Feeling This (29 page)

When I found Kimber in the room with her mom, she seemed so small and helpless. It cemented in my mind that I made the right decision to come here. Her mom is definitely nothing like I’ve ever experienced before but I’m willing to do anything for Kimber. I don’t want her to feel pain, ever again.

I was a little apprehensive about professing my feelings to her. I knew she was vulnerable at this point. She is still wearing the same clothes from last night so I know she hasn’t even had a chance to go home yet. I took advantage anyway. It was hard to hold back seeing her hurt so much and the brief resentment for me surface. I had to make sure she clearly knew my intentions. The fact that I told her that I am falling in love with her, made its way from my lips on its own, but it felt so right.

When the nurse scuttled down the hall to check on Ms. Maguire, we followed her in to be greeted with non-stop ranting. She chastised Kimber again and implied things about my presence there. I wanted so badly to defend Kimber and tell her where she could go but that wasn’t even an option, so I smiled the whole time letting Kimber do what she does. She handled her so well. I was amazed at her strength.

After meeting with the doctor to find out when her mom can leave, I was able to talk Kimber into going home to get cleaned up and sleep a little. The only way she would leave was if I would stay here with her mom. I agreed that I wouldn’t leave. I think she is afraid her mom will wake up to no one. The fear that crossed her face when I made the suggestion convinced me that being alone is something that causes her anxiety.

Now I sit in the lone chair beside her mom’s bed as she sleeps. This reminds me of my own mom. I’ve never had the burden of taking care of any of my family members. They’ve always made sure my sister and I always had everything we needed. In return I’ve pretty much treated them the same way Kimber’s mom treats her, not appreciative and ungrateful.  Getting this tiny glimpse of Kimber’s life makes me love her even more deeply and want to take care of her.

The blanket in front of me starts to stir. Her mom rolls to her back and blinks momentarily while breathing deeply. She must sense my presence because she turns her head looking at me, it seems without seeing me, her eyes look empty. I perch on the edge of the chair ready to stand if I need to.

Finally, she blinks again and the same stormy color as Kimber’s eyes acknowledge me, “Who are you? Where is that girl? I need a cigarette.”

I slowly stand, telling her, “I’ll go and get a nurse to see if that will be okay.”

She continues staring not saying anything. Either the medication they have her on has made her disoriented or she has turned over a new leaf. I think it’s the medicine, what I saw earlier can’t be quelled that quickly.

I rush out to the nurses’ station down the hall and ask, “Um, Ms. Maguire needs to smoke a cigarette. Can I take her outside?”

One of the nurses, a thin woman with a short grey bob turns as her eyebrows go up in surprise, “Do you really want to attempt that? You seem like such a nice young man, she is extremely difficult.”

I chuckle, “I know but she needs this or I think she’ll cause even more trouble.”

She nods agreeing with me and grabs a wheel chair at the end of the hall pushing it to the room. When we enter, Ms. Maguire starts ranting, “Well that took long enough. Good for nothing…”

The nurse interrupts her, “Hello Ms. Maguire. You might be a little bit thankful for the help you’re getting . Not everyone has someone like your daughter to take care of them.”

She looks blankly at the nurse and diverts her attention to me, “And what is your name again? Where is Kimber? Did she leave me?” Her voice comes out strangled at the last word. I think being left is a fear for Kimber and her mom.

“Ms. Maguire, Kimber will be right back. I made her go home and get some fresh clothes. My name is Jordan, I’m Kimber’s friend, remember?”

“I ain’t stupid.”

I help the nurse lift her into the wheel chair. She gives me instructions about elevators and floors. The smoking area is on the ground level out the side doors of the hospital. We begin our trek down the hall to the elevators. When the doors slowly close causing the car to descend, she turns slightly in her chair wincing. I move more in line with her vision. She eyes me suspiciously and states, “You ain’t here cause yer just fucking her?”

I shake my head uncomfortable with her choice of words. She waits but I don’t give any other information. She turns forward, seeming satisfied for the moment with my lack of an answer. The doors ping open and we make our way down the hall to the side doors. As soon as we are surrounded by the heat outside, she lights up pulling deeply on her fix. I find a bench and push her over; locking the wheels once it’s situated next to the bench. I sink down, placing my elbows on my knees, staring at the ground. We are the only people here for the moment. The silence spreads for about ten minutes. Finally, she whispers so quietly I have to look up to make sure she is talking.

“Kimber is my baby. She shouldn’t have to take care of me. I’m supposed to be taking care of her or at least her coward of a sister should.”

I sit up leaning against the bench and stare at her, waiting for her to say more.

“She wanted to go away to college and be somthin’. I don’t think she even really had any idea what, I got sick so early. She didn’t get the chance. Now she’s stuck, but she’s all I have.
We
are all we both have. ‘cept that little tramp who lives ‘cross town in that ridiculous mansion.”

I smirk at her mention of Heidi. She’s obviously not an approved friend. I lean in and tell her, “Ms. Maguire, Kimber is a wonderful woman. She is strong and beautiful. I admire her for all she has done for you and I can tell that you do too.”

She nods looking at her hands folded in her lap. She takes the opportunity to light up another cigarette. Through the smoke she glares at me and asks, “What do you want with my Kimber?”

I smile at her possessiveness and confess, “Ms. Maguire, I’ve fallen in love with your daughter. I agree with you and I think it’s time she had someone to take care of her. I want to be the one to take on that task.”

