scratching behind her ears and down her mane. A booming voice rings behind me, “The Mrs. told me you were out here. Jordan what are ya doin out here on yer day off?”

I continue petting the horse as I answer, “Well sir, I’m new around here. It’s better to keep myself busy.”

“I guess it is. What about you helpin’ me with gettin’ these horses out to the pasture and then maybe we can finish that fence? We have a skeleton crew on the weekends, just Mike, Joe and me.”

I nod and ask, “What’s her name?” Referring to the horse nuzzling my hand.

He strolls over and pats the mare’s side. “This here is Gypsy. She’s the sweetest of all of them but the most stubborn. If she likes ya, she’ll do what you want. If not, she don’t budge. She can’t stand Mike so she gives him the hardest time.” He laughs after this last remark.

I smile and ask, “Can I?” intending on leading her out of the stall.

He nods turning to give his attention to one of the others. I grab a lead and attach it to her halter. Once the gate is open, she follows me out calmly. Mr. Bruin has another mare he is leading across the barn to the other side where a wide door leads out to the pastures. I lead Gypsy out behind him and unhook her once she enters the gate to the pasture. I rest my arms over the top of the fence and watch her. She greets the other mare, lowers her neck to take a bite of grass and then strolls back over to where I am. She leans over allowing me access to her neck for a quick pat.

Mr. Bruin’s whistle startles her and she backs up quickly, “Well I’ll be. I’ve never seen that stubborn girl warm up to somebody so quickly.” He eyes me for a moment before turning back toward the barn then calls out, “Let’s get to it Jordan, we got a busy day ahead.”

I follow him back in, glad for all of the distractions.

Mid-day after half the fence is fixed Mrs. Bruin appears in the field and calls out, “Hey guys, lunch is out.”

Mr. Bruin looks up and gestures for me to follow him. We walk up to the main house and a wide back porch. It’s situated under a large yellow and white striped canopy angled out from the house. A sitting area takes up space on one end. A table fit to serve twelve sits on the other end. Mrs. Bruin, Joe, Mike, and two small boys are sitting at the table waiting. I follow Mr. Bruin up the steps into the house to wash my hands. When we step back onto the porch I find a chair beside one of the boys. He looks up as soon as I’m seated and asks, “You sure look weird fer workin’ here.”

Everyone at the table breaks out laughing. Mrs. Bruin scolds him, calling him, Michael. She looks up to me and apologizes for his rudeness. I brush it off but wonder, “Actually, what makes me so weird- looking to work here?”

The other boy speaks up and explains, “Because silly, you ain’t got the same look as daddy. You is too clean.”

Everyone laughs again and Joe pipes up, “Yeah Jordan, you’re too pretty to be workin here.”

I smile at their laughter at my expense. It’s a welcome feeling from what I’ve endured recently. Mrs. Bruin made hamburgers and had pie for desert. After lunch I could have taken a nap but instead I followed Mr. Bruin back out to the fields to finish the fence.

***

Around 6:00, Mr. Bruin calls out, “Okay that’s a day. You can come on back tomorrow if you need to Jordan but you deserve some time off.”

I thank Mrs. Bruin for lunch before I leave and head back out to my car. I am so tired but I need to get a bite to eat before I go to bed.

I drive back to Main Street and find the small diner where I ate the night before on the cusp of town. When I enter, I find that it’s pretty busy but a booth halfway to the counter catches my eye. A waitress comes up, giving me a menu when I slide into the narrow bench. I ask for water and scan the room. It’s everything you would imagine an old diner to look like in a town like this. The room spans wider than it is long. An L shaped counter encompasses the right side of the room. Booths line both of the other walls and tables sit freely throughout the space.

When she returns I ask what the special is and order the shepherd’s pie, trusting when she tells me it’s the house specialty. When she brings the food and sets it down in front of me, I want to laugh but I don’t for fear of offending her. It looks like pure mush but I decide as she turns away, to try it anyway.

Just as I’m taking my first bite, the bell on the door rings alerting everyone that more patrons are entering. Since I walked in, the bell has rung many times. But this time something makes me look up. Kimber is walking through the door with her friend Heidi in tow. They are both laughing as she scans the room with a lingering smile. Her eyes land on me. I set my fork down and unintentionally sit up straighter. She is dressed in fitted jeans, her black converse from last night and a ruffled, pale pink top that accentuates her pure skin.