She takes another drag, her eyes widening looking me up and down. She asks, “What makes you worthy of my daughter, Jordan?”

I look away because I wasn’t expecting this question. What
does
make me worthy? I’m not whole and I don’t know that I ever will be. I look back over at her gaze. She is squinting at me, waiting patiently.

“I’m not Ms. Maguire. I don’t know that anyone is worthy of Kimber, but I want to try and prove to her that I care enough. I may not be your first choice but will you give me a chance?”

This is the second time since I’ve been here that I have asked to be given a chance to prove myself. I have a purpose again and it feels so right. She nods at me. I think this is her way of not really making any commitments but I’ll take it. If I can convince her mom, then maybe she can be swayed as well.

When I push her into her hospital room, we find Kimber sleeping in the chair. The nurse comes in and helps me get her mom into the bed. She looks over at Kimber with fear in her face before addressing the nurse, “Can’t I get just a little touch of a drink, just a little?”

The nurse frowns reprimanding her, “Now Ms. Maguire, you know that is not allowed. I think your doctor needs to talk to you about quitting.”

This is the last thing she should have said because Ms. Maguire’s voice raises and she yells.

”I ain’t seein’ no doctor fer drinkin’. I ain’t got a problem.”

Kimber stirs in the chair and looks up, alarm painted across her face. I step toward her and grab her hand kneeling down, ‘Don’t worry, it’s okay. The nurse just said something your mom didn’t agree with.”

The nurse huffs at Ms. Maguire and storms out of the room. Kimber rises and settles on the bed next to her mom. She grabs her hand and tells her, “Momma, you gotta calm down or they’re gonna kick us outta here. You can’t go home for another day yet.”

She pleads, grabbing Kimber’s hand in both of hers, “C’mon Kimber, I really need just a sip.”

“I can’t Momma. It’s best this way.”

She drops Kimber’s hand as if it is diseased and hisses, “Well, you just don’t care about me.”

She crosses her arms across her chest. Kimber takes a deep breath and gets up. Her eyes meet mine and I can see how tired she is. I move closer to the bed and grab the remote control for the television. I place it in Ms. Maguire’s hand and ask, “Do you think I can take Kimber home so she can get some sleep? I promise we’ll be right back in the morning.”

I check my watch and see that it’s already eight o’clock.

“We’ll be here at eight in the morning.”

She reaches out and pats my cheek smiling. “Okay Jordan, you go take care of my girl, I’ll see you two at eight.”

I step back to see Kimber staring at me with a puzzled expression. She turns to her mom and asks, “Momma, are you sure? I can stay here if you want me to.”

“Kimber Maguire, you go with this nice boy and make sure he feeds you. You’re gettin’ too skinny. I’ll see you in the mornin’.”

I grab Kimber’s hand and lead her out of the room. She stops forcing me to face her and asks, “What did you say to my momma?”

I shrug my shoulders and tell her, “Nothing really, except that I want to take care of you.”

She looks up shyly with incredulity claiming, “Jordan Rhodes, I think you just might be irresistible.”

I smile, devouring her pouty little lips for a minute. Then I pull away stating, “Let’s go and feed you, your Momma’s orders.”

Chapter Thirty Four

The scene that played out before my eyes between Jordan and Momma amazed the hell out of me. I don’t think I’ve seen Momma that nice in a long time. The fact that it wasn’t toward me pissed me off though. Of course Jordan doesn’t deserve her wrath but neither do I and she just met him.

As he pulls out of the hospital parking lot, I stare at him still unbelieving of what just transpired. He glances over bringing my hand to his lips for a lingering kiss. A smile spreads as he faces the road again and he asks, “What?”

“I can’t believe she didn’t chew you out. That’s her specialty.”

He chuckles, “She did a little but I took her out to smoke a cigarette and I guess we bonded a little.”

My mouth gapes open as I ask, “Bonded how? Momma hasn’t ever bonded with anyone.”

He slows the car and presses the brake as the light turns red. He turns his head to me and admits, “I told her I’m falling for you and that I intend on taking care of you.”

My heart speeds up at his words. I had doubts when I went home to change today. Part of me was scared to death that I’d go back to the hospital to find him gone. I thought maybe he didn’t want to admit that this is too much for him, to my face. But I was completely wrong. He was still there and now hearing these words from him again, astounds me that this is actually real.

He averts his gaze forward and accelerates as the light changes. I’m still at a loss for words. Silence spreads but he still grasps my hand rubbing small circles with his thumb.

“Kimber, where do you want to go and eat?”

“How does pizza sound? If you drive past the Duck and past your motel, there is a pizza place in the next plaza.”

“Sounds perfect. I was afraid I was going to have to brave the shepherd’s pie again.”

A smile spreads across my lips. This wonderful man, actually wants me. He wants to be with me and he is choosing to do so, knowing all about the crap. I’m still so stunned.

Once we pull in, he walks around the car and lets me out pulling me into his arms while sinking a kiss into the crook of my neck.

He whispers into my ear, “Kimber, I really do want to take care of you. I have no intention of ever leaving you so I think I need to find a more permanent place to live. What do you think?”

I pull away quickly grasping his shoulders, “You’re staying? You don’t want to go back home? What about your family?”

He takes a step back and stares at me, “I want to be here. There is nothing for me there.”