She leans back to tell Heidi something and Heidi nudges her arm. Suddenly Kimber looks apprehensive and unsure. She stands still almost as if she can’t make a decision. Finally, Heidi strolls forward grabbing her arm in a huff and pulls her toward me. They both stop at the edge of my table. Heidi asks, “Jordan right?”

I nod.

She asks emphatically, “Well are you gonna ask us to join you or what?” Kimber seems to squirm uncomfortably. 

“Would you ladies like to join me?”

Kimber doesn’t make a move so Heidi pushes her into the booth. They both settle in across from me. Heidi looks down at my plate and exclaims, “You did not order the shepherd’s pie, did you?”

Before I can answer she calls across the restaurant, “Hey Flo, this is not acceptable.”

The waitress who suggested the mush to me strolls over with a scowl on her face. She directs her attention to Heidi, “Heidi DeLarue how many times do I have to tell you, my name is not Flo?”

Heidi dismisses her rant reprimanding, “Flo, I know you did not suggest the shepherd’s pie to my friend here. That shit is inedible.”

The waitress hisses, “I’m gonna tell your momma how disrespectful you are.”

“Whatever, you think my momma doesn’t already know how disrespectful I am? Just get my friend here something he can eat. He’s hungry Flo.”

The waitress grabs my plate and spins around mumbling under her breath. I turn to Kimber at this point. Her hands are fidgeting on the surface of the table. I avert my eyes because Susan did that same thing all the time. When she was uncomfortable with something, she fidgeted. I glance over to Heidi who is still complaining about the waitress. When I turn back to Kimber she is squirming in her seat. Heidi leans over and whispers too loudly so I can hear every word, “Don’t worry. He’s an ass anyway, you already know this. I don’t know why you agreed to keep the date. It’s your own fault.”

As she says the last word, the bell on the door rings again alerting that someone else has entered the restaurant. Heidi looks up but I watch Kimber. She doesn’t look; instead she looks into my eyes as if to apologize. Then I hear Heidi’s voice call out, “Oh yeah, this just got very interesting.”

Chapter Eighteen

When I got home today it was worse than I thought it would be. Momma laid on the guilt thick. She told me she thought I had left her just like Jenna. Then she proceeded to yell at me for getting rid of her only peace these days, her bottle of vodka, and questioned where I had been all night. She accused me of sleeping around like ‘that girl’ as she refers to Heidi. I listened to every word without any response. I already felt horrible for staying out all night and it’s a moot point to defend Heidi to her. What she says about her is true to fact. She sleeps around and doesn’t give a shit about what people think. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much. I didn’t tell her where I was because I’m not quite sure how I feel about that part. In fact I’m not sure I’ll even tell Heidi that I stayed in Jordan’s motel room. For one, she’ll give me hell because nothing happened and second, I don’t know the answers to the questions that are bound to come out of her mouth about him.

Once Momma was done with me I hit the shower and went to bed. I needed a nap because sleep took a while to come last night. Just thinking about him has me questioning what I
did
see in Andrew. Yes, Andrew is sexy and steamy but every time I think about him, my mind drifts to Jordan. I don’t know much about him and he wasn’t willing to share but he really puts Andrew to shame. Where Andrew is tall, Jordan is taller. Where Andrew is defined, Jordan is ripped . And where Andrew is sweet and caring, Jordan is a gentleman in comparison. I drift off wondering what it would be like to kiss him. I’m sure it would be heart stopping if just being around him brings up my body temperature.

My cell phone vibrates on the table next to my bed waking me up. I grab for the phone expecting Heidi’s face to light up the screen but instead a number appears that I don’t recognize. I push the answer button and rub the sleep out of my eyes as I sit up, “Hello?”

Andrew’s voice fills my ear, “Kimber, How are you?”

Shit.
Why in the hell is he calling me especially after taking off with some other chick last night? But really, we aren’t a couple. I have no reason to be upset.

“Kimber? You there?”

I clear my voice, “Um, yeah, hi Andrew.”

“I was calling to make sure we’re still on for tonight.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess we are. What are we doing?” I’m so confused. Why is he even bothering with me? Do I really want to go out with him? Thoughts of Jordan skitter through my mind.

“Kimber, did you hear me?”

I rush out, “Oh, ah, sorry, no. What did you say?”

His voice turns concerned, “Are you alright? Should I call you later?”

“No! I mean, I just, just woke up from a nap. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You probably needed a nap. How about we meet at Mary’s Diner at 6:30 for something to eat then we can decide what to do after that?”

“Okay, see you then.” I hang up as fast as I can. What the hell Kimber? Why would you even agree to see him?